Telling someone new

[shaunamac]

I recently met someone, a potential love interest shall we say; and I'm wondering at what point during the "checking each other out" phase do I drop the lead balloon and let her know what I like to do at home in private. Not only when but how? So far it's good but there I was last night sitting on her couch snuggling, me with red toe nails hidden inside my socks and no way was I ready to start that thread or take my socks off! There's definitely some energy there and I feel it's only fair not to hide such a 'little' thing for much longer. If the affair heats up any more then it's going to be a bigger surprise and harder to 'fess up. Any advice from GGs or sisters appreciated. I'm sure this thread has been around and around and around, I'm happy to get re-directed!

[boardpuppy]

The sooner the better, before either of you go to far and end up causing lota hurt.
Alice

[terrianncd]

When I met Patty, I knew she was the one for me. She was/is very open minded and when it became clear that we were getting very serious, I told her there was a part of me that I had to share with her before we went any further. I refused to hide my true self from the one I love as this would just become a problem in the future. All the hiding is no good. When I sat down and told her the truth....she was relieved as she had already decided what I had to say was going to be truely awful and she laughed that being a CD wasn't so bad. She was thinking the worst and it turned out to be just crossdressing...We finished the evening playing in my closet and she found out much to her dismay that I'm a size 8 shoe and she wears a 9 and most of my cute shoes would not fit her...haha. She is still upset to this day looking at all those shoes she can't fit into. If you want to have that great life going forward with this girl, it can't be based on a secret you are keeping. Better for you to tell and lose her than to have her be surprised one day. She will always have a hard time trusting your word from then on. This is just MHO you understand.

TerriAnn

[Karren H]

How about telling her today?

[Cynthia Anne]

GET-ER-DONE! Better to tell her than to shock the ---- out of her!:eek::o

[Mikaela]

I don't believe it is necessary to tell them in the initial courting phase. It should be a consideration around the time intimacy has started. It needs to happen ASAP if you are talking about "love".

[Kaz]

If you want this CD world to be an integral part of your life, why not try telling her now before it gets any more serious. Once you are in deeper it will get harder. The alternative is to accept that you are going to try and hide it from her... or that you are going to let her just find out. It is a gamble... you could lose her... I kept my s**t hidden for decades... if this were me, now, I would have the discussion... now how I would do that I am afraid I do not know... but many others on this site have been there!

[kimdl93]

My perspective on this is based on experience. I knew I had to tell my gf...but waited till 1) I knew her well enought to make an informed judgement about her attitudes towards gender issues and unconventionality, if you will...and 2) till we were at a point in the relationship where we we ready to think in terms of long term commitments. There is no point in doing it earlier, and it should not be much postponed beyond that. If you tell too early, you may frighten her away before she knows you well or needlessly expose your innermost secret to someone who is unduly intolerant. If you wait beyond that point of making a long term commitment, then you're putting her in the position of getting something she didn't bargain for. Its a judgement call but those are the bright red lines.

[Patty B.]

I feel the sooner the better, sounds like this could go somewhere and you dont want to be to involved and tell her. Read the section on having the talk, but you also have to be ready to have this come to an end, badly even. If i could I'd have done it sooner than after 28 years of marriage. just my opinion.

[SheriM]

Rather than spring it on her out of the blue, you might, in a passionate time, show some interest in her lingerie, ask her to leave it on or - etc. If she accepts it, you can go further. If she rejects it, you can stop with the knowledge she doesn't like it.

[Dawn cd]

Actually, a moment of snuggling and necking is a good time to tell, because your obvious physical interest in her proves that you're hetero. Be sure, first, though, that she's not going to blab it all over the neighborhood, so choose a time when you are confiding personal things to each other--your hopes and fears--so she will accept it in the spirit of confidential information. Finally, you don't have to tell her everything at once. Just tell her you like females and you like female things. Let the story spin out over time in response to her questions.

[heel_addict]

I know how you feel. I also have my toenails painted red and hide them under my socks or shoes when with my girlfriend so she has no idea. My mistake is that yesterday, her trust in me was somehow questioned (for a totally irrelevant matter), and I've let time pass way beyond the "point" in a relationship mentioned above, without confessing my crossdressing tendencies. And I do know that she would not accept her boyfriend in anything feminine, she's just not very open-minded about these things. So definitely no, I've got no choice but to keep it secret. Though I can't imagine not having anything "feminine" on my body, hidden or not, I don't want to lose her so I guess I will have to cut down on it a bit and only dress when absolutely positive that I won't get caught.

However, I find it very thrilling to push my luck on this one and almost always have my toenails painted red under my socks and shoes and occasionally wear a pair of very sheer and shiny pantyhose underneath my pants when we hang out. It makes me feel heavenly and the thrill of the possibility to get caught makes it even better! Sadly, I'll have to take my pantyhose off secretly in time when we feel like making love. Oh, how I'd love it if she was OK with my fetish... But we can't have anything, can we? :daydreaming:

[BRANDYJ]

Hi Shaunamac, This is always an issue we all face when meeting a potenial love interest. It's a question that is hard to answer without knowing more about the potenial lady's core values, religious beliefs, her acceptance of people different from her on many levels. Some women can never accept it regardless of how close you become. Others, though rare, might even find it a new and fun thing to be involved with. We have such open and accpeting GG's here on this site. In reading some of your past posts, I see this is not going to be the first lady you have told. So I would think you have a good handle on how accepting this new love interest might be.
As to when to tell, like most I believe the sooner the better. Before those 3 little words (I love you) are expressed by both or either. But not before a level of trust and mutual respect is clearly in place.
I wish you luck in this new beginning.

[Tracii G]

I spent a nice day with an old friend(GG) and I did some general feeling out of her attitudes on a few things and she seems open to most things dealing with gender and gay people in general.
I made a few gender comments and told her I liked to swap genders whenever I can.
She was shocked a bit but said that could be quite fun.She said I couldn't imagine you dressed as a woman.
So maybe our relationship will turn to something good who knows but at least she knows from the start.If she tells her family or my friends it makes no difference to me.
I wish you all the best and hope it works out.

[BRANDYJ]

Tracii, your post made me think...I have told a handful of GG friends after feeling them out.But these women were just good friends. In every case they were fine with it and we remai close friends. But I wonder maybe if they were prospective lovers or we were considering dating, would they be as accepting as they were? For many, I think they can accept it, be OK with it from a friend, but maybe not so fine wiht it if we were prospective lovers. But the important part is I felt them out and knew in advance how they fell about similar social issues and alternate lifestyles. What might be OK between friends might not be OK if they were in a relationship with a CD. Since I am in a relationship with a very accepting SO, I will never know how any of them might feel if they were more then just friends.

[bridgetta]

presentation...just let it out.. its important

[Shelly Preston]

I think you need to read the link in my signature

It has some valuable advice

I hope it all goes well when you do tell her

[DonnaT]

The sooner the better, especially since you sense a greater relationship building.

And definitely before the socks come off! ;)

[NicoleScott]

It might be best not to treat it like a lead balloon, but just one of your attributes. Take off those socks, and let the questions come. But be honest with your answers. If you detect instant repulsion, game over.

[heel_addict]

Next time you two get together and when relaxing and not talking much, strike up a conversation about a man you saw the other day who was wearing sandals with his toenails painted red! You can give a little focus in your voice as if you found this fact somewhat strange. Try to keep this conversation going for 3-4 minutes trying to discover as much as you can about her attitude towards such a thing. If she doesn't respond negatively about it, you can give it a try after about a week or so. Refer to this conversation you were having and say that you decided to do it to see what it feels like, just for fun. Then remove your socks! (Women tend not to take it too seriously when you mentioned that you did it just for the fun of it, the worst that could happen is that she''ll think it looks silly).

The other day I had such a conversation with my own girlfriend unwillingly, it just came up. She mentioned about guys taking care of their nails and told me she thought it was too "feminine". Not painting their nails, not even taking care of them, go figure! She is the kind of girl who likes her man "dirty", hairy and somewhat primitive so to speak. So there's no chance I'll be taking my socks off in front of her, I've got vivid red toenails too!

The only chance I could present myself like that in front of her would be on Halloween perhaps, but even then, she will probably just be tolerant about it and she certainly won't like me to keep it on for more than a few hours. Too bad my girlfriend is not understanding towards this fetish of mine. Any hope of getting her to open her mind about this since my conversations with her always say that she'd feel repulsed by such things?

[lijdi]

I'm somebody who could never get into a relationship without the other knowing. If she seems open-minded, give it a spin :) if you don't come out now though, it'll only hurt her later