diff to see shaved chest and body

[CINDYO]

Hi everyone\
you have all been a great source of info on cding. I do realize that everyone has a diff level of crossdressing after reading all the replies. Thank you for that. some replies really gave me hope when i felll so much is a steak to be lost. It is really difficult to look at my husband the same way, i am trying. I know like you say, he is the same person i married but it is difficult to see a chest that has always been so masculine now shaved. and legs that i am so used to being his, now look like mine, shaved. I know that life is alway full of change but this is so difficult for me to get used to. I do not let him know how i feel, I know he now has to do this.
I often look at him secretly, sometimes even when he is sleeping and i just can not imagine him dressed like a lady, he is my husband and i only see him as a man. Perhaps it is too early for me to accept but i am trying. I only wish I had been informed of this 24 years ago so that i could have made an informed decision before i said "i do" thanks again, cindyo


thanks a
"

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Cindy, thank you for sharing this with us.

After 24 years it will be very strange to see all of these changes happening, I understand that you are holding back because you love him but you really should let him know how you feel.

Your love for your husband shines out of your every word, and you have already proved what an exceptional person you are by joining this site and trying to understand more.

We often tell the cross-dressers that communication with their wife is key, this must run both ways. If you are having a hard time with something, he deserves to know it so that he can take that into consideration. Now that he has shared this part of his life with you, you need to progress together at the right pace for both of you. That will only happen if he is listening to your feelings as well as you to his.

You will soon have your 10 posts outside of the introduction threads and will be able to join the other wives and SO's in the Female At Birth section. Hopefully, talking freely to them will help you to find renewed balance in your marriage.

[giuseppina]

Hello Cindy,

If you are uncomfortable with the pace of the changes, there is no shame in speaking up. This has to be a two way street with balance on both sides.

I'm sure the genetic ladies in the Female at Birth forum would be willing to provide some support. Unless I miss my guess, you have enough posts to qualify for admission.

[BRANDYJ]

Hello again Cindy. First, let me commend you for doing all you can to learn about this thing we call crossdressing. Secondly, your husband is a very lucky man to have the love you give to him. I am sure he appreciates you more then you know. After hiding this part of himself for so long, I can only imagine how hard it was for him to finally tell you. Most fear losing the one woman they love. As for me. I remember that fear when I told my then second wife before we married. It was the hardest and scariest thing I ever did. It was not easy for her at first. it has been so long ago (1974), that I don't remember how long it took her to trust the fact that I was not gay or wanted to transition. I honestly did not know much more about crossdressing then you do now. There was no INTERNET or readily available information for me to learn why I started dressing at age 9-10, or why I had the need to continue. To be frank, most of us don't really know why. We all have our theories and an idea how and why it started to begin with. After being widowed in 10 short years, I told my third wife either shortly before or shortly after we married. She always said it was after and I still think it was before. But she took the news as matter of fact and never had any issues with it. It had nothing to do with our divorceing 19 years later. In fact we had some wonderful times with my dressing over the years. Today am deeply in love wiht my SO that knew from day one since we met on-line at another alternate lifestyle site. She really enjoys my femiine side, yet mostly wants me as her man. I can't be happier about that. I like many if not most, like both sides of me...the masculine and the feminine. In fact, I honestly think it makes me a better man.
With love, communication, patience and honestly between you, your marriage can become closer then ever. But I am sure it will take you some time. As others have said before, he's the same man you married. He's just more open and honest with you and himself now. Good luck to you both.

[Debglam]

Hi Cindy.

Please let him know how you feel. I had been shaving my legs and then I shaved my armpits - no big deal right? Well this upset my wife and I would have had no idea if she hadn't told me. This stuff is tough for both of us but talking about it openly and honestly seems to work.

Good luck,
Debby

[Kate T]

CINDYO

PLEASE try and talk to your husband. It is possible your husband may be in the dreaded "pink fog" and pushing boundaries in much the same way as a child does. Trust me, we've all been there!!

To get this to work you will need to talk and compromise. NB: Your husband will ALSO need to do some compromising. It is not a one way street.
TriESS has a great little "bill of rights" that my wife and I find very helpful. You can find it here:
www.tri-ess.org/Wives_CDs_BofR.html
I think your reactions are fair and understandable especially at this early stage. The best thing to do is tell him how you feel and start talking.

[Marie-Elise]

From the original post, it sounds to me like maybe you want to consider letting him know what you are feeling. You may even want to touch on boundaries and where yours lie. By the way, if there is one thing I am sure of, it's that boundaries tend to expand. So, what may make you uncomfortable today may be perfectly fine tomorrow. Keep an open mind and be aware of what you are feeling. For him, he has to understand clearly and respect your boundaries. Basically, it's up to you to set the boundaries and up to him to respect them. But be aware that, unless you are willing to accept that your boundaries will change, it is not going to be fair to him. He must compromise by restraint of his urges and you must compromise by expansion of your boundaries. Both of you have to communicate.

[Cynthia Anne]

I think everyone agrees that talking is the best thing to do! A slower pace may be the best for you! I commend you for trying hard to understand! You may think you are the only one that's learning from the responses you receive! But I have already learned much from of how to be a better person by reading your post!:) For this I thank you!:) Wishing you another great 24 years with your husband! Hugs!:)

[allin]

I've have a great shaving experience. I shaved my whole body about six monthes ago. I have not had any hair grow back. Now, if that would only happen to my beard.

[Kate T]

I've have a great shaving experience. I shaved my whole body about six monthes ago. I have not had any hair grow back. Now, if that would only happen to my beard.

Probably not a particularly helpful comment for CINDYO. Please follow the thread before replying or start a new topic.

[darla_g]

I don't know Cindy you asked why he didn't tell you this 24 years ago, but maybe he couldn't have. Perhaps the feelings were latent but he never expressed the desire to dress. Perhaps this is something that developed in him during the time you were married? Would you have held these feelings against him?

More than talking to us about this you really need to be talking to him as other people have suggested.

[Karren H]

My wife is the same way except we've been married longer. And I feel that since you didn't know 24 years ago and you didn't sign up for this.... Then you have every right to dictate conditions and kick him to the curb if you don't like what's going on... Imho.

[PetiteDuality]

Dear, your husband is still your husband. He didn't start to crossdress when you knew, he already crossdressed and he was still your husband. You didn't see him different, because he was still himself.

And hair is just hair. Just notice athletes and models these days: they are hairless. And clothes are just clothes. If you love him, keep loving him.

However, I think you have the right to put your rules in place so you can also be comfortable, and I agree with Karren.

[Ameli]

Hi Cindy,

I'm sorry for your pain. I think that life is plenty complicated without the feelings and added complications that crossdressing brings to it. It is usually compounded because there are not many people who you can talk to about your feelings regarding the crossdressing as well. You're right, your husband has to do this and I admire your dedication to your husbands needs but you both have needs and you should be expressing yours - for both of your sakes. He needs to cd, but he also needs to be a happy relationship and that means that both sides cooperate and communicate. By the way you write, I can see that you will express your needs in the kindest possible way. Best of luck to you both. Let us know how it goes.

Ameli

[ashleymasters]

I can understand that type of feeling. I would suggest one of two things. If it's more important for you to reconcile the masculine persona with the feminine one maybe you could ask to see him dressed. Then you would have a distinct female image to attach these new feelings too. Or if you just want to see him reasserted as the "man" maybe you could ask him to help, maybe take on some "manly" tasks around the house. Or even be more aggressive during your intimate time. The most important thing is you obviously love him. Plenty of woman would have run screaming at the discovery of his little secret. You seem like a great wife. Good luck.

[JenniferR771]

Cindy, our situation is similar to your own (and others above). My wife found out after 24 years. Why didn't I tell her sooner? First, I thought cd would go away after I was married. Wrong; it kept cropping up. Never goes away. Years later, I thought I should tell her, but I floated a couple "trial balloons" ("Say, what if I dress as a woman for Halloween, wouldn't that be fun?") It became clear she was not the tolerant, open-minded type. Finally, when I thought we were in a good place, I got careless and let her catch me. It did NOT go well. Her psychologist suggested that I was like an alcoholic, weak, if I could not "control it". Now wife criticizes me constantly and often threatens to thow away my stash of girly clothes. She won't compromise, but she has learned to accept the idea very slowly. Now she is OK if I take a few girly pictures when she is gone, or if I go to support group once a month, (if I dress somewhere else out of our house). A few of my friends have supportive, even cooperative wives--they seem closer--and get along just fine.

[CynthiaD]

Cindyo:

I agree with others here that you have a right to set limits and slow the pace. You need to tell your husband exactly how you feel about things. It's likely that he is deeply worried about how you feel about things, and would welcome your input. Just don't let it become a shouting match.

It's important to remember that he still is a man. Try to look at this as something extra, not as a fundamental change in his nature.

Good luck to both of you.

CK

[Kaz]

CindyO, he is the same person, you have just found out something more about him... how can we possibly know everything about oursleves at some predetermined age? I have been thoriugh several different careers and discovered aspects of my personality and character that I had no idea about when I got married! We grow, we develop as people... or we should! And we discover things about ourselves that we never knew before... I embrace this. But some things can be shockers! Never ever think he is suddenly different from the guy you thought you knew. He may be different from the guy you hoped for, but that is a different thing. He is still the same person. Your perception has changed because of what you know now.

So you need to let him know what you are comfortable with and not... If you are still committed to him, give him some space, but insist on what you want. He will probably feel very good to have some boundaries set between the two of you.

[Meg East]

My wife and I have been married for about forty years. I came out to her just about twenty years ago. In the beginning things were rough to say the least. After working our way through our feelings I found my narcissism to be a part of our problem. Me telling my wife "accept this behavior" denied her any say in our marriage.

In this world, a twenty year plus relationship is a success story in it's own right. Someone above this mentioned a bill of rights from the Tri-ess organization, I would suggest printing it out and letting your spouse read it. Marriages survive because individuals are aware it isn't all about themselves.