criticism

[cdterri]

There have been quite a few posts recently concerning criticism of certain individual tastes. On my first post the first reply was very critical and I almost opted out of this site' However after reading the next few posts I decided to stay and see what would develop. So far I have had only positive replies and am glad I decided to stick around. I do not understand why anyone on this sight would criticise anyone else's taste. We are all in the same boat, and as far as I am concerned if you can not accept anothers taste then go away. There are plenty of others that will be more than happy to let you be the butt-heads you prefer to be. I sometimes wonder if these people have somehow snuck onto this sight just to create controversy. Remember the old saying "IF YOU CAN'T SAY SOMETHING NICE THEN KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT" Not exactly a quote but you should get the message.

[sissystephanie]

I think you are right about some of the critics!! I really do believe that some of the member just like to create controversy! Don't know why, but it is the way some people act! Your ending quote is the way I was taught when I was growing up!

[Eve II]

Yes, I agree. For a group, or site that wishes for acceptance, some of the comments I've read
really raise my eyebrows!

[Cynthia Anne]

Very nicely put! I belong to an organization that has the following motto! If I can't speak well of someone than I shall not speak ill of them! I live by that! Hugs!

[Jessica Ames]

There's no excuse for it, BUT...you can't help but think that we are also in a community of people who have varied levels of self-esteem when it comes to their personal image. Jealousy and insecurity are quick to create criticism of others.

No excuses, just a thought.

[docrobbysherry]

Just remember, opinions r like noses and EVERYONE has their own, Terri!

When I first arrived here 4 years ago, as a "fetish" CD, I got/get smacked around! However, over the years, I've found that even the MOST opinionated individuals here have good hearts when u get to know them!

[ReineD]

We are all in the same boat, and as far as I am concerned if you can not accept anothers taste then go away.

I sometimes wonder if these people have somehow snuck onto this sight just to create controversy.

Not controversy so much as I think some people are just expressing their fears, or their frustrations, over not being accepted in general society. The CDers who feel the only way to be accepted is to blend when they're out, are afraid that the more fetish CDs will perpetuate the idea that, well, CDs do this for fetish reasons. The more exotic CDs believe that what they wear is no one's business but their own. The people who are beginning to venture out don't understand the closeted CDs since they believe that if everyone were to come out it would help society accept gender variation all that much quicker, while the closeted CDs are adamant they don't wish to come out for a variety of reasons that are valid to them. And then there is the issue of people living in more urban, anonymous areas not understanding what it's like to live in conservative small towns. Oh, and on top of all this, there are also generational differences. Plus, there is the issue that many CDs and TSs don't understand each other.

That's a lot of controversy for one community, over a topic that runs deep, so it's understandable when people become upset. I agree that if there is only one common thread running through all these differences of opinion, it should be civility and mutual respect.

[Gaby2]

However, over the years, I've found that even the MOST opinionated individuals here have good hearts when u get to know them!
I'm glad Sherry said that, Terri. This is a good, all-inclusive place!

Upsetting comments and rude behaviour are inexcusable.
They happen though - and I'll throw no stones!

Sometimes one says the wrong thing, without meaning it.
Sometimes one says a mean thing for reasons only one oneself knows.
But listen, we're all in this boat together. And CDing is a cruise-liner in itself!
I'm so glad you stayed - and you confirm that with time, some (and possibly valid?) negative opinions can be put in the larger, caring context.

In everyday life, I hate being criticized for whatever I do.
I tend to compensate by being overly encouraging of others.
With kids and young people that's ok - although one always makes mistakes.
But some people don't take me seriously because of my everlasting patience and my "being nice".
That drives me bonkers!
Thankfully, I've found a Qi Gong teacher who has shown me how to protect myself by putting up a shield against negativity.
Indeed, everything negative has a positive effect... one just has to find that.

Controversy, even for the sake of controversy, does keep life interesting though :stirthepot:
:hugs:Gaby

[suzy1]

I have read comments here that are cruel or even just plain stupid. And one or two members are so up themselves it makes me cross sometimes.
But these members are in a very small minority.
I have had a go at them in a P.M. sometimes. But only in a P.M.[Its fun]
So I will hold my hands up and admit that I am guilty.
Now if anyone wants to criticize me in a P.M. [and they do] that’s fine. I probably deserve it.
Gaby, that last line in your reply is a bit naughty girl. I would never say something like that!:devil:

SUZY

[erickka]

People can be just plain rotten. I try to keep any negative thoughts or opinions to myself (which is where the should be kept) and focus on the positive aspects of everyting / everyone. After all, aren't we here to help one another???

[noeleena]

Hi,

For my self ,

Some of us have difficultes that we have to try &* over come , some times we can not explain our selfs in a way that some dont wont to understand why we are like the way we are. or another way we are born with issue;s .

this happened to me about 4 years ago on another forum well 3 in truth.
What hurt me was i was told after i posted my letter post words, that i should go away & read & rewrite what i had done , i thought what . okay

I have , (( ill spell how i see it dyslexca major )) & have had 58 years out of 64 trying to learn to spell write & pronoune word's & grammer plus many words i can not spell or say. & get a mind blank under pressure trying to spell words simple as four some times .

I backed out of one forum the other two iv stayed with , so on one i wrote a nice letter = post & explained my situsion i had 11 others back me up. & said to stay , after this person left.. . if i had gone i would have missed out on meeting face to face some 160 people trans & many others.

I was hurt very deeply & said to Jos at the time i wonder ....why ..i bother.

since then .

Im on two, women only forums doing some thing that means so ....so much to me i work with women who have major issue's problems. & yea its just so neat.. i would have never been able to do this. had i given up. i wonted too. give up then & there.

iv anoyed people got it wrong cant use computers very well, what i see in my mind is hard for me to write, so iv over come a lot of issue;s & im still here after 5 years of frustratying, embarrissed, & humbled so if i can try then others who can do far better than i , then for those like myself , just hang in there. & keep at it.what should take me a few minites to write takes me a lot longer. i'd rather & i have done stand in front of 1000' s of people & talk , than write,

Hugs xxx

...noeleena...

[Violetgray]

Criticism as a whole isn't bad if it's written well and meant to be constructive. The majority of the forum is a tad bit too nice.

[Samantha43]

Not controversy so much as I think some people are just expressing their fears, or their frustrations, over not being accepted in general society. The CDers who feel the only way to be accepted is to blend when they're out, are afraid that the more fetish CDs will perpetuate the idea that, well, CDs do this for fetish reasons. The more exotic CDs believe that what they wear is no one's business but their own. The people who are beginning to venture out don't understand the closeted CDs since they believe that if everyone were to come out it would help society accept gender variation all that much quicker, while the closeted CDs are adamant they don't wish to come out for a variety of reasons that are valid to them. And then there is the issue of people living in more urban, anonymous areas not understanding what it's like to live in conservative small towns. Oh, and on top of all this, there are also generational differences. Plus, there is the issue that many CDs and TSs don't understand each other.

That's a lot of controversy for one community, over a topic that runs deep, so it's understandable when people become upset. I agree that if there is only one common thread running through all these differences of opinion, it should be civility and mutual respect.

Excellent analysis! I've never really looked at us as sub-groups, but this does make sense.

Of course, there are those who just like to stir the pot :stirthepot: to see what kind of reaction they get.

[Miss Maxine]

I just recently addressed this issue, too. Started a thread that is over four pages long, now! Eek!
Our community is not a perfect one, but it is a good one. We're all learning to accept and to be accepted. It can be a painful process, sometimes, but, if we can all communicate our thoughts and feelings in a compassionate and civil manner, like the adults we are, then I believe that there is no obstacle that we can't overcome.

[Karren H]

Oh great!! If this is turning into a mutual admiration society then I'm out of here. I will always rebut things I don't agree with. Always!!! And I respect your right to disagree with me... I refuse to say "oh you look so passable" when someone specifically asks for feedback... I like to think I'm being honest and don't want to be hurtful or attack people personally.

If I post I want people honest opinion. Good or bad. And if I look like crap please tell me... I want to improve don't you?

Ohh. And women's jeans still are friggin unfeminine!! :D

[Miss Maxine]

Oh great!! If this is turning into a mutual admiration society then I'm out of here. I will always rebut things I don't agree with. Always!!! And I respect your right to disagree with me... I refuse to say "oh you look so passable" when someone specifically asks for feedback... I like to think I'm being honest and don't want to be hurtful or attack people personally.

If I post I want people honest opinion. Good or bad. And if I look like crap please tell me... I want to improve don't you?

Ohh. And women's jeans still are friggin unfeminine!! :D

Constructive criticism is fine, but tact is a must. I've had some folks tell me that they don't care for my busty look and think I should get smaller forms. That is an acceptable way to phrase an opinion. Saying something like, "please get rid of those ridiculous balloons," is just inappropriate and a major indication of the apparent lack of maturity of the poster. Opinions are welcome, always, but immature badgering is usually not well received.

[Karren H]

What balloons? Your busts are fine with me but God I hate balloons!! Lol. And I'm not that immature!! Unless I get repremanded (again....) for doing so you will not see a knid and gentler Karren!

[Miss Maxine]

What balloons? Your busts are fine with me but God I hate balloons!! Lol. And I'm not that immature!! Unless I get repremanded (again....) for doing so you will not see a knid and gentler Karren!

Aww...you said my busts are fine! I know you'd tell me if they weren't, so thanks! ^_^

[Karren H]

Yeah.... Now we need to talk about those jeans your wearing?? Maybe you didn't get the latest Victoria Secret catalog... The one without jeans in it? :)

[Miss Maxine]

Yeah.... Now we need to talk about those jeans your wearing?? Maybe you didn't get the latest Victoria Secret catalog... The one without jeans in it? :)

They're capris! My legs look smashing, in them! You can't really see it, in that pic.

[kristinacd55]

Karren, there ya go again causing trouble with your anti jeans sentiments. It just makes me wanna scream!! :bonk: WAIT THAT's not a scream! And now I gots a headache to boot!

[Mikaela]

Criticism as a whole isn't bad if it's written well and meant to be constructive. The majority of the forum is a tad bit too nice.

Agreed. It makes the compliments lose their value when there's nothing else there.
And I don't believe people should be soliciting "Am I cute or passable or whatever" type posts and not expect the potential for negative responses.

But that's not the same as simply cutting into someone or imposing my preferences unsolicited without some tact.

[Miss Maxine]

*ducks head to dodge bullets* Eek!


Agreed. It makes the compliments lose their value when there's nothing else there.
And I don't believe people should be soliciting "Am I cute or passable or whatever" type posts and not expect the potential for negative responses.

Ooo...I wanna poke the bear! So, am I cute? ^_~

[Mikaela]

Ooo...I wanna poke the bear! So, am I cute? ^_~

Not sure what else needs to be said re: your look. It's not for me as a male or when emulating a female. You've got your reasons for it, so have fun.

[Kaitlyn26]

Just because you don't like to hear it, doesn't mean you don't need to hear it. Something to keep in mind before you go burning someone at the stake. :)

I never EVER see GGs wearing jeans. They all wear high heels, hose, long skirts with slips under, and a low cut top to the local department store to pick up some weed whacker line and kitty litter. The time they put into an outfit to go shopping at a department store is simply mind boggling! :p

[Miss Maxine]

Just because you don't like to hear it, doesn't mean you don't need to hear it. Something to keep in mind before you go burning someone at the stake. :)

If it's negative; I don't post it, regardless of whether I think the person needs to hear it, or not. I'm not here to be anyone's therapist. I'm here to enjoy the company of my fellow crossdressers.

[Kaitlyn26]

If it's negative; I don't post it, regardless of whether I think the person needs to hear it, or not. I'm not here to be anyone's therapist. I'm here to enjoy the company of my fellow crossdressers.

Who said anything about therapy?

[Karren H]

Capris? That's what they all say!!

I'm coming up with a catch all disclaimer: The views expressed are Karren's humble opinions and should not be taken personally... Not intended to be insensitive, shouldn't' be taken out of context, void where prohibited by law, not valid in every State, may appear closer than they really are, colors vary.......

[Miss Maxine]

Who said anything about therapy?

Exactly. No one. But some folks, when presented with information, fancy themselves experts on any given situation, so feel like it is their responsibility to issue some "tough love" to others. My thoughts on that: If you don't love me; I don't want your tough love. If you do love me, you won't ever need to be tough.


Capris? That's what they all say!!




Call them what you will. Regardless, they look adorable on me. ^_~

[Kaitlyn26]

Exactly. No one. But some folks, when presented with information, fancy themselves experts on any given situation, so feel like it is their responsibility to issue some "tough love" to others. My thoughts on that: If you don't love me; I don't want your tough love. If you do love me, you won't ever need to be tough.

Imo if anyone seems like they are "on the edge" or really in need of professional help you should just ignore them. You have no idea what mental state the person is actually in and no one wants to be responsible for someone Else's injury or death. That being said, there's nothing wrong with a little good old fashioned constructive criticism or statement of your personal opinion if the person does not appear to be unstable.

Some posters here are very knowledgeable and can probably help them, but I'm not a person that's confident enough to take on that responsibility.

[Miss Maxine]

Imo if anyone seems like they are "on the edge" or really in need of professional help you should just ignore them. You have no idea what mental state the person is actually in and no one wants to be responsible for someone Else's injury or death. That being said, there's nothing wrong with a little good old fashioned constructive criticism or statement of your personal opinion if the person does not appear to be unstable.

Some posters here are very knowledgeable and can probably help them, but I'm not a person that's confident enough to take on that responsibility.

I'd rather post nothing and not risk hurting someone's feelings and/or risk making things worse.

[ReineD]

Exactly. No one. But some folks, when presented with information, fancy themselves experts on any given situation, so feel like it is their responsibility to issue some "tough love" to others. My thoughts on that: If you don't love me; I don't want your tough love. If you do love me, you won't ever need to be tough.


You're coming from the perspective of having accepted yourself, having gone out in public, and generally being comfortable with who you are. You may not need any support or any questions answered for yourself, you may not be here to work through and debate definitions. For you and others like you, this board is a fun, relaxing place to wile away the time. And that's great! :)

For others, this place is a life line especially if they're closeted and they do take things very seriously. It's a deep, emotional thing. I mentioned earlier the fears that many members experience because they feel pulled apart between wanting and needing to be who they are, and all their life circumstances that prevent this. It's a very difficult position to negotiate and there is a lot to lose.

Also there are members here who have lost a lot and they've become embittered: both the CDs who've lost marriages, jobs, or who can't find partners, and the GGs who were in relationships with CDs who rode roughshod over them with the CDing and pink fogs. These are likely the people who will make less than kind remarks.

And finally, I won't be the first to say this, but as a group I think as a coping mechanism more CDers have developed a degree of self-absorption than the average person, and these people don't necessarily consider someone else's feelings when they post. It is always just about them.

There are all kinds of people here Maxine, dealing with highly contentious and painful issues. It can't always be all love and chocolate. The worst remarks, the ones that break the rules, do get moderated.

[CynthiaD]

Ohh. And women's jeans still are friggin unfeminine!! :D

Try embroidering a couple of butterflies on the back pockets!

[Miss Maxine]

You rock, Reine! All the time! You always put things in perspective, for me. Thanks! ^_^

[Kaitlyn26]

I guess you can file me under embittered and self centered. I can't stand whining, unless I'm the one doing it. :D

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

I think that sometimes one needs to be checked and if that involves criticism (constructive) then a discussion takes place and one reasons to understand the others view. If we all paint a perfect picture then don't we live a false life, because as far as I know, life is not always rosy. Sometimes the written word suggests a difference in what the person 's thoughts were at the time of writing. Destructive criticism is simply ridiculous and should never be used. Ridicule is also unnecessary, but disagreement should be encouraged so the mind can build on the wealth of knowledge that is available to us all.
If someone is happy with who they are and are happy with how they display to the world, great else leave them alone, give advice but do not dictate. We are all individuals with different experiences willing to offer our experiences positive or negative to a posting.

[ReineD]

I guess you can file me under embittered and self centered. I can't stand whining, unless I'm the one doing it. :D

Only some people are embittered and self-involved. Not everyone! :p

[Kaitlyn26]

Only some people are embittered and self-involved. Not everyone! :p

I completely admit that I'm a bit of a pain in the butt. It's something that has been said to me many times and I accept it. I try to improve myself and hold back, but there are some times that I just can't seem to do that. It's a work in progress and I don't really dislike the things about me that make me a challenge so..... :)