I am taking a break from the forum

[Anne2345]

I need a break. I am floundering around, losing my focus and direction, confused and depressed. This year, I have experienced too many highs, and too many lows. The higher I seem to go, the farther and harder I fall shortly thereafter. I am riding the so-called "emotional rollercoaster," and I do not know how to get off.

I have written on this forum about the battles both my father and sister are fighting against cancer. I have witnessed too much pain, heartache, and misery this year. I have taken more than two months total time off from work to be with my sister through her surgeries and treatment. I have been there for my brother-in-law to help raise his and my sister’s beautiful baby girl through all of this. I have been there for him while he was laid off from work in the middle of my sister’s treatments earlier this year.

I am there for both of them now as they struggle through her recovery, and serious marital issues born from terrible luck, bad timing, and just plain bad circumstances as a result of the hardships from the cancer and lost job. I am there for my mother as she is struggling with my father’s illness and his treatments. Likewise, of course, I am here for my father as he is going through his own battle. I travel regularly, and communicate with everyone constantly via telephone, facetime, email, text, telegram, pigeon carrier, morse code, and smoke signals. I have become both my sister's and mother’s crutch, but of course, there is not a thing in the world I would not do for either of them.

My wife, however, has an extremely demanding job, which requires long hours of work, and makes me the primary care taker of our six year old daughter in the extreme. I also have my own demanding, full-time job to worry about.

I have had to be strong for too long for too many people this year, at the expense of myself, and it has finally caught up to me. My focus at work is completely shattered. I am easily distracted, consistently irritable, and constantly exhausted from not sleeping. I am living off of “energy� drinks just to make it through the day, every day. I am withdrawing from those around me and losing myself. I am neglecting my own family and myself. My wife sees it, my daughter sees it, even I can see it, yet I seem helpless to do anything about it.

Over the past couple of months, I have spent a fair amount of time on this forum. I have learned much, and contributed in whatever small way I have been able to. I have been fortunate enough to make some very good friends here. And I have extended my closet in ways I never thought previously possible. I am very much grateful for all of this, and have felt much joy over the course of my membership here since March.

But, I have let myself become obsessed with this forum, my place here, and all that it has to offer, at the expense of other things within my life that are currently spiraling quickly out of control. Certainly, I have needed my time here, and I shall continue to need it in the future.

I think, however, that I need a break from the forum. The highs that I have experienced here have been too high. Coming down from them has left me more vulnerable to all of the negative aspects of what is going on around me. I need to get my head straight, regain my focus, regain my depleted strength, and regain control of the things I have let go. The feeling that I am slipping away, withdrawing into complete, total, abject apathy, and becoming numb to myself and others is simply too much. I have experienced too much emotion lately, and am now at serious risk of feeling no emotion at all. I am quite clearly in the midst of depression. For the sake of those around me, and myself, I simply cannot afford to lose myself further. Yet, lost I am, and that scares the hell out of me.

I have cried much this year, and I know I will continue to cry for some time. But I also have faith and hope that a better day will come soon. In this, I am confident better days lay ahead. I know it will be so, and I very much look forward to it. But until it does, I must keep myself composed, and I am anything but composed right now.

I do not know how long I will be away. Perhaps only a couple of weeks, a month, or maybe longer. I am not sure. You all have been fantastic, and I look forward to returning soon. I apologize if this seems dramatic, unnecessary, or over the top, but at least this post is much shorter than my typical posts, so there’s at least that . . . .

I thank you all for being so great, kind, and wonderful to me these past months! See you soon!

Anne

[Adriennegrl]

I haven't been here long Anne but I can understand your decision. Take time to heal yourself and family, the forum will be here when/if you decide to come back. I know what depression is like and seeing loved ones sick; no fun :( Hang in there and don't be afraid to ask for help. It's a tough place you're in but it's only a temporary thing. Best of luck girl!

[TGMarla]

Well, you certainly make a compelling case for needing a break. By all means, take care of yourself. We will slog along without you for a while. I know I, for one, will miss you in your absence. Be good to yourself, have strength, be safe, and get some rest. We will be here for you when you decide to return, and I'm sure we all look forward to when you can grace us with your company once again. I'll pray for you and your family. I send my warmest thoughts your way, my friend. And whenever you need to talk, just say the word. You know where to find me.

[AllieSF]

Definitely a good decision. Time to refocus on the immediate priorities. As they say this side of us, once recognized and experienced, just does not go away. As all of us here on the forum will await your return, so will Anne. Good luck and enjoy. Contact us when you need to rant or need some love.

[Cynthia Anne]

Anne I love you! I am crying as I type this! I want the best for you! So I understand your situation! Please contact me if you ever need a friend or even just a hug! I'm always available for you! Hugs and gonna' miss you! Hurry back! Yours truely! Cynthia Anne

[Deana ♥ Danni]

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers â€*

May the peace of Christ be with you,
Deana

[docrobbysherry]

Anne, I will MISS U!
This site can provide lots of social support, entertainment, and relaxation. For me, it's good for recharging my batteries! Unfortunately, I find it can also be escapist and VERY HABIT FORMING!

Hanging here is fine until REAL LIFE intrudes! As it eventually must, for everyone!

We're here for u now. And, we'll be still rite here for u when u return!
Live your life. Do what u must, Anne. All the best, girl!.

See u later! Hugs!

[sterling12]

You have it right....too much on The Plate! Take care of what you can effect, pray for guidance for what you cannot. Eventually, after it clears out, or you just get lonely; I would imagine you will be back.

Good Luck, thinking of you.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[ReineD]

Take care of yourself, Anne! It will be good to take a break, refocus on your family and recharge.

:hugs:

[Christine Andrews]

Having recently lost my father and 18 months previously my grandmother to Cancer, I can appreciate how difficult a time you are going through.

I hope everything goes well for your family and that your loved ones make a full recovery.

Likewise, I truly hope you find what you are looking for. It is easy to fall into apathy and feel numb if you are not careful. That you have realised and are taking positive steps speaks volumes of your strength of character.

Again, all the best to you and your family.

[Nichola]

Do what is right for you & your family, take care.

[Jane G]

Anne

You have so much on your plate right now. You'r right to take a break and try hard to get a focus on which things realy matter to you. I think many of us understand a little of what you are going through. This forum can be a great place for support and positive feedback, when times are hard in the rest of your life. Don't stay away too long, it's good to share your emotions with others.

Take Care
Jane

[Shelly67]

Take some time Anne , go regroup in youre own time . Its bloody hard to face up to the point when life starts to get so difficult and on top of us that help in a form is needed . I applaud you. Your post and the experiences you've described are so emotionally stressful I should imagine you feel very burnt out and at panic point . You poor soul you .
Perhaps a visit to your GP may be beneficial ? Having suffered with PTSD , CBTand depression myself , things became very scarey , on reflection of this all the help I recieved was the very best thing that could have happened .I put Shelly away , put my hands up , surrendered and became almost selfish in my manner . A break down is very real , you never see it creeping up on you until anxiety and exhaustion makes it obvious . Go seek some help sister , take youre time , be brave , let go .
Just keep a view in mind that one day all will become clear once more .
All the very best of luck , see you again later .........
Bless you .

[erickka]

Hey Anne, I know what you mean. I went through that scenario with my family from 1999-2001. It was very much a hardship for me too, and the break you intend to take is more than deserved. I wish the best to you and everyone in your circle, and may better days (and years) be ahead for you all.
Taking care of everyone is the greatest thing you can do, but you still need to take care of #1, or that link will stress and break.
God bless, and hope to see here again soon.

Erickka

[kimdl93]

Sounds like your are putting things in their proper perspective. At best, this site can offer a respite from the resto of life, but I understand how it can also become something of an obsession - just look at the number of times I've responded to posts in the past year!!!

So, Anne, take care of yourself, because other people are obviously depending on you to care for them. And if you find a moment to rest and regroup, then come visit us and let us know how things are going for you.

[Marcia Blue]

Take time to recuperate and be with those you love. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. God Bless

[Sara Jessica]

Take care Anne, I will miss you. I hope for the best for your entire family and hope to see you here again someday, whenever that might be.

[Karren H]

You can run but you can hide!! At least I can't.... I have left a time or two or 5.... for more important things... It's the right thing to do....

[Lauren Richards]

Anne,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and the parts of your life which are so important. Seems the forum is not so much about crossdressing as it is about people who crossdress. Doing what is best for you and your family is always the right decision. However long you are gone, whatever path you need to take to be happy and healthy and share your love, that is simply the best. It is sometimes said that it takes courage to do the right thing. I think it takes heart, too, and yours is in the right place. I hope only the best for you and those you care for so very much.

Lauren

[Joanna41]

Anne...my thoughts were too much for public view...please check your private messages.

Joanna

[LolaDD]

My thoughts and prayers are with you Anne. Lola

[Raychel Torn]

When you need it the forum will still be here. Best of luck

[Gaby2]

Thinking of you and yours, Anne!
:rose:Gaby:)

[Tara D. Rose]

I know how you feel Anne. I think some of us on here can relate to all that is going on in your life. I feel like committing suicide myself at this point in my life I’ve been there many times. I had first divorce a few years back for my then wife cheating on me, lost my home, car and my precious beloved daughter, and I had to climdb the mountain of $168,000 in child support for a child, gift from God, and mankind just took all that I ever had away from me, then life moved on, my daughter kept from me just because of an evil woman’s vindictive vengefulness, (typical), during all this I got married to another, and then things went south in that marriage too, she started cheating on me too. My beloved daughter never comes around me because of the brainwashing from her mother while I could not be there to defend myself.

My second wife started cheating on me and so for her to justify her deceptive adulterous actions, she would scream and holler at me all the time for half little or nothing and leave to go to the arms of her lover. Just when she left, my Mother died, a few months later I got laid off of my job. I used to say, I have seen lesser men already killed themselves for living with half of the pain and misery that I have endured. I remember feeling like ending it all and was at our second home out in the country and I ran outside in the thunderstorm and kneeled down at midnight in a water puddle in the woods, then fell back in it and put the revolver to my head with the hammer back and cried and prayed, cried and prayed.

Now I’m in a third marriage. It’s just like a carbon copy of the first two. I know, I know, it’s really all my fault, for I’m the one that proposed marriage. My wife now screams and hollers at me all the time and I have flashbacks of the previous two marriages. I beg her for divorce all the time. Divorce is the answer but it’s so much harder to achieve as long as she doesn’t have an affair or habitual drunkard ness, etc.

The house is mine and she just will not accept my generous offer of divorce. Right now, I’m not being my usual easy going self, for my wife and I have been into it hot and heavy for a few days and then I read your post. I can so relate. We all have our own set of problems, some can be solved and some cannot, life moves on.

My wife now is menopausal, so that in itself should explain all that I have to endure.

What I’m saying Anne, is I feel your pain. But we are strong, you are strong. I’ve seen you get attacked on here wrongfully as well, which I’m sure doesn’t help matters in your life. If you feel you need to take a break from here, I as well as others on here, respect that and understand that. I know you will not be far away though. I will pray for things to turn around in your life and that you can find some comfort and contentment. We live in a very cruel unforgiving dog eat dog multi cultured world. I feel like dying today.

Love & Respect…………Tara

[Nikki A.]

Anne I hope for the best and I hope that all works out for you. My prayers to your sister and dad.

[Lori B]

you sure do have a full plate to deal with Anne,,,hope everything works out for the best,hang in there!

[bobbie c]

anne...you keep the balance and know that you and all you have shared will be missed.....good thoughts to you and your family....be good !

[Debglam]

Take care of your family Anne, and don't forget take care of yourself too!

:hugs:
Debby

[Tina B.]

Anne, I'm sorry it has come to this, we all miss you around here, but a girl has to do what a girl has to do. I wish the best for your mother, and brother in law, and all the members of your family, I've been through more deaths in the family than I care to remember at my age, and I can tell you none of them get any easier. With two suffering at the same time, your pace must be really draining, and I imagine you are worn out both physically and mentally, try to find a little time for joy, and a reminder of what makes it all worth the effort, find peace, and come home soon.
With tears in her eyes, Tina B.

[suchacutie]

OMG Anne, your plate is overflowing!!! No one can take all that emotional stress for any period of time! Girl, not only this forum, but anything that takes your time away from your primary concerns should also be a candidate for a rest! Pull in, refocus, and know that we will miss you. Get control of what you can, go with the flow in what you can't control, but never lose your sense of who you are and what is important!

My best thoughts and prayers go with you

tina

[Anne2345]

After leaving an OP like I did, I could not just leave and not read the responses. I was unsure of what to expect, and quite frankly, I was a little nervous . . . .

I must say, however, that I am completely overwhelmed, humbled, and grateful. I stated in my OP that I have shed many tears this year, and expect to shed many more in the near future. I am doing so now again. But these are tears of joy and relief. I cannot express enough how grateful I am to all of you for your kind words, support, and friendship.

This forum, and its membership, compose a truly a wonderful, loving, caring, and accepting community. I appreciate and love all of you, and very much look forward to my return, whenever that may be.

Thanks again for the responses and PMs. Your words of kindness and support serve to strengthen my hope and resolve that the sun will yet shine again, and that it will be magnificent and glorious when the clouds part and give way. I am truly appreciative and humbled . . . . .

Love,

Anne :)

[Miranda09]

Family always comes first Anne. I know what it's like to have someone close to you battling cancer and it's not easy. We'll be here for you. :)

[Torrey]

Anne-

Just found this thread & you know we will all be here for you when you return. I will certainly miss you, hun. You gotta look after number one.

Hugs,
Torrey

[SweetIonis]

Ain't no break for me, just reloading! :D:D:D:D:D

[drushin703]

anne:
We have never met but yet we have.We (everyone on this forum who visits, reads or contributes) have all met thru out views, our opinions
and desires. I personally will miss you for what you bring to THIS table.Take some time out for yourself. Cut off your computer. For awhile
forget the names here. But remember, crossdressing always holds the same majic and can create for our minds and souls the fantastic.
Abandon this forum, then come back and visit us.But never stop dressing..................................never. dana.



sissify till the moon is new.

[Presh GG]

Hi Anne,

Please take advantage of all the counseling resourses available thru the hospitals and care-giver help.
They offer it free, most have a great deal of training and they are there to listen and offer anything from free childcare [ a little break for you ] to pretty much anything you need.

I am so , so sorry you are dealing with allof this. It is so unfair.

Please take care and know we are thinking of you.

Presh and Tea

[suzy1]

Ann, if you pop in again I just want to say come back soon girl.


SUZY