A new and different way to get caught

[Sometimes Steffi]

As I've stated before, my wife knows I crossdress and doesn't like it at all. All she really knows about is that I wear bras and panties, because that's what she caught me putting in a box when came home unexpectedly. But now, everything I do is under suspicion. I have to hide my male Jockey bikini underwear and I had to replace my men's night shirts with PJs. We have a de facto "Don't ask. Don't tell" and don't let me find out rule, but she is unwilling to even discuss boundaries.

So, I guess you know we had a 5.8 earthquake in Virginia, the largest in 100 years. I live about 60 miles from the epicenter. We also had 19 aftershocks, most very small. When I got home from work after the 5.8, there were a bunch of books and knick knacks that were either knocked down or knocked off of shelves, but nothing broke. Everything in my office looked intact.

This morning, my wife comes into my office and asks me, "What's that 'Cosmopolitan Virtual Makeover'?" At first, I couldn't figure out what she was talking about. But, it's like oh sh**, oh sh**, caught again. Apparently, yeah, you guessed it, the earthquake knocked the carefully hidden box off my shelf and dumped it where it was easily visible. I made some excuse about buying it years ago (true) for my daughter (half true), which she probably half believed.

I don't think she'll say anything else; that's not her way, but I will probably get the silent treatment.

What a way to get caught once in one hundred years.

[kimdl93]

Whatever can happen, will happen - that's the basic rule. I was wondering, do you think your wife prefers the hiding and implicit deception to facing the reality of your CDing? It seems that often (I don't know the percentages) women really dislike when their SO hides things from them, perhaps even as much as some dislike the idea of a CDing husband.

[Marie-Elise]

I'm sorry to hear that's how it is. Have you considered asking her what she doesn't like about your tendency to CD? It might take a few rounds of questions and answers but maybe there is something deeper about it.

[Emme]

Explain to your wife the TENSION RELIFE you get from your fem side. It took me several years to finally convince her that CD is a relaxing activity. My wife gets the benifits of another house keeper, a cook...sometimes, and a very friendly female companion. hOWEVER, she NEVER complains when i do the vacuuming, and dusting. she says "i see the cleaning lady is here". I HAVE THE BEST WIFE ON EARTH....FOR ME!

[Karren H]

I'm so glad I live in a geologicaly boring part of the country. Just one less thing to out me.

[Chickhe]

Hey...I bought the same thing...years ago, but I gave it to my wife as a gift! I also gave her an epilator when they first came out...she had never heard of it and wondered how I knew about it... she keeps telling me what's mine is hers... or was that whats hers is mine...

[Stephanie47]

Once in a while I unintentional left a clothing item out or some other indication of CDing. I suppose disapproving wives sometimes will not establish boundaries because that may indicate some level of acceptance of CDing. When my wife found a red bra I unintentional left out, she folded it and placed it away where it would not be discovered by any visitors and told me about it. There was no snide remark. I had thoroughly explained to her that my CDing preceded meeting her and it had nothing to do with her and all the other questions that arise with discovery. I really do not expect my wife to come out and ask if I would like that new dress shown in one of her magazines or snidely point out the obvious. I expect my wife to respect my privacy. And, I respect her desire not to be reminded of my CDing. If Mother Nature tossed some of your forbidden fruit on the floor, she should not have made condescending remarks about the inadvertent discovery. She already knows.

[Jessica86]

May seem like a stretch, but viewing the site helped my wife. I had plenty of things ready as far as documentation this is normal. My wife just needed to see others....if that makes any sense. This community has helped a lot! It always saddens me when someone's SO gets upset over this. Honesty is the best policy.

[cassandra54]

i read all these posts about people having to hide and getting caught. it's kind of sad. let me say from the bottom of my heart, i hope all of you gain acceptance from your SOs and that someday we will all be able to dress however we want and whenever want.

[Kittyagain]

I must say I smiled at your misfortune but then frowned when I read of your overall situation. I wish it was better for you both.

It is most likely that her anger is born of fear. Your task is slowly trying to find out what the basis of the fear. Try not to be angry at your wife for how she feels. The image she congers up of what you are when dressed is probably distorted beyond what you could imagine.

Kitty

[suchacutie]

I agree that it would be very useful to know exactly what your spouse does not like about your CDing (or transgenderism in general). There are so many incorrect stereotypes that we can grow up with that it could just be that her understanding of what you do/are is simply wrong!

Also granted there are some people who "don't want to be confused with the facts", and would rather live in their comfortable shell. In that case, breaking through a shell of comfortable beliefs might be harder.

tina

[JustAlex]

"What's that 'Cosmopolitan Virtual Makeover'?"

This is one (of a million) thing I don't understand about women. I'd say "Honey... we've been through an earthquake... I'm happy we could survive it... the house is a mess... I'm trying to put our world back together... my knees are still shaking... do you really want to talk this out?... NOW??????"

[Sometimes Steffi]

It is most likely that her anger is born of fear. Your task is slowly trying to find out what the basis of the fear. Try not to be angry at your wife for how she feels. The image she congers up of what you are when dressed is probably distorted beyond what you could imagine.

Kitty


I agree that it would be very useful to know exactly what your spouse does not like about your CDing (or transgenderism in general). There are so many incorrect stereotypes that we can grow up with that it could just be that her understanding of what you do/are is simply wrong!

Also granted there are some people who "don't want to be confused with the facts", and would rather live in their comfortable shell. In that case, breaking through a shell of comfortable beliefs might be harder.

tina

Tina

I think you hit the nail on the head

She doesn't want to be confused with the facts. Plus, if the Bible says it's an abomination, then it must be so.

On the other had, she doesn't say tge D word (divorce); she believes "until death do you part".

[Gaby2]

Deep sigh... hi Steffi.
The title of your thread caught my eye.
You refer to "getting caught".
In the (thankfully) receding past, I've often feared "being busted".
Well, these expressions really don't help at all, do they?
There seems to be an in-built element of guilt...
it's as if we CDers almost criminalise ourselves in the face of adverse opinion - in this case, that of your SO.
I never confided in, nor sought understanding from my Ex for fear of hurting her... and a sense of shame. That was a big mistake.
Wishing you and your wife all the best,
and mountains that move in your direction!
:rose:Gaby

[NicoleScott]

We have a de facto "Don't ask. Don't tell" and don't let me find out rule, but she is unwilling to even discuss boundaries.

Apparently, the boundaries are: Don't Ask Don't Tell. You can do what you do, but she doesn't want to know about it. Yes, a rare occurrance got you busted, but you have to be more careful to keep your activities - and your stuff - away from her. Really, not a bad deal for you with an unsupportive wife.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Steffi, That gives a whole new meaning to the term (After Shock)

Orchid

[Leslie Langford]

I'm so glad I live in a geologicaly boring part of the country. Just one less thing to out me.

I dunno, Karren - I'm guessing that things were pretty lively in your neck of the woods back during the height of the U.S. Civil War, if I remember my American history correctly...

As for the geological part, what's going to happen when all those tapped-out coal mines with their miles and miles of underground tunnels start to implode and become massive sinkholes? :eek: :heehee:

[CatAttack]

Relationships are built upon trust. By hiding your CDing from her and lying to her about it, you are breaking that trust. That's probably a big reason why she is so mad at you. You broke her trust and now she wonders what else you might be hiding. I think you should really try to sit her down and have an honest talk about it to clear up all the misconceptions she may have. She'll probably refuse at first, but you just have to keep calm and let her know the facts about TG stuff. It is a part of you, so are you going to keep hiding for the rest of your life? Once she understands that you're not some crazy pervert or something and that it's not going to just go away, then try to discuss some boundaries with her. If you start piling up lies, one day it's all going to come crashing down.. :2c:

[donnalee]

It must be unbearable to have to live like that for both of you. I think having a 3rd party, such as a counselor, weigh in might be beneficial. No one should have to live that way.

[erickka]

Our troublemaker brother Murphy will always show op at the most inopportune times!

[Kate Simmons]

Crap. Now the damn earthquakes are out to get us too. Does it ever end? Always something it seems.:battingeyelashes::)

[Cindy.]

she believes "until death do you part".

Did she forget the part about "Love, honor and obey"?

I'm not saying that you should demand that she help you dress, but she could sit down for 10 min and listen to you pour your heart out. Just my opinion.

[Tina B.]

Sorry, but as a native Californian, I can't help but notice, people using an earthquake for an excuse for being outed, it was not the earth quake that outed you, it was bad planning, oh and to another remark, 5.8 does not make your knees knock, it's just an E ticket ride. It's not save to hide stuff in the house if you are hiding from family members in earthquake country, that's what garages are for. I guess you have to go through a few of them to learn that. Boxes fall and open, drawers fall out and empty on the floor, glass breaks, and what caches her eye, is one small CD case, with a picture of a pretty Blondie on it, and the word Cosmopolitan, in huge print on the cover, go figure huh, nest time, change the case, and throw away that cover. But don't lose that CD, I loved that program, mine got corrupted, and no longer works, but I loved that thing.
Tina B.

[Nyana]

Ohh my....i feel like reading my own story.

I had a honest discussion with my wife when she found about me, but after that it didn't change, she is sooo affraid that i will want to be a full time girl, (note that if i could do it by magic i would, but not having to take time to do it) anyway....don't ask, don't tell me and don't let me find about it otherwise it will take 1-2 month till i forget this incident.