Ever Felt Foolish after telling someone?

[AKAMichelle]

I told another neighbor yesterday and she was shocked like so many others. She had no idea, but there was the proof. I had brought a picture to show here and she couldn't believe it. I gave her the back story about how it started and everything.

But after telling I ended feeling foolish. I really started questioning why I go out dressed? I have told a lot of people but never felt that way afterwards. Now I am confused by those feelings and unsure what to think.

[Nikki A.]

We all go through the ups and downs and I think that is normal. Unless you're TS and knowing that you will transition, there will be times when you question why do I go through all this double life and is it worth it.
It's not easy and you have to decide what is right for you, although I think it would be real tough to give it up. My last child just headed back to college on Sunday after being home all summer (& crimping my dressing plans). First thing I did was paint my nails (hand and toes) for the remainder of the holiday weekend to at least let Nikki out for abit.

[danielletorresani]

I once told a girl I was going to marry thinking we shouldn't have any secrets between us. I was much younger and way more naive back then. Not saying keeping secrets is a good thing, but I've since learned that SO's don't necessarily need to know EVERYTHING about you. Anyway, the girl ended up dumping me within the month. Wasn't just because of the crossdressing, but still, I felt pretty damn foolish.

For me, telling someone about that side of me is a VERY big thing. I'd consider and analyze a decision like that for a long time before actually doing it. Of course, I am much more closeted than many here, so this probably doesn't apply to everyone.

[Kaz]

I don't tell anyone. I really admire you and your approach, but what scares the hell out of me is non-acceptance. I will be blown away at the first hurdle, never to return.. and it will kill me. But I love to learn from all you who are braver than me..

[kimdl93]

I suppose all of us have second thoughts about coming out to anyone - from time to time. Its normal - we all have doubts, particularly if its uncertain how things may play out in the future.

A few weeks back I came out to one of my adult step-daughters. It was somewhat impulsive, and I had second thoughts for a few days, but now we're both comfortable with each other. Honestly, it was a much bigger deal to me than to her. A few months before that my wife "outed" me to a neighbor lady. She already knew, having seen me dressed as we chatted through the back fence a few times, but never on the same side of the fence. I was a bit shocked, but she was fine with it too.

[Persephone]

I've spent a lifetime keeping secrets and it isn't easy for me to decide to tell others about my crossdressing. Doing so is something I consider carefully. And, of course, I would suggest that everyone do the same.

But in the past few years I've been out and about and it would be unfair of me to let my friends discover my crossdressing "the hard way" by hearing about it from others or by encountering me somewhere.

So over the past few months my spouse and I have told a great many of our closest friends. Deciding to do so hasn't been easy, particularly with friends whom we thought would be unlikely to accept it. But in reality each of the conversations has been easier than I ever would have imagined.

First of all, they all said that they'd basically figured it out years ago, mostly because of my long hair and my long manicured nails. In general the only surprise was not that I crossdress but that I was "out and about."

And every single conversation so far has ended the same way, with the other people smiling reassuringly and saying, "We're still friends."

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Emily Ann Brown]

I haven't told my landlord...YET. And I have no intentions of telling WORK...I need my paycheck. Besides...if they know I was a woman the would cut my pay by 30%.

And I think my Ex told work by spreading it all over the church...one of our employees has family in the church.

Em

[BiancaEstrella]

Yes, but that was more to do with her reaction than anything. I valued her friendship but she immediately ended it. Oh well

[AKAMichelle]

I have told so many people that I have lost count. I guess I still remember how to count that high. Besides other cd'ers I have told probably 40 people.

I am still stunned that I felt foolish telling her but never anyone else. She never said anything that caused it. We even discussed briefly about going shopping out. She was fine with that. So did I feel foolish? I don't know.

[Annaliese]

So much of the time being brave and foolish go hand in hand, if we are not brave then we are going back ward and not living, so if being foolish sometime is the price for living then it a price well paid.

[wendy68]

I came out to my family and friends and was very lucky in that all accepted --well except for my ex wife --which divorced me 7 years later mostly due to non dressing issues. I recently got close to someone-agg and she after some time started asking me more about my life so i decided to share with her about the crossdressing as well. Well as this thread mentions yes i felt foolish afterwards but alittle good insude as well. She suddenly wouldnt talk to me or acknowlegde my presence. This on the surface was negative but in the long run considered it a good thing thinking if this was the shallowness that is really present then whats a friendship?

[LeaP]

I sympathize with the reaction and doubts. Accepting yourself is critical to psychological survival and another's rejection undercuts that acceptance and, as an extension, your self-worth. Subverting something tied to identity itself is what's behind suicidal thoughts - it's that serious. It's also very difficult to overcome social conditioning. I strongly believe, for example, that there is a biological explanation for transgender identity and that it actually is honest-to-God normal in the biological sense. That does't prevent me thinking that I'm "less than" at times, or that I'd be better off were I more "normal," especially when confronted with a reaction like you had from your neighbor. You extended yourself, were vulnerable, and got the hammer. It hurt. The doubts will come and go. The identity remains ...

[deebra]

You feel foolish because it's not normal or accepted by society for a man to dress in women's clothing, if it was you wouldn't feel foolish. Women are accepted when they crossdress in men's clothing, therefore they don't feel foolish because society accepts them to crossdress. It SUCKS doesn't it, double standard. Now this is one to think on; it didn't start that way, what did women do to get society to accept them crossdressing, maybe we could learn from them and do the same thing so we could CD, be accepted and not feel foolish. AND the answer is,: Let the public see us CD'ing more and they will start to accept and not be shocked, the more you see something the more it just becomes normal and "no-big-deal".

[Cynthia Anne]

When I was younger I felt foolish by telling a few times! But now if they can't tell by looking then they have a problem! Hugs!

[Kittyagain]

Just give it a day or so. If she is a true friend then it want matter, if she isn't, then it want matter.

Kitty

[AKAMichelle]

I sympathize with the reaction and doubts. Accepting yourself is critical to psychological survival and another's rejection undercuts that acceptance and, as an extension, your self-worth. Subverting something tied to identity itself is what's behind suicidal thoughts - it's that serious. It's also very difficult to overcome social conditioning. I strongly believe, for example, that there is a biological explanation for transgender identity and that it actually is honest-to-God normal in the biological sense. That does't prevent me thinking that I'm "less than" at times, or that I'd be better off were I more "normal," especially when confronted with a reaction like you had from your neighbor. You extended yourself, were vulnerable, and got the hammer. It hurt. The doubts will come and go. The identity remains ...

That is the odd part of my feeling foolish. The neighbor did accept and had no trouble with me. I didn't get a negative response. My feelings were just in my head.

[Kittyagain]

Michelle, I wonder if you felt foolish for another reason than what would seem obvious? There would be a fine line between feeling bad because you wanted her to know out of honesty and feeling foolish because you really didn't have to tell because you are accepted as Michelle already.

No matter, the morning will bring a new day with a better neighbor.

Kitty

[CynthiaD]

This has happened to me a few times. I start feeling like a complete idiot and I think to myself "Why did I tell him/her that? That's so stupid! I'm not a crossdresser! Where did I ever get that idea?"

Then after a while I start thinking "I wonder why I'm wearing this dress ... And these high heels ... And these stockings ... And this wig ... Arghhhhh!"

You're right. It's totally crazy. I find that a hug helps.

Here's a big hug for you.

[AllieSF]

I like Kitty's response. I think that maybe in your drive to be you, you may be in overdrive to do everything femme and as Michelle, and to let others know of your accomplishments, when maybe all of that is not really needed. Go at a slower speed and enjoy all this. You definitely do not need to push yourself to new limits to be Michelle. The rushing and overdrive may be too much for your emotions. My 2 cents worth. Good luck.

[Sara Jessica]

Yeah, this has happened to me.

A couple years ago, there was this makeup SA who worked a counter near my home. Whenever I needed something from her line and I had no outing in sight, I'd always buy from her. I made an assumption, that she surely had to perceive me as being TG. After all, what "guy" gravitates towards women's skincare, buys makeup or goes ga-ga over the gift-with-purchase offers??? Then on top of this, the store's hosiery department was right in front of what appeared to be a "secret" entrance into the employee breakroom, timeclock or something. So after she had passed through that area on more than one occasion seeing me shopping for such feminine things, I decided to come clean to her. And ya know what happened?

She L(her)FAO!!!

OK, maybe it was more of an uncomfortable laugh, maybe a bit incredulous, but a laugh nonetheless.

But I guess I had the last laugh, I have not bought a single thing from her since.

[docrobbysherry]

I've told only one person. And, I was SEVERELY PUNISHED for that oversite!

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

As if I would tell everyone. Like I treasure my privacy and do not tell everyone what I do in private. Sorry, I doubt if I could casually say, "Oh by the way, I am a crossdresser" I feel foolish even contemplating the thought of telling everyone, but heck we are all individuals too, some of us are ok with the idea and some of us are not.

[desa ray]

I have had the same feeling before. years ago (in a different life lol ) I came out at work, everyone seemed to be supportive but later I found out that everyone was making fun of me behind my back. I was so hurt I couldn't go back. that was then though and now I am more selective about who meets Desa.
Desa.

[t-girlxsophie]

Anytime I've told anyone about my Dressing I have weighed up the Pro's and Cons before telling them,and Luckily for me,I have never recieved any negative feedback,of course theres different levels of Acceptance.Am sure the ones in my work that found out by accident,a cpl may have a wee chuckle about me,but personally speaking im not bothered,at least there leaving someone else alone.At this time I think I've told as many as I feel I need to

Sophie

[LeaP]

Yeah, this has happened to me.

A couple years ago, there was this makeup SA who worked a counter near my home ... I made an assumption, that she surely had to perceive me as being TG.

Most salespeople would never make the connection. My wife had a substantial Mary Kay business at one point (pink Cadillac and all). An enormous amount of business came from men, particularly for holiday and birthday presents. In fact, she marketed actively to them.

Lea

[linda allen]

I think that before you tell anyone, you should be pretty sure you want this "out there" in the public. You have no control over who the person you've told tells your story to. Tell one person and you might as well tell the world.

[Danni Renee]

Michelle,
I wonder what your relationship with your neighbor is like. Is she someone you admire or who's opinion you trust? I think the answer to why you feel foolish with her instead of when you have came out to others probably has something to do with the relationship between you and neighbor. Maybe you feel foolish because you do not know her that well and now wonder why you felt the need to tell her.

Danni

[*Vanessa*]

Are you kidding me? lol
I am petrified of be outed and rejected, even here in this form. I also know through experience that being excepted is like been handed a bunch of scented roses. After 27 years of a 'not so bad' marriage with a totally excepting and supportive bio-polar wife, I find it crippling to move forward on my own. So much pain. I want so much for support here but still I am guarded, if found out I would literally be on the streets begging. Rebuilding a life at any age is tough, at mine, next to impossible. Sorry if I'm getting off track here, I will stop. :)

[AKAMichelle]

I couldn't put my finger on why I felt foolish until last night. The reason is that I had to tell her. It was very disgusting that I couldn't just be me without having to explain things to people, but that is the way it is. People wouldn't understand or accept without an explanation.

[kimdl93]

This seems tangential, but I think its related. Over the past month, I've picked up or dropped of dry cleaning en femme a couple of times. Needless to say the man and woman who operate the cleaners recognized me immediately, as I expected. Both were very curious about why I did this...almost the same questions you'd expect from an SO...and the same answers. While they certainly weren't owed and explanation, I felt that being able to offer some explanation I helped them accept me more completely. And regardless of how I'm dressed when I'm in their shop, they continue to treat me with courtesy and friendliness.

[Frédérique]

But after telling I ended feeling foolish. I really started questioning why I go out dressed? I have told a lot of people but never felt that way afterwards. Now I am confused by those feelings and unsure what to think.

The problem is, there’s no way to explain why a male would want to do such a thing – it’s safe to say that the majority of outsiders or non-believers cannot grasp such an idea, since it disrupts their conception of a gender-separated world. I’ve told exactly three people (all females) that I’m a MtF crossdresser, and their reactions were predictable. The first person, my ex-girlfriend, was bemused but uncomfortable about my disclosure – she eventually told others (out of spite), and they all censured me. Needless to say, I felt foolish for telling her my secret. The second person, a female friend, was fascinated by my clandestine crossdressing, but I felt foolish (and diminished) for telling her about it. I told my sister last year, and she is supportive in a silent way, but I know she’s a bit uncomfortable about what her brother is doing. I’m glad I told her, so that she would know, but in many ways I wish I had NOT told her. Too late now...
:sad:

I don’t feel foolish at all about my crossdressing, or crossdressing in general, but I do feel foolish about revealing secrets to people who cannot appreciate them. This is the kind of thing one would tell a very close friend, someone you love and trust, and not a casual acquaintance. Of course, I WANT to tell people I crossdress, because I think it’s a very rare, interesting, and beautiful thing for a male to do, especially during the trying, gender-specific times we’re living in. I’ve confused myself on many occasions by not being true to my “self” and keeping my secrets a secret, but I think we’re all looking for support, reassurance, or a gentle hug of acceptance. That’s why I’m here, trying to find kindred spirits who need a hug. I need one, too…
:straightface:

[kristinacd55]

So far, I feel that way with my daughters. Same thing and no real followup so far. I've had a little discussion with my younger daughter, but nothing with my older one. They're 25 and 20 and I blame myself for not being more outgoing to discuss it.