Going out

[CINDYO]

Just curious, do all people that CD have a burning desire to "GO OUT" fully dressed. My SO, is planning on going out to a CD club and will be fully dressed. He says that most of the people at the function are fully dressed.
'

[NathalieX66]

No.
Some folks need to just have a "private' side........that's fine.

TG events usually expect you to dress up. .... that's the gig.

In real life, there are no rules. Gender expression is a spectrum, find your place on it and be happy.

I am someone who goes out regularly in public, it's a necessity and it works for me.
I can't speak for you.

Welcome aboard, though! :)

[az_azeel]

Cindy i have moved your post into this section as where it was is for new member intros only... ..
In answer to your question though i have dressed since i was 5 years old and am very happy in the closet.. never has it crossed my mind to go out but as Nathalie said everyones needs are differant..;)

["Mary"]

I can't speak for "most people", but I really like going out fully dressed and strive to pass or at least blend (more likely).

[Kittyagain]

I've not gone out fully dressed and met people. The wife and I trying to make that happen with a better look for me.

You should not be alarmed if he wants to go dressed as long as you two are in agreement. You might ask to go as well.

Kitty

[danielletorresani]

I've been out in public, but not really gone out like to a club or anything.

Curious to try it someday....

[Cynthia Anne]

I go out often fully dressed for that's who I am! Each persons needs and desires are different! find your comfort zone and enjoy it! Hugs!

[msginaadoll]

Everyone is different. I did not go out for years. When I did I first went out to gay/lesbian/tg clubs. I still love going out, but I also like going to museums, out to eat, shopping, etc

[Intertwined]

Here I go again, the " Odd Ball " I enjoy going out dressed comfortably, but its about the only time I get to dress, my wife does not like to see Marsha, and she has not been well recently, so she is always home. That leaves me with shopping, and work.

[Kaz]

Hi Cindy,

As I said last time, you will get a lot of different views from this community. I was in the closet for what feels like most of my life... but for most of my life I didn't realise that this was an integral part of me that would never go away. So I spent most of my life in denial. Since I accepted this a few years ago, I have also wnated to be 'liberated' from my lifetime of suppressing things, and so there is an urge to 'just do it'. I am however, somewhat nervous and get embarrassed easily and I DO NOT want this side of my life to mess up the life I have built with my family and friends and work colleagues.

But I do want to go out and have done, but not in close mixed company. I want to get out to just feel like I can I guess, and that I am not confined to my house. Unlike many others, I have no interest in going to a club and all that (but then I never did/do as my male presentation (for want of a better way of experessing it - we call it drab!)...

So I guess now he is out with you he is wanting to explore... and understand this 'condition'...

I think you need to give him rope to figure himself out, but you need to set some boundaries about what you will accept and will not accept. He needs to respect that you are BEGINNING to accept, but need to get there yourself and that is a slower process?

[Diane Smith]

Going out is one of the activities that makes up a part of the spectrum of CD behaviors. Some do it daily, others occasionally, some never at all. I dressed entirely in private, at home, until I was about 40 -- although there were some androgynous aspects to my day-to-day appearance as well. Since I began going out, to clubs and restaurants to meet other CDs, or doing daily activities like banking or picking up fast food, or for girly purposes like getting my hair and nails done, my level of comfort with my dressing has improved dramatically, my wardrobe has expanded (can't be seen in that old thing again), and the outings have become the main focus of my dressing -- really, the only reason I do it around the house now is to experiment with new clothes and looks before I wear them out, and to keep in practice in heels. But this is not necessarily for everyone, and we have the whole range of behaviors represented here, from the fully closeted who won't show their face even in pictures, to those who are out and about full time, every day. I fall somewhat closer to the latter end of the spectrum now, but remember where I came from, and have nothing but respect for those who are not at that same point (now, or potentially ever).

But if your SO is ready and anxious to go out, it can only breed resentment and friction if you try to interfere with it. Instead, I'd suggest you do the best you can to help her look good and appropriate, be safe while out and about, and get the most out of the experience (short of doing anything stupid or damaging to your relationship, of course). The ultimate compliment and comfort from a GG partner would be for her to offer to accompany her CD on these outings -- but that requires a whole other level of comfort with your partner's dressing that you might not be willing or able to muster at this time, and that's perfectly OK.

- Diane

[sterling12]

And, you may be more concerned about Hubby appearing "fully dressed." Think about it. If, we are going out, to an Event or whatever; it's going to be way easier to "blend" if we are fully dressed. Nothing, raises hackles, or might lead to a confrontation faster than someone partially dressed. To be That Guy in Combat Boots, wearing a spangled mini-dress, is possibly going to cause problems!

People who "go out," attending Functions, or going to Restaurants and Clubs are kind of "Representing." A lot of people around here will argue with me, but generally Gurls who are out and about try to give Others the best opinion about whom The Transgendered are. A lot of us TRY to project a Positive Image!

You may not be used to seeing your SO completely dressed, and it can be jarring if your not used to it. But, I suggest you attend with your Spouse, help where you can on Deportment, and very quickly you will get used to it.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[adriane]

I go out in public part time, sometimes out, and sometimes to business functions. I can relate to Nathalie X66. I definitely need to do this, and it definately works for me as well.

[NicoleScott]

I dressed only in private for many years. Then I went out some, mostly driving and walking, and I even went into a few shops. Then I had the burning desire to go to a club, so I did. Been there, done that, it was fun. I am satisfied now to stay in when I dress. I like to make up and dress over-the-top style, and I'd rather do that and stay in than tone it down and go out.

[Taylor186]

As others have said, we are all different in our needs and desires. I go our two or three times a years and that is plenty, but others want much more or are satisfied with less.


Why don't you go along with him? My wife has attended several CD get-togethers with me.

[Jason+]

Here I go again, the " Odd Ball " I enjoy going out dressed comfortably, but its about the only time I get to dress, my wife does not like to see Marsha, and she has not been well recently, so she is always home. That leaves me with shopping, and work.

Speaking as a fellow "Odd Ball" I do like to go out. I don't want to go anyplace wearing skirts or dresses that is necessarily special or different than the regular places I would go in pants.

There is a large push for you to jump in with both feet and get on board and go with your SO to the club fully dressed but in your OP you don't mention how You feel about him going let alone having to go with him. If you are not ready for either of those steps you at the very least deserve to have your concerns listened to, heard and discussed with you until you reach a solution that works for both of you.

[t-girlxsophie]

Im in the going out camp,from the first time I ventured out I have enjoyed it so much,But there is no "most" in the CDing World,everyone is different.I think finding your comfort level should be your SO's main focus IMO

Sophie

[Kate T]

I am also in the like to go out camp. I guess I view it as an extension and validation of my gender.

I must say I wouldn't even think of NOT going dressed to a CD club. Isn't that sort of the point? Otherwise you could just as easily go to the local pub or club.

[Rachel05]

I used to be happy with the private side in my home, but recently the need has been growing to go out and be me, just not quite brave enough yet

[CINDYO]

Hi Jason
you are correct i did not mention how i feel about him going out. I just learned of the cd very recently, i had no idea at all, we are in our 50's and have been together more than 24 years. I was devestated to learn this news. It came from now where, no hints or indications at all. My world stopped, i felt so very very betrayed by the person that i loved and counted on more than anyone else in the world. i have only know a short time, he now has clothes and is going to soon go out fully dressed. I am paralysed this fear. i have not even really wrapped my head around the cd thing. it is too strange for me, but i am trying so hard. He is very masculine and will never ever pass as female, never. He is going to make a spectacle of himself. He is usually very self concscious so for him to want to do this is totally unbeleivable. I have not asked him to hold off on this because i know it is what he wants to do. But somewhere in his mind would he not think, now wait a moment. i have children and a wife and a home and friends, going out is really risky, someone may see me. That would be disaster for our family. He says he will be "safe" when he is out. that is another great fear i have. i want to remain married to this "sole mate" but it seems like life as i knew is, and love it, has change so much, and none of it has anything to do with me. I am the honest, open person that he married. I do feel upset that i was not allowed to make an informed decision prior to the marriage. iti was pure betrayal. i have not even asked him to hold back, this is obviously what he wants to do, reguardless of family or friends. very upsetting, very devestating. thanks for response, Cindyo

Hi Tylor186
Well somehow i feel he would be very anxious if i went with him (i have never seem his dressesd) and i am not sure if he has even fully dressed yet, He does tell me that he has been dealing with this since age 11. i am not sure that i am ready to see my husband pretending to be a woman. I really don't know how he could possibly by straight, i am not trying to offend anyone but would a totally hetero guy want to waist time putting on womens clothing, makeup, breast and then go out an try to fool the world. Again I am not trying to offend but i have nowhere else to get answers. I could ask him but i think he is so tickled that he has told me and i think he just can't wait to act on this. I am not sure i would get an honest answer as he know i am having a really hard time dealing with the cd revealation. i think of if every waking moment. i try to envision him dressed as a woman and i really upsets me. it is too strange, thanks for listening , Cindy o

[CINDYO]

Hi NicoleScott.
I so hope that my husband get to the point of staying in. i am so fearful of him going out dressed. He is so excited to have some womens clothing and i think he can't wait to go out. He is usually self conscious so i am suprised that he want to head out to a club when he has never even


dressed at home. He is probably trying to make up for lost time as he just told me and he is 50ish. I am not sure that i can handle knowing that he is out fully dressed as a woman, i meant this is the guy that i married and had children with.
i love him but how in world will all of this transpire. Our married life has changed forever and i feel so so sad about that. thanks Cindyo

[Tina B.]

Cindy, you didn't say why you are bothered by his going out, what part of it bothers you? I think most of feel the need to at least try going out a time or two, some fall in love with being out, and some of us find we really are not comfortable out dressed and with draw back into the house. I know you married life has changed, and that takes some getting use to, but those feeling have always been inside your husband, and getting honest with you should make life better for you both, if you can learn to accept this side of him. And you could offer to go out with him if that would make you feel better about it.
Tina B.

[kimdl93]

it depends on the individual. I personally enjoy going out fully en femme. I don't go all glammed up as some people may choose. I just try to blend in, dressed as much like other women as possible in a given setting.

[Jason+]

Hi Jason
you are correct i did not mention how i feel about him going out. I just learned of the cd very recently, i had no idea at all, we are in our 50's and have been together more than 24 years. I was devestated to learn this news. It came from now where, no hints or indications at all. My world stopped, i felt so very very betrayed by the person that i loved and counted on more than anyone else in the world. i have only know a short time, he now has clothes and is going to soon go out fully dressed. I am paralysed this fear. i have not even really wrapped my head around the cd thing. it is too strange for me, but i am trying so hard. He is very masculine and will never ever pass as female, never. He is going to make a spectacle of himself. He is usually very self concscious so for him to want to do this is totally unbeleivable. I have not asked him to hold off on this because i know it is what he wants to do. But somewhere in his mind would he not think, now wait a moment. i have children and a wife and a home and friends, going out is really risky, someone may see me. That would be disaster for our family. He says he will be "safe" when he is out. that is another great fear i have. i want to remain married to this "sole mate" but it seems like life as i knew is, and love it, has change so much, and none of it has anything to do with me. I am the honest, open person that he married. I do feel upset that i was not allowed to make an informed decision prior to the marriage. iti was pure betrayal. i have not even asked him to hold back, this is obviously what he wants to do, reguardless of family or friends. very upsetting, very devestating. thanks for response, Cindyo



It sounds an awful lot like your so is a "Kid in the Pink Fog Candy Store." One of the things he likely needs whether he realizes it or not is someone to help ground him a little bit. If he is not hearing any objections from you then through the pink glasses it's easy to see that as permission to go full speed ahead. Some of the most frequent and helpful advice after telling about being a cross dresser has been to back off, go slowly and communicate. I think you should tell him how you feel and ask him to give you some time to try to wrap your head around this before heading out "safe" or not.

I tried to tell my wife before we married. She didn't really understand and thought it was just a big joke and then later when it came up again after we were married she felt betrayed and hidden from as well. I wish she had truly understood and then would have had the same ability to make an informed choice that you mention. She has come to the conclusion that the parts of my personality and makeup that allow for the expression in clothing were there all along whether seen outwardly or not. It's taken a long time likely the better part of a decade to get there and she is not and likely never will be a fan although she does her best to accept it as part of me.

Life as you know it has definitely changed and it's a pretty hard genie to stuff back in the bottle once it's out. I hope the best for you both.

[PretzelGirl]

Okay, here is one for all you business minded people out there. You probably can't make money renting dressing space. Not enough demand. But..... if you have a shop with clothing, forms, wigs, etc and have changing rooms, you could let the rooms be used free of charge for customers who have spent $x over the last X months. All I ask for is 1% of the cut. :D

[Wendy_Marie]

Just curious, do all people that CD have a burning desire to "GO OUT" fully dressed. My SO, is planning on going out to a CD club and will be fully dressed. He says that most of the people at the function are fully dressed.
'

Ms. Cindy,
I don't think any one person is qualified to speak so generally about what "All CD's" want or do.....I don't mean anything derogatory by saying this it's just that each and every case is unique.

Speaking for myself and my experiences, like many I was closeted and hid my dressing inside for a very long time....I accepted this reluctently as a prisoner might eventually accept the walls of his cell or the fences of razor wire around the compound as his home.

Now I'm not going to get into a debate over terminology here...but I have never considered myself a crossdresser...however you want to say it...I was the classic Female trapped in the body of a male from birth and hiding myself away inside the house just because I needed to dress in womens clothing felt like a prison sentence to me...and made me feel like my need for self expression was in some way a perversion.

So walking out of the house for me is a very liberating experience...My first time out was at the tender age of eight.....then I hid it for many years before beginning to experiement with going outside again.

I won't speak for your SO.....as I do not know the whole story..but I would be willing to bet that there are feelings of shame and fear within him/her....most of us have felt this at some point in our lives, I have and still do to a point...and I discovered for me these emmotions stemmed from feeling as though I had to hide to do what I felt a very real need for....

I often times felt it necessary to lie to those I loved, my wife, my family and my children..to protect their feelings and even if it isn't intentional...I would often times lie by omission or just by selectively relating pertinent information about where i had been, what I had been up to etc....just not telling the whole truth.

Getting outside may prove to be a very liberating experience for your SO and open up lines of communication that were heretofore closed off and unavailable...

On a different note....I have known and chatted with CD's who went out into the world and discovered very quickly that this wasn't the place for them afterall...and there are many on this forum who will quickly tell you they are perfectly happy remaining inside....and this is exactly why I stated in the beginning that no one opinion or point of view is correct...as each of us and our situation is unique unto us.

I wish you both the best of luck. and sorry for the long winded reply.

[slamddoger]

just go out and dont act saker and you will be ok out there