feeling at the end of my rope.

[tanyalynn51]

I shared this on another part of the forum, and the moderator suggested i put it out here, so here it is (It isnt the exact entry, but close enough). I havent been on here for 5 months or so. When last I was on here, I was beginning to have some of the problems that I am now, but not nearly as many.
Back then, I was seeing a therapist, and although I had been taken off of HRT due to other physical reasons, there was hope for it, or other possibilities. My biggest problem was that I was working at a Religious homeless shelter. It is the field I want to be in, my calling. But, this is a very conservative place. I definitely cant openly transition while Im there. For reasons I dont remember right now, I dropped out of therapy. But, here is where the worst part comes in. My therapist was having trouble billing my insurance, so she called the HR department at my job to get it taken care of. She couldnt have revealed anything, or I would know and be in serious trouble. But, not only is she the only gender therapist that my insurance covers, she is the one I trusted. I seriously question that now, although on the other hand, I know she had to get paid, too. That ultimately wasnt her fault or mine- it was a screwup on the insurance's part. Now, Im down to only one friend who knows about me. I dont go out, because even in support groups, I may see transgendered people from the streets that I know. Im ready to chuck the whole thing and go back to security, where I made more money anyway. But, I would never be really happy, even if i could transition. There has to be a way to find someway to work with homeless people and transition. And, I need to figure out whether I can trust my old therapist or not, because, I dont know if I want to go through this again. Any ideas, anyone, on either count?

[Aprilrain]

Your therapist is required by law to keep the content of your discussions confidential and your job has no legal right to find out why your seeing a therapist or even what the diagnosis is even if they pay for the insurance. So I wouldn't worry about that unless you just didn't want your work to know you were seeing a therapist period. Lots of people see therapist, Trust me transgendered people are not even a drop in the medical bucket when it comes to therapy! I have no suggestions as to your employer except to seek other employment. I suppose you could go back to security transition there and then pursue your calling as a legal woman. just a thought.

[Eileen]

Tanyalynn keep exploring your options. You will find an answer that will allow you to do what you like and be yourself.

[Hope]

This is a relatively easy fix.

First - do the gig that pays your bills. God knows, you will have some bills in transition. If you can do the gig and transition in place - all the better.

Second - fulfill your calling either in a community that is less ... hateful? (Look for a UCC, Episcopal, or Universalist shelter) Consider working with a woman's shelter.

And don't do the non-profit thing as your gig. LOTS of people work a day job that pays the bills, and then spend a significant chunk of their free time working in a capacity that feeds their souls. You can too.

Third - about your therapist and support group issues. If you can't risk being outed in your local community - find a therapist and or support group in another community. I used to drive 2 hours, each way, to see my therapist - for a variety of reasons.

Eventually you will want to come out - you will HAVE to come out - but if you are not ready for that yet - then find ways to do the things you need to do, while you find ways to do the other things you need to do.