When there is a tragic event in your life, do you dress more often or less?

[Rebecca W.]

We all have tragic events that occur in our lives, how has that affected your crossdressing?
Several years ago, I had to deal with several tragic events that occurred one after another. I reached out to my crossdressing and I found a great comfort in shopping for and wearing the clothes. It helped me to be able to relieve some of the stress. As time passed, so did the extent of the crossdressing. Crossdressing for me tends to roll in like a tide and then retreat for another event.

Let me hear your stories.

Thank you,
Rebecca:)

[JustWendy]

In my 30's and 40's, times of great stress or sadness would drive me to dress more. While I was dressed I gave myself permission to be vulnerable - a short vacation from having to be strong for everyone. This was during a time when I wasn't dressing fully - no wig, no jewelry, little makeup. As I have moved into my 50's and 60's, dressing has become less about the clothes and more about how I feel as a person. I complete the image with wigs, makeup, accessories, and removal of all body hair. And I've found that I'm only in the mood to dress when I'm happy. Stress and Angst kills the mood for me.

Wendy

[Wendy_Marie]

No more, no less.....It's funny for me to look at pics of myself from things like Prom, graduation weddings and funerals..because while on the outside I see my male self complete with male clothing. In my minds eye I also see the blue teddy I wore under my suit at Jr. Prom...or the White cotton panties and tank top under my robe for Graduation...Even the black panty girdle, sports bra and chamesolle I had on during both my Fathers funeral and again for my Mother.'s

To do anything else for me would be otherwise hypocritical...and this above all else is one of my biggest fears...as I would not feel as if I were being true to myself were I to do otherwise.

I actually regret not coming out to my parents while they were still around...I recently remedied this and took a trip to their graveside as Wendy to explain myself to them...some may see this as Morbid or disrespectful...but I assure you my intent with this experience was anything but..and it was just as difficult for me to climb out of my car at that rural and secluded cemetary and talk to them as it would have been had they still been around and I arriving at their home.

[sandra-leigh]

When my grandmother was dying, I flew in and stayed in a motel (instead of at her house) so that I could dress up and so I could go out in public dressed. Even though one of the outings was just a long walk though unfamiliar neighborhoods, it helped.

I don't remember now exactly what I wore to her funeral, but I do remember it included panties. It was comforting. I was already wearing panties full-time by then, but deliberately putting on men's underwear "to avoid being caught" or "as a sign of respect for her"... I couldn't do that to myself. I needed the solace.

[Robyn B]

Interesting question. Upon reflection, I do think I have a tendency to have a greater desire to dress while under some sort of stress...be it family or job related.

Perhaps the challenge and mental focus required to to mimic the life effeminate serves as release of some sort from the challenges we occasional face in the "real" word per say.

Great question....makes a girl think a bit!

[Cari]

Ive had both reactions

If I feel the event or stress is in my control or others need me I wont dress until time heals it somewhat.

Things that are just outside my control cause me to dress more and I take comfort in it.

[suchacutie]

Since I've only been dressing for 6 years, much of my life was organized in the male gender. Thus, much of the stress of life needs to be taken care of in that gender, so I tend to dress less when a crisis arises. Part of it is that I don't afford myself the leisure of Tina when I know that I might be needed at any time and if I have to shelve Tina first it takes me time I can't afford. Also, Tina takes effort and if I'm in a crisis situation I cannot afford that time.

This happened last week. I thought I would have immense amounts of time for Tina starting on Monday afternoon. I expected Tina to dominate until late Thursday. But, the crisis that started on Friday did not start to diminish until late Wednesday, and was not cleared until Thursday. Thus, it was not until Thursday late that Tina arrived. She has been on the scene as much as work will allow since then (like right now!).

Crisis need my male side. Tina is a luxury and I don't enjoy having her deal with adversity (beyond that normally a trans woman has to deal with), so adversity = male for me!

[AKAMichelle]

Much less for me. In fact I went for several months 5 years ago where I didn't dress and even had one of those ugly purges.

[*Vanessa*]

Stress of any kind is always without exception challenged head on by Vanessa and I thank her for that.

[Angela2me]

When I am stressed, I do use dressing as a form of escapism. I can become someone else for a while.

[carolynn2fem]

We all have tragic events that occur in our lives, how has that affected your crossdressing?
Several years ago, I had to deal with several tragic events that occurred one after another. I reached out to my crossdressing and I found a great comfort in shopping for and wearing the clothes. It helped me to be able to relieve some of the stress. As time passed, so did the extent of the crossdressing. Crossdressing for me tends to roll in like a tide and then retreat for another event.

Let me hear your stories.

Thank you,
Rebecca:)

Since I saw the title I'm thinking DRESSED WHEN STRESSED but Cari defined my thought better

Ive had both reactions

If I feel the event or stress is in my control or others need me I wont dress until time heals it somewhat.

Things that are just outside my control cause me to dress more and I take comfort in it.

[Kathy4ever]

I think it depends on the person and maybe the reason they might cross dress. Some times we need to retreat from our real selves and dressing is an outlet. When I'm stressed or have a crisis i might want to dress more for those reasons. The main problem is the privacy or time to do it right is my problem. I've incorparated many fem items of clothing in my daily life to be some what happy. Hey if I did not have to work over 50 hours a week and have kids running around and a wife who could more supporting of even more female style then I would say I would dress when a crisis hit.

[Barbra P]

My Mother died last Thursday and I dressed for a good part of the day and evening on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. I wrote about it in this Thread (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?159739-Barbra-s-Thursday-Blackout-experience).

Does Barbra handle stress better? I don't really think so, but I sort of think Barbra offers me a break from reality, a gateway to a different realm, and for a few hours I can be the person I have always wanted to be. Unfortunately the here-and-now is always waiting, but for about 30 hours out of 72 I was able to get away and Barbra had some wonderful conversations with people that I, as a male, never would have experienced.

[TGMarla]

Like Cari, I've had both reactions. However, I think that stressful, sad, or tragic moments in my life bring out a greater desire to dress. I dress quite often anyway, so I can't really say that I dress more under such circumstances. But the desire, the need, is greater.

[Tina B.]

Short answer, less. during times of stress, I'm the glue that holds the family together, and I do it as a man. I'm the strong one everyone goes to, from mother, to wife, to kids and grandkids. I put on my best macho attitude, dig in and help all get thought lives little surprises, and then when life gets back to normal, so do I. Normal is of course spending as much time as possible as Tina. When I feel stress I don't even think about dressing, but if I get depressed, that's another story. I dress and enjoy only when things are going good in life, the rest I let him deal with it.
Tina B.

[Karren H]

No. Not at all... Usually less..

[Sharon B.]

For me it is more dressing.

[PretzelGirl]

I recently had a death in the family. After the death, there was no real change as the stress was all before in caring for the person. But before her death was more stressful and there definitely was less dressing. Taking care of her obviously was the priority.

[Terraforming]

For me... less. It's sort of a comfort zone and reassurance thing that I tend to do most when I'm happy or excited. When tragedy strikes, it's not much of a coping mechanism for me.

[Shelly67]

I've been in recovery for PTSD and only now have slowly began to emerge from it .
I won't go into the reasons on what occurred , but it halted my dressing totally . But then the event stopped everything .
I can't even recall the months afterwards , the time just sat there , staring .

In other times of stress , popping on a dress ect has helped no end ..... takes it away almost .

[Maria Blackwood]

I crossdress more when I am happy. During the bouts of professional burnout I have been weathering recently, dressing activity drops off to nothing.

[Rachel Morley]

No. Not at all... Usually less..
Ditto for me too. When I'm feeling highly stressed dressing is the last thing on my mind. If I were to dress when in a stressed frame of mind I don't think it would help as I know I wouldn't be able to enjoy it as much because I would still be thinking about the thing that is getting me stressed out in the first place. Dressing is a stress buster of sorts but not the kind of level of stress I get when there is a "tragic" event that has happened.

[sissystephanie]

I lost my dear wife to cancer 6 years ago, after almost 50 years of marriage! Since her death my crossdressing has greatly increased to the point where I dress at least part of the time almost every day. Although she knew that I was a CD and supported me fully, I did not usually dress that often!! Becoming Stephanie is a way for me to relieve my loneliness!

[Chickhe]

Nope. Its less because I'm in emergency mode dealing with the problem... but if I'm bored, or procrastinating then it is a fun diversion.

[SweetIonis]

In my 30's and 40's, times of great stress or sadness would drive me to dress more. While I was dressed I gave myself permission to be vulnerable - a short vacation from having to be strong for everyone. This was during a time when I wasn't dressing fully - no wig, no jewelry, little makeup. As I have moved into my 50's and 60's, dressing has become less about the clothes and more about how I feel as a person. I complete the image with wigs, makeup, accessories, and removal of all body hair. And I've found that I'm only in the mood to dress when I'm happy. Stress and Angst kills the mood for me.

Wendy

This was an interesting response. The "permission to be vulnerable" stuff is noteworthy. I wonder that since your dressing has become an mechanism of self expression, that the association in your mind with being vulnerable is driving you away in a time of stress. Stress is usually a symptom of being threatened, more or less. When we feel threatened, it is because we feel more or less vulnerable. So it's possible that, subconciously, since you feel that it's an expression of you, your mind does not want to feel more vulnerable than it already is. Just a thought.

[NathalieX66]

Stress has caused me to express my fetish side in order to break away and cope. I got quite an imagination.

My femme side is a natural side of me since age 8, that's always there no matter what.
It is me. There's not much thrill in this part.

[SweetIonis]

Stress has caused me to express my fetish side in order to break away and cope. I got quite an imagination.

My femme side is a natural side of me since age 8, that's always there no matter what.
It is me. There's not much thrill in this part.

Do you think it's fair to say that since it has been such an intrinsic part of what you are from such an early age, that you have not made the association in your mind with cross dressing and feeling vulnerable?

[JavaJunkie]

Dressing almost always relaxes me. When I feel sad or down, I'll change. It's not that the dressing itself makes the hurt go away from that particular instance or event. I do it because I know there's always that undercurrent of pain and sorrow that's always there when I look in the mirror and see....just another guy. Conforming my presentation closer to what I feel like on the inside cheers me up, makes me smile, and when you pile even more sadness onto that massive iceberg that's always there, even the smallest things can help.

Now some people may want to call this a form of escapism, which for some it is, but I remind these same people that anything can be used to escape reality and quite frankly I believe everybody needs to get away from it all from time to time. Reading, spring cleaning, exercise, long nature walks just to name a few and of course the obvious drugs and alcohol are all ways people cope with their issues. I don't agree with any coping mechanisms that can cause harm to your body (aka the last 2 items on my list) but everybody knows what helps them feel better and if it helps you then by all means go for it. It's perfectly okay to face your issues head on with a little help....actually I would recommend it. :)

[Stockingstopgirl]

When I could get into it I use to wear my black basque.panties and stockings to the funeral under my suit. I felt it afforded respect more respect dressed mainly in black (although it couldn't be seen when the jacket was buttoned.

[Samantha_Smile]

Im just going to echo what a few of you have said
"In times of stress, put on your best dress"

Time permitting of course

[PetiteDuality]

I dress less because after three decades, it still makes me feel guilty... I'm such an idiot

[JustWendy]

This was an interesting response. The "permission to be vulnerable" stuff is noteworthy. I wonder that since your dressing has become an mechanism of self expression, that the association in your mind with being vulnerable is driving you away in a time of stress. Stress is usually a symptom of being threatened, more or less. When we feel threatened, it is because we feel more or less vulnerable. So it's possible that, subconciously, since you feel that it's an expression of you, your mind does not want to feel more vulnerable than it already is. Just a thought.

You make an interesting point, and, of course, I guess anything is possible with the subconcious. I can only say tahat on a conscious level, over time, the dominant motivating factor has become happiness. The greater the day I'm having, the more I want to spend it pretty.

Wendy

[SweetIonis]

Wendy, I feel u. Being happy is a beautiful feeling. Therefore it's not a surprise that someone would want to express that beauty in that way. I wish you many happy days!

[diannecourtney]

Now that you mention it, I just realized with the commeration of 9/11, it just activated the deep thoughts that drove me to ladies things & along the way a number of very attractive lady sightings. Many many thank you's for airing the thread.

[Lorileah]

It is more about time for me. When I had the time I dressed more and when things are stressful or hectic I tend to dress less. That said when my wife was dying she actually told me several times to "go put on a skirt." I think she believed it would help me cope. Her last Christmas present to me was to have my SIL go and buy me a new skirt. This after years of not wanting anything feminine under the tree because family would be over. After she died I did go overboard and dressed every chance I could, it really did not help with the emotions but it was more "me". Recently dressing is limited to the weekend because that is when I have more than just an hour.

[nikkijo]

dressing more would require more time in the day..... its hard to not dress when you dont own any clothes that are considered not cross dressing...

[kimdl93]

for me, probably not. During periods of stress, I am generally focused on the problem at hand than getting dressed up.

[Feeling_Girly]

Hi, Rebecca.
I tend to crossdress more often when I am under stress and feel like I need some relieve from the stressful events in life. I am very lucky that my wife understands me and allows me to wear some of her lingerie. She also allows me to order some of my own lingerie from Victoria's Secret or Fredericks of Hollywood. My wife's understanding has actually helped me to feel more comfortable about dressing up as a woman and has improved our intimacy. I like to joke around with her when we make love and I'm dressed in her lingerie by telling her, "I'm your sexy bitch"! LOL.
;-) I love to feel sooooo bad with her and she loves to spank me and call me her little bitch. I've even designed a beautiful, pink spaghetti strap tee which reads on the front, "Sexy Bitch" and on the back of it says, "Crossdressing is SOOOO much fun!" ;-)
Thank you, sister for listening.
- Josie.

[Feeling_Girly]

Hi, Lorileah. First of all, I have to compliment you on how beautiful you look. I love your profile picture. ;-) Mavelous, darlin' . . . simply mavelous!!! ;-) I wish I could look as beautiful as you. When I was in college (and single), I would crossdress more often and actually go out in public a few times but as I mentioned in my previous post, I also tend to crossdress more when I am under stress (unlike you). I guess everyone is different in their crossdressing behaviors, but I think that for me, my crossdressing in stressful events helps me to cope with the stress and relax. I guess I find relieve in feeling girly. Now, that I am married and my wife and I have a one year old daughter, I tend to crossdress less but when I do, I crossdress in private with my wife and I am lucky to have her support me.

I'm sorry to hear about your wife passing away. I'm glad that she understood you as a crossdresser. It sure makes it a whole lot easier when the wives understand, right? I'm happy to know that you have an understanding SIL, and I definitely look forward to your friendship.

Take care, beautiful, Lorileah. Keep in touch.
- Josie.

[Feeling_Girly]

Hi, Lorileah. Sorry, I'm still new to this but I tried to post a message for you and it posted at the top of the forum. I just think you look so beautiful. Please read my comment above as well.
- Josie.

[Feeling_Girly]

I see many gorgeous pictures of a lot of you. WOW!!! So many of you look so believable as women . . . it's scary!!! ;-) I used to be like that and I had so many sexy outfits that made me look so believable when I would be fully dressed up in my short, sandy blonde wig; my makeup, heels and sexy top, skort and black tights. I remember, one time, when I was still in college I went outside all dressed up and some guys in a car that drove by me, whistled at me because he liked what he saw!!! ;-) It felt so good!!! I was dressing up more often back then. Now, with my wife and my one year old daughter, I dress up less but I am fortunate to have a wife that understands my crossdressing and allows me to do it behind closed doors but warns me that when our daughter gets older, I will have to avoid doing it in front of her.

One thing that I dream about doing (and would like to ask my wife for her permission to do it) would be to participate in a drag queen parade!!! I wish that some of those parades would offer some prizes to the sexiest dressed, etc. I would love to be with "my sisters" all dressed up sexy and lovin' every minute of it!!!

[jazmin6]

Yes. When im stressed i allways go into transvestite mode! :) It's so much more relaxing. I love it.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Rebecca, I find that dressing helps me escape from reality.

Orchid

[brassieres]

I certainly want to dress more when stressed.

[Rebecca W.]

Dressing almost always relaxes me. When I feel sad or down, I'll change. It's not that the dressing itself makes the hurt go away from that particular instance or event. I do it because I know there's always that undercurrent of pain and sorrow that's always there when I look in the mirror and see....just another guy. Conforming my presentation closer to what I feel like on the inside cheers me up, makes me smile, and when you pile even more sadness onto that massive iceberg that's always there, even the smallest things can help.

Now some people may want to call this a form of escapism, which for some it is, but I remind these same people that anything can be used to escape reality and quite frankly I believe everybody needs to get away from it all from time to time. Reading, spring cleaning, exercise, long nature walks just to name a few and of course the obvious drugs and alcohol are all ways people cope with their issues. I don't agree with any coping mechanisms that can cause harm to your body (aka the last 2 items on my list) but everybody knows what helps them feel better and if it helps you then by all means go for it. It's perfectly okay to face your issues head on with a little help....actually I would recommend it. :)

Hi everyone,
This post from Java Junkie hits close to where I go when I am under great stress from lifes events. I do use my dressing as a form of escaping, instead of the use of drinking or the use of drugs to calm the pain. Reading, doing very labor intensive projects are my mainstays before dressing. During some of my most stressful periods, I had to travel thousands of miles in my car and on the drive home, I would stop at a mall and pickup a few items for Rebecca. Just the diversion of shopping for her made my trip a little less stressful.

My heart reaches out to everyone that has had to deal with events in our lives that have caused so much stress and pain, and how it was dealt with. I have read all of your stories and they all express your true inner feelings and that is very special to me and I hope to others on here.

Take care and Thanks for all of your replies so far.

Rebecca:)

[Frédérique]

When there is a tragic event in your life, do you dress more often or less?

I’ve been fortunate in the fact that most tragic events in my life have all come during lulls in my CD’ing. I tend to crossdress when all is well, relatively speaking, so, when something is on my mind, I cannot fully “escape” into my closet of wonders and completely immerse myself in a femme presentation or mindset. That being said, I do tend to withdraw into my incorporated persona and distance myself from life’s problems – dressing is always very calming in this regard. Not being able to let the “girl” out would be a very tragic event, indeed…
:sad:

[Lorileah]

Hi, Lorileah. First of all, I have to compliment you on how beautiful you look. I love your profile picture. ;-) Mavelous, darlin' . . . simply mavelous!!! ;-) I wish I could look as beautiful as you. When I was in college (and single), I would crossdress more often and actually go out in public a few times but as I mentioned in my previous post, I also tend to crossdress more when I am under stress (unlike you). I guess everyone is different in their crossdressing behaviors, but I think that for me, my crossdressing in stressful events helps me to cope with the stress and relax. I guess I find relieve in feeling girly. Now, that I am married and my wife and I have a one year old daughter, I tend to crossdress less but when I do, I crossdress in private with my wife and I am lucky to have her support me.

I'm sorry to hear about your wife passing away. I'm glad that she understood you as a crossdresser. It sure makes it a whole lot easier when the wives understand, right? I'm happy to know that you have an understanding SIL, and I definitely look forward to your friendship.

Take care, beautiful, Lorileah. Keep in touch.
- Josie.

thank you for the compliments and the nice feelings. I read these threads and I realize I had a special person. But I have been lucky and there are many more special people in my life.

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