A lot of ****ing good that did(Out of the hospital)

[Myojine]

(note:NOT A SINGLE PART OF THIS IS DIRECTED AT ANYONE ON THE FORUM HERE)
Well I ended up in the hospital, and guess what? Has anything changed? NOPE
Well yeah,They gave me a new diagnosis
Borderline personality disorder


So what did they do about... well any of the problems I was dealing with?
not a ****ing thing.

"Groups" WHAT A JOKE! They talked about "managing stress" and "managing Anger" to a general population. Not a single ****ing word was spoken to me about how to deal with a low self esteam, a false self image, or... anything useful to me at all.
It was more like a 6 day "time out" for adults, then anything else. There was NO 1 on 1 time at all with any therapist, there wasn't anything that taught me how to deal with being a transgender individual.

I asked and pleaded for help
I got the same 2 stupid anwers every time
"I dont know of what anyone can do to help with your gender identity problem"
"What do you want us to do?"



YUP that was some great advice, Go seek help.
What Did i get? A 6 stay at a ****ing looney bin with bad food, nurses with a snotty attitude, and a Doctor who didnt know what the **** "privatized" ment.
OH did i mentionI pretty much slept solid for 2 days because of a stupid medication the psychatrist gave me for depression.


first off: Since when has there EVER been medication that treats GENDER IDENTITY DISORDER? NEVER
SO WHY would a doctor perscribe an ANTI DEPRESSANT to soemone without clinical depression?

and SECOND, the thing knocked me out for nearly 2 days straight and gave me nightmares and a short baout of paranoia....

"Well dont you wanna try something else?"
"No I just dont think theres anything that we can really give you that would help"




no shit, i knew that BEFORE you gave me the stupid drug.



If this is what society calls "Getting help"
youre all out of your ****ing mind.

They gave me a sheet that has a diagram of a thermometer, on it, describes the senario and rating for "emotional stress temperature"
The point I was at was bout 65, max is 100 and 80 is unbearble crying and just un able to deal with it alone. 100 obviously is the worst, and youre about to off yourself or contemplating it. These places do not help people like us. They help the general joe shmoe and the occasional schizo/anxietyphobe.

While I was there, Generic White Christan Male model number 12 was there too, his girlfriend or... whoever it was I DONT CARE.


HE was allowed to call me a "Faggot" a "queer", he at one point said "everyone is equal, cept you cause yor a queer, yor jus goin to hell"


What did the staff do about it? NOTHING. Slap on the wrist "your not allowed to say that to other patients, Thats not tolerated here"
Not Tolerated? WELL THATS REASURING, YA LET HIM SIT THERE AND SAY THAT TO ME!
3 incidents and I GOT IN TROUBLE FOR LASHING BACK the 3rd time.
I told him that "until you pick up an M4 and crawl under bullets in the service of your country, your just a filthy coward"
I spent my time in the army only to be kicked out for the same discrimination and hate that I was getting in the ****ing psych unit.

I wasted my time there,I dont feel better, i dont feel even the slightest bit better off, it was just a BLOODY waste of time. INFACT now i have YET ANOTHER STORY about hate discrimination and ignorance of sick christian bible thumpers who can just go kill them selves for all I care. This country is a bloody waste of anyones time, the way people are allowed to act. This is bullshit, I cant beleive I signed a contract and promised on my honor that Id defend this country in times of peace and war.




Getting help.
Yeah that sure did help me didnt it? or is it that im just cursed?

[suit]

well soldier, life sucks then you die. so you can die or loosen up a bit roll around the stupid rocks you come across ..thers a lot of dumb rocks with hi $tags . what's your goal. is it reasonable? is it even posable? why and why not ? start working . life liberty and the pursuite of happness.....ooh and do not make some elles veiw and immage of your(male ?) self your's...your name is your image , it is your moniqure. love they self, make pease with that .forward.

[Chickhe]

... but what did you do to help yourself get better? How did you end up in the hospital... did you decide to go there or did someone else tell you to do it? I would say, one boost to your self confidence is to recognize that deciding to get help (even if you don't think you got any) is a huge step. So what if the doctor couldn't cure you in a snap?...it just means you have to do research on your own and educate the doctor and tell them what they need to do...

[Melody Moore]

"Groups" WHAT A JOKE! They talked about "managing stress" and "managing Anger" to a general population. Not a single ****ing word was spoken to me about how to deal with a low self esteam, a false self image, or... anything useful to me at all.
It was more like a 6 day "time out" for adults, then anything else. There was NO 1 on 1 time at all with any therapist, there wasn't anything that taught me how to deal with being a transgender individual.
Myojine, it is not a joke, I don't think you appreciate how managing things like stress and anger will also play
a huge role in improving your self-esteem as well which is part of your self-image. A therapist can only do so
much. But I also feel you need the support of a proper therapist who is more specialised in dealing with these
issues. But you can also benefit from any support you get anywhere else as well and with your wide range of
issues, I suspect that is what is going to be needed anyway. My only bit of advice is to soldier on - keep trying
to push through until you get the right help you need. There is only person with all the answers & solution to
the problem and that is you. Just relax, take one thing at a time and deal with one issue at a time because sorting
this stuff out is going to take a lot longer than 5 minutes. So use these opportunities to your advantage in whatever
way you can to gain some benefit from these sessions. I can see things there that would help you, especially stress
management which is the the first thing you need to do before you have any hope of learning to control your anger.

Noone is giving up on you, so why are you giving up on yourself so easily Myojine?

But I am really happy to hear that at least you taken your first steps here ;)

[Wendy_Marie]

Myojine,
I agree with your views on Group therapy not being of very great value...Unless your ailment is of more interest than the persons sitting around you...very little time or effort will be given to you.
Therapy should be about getting help and not some type of dysfunctional Popularity contest.

[arbon]

My thoughts, and you can take them for whatever they are worth to you and that is fine, but what I find to be the most beneficial in my life is to focus less on what people should be doing to help me and more on how I can be useful to others. Wether it is volunteer work or just trying to do something good and positive in my life as often as I can.

[Inna]

I feel the pain and anger, you being helpless and pissed off to the point of blowing up or shouting a scream which tears your lungs apart. What can I do? Hug you, walk away thinking, f..k, what can I do, I got to fend for my self and that is plenty already.............................but I can't leave, can't walk away leaving you there in the midst of this void, frustrated emotional disorder. If I did I would in the process kill what I so believe in, that in fact I can, you can get through this, however you can imagine, kicking and screaming, but get through this pointless miserable place to arrive at your destination what ever that is.

Do one think for me, please, ask for better tomorrow, and wait, tell to the wind that you give up, that you are no longer in charge, that you can't take this anymore, and ask for better tomorrow.............................

[DanielMacBride]

Myojine, your post hit home for me on a very personal level - both because I have spent years of my life trying to get help that actually HELPS me through the mental health system, and because I had someone very close to me who was MtF and diagnosed with BPD, and she was bounced in and out of hospital more times than I care to count because every time she tried to hurt herself or couldn't cope with the lack of help she was getting (and she tried SO hard to get help!), the doctors treating her would use her BPD as an excuse to invalidate her female identity and refuse to treat her for gender identity disorder/gender dysphoria, claiming that her gender "delusions" were caused by the BPD.

I don't know that there is much I can do to help you, but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone, I have been through hell in the so-called mental "health" system (and you're right, it IS a joke) and I have had to fight them all the way and end up helping myself far more than any doctor or therapist has ever helped me. If you ever need an ear to scream in, PM me, I check in every day so I will always answer your messages, and I don't want to see you left behind. Like you, I was told that anger was supposedly one of my problems (and sent to group anger management therapy, what a joke - 8 people in the session, which was run by a tiny little 4ft nothing sparrow of an Indian woman in a sari whose name was PEACE, I kid you not, and who had obviously never been angry a single day in her life so had NO idea what made people get angry - 6 of us walked out within the first 5 minutes and the other 2 followed shortly after because she just was not capable of connecting with ANY of us to speak to our experiences). But I found out that my anger was NOT the problem - my frustration at the lack of help or even someone to LISTEN to me and validate my experiences and say "its ok, you're not going nuts, you're actually right and it IS crap you're standing in" was the bigger issue.

Anyway just wanted to let you know I understand exactly how you feel as I have been there myself and know how incredibly frustrating and invalidating it is - I'm sorry that you had such awful experiences with discrimination and prejudice, too. That flat out should NOT be allowed to happen in a hospital. My friend experienced exactly the same thing - on one occasion when I had to take her to the hospital because she had tried to OD, she was unable to walk so the person assisting us asked (despite the fact that they KNEW her very well as she had been to that hospital several times, and she was dressed in feminine clothing with makeup) "does HE need a wheelchair?" (emphasis very strongly on the HE), to which I replied, "no, HE doesn't, but SHE might - HE can walk just fine" ;) Then we got her into the wheelchair and she was barely conscious, and this idiot doctor starts grilling her over what she took and how much when she's barely even awake, let alone capable of remembering - and when I tried to tell him what she had told ME about what she took, he turned on me and said "I didnt ask YOU!" so I was pretty pissed because their refusal to listen to me meant that she was in ICU for 3 days because they didn't actually figure out what she had taken in time to avoid it.

I'm gonna stop there or I'll write a whole novel about some of the crap things that people in the mental "health" profession have done to me or other transfolk that I know to treat us like we don't matter - but I want to add that you DO matter, and there are plenty of us here who have had similar experiences and want to support you x I'm always happy to be a friendly ear if you need one - any time, ok? x

[cara]

For what it's worth, an excellent book about BPD is "I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality" by Kreisman. There's no drugs to treat BPD.
Good Luck, Cara

[Kaitlyn26]

Where are you located if I may ask? It sounds like maybe the diagnosis they're giving you is not in line with your own self diagnosis. That's why I've avoided "group help" and not seen anyone about anything. I know what I want, I know who I am, and no one is going to convince me otherwise. I have had 26 years to think about it!

[~Seana~]

BPD is an extremely overdiagnosed disorder. It's symptoms though are pretty cut and dried so there's no real excuse for the overdiagnosis.
The biggest issue with BPD suufers is the rapid change in mood. They go through the same mood swings a depressed person does but where a depressed person will change over weeks to months a BPD will change over minutes to hours, causing multiple extreme highsand lows all in the same day. If you're not getting this, you arent BPD
Other symptoms include the real or imagined fear of abandonment and the inabilty to see shades of grey. This last symptom, discounts almost every TG I know, who live in a sea of grey ( and pink).
There IS no medical help out there for it. But it can be overcome, I live with someone who is living proof and i watched it get better.

Seana

[xxchloexx]

I am going to reply in sympathy to this and only because earlier this year i ended up locked up in a phyc ward because of the same issue and got perscribbed lots of meds that didnt suit,made me worse and even madder and nearly got me locked up for good....so I personally would ignore the prognosis and seek an actual gender phycologist,,,I only had my appointment tis evening,and may I add,an official diagnosis from them can have the previous diagnosis renauged....I know I dont fully understand the entire life story,etc ,but I do understand being admitted against will to a pyhc unit for simply having gender dysphoria...So dont loose faith .It is real and the (real) experts will know that once they see it,,I so hope this helps in some way...

[Hope]

So what did they do about... well any of the problems I was dealing with?
not a ****ing thing.

"Groups" WHAT A JOKE! They talked about "managing stress" and "managing Anger" to a general population. Not a single ****ing word was spoken to me about how to deal with a low self esteam, a false self image, or... anything useful to me at all.
It was more like a 6 day "time out" for adults, then anything else. There was NO 1 on 1 time at all with any therapist, there wasn't anything that taught me how to deal with being a transgender individual.

I asked and pleaded for help
I got the same 2 stupid anwers every time
"I dont know of what anyone can do to help with your gender identity problem"
"What do you want us to do?"

I don't mean to be argumentative here, but I wouldn't expect any one in a psychiatric hospital to be prepared to, or experienced in dealing with gender issues. Generally folks in the psychiatric hospital are there to deal with more imminent issues. Major depression, schizophrenia, various psychotic episodes. Things that prohibit a person from being able to function at almost any level. Generally once those issues are controlled the person is ready to return to their normal life and resume dealing with whatever other issues that exist (that may be influencing or contributing to the other issues, but are not a part of the depression / psychosis / schizophrenia, etc.). The staff in a psychiatric hospital are just trying to stabilize folks and deal with the critical care issues. They are not set up to do the sort of long term work that is required of GID. That is not what they exist for. I would have been shocked if you had said that you had received that sort of care.



OH did i mentionI pretty much slept solid for 2 days because of a stupid medication the psychatrist gave me for depression.


first off: Since when has there EVER been medication that treats GENDER IDENTITY DISORDER? NEVER
SO WHY would a doctor perscribe an ANTI DEPRESSANT to soemone without clinical depression?

I am sure that you were given an antidepressant, not to treat your GID, but to address the depression you described below:


They gave me a sheet that has a diagram of a thermometer, on it, describes the senario and rating for "emotional stress temperature"
The point I was at was bout 65, max is 100 and 80 is unbearble crying and just un able to deal with it alone. 100 obviously is the worst, and youre about to off yourself or contemplating it. These places do not help people like us. They help the general joe shmoe and the occasional schizo/anxietyphobe.

This is a long, hard slog. It is full of disappointment, and pain, and ridicule, and misery, and set backs, and rude people, and difficult doctors. It is also filled with excitement, and comfort, and pride, and accomplishment, and friendship, and happiness, and unparalleled joy. But there is VERY little help on the way. There are all sorts of people who will put roadblocks in your path, from religious nuts, to family, to well intentioned doctors, to employers, to misinformed sales staffers, to politicians - even some of your sisters will try to hold you back. You can't expect that people are going to help you through this. No one will give you a leg up. You have to be prepared to do this on your own - from managing to figure out your makeup, to wardrobe, to voice, to legal aspects, to managing your physical safety, to your health, to learning to make friends with other women. There WILL be people who will help you, and their help is often invaluable, but you can't expect it. You have to do this yourself.

[DebbieL]

Mental hospitals and mental health centers really aren't geared for gender issues. Normally, they are set up to deal with crisis situations, primarily people who, without help, may be a danger to themselves or others. Most of the human interaction with staff is with the "Certified therapist", Licensed Social Worker, Certified Addiction Councilor, and maybe a few Masters of Social work. They are supervised by a psychologist or two who gets reports on "high risk" clients, and those who may need corrective medication for depression, bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia are referred to a psychiatrist who can usually take about 10-15 minutes to confirm the observations made by the team, and prescribe the appropriate drugs.

Once the crisis is over, they pretty much have to turn you louse.

Gender Identity therapy is a very specialized field, and generally involves someone who has taken specialized traning, read and published papers, and has worked with others who were transgendered, often under the mentorship of someone who also has experience.

Going to a mental hospital or mental health center to get gender counciling is a bit like going to an army medic to get brain surgery.

Keep in mind that it was less than 50 years ago than Christine Jorgensen made headlines as the first man to be turned into a woman. Today it would be considered a butcher job.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christine_Jorgensen

Until about 1968, cross-dressers could be arrested just for being in public. Until 1986, they could be fired. Until about 2006, they could be harassed and beaten. In Texas a white man who killed a TG or TS might get manslaughter. If a TS, TV, or gay person killed a white man in self defense while being raped, he could get the death penalty.

Most employers still don't have aggressive diversity programs that support transgendered people. Most health insurance plans don't cover gender identity counceling, HRT, or SRS.

It wasn't until about 1986 that a public discussion of gender identity and was conducted on usenet. There, we coined terms like Transgendered, Gender Identity, and began open discussions of what it was to be transgendered, to be in transition, or to be a commuter, or even to be "locked in the closet by someone else".

Eventually, support groups formed online and in communities all over the world. Ironically, places like Atlanta and Boston developed large communities. Other cities became more tolerant, and more intolerant of violence against TGs and TVs.

I woud suggest you look for a support community. They can often refer you to regular therapists who have experience in gender identity issues and can still bill for it as normal therapy.

Try googling transexual and your zip code, postal code, or city/state. There is a very good chance that there is a group or services near you. Almost any listing that comes up will probably be a good starting point for discovering the resources you need, from therapy and books to HRT, presentation aids, and cosmetic surgeons.

[JulieK1980]

I'm very sorry you experienced that! A few things worth noting about behavioral health in an acute care setting, (hospital) is that it's not meant as a means to help the individual in the long term. It IS a generic catch all with generic psychiatrists and psych nurses that probably know nothing of gender identity disorder. The role of a behavioral health unit in a hospital is a transient place to stabilize someone in the short term so they can continue to function in the real world with the hope of referring the patient out for more long term treatment options. Unfortunately though, it's rare for any psychiatrist to be experienced with gender identity, and often times they are at a loss of how to treat you outside of the generic manic or depressive disorders.

Thanks largely to a lack of interest on a national level in mental health, the science as a whole has stagnated since the early 90's. It's sad, but there is little support out there for issues such as gender dysphoria. It requires a lot of searching to find someone with experience.

Remember though, they are for the most part trying to help. They just don't have the expertise necessary.

It's also reprehensible that they didn't stop other patients from harassing you. That IS poor medical treatment.

[kelsey12]

Why did you go there to begin with there are psychiatrist and psychologist who deal with gender identity I think anyone in the medical professional should at least have a slight understand of gid I feel a great deal of empathy for you I really do I just wish there was something I could do I was also in the army and was discharge because I told the I was transgender and I wanted to transition

[Beth-Lock]

I am not a Bible Thumper, but the references in the Bible to righteous wrath, railing against injustice and cruel tyrannical behaviour, or what we would call today 'the system,' ring true down through the ages to our time.
It is disgusting that this is trivialized today as merely resulting from a person needing anger management, when legitimate cases of dangeorus anger, in demogoguery in the media, are ignored and the individual, if he or she raises the slightest voice of protest is consigned to anger management groups. I think the popular media should be sent on an anger management course, and the mouthes of the talk show provokers washed out with soap.
Save me from the plague of professional panacea pushers of anger mangement courses. Such courses have their place, but without social existential analysis they can just end up blaming the victim, at least in some cases of misuse. This is the Miltown of all the shallow doctors and social workers who do not know their stuff.
(Miltown if you remember was the first invented tranquilizer, once handed out with Green Stamps as a promotional gift by retailers. It was a cure for anger and frustration, according to those who passed it out like candy to the mass of middle class sufferers of the trials and tribulations of everyday life. Today we know better and it is only available by prescription.)
In summary: I am not against anger management courses, just their misuse.
Question: Have you or any of your friends been told they need to go on an anger management course when that was not the case at all? Would you go back to such a doctor or counsellor who could so easily misunderstand what you were saying?