DanielMacBride
09-10-2011, 09:24 AM
(x-post from my T journal for those who don't have access to that part of the forum)
I am out of hospital today, and have written about my surgery and hospital stay elsewhere so will leave that out of this post. Instead, here I want to focus on the psychological aspects of my surgery and the ramifications. First clue that things were not going to be a "standard" surgery/hospital stay was the fact that I, the ABSOLUTELY NOT A MORNING PERSON UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES lol, got up at 4am and left home at 5:15am in the dark and cold to catch a bus and train to the hospital, and was smiling and polite to everyone all the way there. At the hospital, instead of my usual pre-surgical nerves (every other time I have had any sort of surgery I have been EXTREMELY nervous and stressed) I was laughing and joking with all the staff and they were all surprised at how laidback and relaxed I was. I was a bit impatient for all the pre-op stuff to be done with because it seemed to take FOREVER lol, but I was laughing and joking with the theatre staff right up till I blacked out from the anaesthetic (literally, the last thing I remember was laughing with the surgeon about the anaesthetic starter - the anaesthetist said it would make me feel like I had had a gin and tonic, and the surgeon said "oh nice, can I have one of those while you're at it?" And I said "Oooh, PARTAY!" and we all laughed and then the next thing I remember is waking up in recovery). Even in recovery while still groggy I was apparently smiling, and then when I went back to my room and had a cup of tea I was still smiling! Even more so when I got up at 4pm to walk around the room (the nurse was stunned that I felt well enough to do this so early, usually they don't ask you to get up till the next day). The nurse was also surprised that I wasn't dizzy or lightheaded and didn't need her to lean on, and that I was cracking jokes right out of recovery!
All this and the fact that I have been really relaxed, happy, in no rush to go home till today (well I was offered the opportunity yesterday to go home but in the morning I just wasn't quite ready, but by last night I was all "let me OUT!" LOL and this morning I was watching the clock and it seemed to crawl till I got picked up at 10am) and have actually really enjoyed my time in hospital - even the hospital food wasn't bad, although I got a good deal there because being vegan, they make my food specially from scratch so I don't get quite the same premade stuff as everyone else - tells me that psychologically, this surgery has ONLY been the best thing that I could possibly have done - I thought going on T made me a lot happier and more relaxed, but this surgery has done that even more so (and tbh I'm a little surprised at that but in a good way). I have no doubts that my positive frame of mind and being relaxed has contributed a lot to me feeling so good post-op and to having no pain and being able to get up and move so soon after surgery, too.
But the real kicker has been the letter that I got from the resident confirming that I have had my hysto for gender reassignment - I seriously cannot describe the feeling I got when I held that letter in my hot little paws, I was so excited I was literally shaking! I read it and something just *settled* over me like "wow, you finally did it, this is it, now you're on your way to being legally recognised as a man!" I wanted to get up and do a James Brown LOL because that feeling was SO damned good! With this letter I can now take a letter from my GP confirming that I have been hormonally reassigned for over 2 years and have been living in a male gender role for over 2 years, and get my gender changed under Medicare (but possibly not yet get a GRC because of the tricky wording and the latitude taken with interpreting the requirements by the Board, but I'll see on that one). I hadn't planned to apply for my GRC just yet, I was going to wait till I get my chest done - but now that I have the letter, I can get my chest done as a man under Medicare for free, and may possibly be able to legally be recognised for who I really am :D
I can't describe what that does for a man, to feel so.....validated and affirmed and to know that I am so much closer to where I wanted to be, that place that only a year or so ago seemed so impossibly out of reach :D
I am out of hospital today, and have written about my surgery and hospital stay elsewhere so will leave that out of this post. Instead, here I want to focus on the psychological aspects of my surgery and the ramifications. First clue that things were not going to be a "standard" surgery/hospital stay was the fact that I, the ABSOLUTELY NOT A MORNING PERSON UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES lol, got up at 4am and left home at 5:15am in the dark and cold to catch a bus and train to the hospital, and was smiling and polite to everyone all the way there. At the hospital, instead of my usual pre-surgical nerves (every other time I have had any sort of surgery I have been EXTREMELY nervous and stressed) I was laughing and joking with all the staff and they were all surprised at how laidback and relaxed I was. I was a bit impatient for all the pre-op stuff to be done with because it seemed to take FOREVER lol, but I was laughing and joking with the theatre staff right up till I blacked out from the anaesthetic (literally, the last thing I remember was laughing with the surgeon about the anaesthetic starter - the anaesthetist said it would make me feel like I had had a gin and tonic, and the surgeon said "oh nice, can I have one of those while you're at it?" And I said "Oooh, PARTAY!" and we all laughed and then the next thing I remember is waking up in recovery). Even in recovery while still groggy I was apparently smiling, and then when I went back to my room and had a cup of tea I was still smiling! Even more so when I got up at 4pm to walk around the room (the nurse was stunned that I felt well enough to do this so early, usually they don't ask you to get up till the next day). The nurse was also surprised that I wasn't dizzy or lightheaded and didn't need her to lean on, and that I was cracking jokes right out of recovery!
All this and the fact that I have been really relaxed, happy, in no rush to go home till today (well I was offered the opportunity yesterday to go home but in the morning I just wasn't quite ready, but by last night I was all "let me OUT!" LOL and this morning I was watching the clock and it seemed to crawl till I got picked up at 10am) and have actually really enjoyed my time in hospital - even the hospital food wasn't bad, although I got a good deal there because being vegan, they make my food specially from scratch so I don't get quite the same premade stuff as everyone else - tells me that psychologically, this surgery has ONLY been the best thing that I could possibly have done - I thought going on T made me a lot happier and more relaxed, but this surgery has done that even more so (and tbh I'm a little surprised at that but in a good way). I have no doubts that my positive frame of mind and being relaxed has contributed a lot to me feeling so good post-op and to having no pain and being able to get up and move so soon after surgery, too.
But the real kicker has been the letter that I got from the resident confirming that I have had my hysto for gender reassignment - I seriously cannot describe the feeling I got when I held that letter in my hot little paws, I was so excited I was literally shaking! I read it and something just *settled* over me like "wow, you finally did it, this is it, now you're on your way to being legally recognised as a man!" I wanted to get up and do a James Brown LOL because that feeling was SO damned good! With this letter I can now take a letter from my GP confirming that I have been hormonally reassigned for over 2 years and have been living in a male gender role for over 2 years, and get my gender changed under Medicare (but possibly not yet get a GRC because of the tricky wording and the latitude taken with interpreting the requirements by the Board, but I'll see on that one). I hadn't planned to apply for my GRC just yet, I was going to wait till I get my chest done - but now that I have the letter, I can get my chest done as a man under Medicare for free, and may possibly be able to legally be recognised for who I really am :D
I can't describe what that does for a man, to feel so.....validated and affirmed and to know that I am so much closer to where I wanted to be, that place that only a year or so ago seemed so impossibly out of reach :D