Something that I have been thinking about and need feedback

[Sophora]

I have been thinking a lot about the next step of my transition(getting to a therapist and starting HRT). However I am not sure if I should while living with my mom (as she seems to be against me doing this). If I wait until I move out it could be a year before I could start(I need to get a car and a place to live).

So I am asking for guidance. Should I wait until I can afford to move out or should I start now(while I have some money to do it) and risk my mom getting pissed at me? I have had gg friends tell me that I should wait and to get out of my moms house asap. I am kind of driving myself crazy here.

Any help will be appreciative.

[Mariah]

take it slow, by that I mean start with getting a therapist then go from there. might take you a year before the therapist gets your on hrt. It's not a over night thing as some would say. :) but getting the first steps in help now is a good thing. therapists also help with other problems you might be having. ^_^ No doubt you mom might be a little mad but how can she be mad at you for getting help? depending on where you are a good therapist takes time to find too. I personally would hold off on getting on HRT until your out of your parents house, unless the therapist/doctor says other wise.

At least that is what I think. ^_^
Mariah

[DebbieL]

You should make sure that BOTH you and your mother spend some time with your therapist. The therapist can professionally asses your situtaion, then professionally assess the best way to communicate with your mother. You mother may not like the idea of losing her son and gaining a daughter, but many mothers and fathers have lost both the son AND the daughter because they didn't get the support the needed from anyone.

The therapist can also help your mother to be your coach, to support you in doing your assignments and homework. When she gets to know Sophora, or whatever name you finally choose, she make begin to see how happy you are, how much you enjoy your life, and how natural this really is.

On the flip side, a therapist can also assess some of the concerns your mother might have, some of her fears, and help her to deal with them. She may be aware of consequences you have never been aware of. You will both have concerns about consequences, risks, and considerations as well as the benefits and rewards of the transition. Getting the right kind of counceling can also help you if you begin to realize that it's more than you can handle.

Puberty, teens, and twenties are emotional enough when you're only living one gender, but when you really are both genders, and transitining from one to the other, there will be times when you will have to deel with both boy and girl feelings. Having someone who knows the route and knows the issues, can make a huge difference. It could be the difference between life and death.

[Rianna Humble]

I agree with Mariah, start by getting the help of a therapist and take things slowly from there.

If going on hormone therapy is going to cause you grief whilst at your parents' house, then see if you can hold off till you get your own place, but don't let that stop you dead in your tracks, there are other things to discuss with a therapist.

[Stephenie S]

There is no question but that you will want your mother involved in this, the hardest thing you will ever do in your life. If your mom is not on board you will have an absolutely miserable time of it. If your mom IS on board, your life will be MUCH easier.

So that's your first job. A therapist will be able to help you with this, and as has already been mentioned, you should BOTH go to at least one, if not more, sessions. This part can be done BEFORE you move out.

Good luck with this. Show your mom you care about her feelings, but don't let her stand in your way.

S

[Kaitlyn Michele]

you seem to have your head on straight...time is your friend right now..

you have to make some of your own assessments...

why is your mom against it.? there are meaningful and legitimate concerns around the idea of transition..
many parents are more worried about their children and it comes out as lack of support for an idea as crazy their kid being ts.. is your mom religious? how much of her lack of support is driven by her faith?...
What is your ability to support yourself financially and emotionally? how much of a risk are you taking if you risk her support..

i ask these things because if you answer correctly, it could help you alot in guiding her to the right answer...or perhaps highlight the challenge you face... good decisions include alot of thought sometimes..

are u in a position to get help from a professional therapist/counselor? it may be hard to convince your mom REGARDLESS of therapy...i know my mom thought my therapist was like the ts pied piper... and i was 44 yrs old when my mom met my therapist..
she went from clueless, to distraught, to concerned to supportive over about a year....

[AKAMichelle]

There are plenty of things that you can do before you move out to start the process. Seeing a therapist is a great first step. It doesn't mean that HRT is the next step, but having a car, job and money would be where I would focus my energy on for now.

[Sophora]

you seem to have your head on straight...time is your friend right now..

you have to make some of your own assessments...

why is your mom against it.? there are meaningful and legitimate concerns around the idea of transition..
many parents are more worried about their children and it comes out as lack of support for an idea as crazy their kid being ts.. is your mom religious? how much of her lack of support is driven by her faith?...
What is your ability to support yourself financially and emotionally? how much of a risk are you taking if you risk her support..

i ask these things because if you answer correctly, it could help you alot in guiding her to the right answer...or perhaps highlight the challenge you face... good decisions include alot of thought sometimes..

are u in a position to get help from a professional therapist/counselor? it may be hard to convince your mom REGARDLESS of therapy...i know my mom thought my therapist was like the ts pied piper... and i was 44 yrs old when my mom met my therapist..
she went from clueless, to distraught, to concerned to supportive over about a year....

Every time I get a different answer. I think tonight is the closest I have gotten to real from her. She is not supportive because she wanted all boys and she already has 2 daughters. I don't know what to do anymore. Everyone outside of my immediate family are being very supportive. My family isn't. I just don't know anymore.

[Melody Moore]

She is not supportive because she wanted all boys and she already has 2 daughters.
Sophora, I think it is really irrelevant what your mother wants. When it comes to being transsexual noone
really has a choice about it. The reality is your mother never really had 2 daughters, she has always had
three but just never knew it. If she isn't willing to accept that, then there is very little else you can do, but
still, don't let this setback hold you back. Sometimes acceptance from the family can take a very long time.

:hugs: