To do is to be

[Elizabeth Ann]

Like most of us, there are myriad aspects of this crossdressing thing that puzzle me. Sometimes I am completely baffled by what I feel and what I do.

I have been venturing out in public lately. There is no possibility of passing, but still I craved interaction as a woman with complete strangers: store clerks, shoppers, people wandering down the street. I was thrilled the other day when a woman shopper asked my opinion about a top she was considering.

Why do I do this? After considerable reflection, I think I had a small epiphany. Standing at home looking in the mirror, I am merely dressing up to look like Liz. But out in public, I am Liz.

Does that make sense, or resonate with any of you? I am glad to get a little more understanding of myself, but it is a bit sobering to realize that you need others, even strangers, to define who you are. I thought I was stronger than that.

Liz (I think)

[kimdl93]

I think I feel a that to some degree. I've been dressing nearly 24/7 for a number of years, but until this summer, had not ventured beyond my own home. When I finally went out I had a variety of emotions - a little initial thrill (or fear), a considerable amount of relief that I wasn't beaten up or arrested, and a sense of validation...that I could go out among the living and be accepted for who I am by the vast majority of those I encountered.

I haven't been out as much or as long as many others on this site, so I can't say how long that sense of validation may last. There have been a couple of threads recently in the line of "been there, done that". Basically, that having been out, the individuals didn't quite feel the same level of motivation to get out in the future. i"m not there yet.

[NV Susan]

Liz, I think when we go out and interact with others it's nice to find our female side can be accepted as well as our male side.
I know when I'm out en femme it's nice to interact with people as a female wether I pass or not. So I guess your feelings make sense to me.

[Jamiegirl1]

Liz,dressing up and staying home is quite boring....going out dressed and mingling with other people is "Living " experiencing and feeling like a woman as much as possible makes us happy....Just go out and enjoy being Liz and who cares why we enjoy it....

[Kaitlyn Michele]

that's actually the way it goes for many late in life ts's btw...slowly realizing the need to "be" as you say it...

for me it was not about needing others to define who I was.. its about ME needing REAL interaction with people to feel alive

[Kittyagain]

Well thought out Liz. When you are this forum, do you feel more or less Liz? It is interesting to read you post then the post about hitting a wall.

Kitty


After considerable reflection, I think I had a small epiphany. Standing at home looking in the mirror, I am merely dressing up to look like Liz. But out in public, I am Liz.

Liz (I think)

[michelleddg]

To do is to be - Aristotle
To be is to do - Socrates
Do be do be do - Sinatra
Be a good do bee - Miss Flora

Sorry, couldn't resist...

[Mikaela]

I was wondering how related the posts may be.

[Elizabeth Ann]

Thanks everyone for these great responses. It certainly does feel great to get validation from others. There is a lot of psychological reward from being out in public dressed, and it is still rare enough for me to get an emotional high each time I do. But there is something more. I think I was too cryptic in my note about what was an unexpected internal process triggered by interactions with others.

When I am alone, I am a man in a dress. It is enjoyable for many reasons, some of which I can articulate and some I cannot. But "Liz" is a convenient pseudonym. Nothing more. When I am out, however, I really begin to feel like I am Liz. It is not simply that the interactions feel good, it is almost as if they feel appropriate. I almost flinch at the occasional "sir." I am absolutely certain that I am a CD and not a transexual, but out in public, Liz comes alive. Even my therapist (not for gender issues) noted when she saw me dressed a few times that my whole demeanor and posture changed, in ways I did not attempt or even notice until she pointed them out. It is, to me, an amazing and somewhat startling transformation. I would like to know if this is common.

It reminds me of that French short story "Clothes make the man." The lookout for a gang of thieves puts on a police uniform to patrol in front of the robbery. The more people treat him like a policeman, the more he thinks of himself as a policemen, and of course in the end he arrests his own accomplices.

Liz

[PretzelGirl]

It is the same as "if a tree falls in the woods....". If Liz is home alone, is she really Liz? Getting out and living makes some of us feel better. Others can do without. You certainly seem to need others to feel right. So I hope you keep enjoying your "real" Liz.

[suchacutie]

I think it's because my wife and I "found" Tina as an entity, it is like she was conceived out of whole cloth. I'm either my guy self, or I'm Tina. Where Tina is does not matter. She is as much herself making dinner for her girlfriend (my wife), watching a movie while crochetting some lace, practicing the harpsicord, reading a book, or walking down the street going where-ever. For me it's a switch....I was a guy this morning as I headed to work. I was tired tonight and wasn't going to let Tina show up, but right now I'd really like her to spend a little time looking over some music, so as soon as I write this I'll take the next 20 min and bring her to life. It's too late to head out, but it will be all Tina!

In fact, it just struck me (been a long time since I thought about this) that very early on Tina told my wife that she really wanted to try it all out to be sure she knew who Tina was before going out. Tina was to be natural and comfortable with herself before letting others see who she was.

Always Tina (except when she's a guy!)

[Persephone]

After considerable reflection, I think I had a small epiphany. Standing at home looking in the mirror, I am merely dressing up to look like Liz. But out in public, I am Liz.

Does that make sense, or resonate with any of you?

That makes complete sense to me, Liz. And it may be true of everyone.

Hugs
Persephone.

[carolynn2fem]

To do is to be - Aristotle
To be is to do - Socrates
Do be do be do - Sinatra
Be a good do bee - Miss Flora

Sorry, couldn't resist...

To do is to be - Aristotle
To be is to do - Socrates
Do be do be do - Sinatra
Scooby dooby doo- Hanna Barbara

My version

[Elizabeth Ann]

Lots of good responses. These two in particular caused me to think further about this.

that's actually the way it goes for many late in life ts's btw...slowly realizing the need to "be" as you say it...

for me it was not about needing others to define who I was.. its about ME needing REAL interaction with people to feel alive

Yes, Kaitlyn, I am uncomfortably aware of how much this sounded like a drift toward TS. I remain convinced that I am a CD (though I like the term TV better). I reaffirmed that this very morning with my wife. :o It is not really a "need" for interaction, which I think the frequency is still in the single digits. Rather, I was surprised at how much this affected me. I expected pleasure. I did not expect this impact on my own internal perceptions. I have always been an introvert, enjoy my time alone, have a strong and positive self image and sense of self worth. It was disconcerting, therefore, to realize how much I responded to the behavior and expectations of others. I know this is not unusual. Humans are social creatures after all. I just didn't expect to be that . . . malleable.


Well thought out Liz. When you are this forum, do you feel more or less Liz? It is interesting to read you post then the post about hitting a wall.

Kitty

This is a really good question. I don't respond in the same way, and it is also true when I have been around other CD's instead of the general public. I am not sure why. It may be a lack of expectations from this accepting group, but I think the primary reason may be that this forum, and other CD's, see me as a multi-dimensional person, and understand the complexities of that. It is okay to be confused and confusing. Strangers in the general public are aware of only a single dimension of my personality. I know this and respond accordingly.

So, the good news: I can become Liz. The bad news: I can become Liz.
Liz

[docrobbysherry]

----------------------------------
I have been venturing out in public lately. There is no possibility of passing, but still I craved interaction as a woman with complete strangers: store clerks, shoppers, people wandering down the street.
----------------- Standing at home looking in the mirror, I am merely dressing up to look like Liz. But out in public, I am Liz.---------------------
Liz (I think)

Very interesting post for me, Liz. I didn't get it at first. Because I couldn't understand how going out could make ANY difference in validation of a CD that appears to be a man in a dress! However, after reading the latter posts, I may understand how u mite feel that way.

As a closet CD, I feel the OPPOSITE, tho! Looking in the mirror, I can imagine Sherry to be a female. However, out in public, I become a man in a dress! And, the public, with their comments, chuckles, wide eyed stares, only validate my feelings!

[Kristy_K]

Hi Liz, I have felt them feelings myself. It like a prison. I was so scare to go out. This site help me realize that I am not alone. I am tall with big hands and a male voice. I took the chance and went out. I was so happy. People treated me wonderful. I think because I was so happy about being me. I think happiness is like money, everyone wants it and you have it they want you. I think they see how happy I am and they just want part of it or something. I have more friends than ever now. The females really accepted me when I am out. I really think it just because I just can't stop smiling because I am me. At least that is what a couple of them have told me.