Parallel lives and fantsies

[Kate T]

OK so this has probably been brought up before but I will see if anyone is interested.

Many of us in response to various topics regarding living full time / being born as a woman reply "if only" (or along similar lines). And yet the trials, pain, loss and suffering that seem to be involved in transition (from what I have read in TS forums and blogs)are not insignificant.

Now I know that many of these questions are more along the lines of "fantasy" i.e. if a pill could make you a woman for a day etc. yet the principle purpose of fantasy is to explore emotions and motivations in an exaggerated framework that suspends reality thus allowing the focus to be on the emotions, prejudices, and motivations.

However once analysed in this "fantasy" setting we must then bring the lessons learned back to "reality" otherwise the fantasy becomes meaningless.

Whilst we all have elements of our identity that are likely genetic or "inherent" much of what makes us ourselves is how we have grown and lived, our past experiences. IF you were born female (or male for FTM TG's) or IF you DID live full time as female (again or male for FTM) do you think you would be the same person? Would you be a better person or a worse person, or just a different person? And most importantly, could you still love yourself and others?

When dressed I will look at myself and someimes wish that I had real breasts to fill out that dress or that my face looked more naturally feminine and less like a painted on face. Then however I really enjoy my male life. My achievements, my beautiful wife and gorgeous children, my friendships and professional relationships. ALL of these would be different were I born female or transitioned to female. Would I REALLY want an alternate/parrallel life with me as female. My answer after careful consideration is NO. The price, even the theoretical / potential price, I would pay is too big. I am what I am and that is at least in part due to the decisions I have made, decisions that I must own up to and face the consequences for. I am happy with my life.

I have just ranted a bit and I apologise. If anyone reads this then I hope they too are happy with their life, and if they aren't then I would say to them you have the power to make the decisions to make yourself and others happy. All you need is to be willing to face the consequences of those decisions.

Adina

[ReineD]

I'm fascinated by your question, and since I'm not TG, if you don't mind I'll paint a scenario that does fit my circumstances and that also will hopefully answer your question.

I have three boys. I love them more than my own life. But, if I had never married their father, if by some twist of fate I had married someone else, I would have had entirely different children. I would not miss the children that I have now under these circumstances, since I never would have known their existence. I expect I would be just as happy, and would love my fictitious children just as much as I love my children now.

[Persephone]

You pose a fascinating, even if largely cerebral, question, Adina.

And Reine offers a good reply.

But there might be some ways to at least explore/consider the alternatives and maybe get some ideas of what your life might have been like. Do a bio of your likely womanself.

Consider the probabilities. For example, if you married your high school sweetheart, it is fairly likely that your womanself would have done the same thing. So think of your high school buddies. They would be the most likely pool of her available mates. Which one would she have married?

Where did that person go? What did he become? Does he have kids? Has he gotten a divorce? You might have been his wife/ex-wife.

Do you have sisters? Did they marry their high school sweethearts? Did they go to college? How many children do they have? What were their lives like?

If you play the odds and write down her (your) biography you may have a reasonable idea of what might have been her (your) fate.

It can become a very interesting exercise.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Kate Simmons]

We make our own reality Hon, any fantasies noewithstanding. Sometimes the only real difference between fantasy and reality is what we choose to believe.:)

[Karren H]

I have a hard enough time making this life work well let alone even think about a parrallel one.. And yeah things could be different or better but I al so happy with my life right now that I wouldn't jump ships... Or change teams...

[Tina B.]

Now I know that many of these questions are more along the lines of "fantasy.Yet the principle purpose of fantasy is to explore emotions and motivations in an exaggerated framework that suspends reality thus allowing the focus to be on the emotions, prejudices, and motivations. -Adina
Geese, I just thought fantasy was just for fun!I belive I would have been happy being born in either gender, but just one or the other, would have been nice. I've had a happy life, but it could have been just as happy if it where female, as I make the best of what I've got, and I'm sure as a women I would have been the same about that, it's just the way I am.
Tina B.

[BlondeFarrah]

Adina: thank you for your post. You have really read my mind.

When I'm dressed, I switch my “female side” on and enjoy it a lot. Im very fortunate having a wife who helps me and enjoys it at my side. Dressing up is one of our main ways of getting fun and fantasy in our sex life.

If you ask me the same question you asked yourself (would you REALLY want an alternate life as female? ) my answer will be , as you said, NO.
I’ m very happy with my wife, with children, with my home life. And I canit ignore that my “female side” is a fantasy. A fantasy which is rooted in our basic concept of a happy engagement: The feminine power of Sex

I’m sure that living this fantasy of being a woman makes me a better and happier man, a better husband, a better father. This works for us

[joandher]

Adina IF you were a female what would your reaction be IF you found out you married a cross dresser ????

Hugs J-JAY

[Kate T]

Adina IF you were a female what would your reaction be IF you found out you married a cross dresser ????

Hugs J-JAY

A very simple question yet like many simple questions a considered answer is quite complex.
This is a question I asked myself originally when telling my wife and also fairly constantly reask myself i.e. What is my wife feeling / how would I feel if I were in her position.

OK The short version. I don't KNOW!!!:doh:

I have considered this carefully. The principal problem I have with knowing how I would react is that I have no experience of growing up as a female and the expectations, hopes and dreams that one would grow up with as female.

I do know that my wife and I are fairly similar in character and beliefs. Consequently I would imagine that my reaction would likely have been similar to hers. That would be I would want to know the answers to the big 3 questions (Are you Gay? Do you want to be a woman? Do you still love me? BTW answers No, No, Yes in that order). I would expect that I would then cry a bit then work out how it fits with my life and family.

I have a feeling of emptiness when my wife is away for work etc. and I know she feels something similar. I have often wondered if my revealing a truer gender expression to my wife would change the way she sees me however I don't think it has. The other day she commented that she is not sure if I would pass as female as she now just sees me even when I'm dressed. I actually like this because to me this is a reassurance that irrespective of my gender she still sees me and that is who she loves. And that is all I care about.

I haven't really answered your question, sorry. The best I can do is say I HOPE that I could be as loving and accepting as my wife.

[LeaP]

IF you were born female (or male for FTM TG's) or IF you DID live full time as female (again or male for FTM) do you think you would be the same person? Would you be a better person or a worse person, or just a different person? And most importantly, could you still love yourself and others?
Adina

A (if I had been born female) - I would not be the same person. The basic issue here is the combination of testosterone and social conditioning.

B (if I lived FT as female now) - I have a difficult time seeing how I would change, inside, despite the change in externals. I would like to think I'd be less driven, conflicted, even less depressed sometimes, but as these result, again, from male hormones and conditioning and, moreover, proceed from things beyond gender identity roots, I don't see basic personality traits changing except at the margins. That would require HRT.

Your last question about love is the most interesting. I'm profoundly introverted. I do love people, but virtually never express it. The one thing I would see changing with living en femme FT would be greater freedom of emotional expression.

Lea

[Frédérique]

If anyone reads this then I hope they too are happy with their life, and if they aren't then I would say to them you have the power to make the decisions to make yourself and others happy. All you need is to be willing to face the consequences of those decisions.

There’s no sense speculating about other lives or other eventualities – better to make use of this life, see it as an opportunity, hedge all bets and try to make the best of things under difficult circumstances. I was born a male, and I accept that I am a male, so let’s get on with it. Of course, I can BE a male according to my own personal definition, meaning being less male than those I observe on a daily basis. Less is more in this regard, and it is a choice I’ve made, specifically to make myself happy – I can only make others happy when I am pleased with my own gender incorporation, and, it follows, I have accepted the consequences of my unusual decision. It seems correct to me, indeed I have made it so, and that’s all that matters in the long run. BTW, yes, I’m happy with my life…


I would be just as happy, and would love my fictitious children just as much as I love my children now.

Since I never married and never participated in the creation of children, all of my offspring are fictitious (and well-behaved!)…;)