So people have been yelling stuff at me on the street

[JennyA]

I moved to a poorer neighborhood then Lakewood, I'm deeper in Cleveland now. I found a church that I go to everyday in Lakewood still. I don't have a car, so I walk 100 blocks to get to the church to relax and help others. When I walk down the streets these less fortunate people, almost always 18-25 year old males yell things at me like "WHOA, what is that thing?!" then they usually bellow out a laugh.

I walked by a guy standing near a store today that yelled something less then nice, laughed, and then even went so far as to start screaming for his friend so he could show him me.

I always just keep walking, never acknowledge them or even turn my head. I don't really even get angry, a little sad, but never pissed. I look at it like it's helping me build a thick skin.

So I ignore them totally. My question is, what kind of response should I give if while I ignore these jerks they run up to me and say something like "Hey, I asked you a question!" (one guy kept yelling once, "Hey you, hey, hey, what are you? A chick or a dude?") I do not want to get physically hurt and I don't know any self defense or have a weapon. What's the best way for me to handle these things if they go farther then jerks just being closed minded.

I am going to walk to my church, it is doing my soul good, so not walking from the ghetto to Lakewood isn't an option.

Thanks!

[AllieSF]

Depending on the situation when the question is asked, I think I would respond that I am transgendered and trying to find out the answer to that same question. God made me that way and I am trying to deal with it. I would be looking them in the face and answering in a calm honest tone of voice. Other than that, maybe you need a few alternate routes to the church. One question. You said that you walk 100 blocks. There used to be a rule of thumb that about 10 city blocks is approximately 1 mile. Do you walk 10 miles to go to church?

[JennyA]

I am a walking maniac. I have went from 297lbs last year to 210. Some of that was lack of food, but it's also walking. Yesterday I walked for 5 hours. I don't have a dime, so I can't take the bus, and when I need to get somewhere I will walk it no matter how far. I enjoy a good walk. I stopped using my mp3 player 2 months ago because I don't want to get snuck up on and jumped so the walks are a little more boring, but it gives me lots of time to think about my life and where it is going.

I have a super toned set of legs and butt now too :)

I just googled it, it is 5.4 miles. Takes me a little less then two hours to get to the church. I usually find a ride home, and if I don't I will never walk at dusk/dark again. People get more vocal and meaner when the sun goes down.

[ReineD]

I'm sorry you're subjected to abuse like this, Jenny. :sad:

I don't know how to handle this, other than appeal to their sense of basic kindness (if they even have a small shred of it) and if someone should come up and yell in your face, just say, "Look. I'm just minding my own business. Please leave me alone."

[Stephenie S]

So, you have a long walk through a bad neighborhood which you do every day. You really do this everyday? Then you have to start interacting with these people. You are walking through THEIR neighborhood, after all.

Here's my advice: Don't ignore them. Don't stop, wave. Say, "Hi". Keep going but acknowledge them first. Wave. Are you dressed significantly differently than they are? Don't. If you want to dress up, carry your clothes to the church and then change there. Try not to stand out too much. These people see you every day. They will eventually get used to you. But try not to ignore them. They may think you stuck-up.

Then again, they may beat you up. Carry some mace or pepper spray. It will aid your self confidence. Try really, really, hard not to use it.

Stephie

[SweetIonis]

I think people can be big jerks. I was talking to some girls who told me it's not unusual for some guy that they don't know to grope them as they are walking down the street. What I would suggest you do, if you are going to walk like that is carry some mace or something that would allow you to defend yourself in some fashion if push came to shove.

[arbon]

If I was experiencing harassment like that, well, I am sure I would not be able to deal with it as well as you seem to. You already have thick skin, very thick skin, please be careful.

[Jay Cee]

Are there any friends / acquaintances / neighbours that you can walk with? Can you change your schedule so that you walk at a different time? Or can you walk a slightly altered route? Like others here, I'm concerned for your safety.

[kellycan27]

Keep walking. If you stop they make take it as you're being confrontational. You have strong legs.. use them! My dad always said.. it's a poor set of legs that will let a man ( woman in this case) stand there and take a beating. I don't think that suggesting that someone who has never been trained in the use of weapons or one that has no experience in self defense.... carry them. Reasoning with them might work as a last resort if you are cornered, and then again it might not. Carrying a weapon might work if.. you are willing to use it. I know it sounds good on paper, but when an actual confrontation happens could you? I took kickboxing for three years 2 or 3 times a week, and when I got assaulted.... my three years and 3.00 would have gotten me a cup of coffee. I am kind of wondering how many people that suggest things like this have actually been in that situation? As someone in another thread suggested.. situational awareness is probably our best defense... In your case...... I don't know what to tell you. Just try not letting the fact that you have a weapon give you a false sense of security.. RUN LIKE HELL!

Kel

[Badtranny]

Kellz,

I think you defended yourself pretty well from that animal. He may have been stronger, but you kept your head and kept fighting.
He gave up before you did!

Jenny,

You are some kind of strong broad. Just hold your head up, smile, and keep walking.

[Aprilrain]

Baby Girl I KNOW the kind of neighborhood your talking about! we have them here in Cincy too and not as big as Cleveland I'm sure! Just keep moving don't make eye contact and walk. Pepper spray or no pepper spray a group of thugs you are no match for so keep your wits about you AVIOD any kind of interaction. A bike would help get you through the mine field faster! Ask at your church.

[Hope]

Well this sounds like a tragedy in the making.

I think if I were you I would do what other cis girls do when they have to walk through an area that is not safe. They don't go alone.

[JennyA]

Well this sounds like a tragedy in the making.



yeah I feel the same way. I'm going out tomorrow incognito. i won't be male, but you won't totally place me as female either, and i'm not carrying my purse anymore.

[Jay Cee]

...i'm not carrying my purse anymore.

Or maybe carry a purse with a brick in it? ;) Seriously, though, do whatever it takes to get you there and back safely.

[Joann Smith]

If you think no one on your walks admires you ....you are mistaken it just that Jerks are generally more vocal....

Joann

[Melody Moore]

Well this sounds like a tragedy in the making.

Jenny, I have to agree with Hope about this.

I understand that your circumstances don't make it easy for you now but please don't become complacent.
I know previously you were a big person and more than likely hardly got picked on. But now things are going
to be a lot different for you and you MUST start to utilise more situational awareness to keep yourself safe.

But I do admire your tremendous strength & courage & ability to not let this really get to you.

However I don't think I need to tell you that you are running a gauntlet each time you make that journey
because I think you already know that. I think sooner or later someone is going to have you sussed right
out & hit when they have the best opportunity. You simply cannot keep sticking your neck out like this
with arseholes like this being around. The chances are great that sooner or later something bad will happen!

What you are experiencing now are the warning signs, and please don't ignore them. Talk to others at the church
and find out if there is someone you can get a ride with because of what you are going through while walking there.
I am sure that others will understand and won't mind in the slightest giving you a ride. I would offer to give them
some money for fuel or something.

Jenny, I am someone who feels confident in being able to take care of myself, and I haven't lost a fight since I don't know
when because I have good Jujitsu & Wing Chung skills & lots of other unarmed combat training under my belt. BUT I will be
the first to admit I would not be doing what you are doing right now being a female, and especially as a transsexual female.

These kids on the street are high off their faces on all sorts of drugs including, amphetamines, crystal meth, cocaine
etc., they are unpredictable and drugs make them extremely desperate & crazy & sadly they do insane things where
people like us can easily become their victims & often for just a few dollars so they can try to scrap up their next fix.
So please stop walking this route because just knowing that you are still doing it will cause me to not sleep at night now. :hugs:

[billie earls]

This should work carry an umbrella and if you feel you are in danger, once they close to you open it up and shove it towards him. It will at least slow him down so that you may be able to get away. Most umbrellas have a 2 or 3 inch tip on it that you could use to poke at them. In some places mail carriers have used them to protect themselves from dogs.

[Kaitlyn26]

I moved to a poorer neighborhood then Lakewood, I'm deeper in Cleveland now. I found a church that I go to everyday in Lakewood still. I don't have a car, so I walk 100 blocks to get to the church to relax and help others. When I walk down the streets these less fortunate people, almost always 18-25 year old males yell things at me like "WHOA, what is that thing?!" then they usually bellow out a laugh.

I walked by a guy standing near a store today that yelled something less then nice, laughed, and then even went so far as to start screaming for his friend so he could show him me.

I always just keep walking, never acknowledge them or even turn my head. I don't really even get angry, a little sad, but never pissed. I look at it like it's helping me build a thick skin.

So I ignore them totally. My question is, what kind of response should I give if while I ignore these jerks they run up to me and say something like "Hey, I asked you a question!" (one guy kept yelling once, "Hey you, hey, hey, what are you? A chick or a dude?") I do not want to get physically hurt and I don't know any self defense or have a weapon. What's the best way for me to handle these things if they go farther then jerks just being closed minded.

I am going to walk to my church, it is doing my soul good, so not walking from the ghetto to Lakewood isn't an option.

Thanks!

What to do? I'm not sure. In a perfect world you could kill one of the animals, then the rest of the pack would think twice about chasing you. Sadly society sees these people as, still being human although their behavior is closer to that of an animal. I recommend you treat them as a pack of dogs. Do not make eye contact, do not attempt to flee, and keep a personal weapon ready for self defense. If one of the animals approaches you, attempt to be friendly and pet them (make basic conversation :p). If they start to appear vicious, mace them, stun them, do whatever to defend yourself.

Society is the reason they're messing with you. Although they're still seen as more or less human, they're higher on the "totem" pole than you are by most people's standards. It's sad but they're messing with you because they've finally found someone that's below them that they can pick on.

Here's what I carry for self defense.

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Kuboton-Keyring-Self-Defense-Weapon-Red-Aluminum-NEW-/360374991178

It's called a Kuboton and it looks very non-threatening. Used properly it can inflict a lot of pain though. The basic idea of the weapon is to find a tender spot (preferably a nerve, not an area vital to life) and stab the pointy end into it. It won't break the skin usually but it will stop most people in their tracks, provided you use it properly.

[Adriennegrl]

Jenny, please find an alternative to walking. I think Melody's idea is the best yet:


Talk to others at the church
and find out if there is someone you can get a ride with because of what you are going through while walking there.
I am sure that others will understand and won't mind in the slightest giving you a ride.

There's surely someone in your church that knows your situation and would love to give you a ride free of charge.

[Nicole Erin]

thugs are at the dead bottom of the totem pole. Not transsexuals.
Many people do not agree with or care much for transsexual, but NO ONE other than their own likes a thug.

You think cops are patrolling because there might be TS women about? No, it is cause there are thugs.
Some employers have policies against discriminating against GLBT but are totally free to reject criminals.
Where I work, they do NOT discriminate GLBT but felons won't get past the application

TS women generally try to blend in, mind their own business, thugs try to draw attention and are sometimes serious trouble.
When I worked late nights at a gas station, sure i often saw TS women come in. They came in, bought their candy/smokes/pepsi, and then left. Thugs came in and I instantly felt I had to stand by the silent alarm button and have my tire iron within arm's reach.

I get tired of reading on this forum about how "TS are the lowest" cause that is bull. Thugs, illiterate hicks, and some other groups are way below us. Thugs might think they are above us but no one, no one loves them.

[Aprilrain]

thugs are at the dead bottom of the totem pole. Not transsexuals.

Well actually, the deities depicted on the bottom of the totem pole are the most important or powerful. Just sayin!

[CharleneT]

I live in a very wonderful and safe town for transitioning - and I know I am lucky that way ( Iowa City, IA ). But, I've been harassed many times, mostly young men yelling insults from across the street. The distance makes them quite bold and brave :( In most cases, ignoring them is the best thing to do. I have also been chased here, by 4 young men (once). It was in broad day light and near downtown, almost unbelievable.

Lately I've been going out with a guy who teaches self defense and karate. He's big and strong and when we're together I feel totally safe... :) When he found out I was walking home from work at midnight frequently, he got very worried. Here's what he did for me: pepper spray. The strong stuff, not capsaciam (sp). I asked about karate or the like and he said pretty much what Kate said: work out your leg muscles !! Spray 'em and run. When I walk home the spray is in my hand, keep it in your purse and chances are you won't have the chance to get it out.... Spray it a couple of times to see how it works ( I pretended a telephone pole was after me). The standard stuff applies, do not look like a target, walk confidently, but do not act "bold". Try and not attract attention.

[Rianna Humble]

Well actually, the deities depicted on the bottom of the totem pole are the most important or powerful. Just sayin!

I guess they'd have to be in order to hold up all the others :heehee:

[stacie]

JennyA you really need to look into your safety. Even if you were passing as a female you would still be putting yourself into a bad situation and the danger of some male attacking you anyway. I seen your other post about going to jail and I am sorry you had to go through this. Please be carefull out there and if you have to give up doing somethings you liketo be safe then you need to.

[Avana]

I've had the same thing happen to me on my street. I live in the Bushwick neighborhood of Brooklyn, NY, which can be a little rough.

Generally I totally ignore people who level this kind of abuse against me. If I can. I've been followed, received death threats, been groped, etc. There's not much I can do in some cases. I carry mace but honestly I would rather not use it because I feel like it would only inspire more violence against my person. And people in my neighborhood are probably packing a lot worse weapons than mace. Plus, I really don't want to spend any time in the penal system.

As someone else said, if someone gets up in your face to ask you something like this, and you cant ignore, the best thing is to just briefly state that youre transgender, perhaps surprise them with patience, kindness, and openness. They are coming at you with this idea that you should be ashamed, so the best thing you can do is show that youre not ashamed to be you, and then they lose their power. In the worst cases, people will may try to use violence to force you to be ashamed, either physical or verbal abuse. I'm afraid there's not much you can do there, except be prepared / try not to get into the situation in the first place.

[donnalee]

A great deal of what you can do depends on your own comfort level. Kellycan had some excellent suggestions and Aprilrain's idea of a bicycle is something you should explore.
I have spent over 40 adult years living in a city which is consistently in the top 10 for crimes of violence (with the accompaniment of gangs and drug trafficking). You can literally move from a safe(r) neighborhood to one where your life is in danger in the space of one block. In order to survive this kind of environment, you must be able to read the street to get an idea of what's going on where you are; here are a few suggestions:
1. Look for graffiti, particularly for crossed out areas. Gangs mark their territory, but rivals from bordering areas will cross their rival's tag out and add their own. If you see this, find a different route as this area is more likely to see violence and gang bangers are notoriously bad shots; they're far more likely to hit innocent bystanders than their target(s).
2. Look up. If you see a pair of tennis shoes hanging from overhead wires, it marks areas where drugs are for sale. These can be a target for rivals.
3. Look around. Watch for groups of teenagers and young men; housing projects and liquor stores are magnets for these groups, so try to avoid those areas.
4. Monitor what's going on around you constantly; look for unusual behavior, like someone reversing their direction. Don't be afraid to turn around to check behind you.
5. Keep moving. It's hard to confront someone who's moving away from you. Cross the street to avoid groups of males. NEVER let them get close to you.
6. Reasoning with them will not help; they are NOT reasonable. It will put them in proximity to you, which is inherently dangerous.
7. Remember, this is their turf, not yours. You don't know them or their capabilities. They don't know you, or yours. This can be turned to your advantage.
8. If all else fails and you are confronted, remain calm. Mutter under your breath, but loud enough to be heard, something like "Oh damn, another tough guy.". Your attitude should be as if you ate guys like them for breakfast, had a few more for lunch and were looking forward to dinner. Walk away. You have another advantage as it seems you are a pretty good size, which will make them hesitate even further. The idea is to discourage them from pursuing you any further without directly confronting them.
9. At worst, this will delay them for a few moments while they make up their minds and helps to distance them from you. If they start toward you, RUN!
It is safer if you're with others, in a vehicle or on a bike; it really helps to have someone to watch your back. I realize that it may be financially and otherwise difficult to do this, but consider if you get hurt or killed; I don't think the economy is justified.
Be safe and good luck.