the question out of left field

[AKAMichelle]

Since I haven't crossed that boundary and started transitioning yet, I don't have any of my own experiences. But I have talked with several others who do and here are some of the questions. They are benign to a GG, but a TS who has only recently started living they seem to come out of left field.

I thought if we listed these then it might help everyone prepare for the unexpected and not act like a deer in the headlights.

Here are the 2 that I have heard:

How old were you when you had your first period?
How many boyfriends have you had?
I know there are tons more which catch you off guard. So lets have them all. :D

[Wendy_Marie]

"Can this sickness be hypnotized out of you...?" I was blindsided by this one just a few days ago while on the phone with the Wife as i was on my way to Therapy.

[pamela_a]

I can't say I've run into any questions I've not been able to answer truthfully...although perhaps not as detailed as some might be looking for.

These are my easy answers for the first 2 questions:

How old was I when I had my first period? I never had one. I have condition called amenorrhea and I was born without ovaries and a uterus.

How many boyfriends? Who's assuming I'm not a lesbian?

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I wouldn't worry about it too much.
once you start living day to day, its kind of a constant thing..

there are a ton of left field questions and awkward moments...and going through them is part of the realization that transition and post transition life are nothing like what you think beforehand...its much more mundane..

[Melody Moore]

The one question that caught me a little off-guard happened when I was in hospital recovering from
a bad attack of Cholecystitis & my tummy was really bloated. I was sitting outside getting some fresh
air when a nurse came up & sat down next to me & asked me how long it was before my baby was due! :eek:

[Frances]

No one has ever asked me anything awkward, yet. But the reverse happens quite a lot.

I have had an intresting life and use to work in the music business, playing guitar for various musical groups and selling instruments for stores and musical instrument manufacturers. I have outed myself on a few occasions telling stories about gigs, using the wrong pronouns! I also got bit by a monkey once and I have a hard time telling that story without outing myself accidentally.

The worst is talking about high school. I went to the same high school as Dr. Brassard. It was a former seminary where boys went to become priests. By the time I was there, it had changed its vocation to a catholic private school for boys (no priesthood). They started allowing girls by my third year because attendance was too low and the school needed money. Telling people I went to an all-boy catholic private school sounds really strange for a girl! I always make sure to stress the point that girls were accepted in my time (skipping the first two years). Dr. B and I were there at the same time only one year.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

you make a good point frances ...i hadn't thought about it but it's more likely that you bring up your own awkward moment than anything..

my biggies are starting out sentences with ..."my ex wife and i" or talking about my soccer career and the guys that were on my team..

[Rianna Humble]

Since I haven't crossed that boundary and started transitioning yet, I don't have any of my own experiences. But I have talked with several others who do and here are some of the questions. They are benign to a GG, but a TS who has only recently started living they seem to come out of left field.
...
I know there are tons more which catch you off guard. So lets have them all. :D

I must have lived a charmed life, I've never had this sort of question


my biggies are starting out sentences with ..."my ex wife and i"

That one's not as big as it may seem, the daughter of one of my friends recently began her defence against an accusation of homophobia by stating "I was very happy growing up in the same house as my mother and her wife". Funnily enough, after the opening statement, the accusation was dropped (I wonder why?)

[Kaitlyn Michele]

That's also a good point Rianna...

i was at the doctors and they have my ex's info, i gave them my info and they asked who i was, and i said parent..and they went on to call me mom over and over in the appointment..which pissed off my daughter

[Aprilrain]

I have yet to be a part of a conversation where woman were talking about theirs or anyone else's period. I actually can't imagine what would prompt a woman to to ask another woman how many BFs she has had, however if it did come up I could honestly say one. The question assumes heterosexuality which I find somewhat annoying although I realize that is the general assumption. The question that I'm dealing with while here in Boston is why I'm here. I say for a doctors appointment and people immediately assume the worst so I have to explain that it is simply for a cosmetic procedure.

[Hope]

Here are the 2 that I have heard:

How old were you when you had your first period?
How many boyfriends have you had?
I know there are tons more which catch you off guard. So lets have them all. :D

I haven't been asked either of these yet, but I have been in conversations where it was clear at least some of the women assumed I did have experience with menstruation. I tend to be sort of an honest person, sometimes honest to a fault, but I am also not at a point yet where I am familiar enough with that level of passing that I would want to out myself. So I think my answer to the first would be something along the lines of "That is sort of a complicated question for me to answer... it involves lots of doctors and lots of tears and I don't really like to talk about it..." and move the conversation on to someone else.

The one my wife pointed out to me however is that I DO need to keep a tampon or a pad in my purse. If you are in the ladies room, you will eventually get asked.

The things I have noticed myself doing include referring to my childhood... I will say "When I was young" or "when I was a child" instead of "When I was a boy we used to..." I have also started referring to my wife as my partner, though that one is intentional, we talked about it before hand, and I live in the lesbian capitol of the world... and "partner" is the typical term here - so no one bats an eye when I say it. But wife still gets me a weird look.

[ReineD]

I have yet to be a part of a conversation where woman were talking about theirs or anyone else's period. I actually can't imagine what would prompt a woman to to ask another woman how many BFs she has had

Same here!

The period question might come up among middle or high school girls, since they're at an age when they compare notes, but certainly not an adult, unless you're discussing a specific medical issue with a very close friend.

And women in our age bracket would never ask the bf question, since it doesn't have any bearing on anything. But, if ever you are in a conversation with a young girl who wants to know, you could always answer with the number of girlfriends you've had. :)

Melody ... in my much younger years when I thought that everyone with a tummy *must* be pregnant, I did make the mistake of asking the question to an older woman. She responded with an icy, "I'm not pregnant" accompanied by a cool stare. Brrrr. I learned not to assume such things.

[LeannL]

Same here!

The period question might come up among middle or high school girls, since they're at an age when they compare notes, but certainly not an adult, unless you're discussing a specific medical issue with a very close friend.

At my age, the other question is more likely: "When did you realize you were starting menopause?" :)

Leann

[Kaitlyn Michele]

i havent heard any period conversations, but even as a guy i heard comments around menopause

as a slight aside,
I cannot say if this is true of gg's, but i have never met a group of people that talk about vaginas more than post-op transsexuals...

reine? pls advise!

[Angel.Marie76]

That's also a good point Rianna...

i was at the doctors and they have my ex's info, i gave them my info and they asked who i was, and i said parent..and they went on to call me mom over and over in the appointment..which pissed off my daughter


LOL... I have had the same situations with my son numberous times now.. as I do also identify myself as 'parent' in most situations, though I've been leaning towards 'his other mom' in conversations in more places day to day.

My GG partner and I are Handfast (pagan marriage), so I choose to wear a wedding band and an engagement ring nearly everywhere I go.. it's helps fend against would-be dating men and such in many situations, and actually does a pretty good job by itself to /prevent/ in-dept questions about yourself. With that in mind though, I've needed to build an arsenal of staged responses to the questions about my marriage:

(Note the use of as much gender neutrality as possible at first..)

Q: 'Oh, you're married. Lucky Guy.' A: Thanks, they're wonderful / Thx, we have a great relationship. etc..
Q: 'What does your husband do for work?' A: Oh, they're a [career choice]. (careful, this can be leading...)

..and so on and on... however if it's obvious that this guy in question is not getting the hint, I'll start dropping the SHE hints.. if appropriate for context and location. I've run into at least one situation however where the inquisitive guy just keeps going, 'Oh, I respect lesbians, etc. etal.' Oyi. The more the questions come and go, the easier the responses come and the more believable they are. For the record, I would hope, that if you were seriously interested in a guy that was asking questions over time, that you wouldn't LIE to them right off.. dodge the questions if you can, or come clean.

I like the statement about Amenorrhoea.. however, I think at that point, if I were ever asked such a question, I would probably just go into the truth. The reality of the tampon/pad availability, VERY TRUE. You want help in passing on the fly in the ladies room, there ya go.

[AKAMichelle]

The questions were not supposed to be answered but used to demonstrate the odd questions that you can get sometimes. The kind of questions that a GG would think nothing of, but you would be caught off guard.

[Melody Moore]

For me personally I haven't had any stuff-ups when it comes to talking to people I have just met
about past relationships or my kids and will also use gender neutrality in my conversation. And I
find it amazing how many people will always assume that I had a female role as a partner & parent
when they are responding to me - it can be flattering, but it is also tricky when it gets too deep.

[Maryanne_sa]

I got asked by a neighbour if I was the sister! So took me aback that I said yes!

Maryanne

[Michelle.M]

"Can this sickness be hypnotized out of you...?" I was blindsided by this one just a few days ago while on the phone with the Wife as i was on my way to Therapy.

"No! And what's worse, it's contagious!"

[Melody Moore]

"No! And what's worse, it's contagious!"
Damn you Michelle, I just split coffee everywhere when I read this reply.

Anyway, I will subscribe to this one as well :heehee:

[Chickhe]

I have one, related to plain ol' CDing, but when out at a party with my wife, its happened more than once... My wife calls me her husband and the people we are talking to become all confused and say 'You are her husband?!' ... it never gets old...I find the reactions a real treat.