What to do?

[Kathy4ever]

Let me start with my wife was going off on me about getting a hair cut yesterday. She even says a real man hair cut.
Fast forward to the evening and she she is telling me about a visit to the poconos for a friday and saturday in a few weeks. She tells me i should get the time off for this. She then says you can stay home but you have to get a hair cut. Says it again a real man hair cut.

Choice 1- go and I can keep my hair- but probabale still here the nagging
2. Stay home and have to cut my hair.

I'm leaning towards 1. I think she is getting into one of her moods about this behavior. I knew it would not last.

[Lady_Chaos]

One. It's your hair not hers. Try to mute her ...lol :P

I'm not married but you could suggest something she does not want to do and nag that to her (only side effect is if she does it ... then your screwed...)

[Wendy_Marie]

One. It's your hair not hers. Try to mute her ...lol :P

I'm not married but you could suggest something she does not want to do and nag that to her (only side effect is if she does it ... then your screwed...)

Lady_Chaos,
As you stated you are not married and don't seem to understand how this dynamic works...Lol

I hear Garth from the movie Wayne's World quote in my head...."Alright, Just a trim...Don't Buzz Me!"

[Raychel]

Being married myself. sometimes you just have to give, Just get a hair cut and a nice wig.

[Karren H]

Definately I'd cut my air and buy a new wig to celebrate the weekend!! And a new dress!

[CutieJulie]

Get your hair cut like this real man :http://cache.blippitt.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/fabio.gif

[Tina B.]

Sorry girls, but my wife can tell me how to wear my hair, when I get to tell her how to wear hers. until then, it's mine, and she ain't my mother!
Tina B.

[Samantha B L]

I agree with Raychel and Karen. You can always cut your hair and do wigs. I share an apartment with my sister,nephew and my 90 year old mom who sometimes needles me about "going to a barber shop by golly" so I can look like a "regular fella".

[xcdmargo]

Long hair is a perfectly acceptable way for men to wear their hair. In many industries it's the norm, like academia, communications, entertainment, athletic and many creative businesses. it's just not that big a deal anymore. I choose to wear mine long and I'm 59, I've had it long for years. What does "Getting a real man haircut" really mean? Is she into buzz cuts? I don't tell my wife how to wear her hair and she doesn't tell me. A person has to have the ability and flexibility to set their own style and look, it's a basic human right.
And besides I'm keepin my hair long as long as I'm able to. Lord knows the day will come when I start going bald and I have to wear a wig

margo

[Diane Elizabeth]

I am also 59 and married. For the first 55 yrs I did as my parents said when I needed a haircut. And spent most of my adult life in the military meeting their requirements. Did the same out of habit after I left the military. Then about 4 yrs ago I said I had enough. No more wigs. No more haircuts unless I want one. I was hounded by SO, mother and so called friends for about a year. Even was harrassed by my co workers (they called it teasing) before I told the boss (who was part of it) to make them stop. I finally have peace about 98% of the time about the hair issue. I also told the SO that I don't tell her how long or short to wear her hair so she shouldn't tell me about mine.

[Cynthia Anne]

A couple of months ago I went from 19inch to a buzz for chairity! A wig works wonders! If I can do it anyone can! Hugs!

[suzy1]

I never let my wife dictate to me what to do.
I am divorced now. Funny that?


SUZY

[Marie-Elise]

Sorry girls, but my wife can tell me how to wear my hair, when I get to tell her how to wear hers. until then, it's mine, and she ain't my mother!
Tina B.

Hear, hear! Since we've been dating, my wife has never agreed to do her hair in the way I want her to. So, it kind of freaked her out when, after being married five years, I shaved my head without telling her I was going to. There was much wringing of hands and gnashing of teeth. But, 4 years later, I still have a shaved head. If she continues to bother you about your hair, refer to her as Nagatha Christy.

[linda allen]

Sorry girls, but my wife can tell me how to wear my hair, when I get to tell her how to wear hers. until then, it's mine, and she ain't my mother!
Tina B.
I tell my wife how to wear her hair and that's how she wears it. Actually, I tell her how I like it and she wears it that way because she cares about me. If she told me I would look better in a different hairstyle, I would most likely do what she asked. Unless she asked me to shave my head.

[kimdl93]

its your hair. Wear it the style and length you prefer.

[abigailf]

Sorry girls, but my wife can tell me how to wear my hair, when I get to tell her how to wear hers. until then, it's mine, and she ain't my mother!
Tina B.

I am with Tina. My hair is mine and I don't cut it for nobody; not the wife, mother or kids.

[bomba]

i find it much easyer to just do what ever my wife tells me to do.i guess you could say she wears the pants in the family

[TGMarla]

Grow a pair, bro.

It's your hair. Any true relationship involves two people, and the only way to allow love to grow is to let go of that person and allow them to be themselves. You wouldn't tell your wife that she had to put curls in her hair, like a "real women's hairdo". Once in a while, you need to put your foot down. Tell her that if she wants to change you so much, why did she choose you for a partner in the first place? This is part of what makes you the person she chose to marry.

[PretzelGirl]

Amen Marla. One part of marriage is accepting the person for who they are and who they become over the course of a life. Yes, there is some give and take, but one partner should not try and change the other. We all have to grow and become the person we want to be. Strangely enough, this is a place where we should understand that the most.

And if nagging becomes incessant, it is time for a chat. Couples shouldn't badger each other, they should talk things out.

[DonnaT]

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/600123-troy-polamalu-clay-mathews-and-the-best-long-haired-athletes

Or you could go with a mullet.

[Karren H]

I never let my wife dictate to me what to do.
I am divorced now. Funny that?


SUZY

Got to be some correlation there? Lol.

[BillieJoEllen]

Just yesterday my wife asked me why my hair was so long and then under her breath she said "you look like a woman". Very sarcastic. Its not real, real long but longer than most men wear theirs today. She knows I'm a CDer but doesn't know how frequently I do it.

[jennCD]

Wear your hair as you see fit. Mine has been long since I was a teenager...

:)
jenn

[Stephanie47]

Before posting I read some of your prior postings. It would appear there may be issues other than wearing your hair long. You characterized yourself as appearing very en femme when picking up an order at a Wal-Mart. There does not appear to be any mutual boundaries negotiated with your spouse. If there are no boundaries or if boundaries have been established, but, the boundaries are encroached upon by one party to the negotiations, then there is probably going to be disharmony in the relationship. Just letting your hair grow out is one thing. Styling it into a feminine manner is another issue. Wearing medium size hoop earrings is another issue. Wearing feminine clothing in public is another. Painting fingernails and toenails in public is another. It may be adding another issue without negotiations and setting boundaries is causing your spouse to rethink her position.

I am a very happy in home dresser. My wife knows, but, does not approve and makes no comments. If I were to unilaterally decided to surprise her with my June Cleaver 1950's look, including wig, makeup and heels, I think there would be a serious disturbance in the universe. Likewise, if she told me to toss all my feminine clothing away, there would also be a disturbance in the harmony of the home. Marriage is a negotiation between two people, otherwise, I think it would be a master and slave relationship.

[Kathy4ever]

I would agree I have been pushing the boundaries more and more. Her boundaries would be that I don't do it at all. It seemed to me she was okay with it My hair has always been an issue at times. I usually wear in a fade cut. One time a long time ago I got a my hair permed. She freaked out on me and we never visited that hairdresser again.He was a hair dresser she had always used up to that point. For a open type person about many things this one thing she seems to closed minded about.

Before posting I read some of your prior postings. It would appear there may be issues other than wearing your hair long. You characterized yourself as appearing very en femme when picking up an order at a Wal-Mart. There does not appear to be any mutual boundaries negotiated with your spouse. If there are no boundaries or if boundaries have been established, but, the boundaries are encroached upon by one party to the negotiations, then there is probably going to be disharmony in the relationship. Just letting your hair grow out is one thing. Styling it into a feminine manner is another issue. Wearing medium size hoop earrings is another issue. Wearing feminine clothing in public is another. Painting fingernails and toenails in public is another. It may be adding another issue without negotiations and setting boundaries is causing your spouse to rethink her position.

I am a very happy in home dresser. My wife knows, but, does not approve and makes no comments. If I were to unilaterally decided to surprise her with my June Cleaver 1950's look, including wig, makeup and heels, I think there would be a serious disturbance in the universe. Likewise, if she told me to toss all my feminine clothing away, there would also be a disturbance in the harmony of the home. Marriage is a negotiation between two people, otherwise, I think it would be a master and slave relationship.

I would agree that there should be some give and take. In my opion I give, give, give till I'm blue in the face. I think she does not see it that way. I can ignore the nagging part of it at times. I just get tired of trying to the person I'm not.
Amen Marla. One part of marriage is accepting the person for who they are and who they become over the course of a life. Yes, there is some give and take, but one partner should not try and change the other. We all have to grow and become the person we want to be. Strangely enough, this is a place where we should understand that the most.

And if nagging becomes incessant, it is time for a chat. Couples shouldn't badger each other, they should talk things out.

I would do this if this was an option. The wig would probabale end up in the trash. A few years ago I got a medium length red hair wig and wore it for halloween. I had it stored on a shelve in my dressing room. Guess what, it disappeared one day about 2 months later. This was at the beginning of when she found out. I did not say a word so as too keep the piece. I did throw some things of her away to get even. The shame of it I feel bad I did it, but one has to stay even in a relationship. To me I had stooped her level, which seems childish. I thought we were grown ups but she was acting childish. I have had cloths dissapear also. Not sure what she is trying to accomplish. I guess she likes to waste our money. A few times I just went and bought another one or found it and taken it out of the trash. She seemed to mature and things stopped dissapearing. She has found my make up and it did not dissapear.
Being married myself. sometimes you just have to give, Just get a hair cut and a nice wig.

Thank you all for the advise. At this time I did choose 1 which I will go away with the family. I will continue to wear my hair the way I like. As some have posted I do not tell her how to wear her hair. I married a medium length blonde woman. She came home one day with what I would call a "Bobcut "shorter hair cut. it looks nice but that is not what I married if I used her thinking. She never mentioned what she was thinking of doing or asking my opion.

[suzy1]

I can only go by what you have said here Kathy.
But it sounds to me like you are cross because she is not being fair or reasonable.
She is not willing to see your point.
Welcome to the real world! Many people are like that and you are not going to change them. [I was married to one]
You are probably just hitting you head against a brick wall here.
No, I am not being pessimistic, I am just being realistic.
But I hope I am wrong and it works out for you.

All the best, SUZY

[StarrOfDelite]

As the former partner of three of same, I can assure you all the Wives Are Highly Over-Rated.

[3bugs]

Do you want to remain married? Do you want your marriage to be a happy one? If so, at least consider her wishes regarding your everyday hair style. I didn't quite understand the options she gave you regarding the vacation, those seemed a little odd and unrelated? The vacation is a punishment for not cutting your hair?

My husband prefers my hair long. I cut shoulder length once, and he was "upset".

[Anna Bee]

I know it's "cheaper to keep her", but it sounds like she only loves half of you. My dressing was the final nail in the coffin of an unhappy marriage that I could have saved. But, I'm free to be me now. I can't fathom the thought of not being able to feel comfortable being me in my own home. Life is too short and I work too hard to not be happy. Tell her to f*ck off.

"Take me as I am or let me go"

[*Vanessa*]

yup - it is yours Kathy and I hear what your saying. Personally I would do the first option give only those two choices.

About a year ago I was in need of a hair cut. My SO started hassling me about it so I got my back up and ignored her. She got louder and louder about it so I told he, if she didn't stop nagging me I would add 8" of growth to it before I got it cut. She didn't believe me until I made good on my ultimatum. I let it grow 'til it was past 8" over the collar.. Then I cut it... lol
My SO is ex-military she like her man straight and clean cut. Funny she doesn't say anything about the shaved bod.. :D

[CynthiaD]

I used to have long hair about halfway down my back. My wife used to gripe about it all the time. So one day I went to the beauty parlor and had it all cut off. No big deal, it's just hair. By now most of it has fallen out anyway. A wig is a small price to pay for peace of mind.

[Sophie86]

Let me start with my wife was going off on me about getting a hair cut yesterday. She even says a real man hair cut.
Fast forward to the evening and she she is telling me about a visit to the poconos for a friday and saturday in a few weeks. She tells me i should get the time off for this. She then says you can stay home but you have to get a hair cut. Says it again a real man hair cut.

Choice 1- go and I can keep my hair- but probabale still here the nagging
2. Stay home and have to cut my hair.

I'm leaning towards 1. I think she is getting into one of her moods about this behavior. I knew it would not last.

There's also: 3. Tell her it's your hair, and you intend to wear it the way you like it, so she might as well save her breath.

[t-girlxsophie]

Your Wifes "telling" you how to cut your hair,what age are you 12

Sophie

[ReineD]

Before posting I read some of your prior postings. It would appear there may be issues other than wearing your hair long. You characterized yourself as appearing very en femme when picking up an order at a Wal-Mart. There does not appear to be any mutual boundaries negotiated with your spouse. If there are no boundaries or if boundaries have been established, but, the boundaries are encroached upon by one party to the negotiations, then there is probably going to be disharmony in the relationship. Just letting your hair grow out is one thing. Styling it into a feminine manner is another issue. Wearing medium size hoop earrings is another issue. Wearing feminine clothing in public is another. Painting fingernails and toenails in public is another. It may be adding another issue without negotiations and setting boundaries is causing your spouse to rethink her position.


I would agree I have been pushing the boundaries more and more. One time a long time ago I got a my hair permed. She freaked out on me and we never visited that hairdresser again.He was a hair dresser she had always used up to that point. For a open type person about many things this one thing she seems to closed minded about.



A few years ago I got a medium length red hair wig and wore it for halloween. I had it stored on a shelve in my dressing room. Guess what, it disappeared one day about 2 months later. This was at the beginning of when she found out. I did not say a word so as too keep the piece. I did throw some things of her away to get even. The shame of it I feel bad I did it, but one has to stay even in a relationship. To me I had stooped her level, which seems childish. I thought we were grown ups but she was acting childish. I have had cloths dissapear also. Not sure what she is trying to accomplish. I guess she likes to waste our money. A few times I just went and bought another one or found it and taken it out of the trash. She seemed to mature and things stopped dissapearing. She has found my make up and it did not dissapear.

I'm quoting Stephanie again since she highlights important background. And reading your comments above, my first impression is that you and your wife aren't talking about the real issues. It seems as if you both think it is just about the hair, or the wig, or the clothes. If she doesn't like something that you own, she throws it out, and you do the same to her. It's as if you're both living side by side but not together, each doing your own thing in spite of the other .... where's the communication? :strugglin

A relationship isn't about "staying even" as you put it, two people on either side of an equation who don't budge. It is about a flexible give and take.

Does anyone ever talk about the gender aspect of all this? The issue here is, you need to present as a woman and I gather from your posts that you would like to do this full time. Your wife, however, does not appear to be OK with living with another woman, or a man who presents as a woman. You both need to balance this somehow if you have any desire to resolve your marital issues.

I couldn't begin to suggest what balance you might reach since I know nothing about your lives, but often with new GGs we suggest negotiating mutually acceptable times and places for you to dress. But, you would need to want to reach a compromise with your wife and stick to it, rather than build resentment because you feel that you can't dress full time.

If nothing will make you happy short of dressing full time at home and in your community, then I don't know what to suggest. Perhaps a marital counselor. Or a gender therapist.



As some have posted I do not tell her how to wear her hair. I married a medium length blonde woman. She came home one day with what I would call a "Bobcut "shorter hair cut. it looks nice but that is not what I married if I used her thinking. She never mentioned what she was thinking of doing or asking my opion.

You began this thread with the haircut issue, so most people here responded strictly about the hair, without considering anything else. If it was just about the hair, they'd have a point. But this is much, much deeper than just a haircut.

And your wife getting a haircut is not at all the same. She is not wanting to present as a man. When people look at her (I assume) they see a woman with short hair. I know that to a CDer it is not fair that women have more flexibility with styles in our society. But, it is what it is and this is not your wife's fault.

I'm getting the impression that you are looking for validation from members here, to avoid looking at the issue head on with your wife and ultimately the person who gets hurt the most is YOU. You've got to tell your wife what is going on with all of this. What are your goals. How do you see yourself. Also, talk to her about HER feelings of being married to a man who wishes to present as a woman. Then both of you need to make some solid decisions about how you will proceed in the future.

If you don't do this, you're dooming yourselves to continually butt heads without ever resolving anything, and issues will continue to arise.

Good luck!