Planning to tell my wife about CDing... Is it a good Idea?

[FirstTimeCD]

Hi Girls,

I am thinking to tell my wife about CDing. I am not sure about the reaction from her but If she allows it then I can do CDing all the time and she can help me. I am not sure it can be back-fired also.

Need your advice.

Kendra

[Chloe GG]

Good luck . Many wives have a very difficult time with this. I did. Just prepare yourself and be honest with her.

[Danni Renee]

Approach it VERY carefully. There are numerous threads about how things have gone wrong. Only you can know whether your spouse will be accepting. Whatever you do, do not be in a rush. Feel her out and be prepared to answer her questions - she will have a LOT of them! I encourage to research the threads here about telling your wife as your first step. I was very fortunate when I told my girlfriend about my dressing; she is very accepting and helpful. Many spouses and girlfriends are not. You need to be honest with your wife, but be prepared for the ramifications.

Danni

[Taylor186]

If your sole motive is so you "can do CDing all the time and she can help" then, on the odds, you will be very disappointed.

But, I'm all for being honest with your wife about your dressing.

[FirstTimeCD]

"can do CDing all the time and she can help [you]" I mean whenever I get a chance I can do CDing without fear of being get caught

[jackie_p]

As others have said, be very careful. Also, be sure you don't expect too much. Even if she accepts that you CD and is OK with the idea in principle, she may have no desire to see it let alone participate.

[Deana ♥ Danni]

I think you are doing the right thing by sharing this side of yourself with her :) A marriage needs true and open communication to survive and be the best it can be :) I am sooooo grateful to Danni Renee for sharing that side with me and for trusting me enough with that secret ♥ It made our relationship stronger. My advice is to talk to her and be 100% honest! She is going to have all kinds of questions. Please be patient with her and answer them all. May I ask how long you have been married? I hope everything goes well :) Keep us posted.

Hugs,
Deana

[Phoebe P.]

It took me 14 years and we've known each other 27 years. She still had a violent reaction at first. Go slow...

[Maureen]

No. Reality is different from your fantasies. Are you prepared to destroy your wife's concept of her husband? Don't you think if your wife liked the idea of a crossdressing husband she would have suggested it by now?

[FirstTimeCD]

I have been married from last 5 years. I have one daughter. Basically my wife is very supportive to me in all manner but I dont know how she will react on this.

[LolaDD]

Hint about it at first and see her reactions. That is what I did and my wife was very supportive. Use baby steps. Now my wife is totally supportive and she is helping me with my makeup and we shop together and planning our first weekend out as girls.

[RADER]

Just go slow, and answer all her questions, you can bet there will be questions.
But do not force the issue, when she wants to know more, she will ask.
Good Luck
Rader

[LolaDD]

Try suggesting to wear panties or a nightie to bed. Take it real slow.

[Cynthia Anne]

Hint about it at first and see her reactions. That is what I did and my wife was very supportive. Use baby steps. Now my wife is totally supportive and she is helping me with my makeup and we shop together and planning our first weekend out as girls.

I agree with Lola! TALK! Get a realialty check first! EXSPECT TOO MUCH AND YOU LOSE! bottem line! Hugs!

[Tara D. Rose]

[QUOTE=FirstTimeCD;2598633]Hi Girls,

I am thinking to tell my wife about CDing. I am not sure about the reaction from her but If she allows it then I can do CDing all the time and she can help me. I am not sure it can be back-fired also.

Need your advice.

How long have you been married? I am in a bad place with my so called accepting wife right now and she has known for a year and a half. My crossdressing was a non issue when I met and married her. For when I married her on valentines's day of '09, it had been back in 1997 that I had last became Tara. I had purged successfully way back then, to turn from it forever, so on 4-18 2010, I told her of what I used to do, and now that I have told her, she was so accepting at first, and for a while things were good. I have learned the hard way, that so many "so called" accepting wives only push thier husbands or ACT like they care and pretend they want you do do all of everything that goes with crossdressing, but as I have said on here many times(check all my post's), that the majarity of wives push thier husbands to reveal everything about cd'ing, and then once they know all and everything about you, they flip on you, just as my wife has done.
I'm going to scc next week by myself, I wanted her to go, but she doesn't want to go with me, that's all and good, I will divorce her just as soon as I return.
There are those couples on here where a wife is accepting, they have been married for 35 or 40 years, what else is she going to do? Well mine feels that she can do better than me, well good F'ing luck to her and all of her menopausal self, I hope she does, I just want her to get out of my life and all of the turmoil she had cast upon me.
She now uses my corssdressing against me, for all of our so called problems. Such a cheap shot, but oh so typical of her kind. Heed my words dear friend, it may sometimes work, but most often not. There are some rare few cases of accepting wives, and there are some on here, but of the majarity, they hit the roof with it, OR, they play along for a while to get you to reveal all, just as my wife has done. I trusted her and now over the past year, she has threatened me with it, she has blackmailed me with it, she has threatened to send most of my pictures to all of my family with the sole intent to destroy my life as I have known it with my family. In your case, I wish I could meet you face to face to talk about it all. But I can't do that, but, let me tell you with all of my wisdom, that once you make the decsion to disclose it all to her, be prepered for the end of your marriage. LOok at so many other hundreds of threads on here where it killed the marriage.
I can deal with a marriage where the wife found out and she couldn't take it, or if you told a wife and she couldn't take it, but mine pushed the issue so hard, I told her I never wanted to go back there ever again . I told her of all that it does to us. I warned her of how it can overtake you and get so out of control. But she said, " I don't care, I want that for us, Please do this for me my husband<etc"< and now for the last 3/4 of a year, I have regreted so , trusting in her and beleiving all of her words. "I should have known better"(Beatles), for a voice in my head kept saying (MY NAME), don't do it, don't do it. But once again, I made a horrible decsion in my life an trusted my new wife of 2 years with something that I was not doing but what I "USED" to do, but she pushed it so hard, now making me feel like a fool. Now I pay the price for trusting a woman again.
When I return from SCC next weekend, I'm getting rid of her if it's the last thing I ever do in life. She told me she wanted $20,000 to keep my secret safe, the same price I did (foolishly), pay my second wife. I told her hell no, get on the phone and tell whatever you want to whoever you want and say whatever you want.
How long have you been married??? It does make a difference. But to me, with all this modern multi cultured world, it's best for you to just keep it to yourself, and not let any other human have a hold over you, to blackmail you about once a month as mine does. I have given in to her demands several times by way of my corssdressing , that she pushed for me to do, so many times. Enough is enough. Here my words here, I'm no dummy born yesterday. I'm 54 years old and my wife is 56. I have lived a long time and hopefully a few more years, so I wasn't born yesterday, and there is no more lessons about life and living that I am still yet to learn. Once you tell a wife, it can go eighter way, but in my case, she pretended to go along with it just to take pictures and humiliate me to the dogs and threaten to, no HAS balckmailed me with it to get her way several times.
I know that my story does not stand alone. Some wives are ok with it, some are not., Who knows in your case????? But just be prepared, once you tell her, have an attorny's number on speedial, just as I am going to do upon my return from SCC......DAMN DAMN,

Sister girl, be very wary of GG's, most cases they will let a man down, just as all the ex relationships I have had as well as you have and most men or males on this site, over 50+. Sorry for my rambling, but to answer you as best I can and for the answers you seek whether or not to tell your wife?


It;'s a toss up, for women are the most unpredicab*****,,,,no, no ,,telling your wife can be, no could be,,no, ,will definatley be a major mistake to your marriage.

Tara Rose puts $500.00 on silence.

Love & Respect........................................... ...............Tara

[FirstTimeCD]

Lola can you tell me how you approached first time ?

[marny]

WOW! Bad luck honey. I think you're right to call her bluff. I'd be surprised if she hasn't already spilled the beans in which case she has lost her leverage. Good Luck Hon!

[wendy68]

if you go thru with this be prepared for alot of possible confusion with many moods displayed and many questions. You have the best possible insight into how she might react but its dicey in all situations. I finally decided to tell mine 5 years ago nad even thought she said she could tolerate it and me going along with her ground rules --we still ended up in divorce a year ago. Of course my dressing wasnt the sole issue and its very likely we would of divorced in any case due to other reasons it was a issue. I can omly wish you the very best of luck and take note of the other girls in this section. Ive seen this decision go several different directions. I knew i had to eventually tell her the truth for two reasons--couldn't go on decieving my spouse and knew that the law of average would most likely catch up to me and shed find out otherwise making the situation negative from the start

[bridgetta]

Ask yourself if she is inclined that way. Be prepared

[Cheryl James]

It may turn out OK, but I would be prepared for the worst. Though we are still together, we do not have a marriage in the truest sense. I hope it goes better for you. Good luck.

[Jenniferathome]

Kendra, there are three outcomes of telling her, supportive, hate it and ambivalence. My coming out had a very positive result. I do not believe cross dressing "causes" problems. Relationships are good, bad or ambivalent. If your relationship is stong, cross dressing is just a thing. She won't understand it but she will deal with it, with you. The truth is the best thing but your relationship had better be on solid ground.

[docrobbysherry]

Here's my advice, Kendra. Remember, my marriage failed!

If your wife will accept your dressing with open arms, immediately go shopping for Kendra and help u dress, then, by all means tell her!

If your wife goes nuts, throws u out or moves back with her parents, maybe telling her flat out is NOT such a good idea!

She's YOUR wife. So, U make the call!

[celeste26]

This is exactly why I told my fiance before the marriage not afterward. While she is not the most supportive wife regarding my CDing she doesn't complain at least, makes no snide comments about it and doesn't threaten to tell everyone we know (mostly because everyone we know already knows.) Honesty first, last, and always is the best path.

[katlady]

I will take it to the grave. For me, CDing is my little private "getaway".

[jennCD]

Sounds like you simply want to tell all so you can have her approval and the extra freedom that may come with it.... there are no guarantees but there are a number of risks involved so I'd reconsider my motives if I were you.

:)
jenn

[Ameli]

Hey Kendra,

From my experience, being open and honest with your spouse is simply the best thing you can do for yourself and your marriage. Like everything else in life, the most rewarding parts come with costs and, at least for me, confronting this with my wife hasn't been an easy road. The good news is that, after some time and a fair bit of pain and tough conversations, it has brought us to a new fantastic level that I can't believe is achievable without full honesty and disclosure. Opening your most vulnerable parts to scrutiny, and quite possibly rejection, isn't at all easy. The idea of accepting, supporting, helpful spouses isn't a pipe dream, but I think you should be ready to put in a lot of emotional energy as well if you want this type of results. In my opinion, gender diversity is such a foreign concept to the general population that it takes some time to understand. When you factor in that your spouse will likely be quite shocked and wonder what this means for the future of herself and her child, I would expect this to be a tough time. That being said, I think that is a better road to travel than to have here find out on her own. Best of luck to you and please let us know how things work out for you.

Ameli

[Makina]

Kendra,

I think it is a good idea. The more time you will wait, the more violent will be the choc for your wife. There are women who can't just accept crossdressing. But there are a lot more who 'just' have to adapt themselves to the reality. It can take time, a lot of time. And you will have to adapt yourself to the reality that your feminine side is exposed to something else, a woman, who will certainly have influence on your crossdressing.

Try to be honest about your crossdressing, but don't mix what you do and what you dream of. My dreams are more extreme than what I would ever dare. Everybody needs a secret world. Don't open the doors wide open. Try to be honest with yourself, and answer about what you will do. Even if I dream od sex change, I don't want to go to hormones in real life. The limits are the main questions.

Even before telling her, try to be coherent. If your lie was so intense that you tried to be an archetypic macho, your wife will be more shocked. If you show already you're interested into feminine things, it might be easier.

Your wife might question herself a lot about her own feminity. There is already a woman in the house, try to pay attention to it. Try to respect her limits, and if you respect her, she might respect you and your crossdressing, because crossdressing is a part of you.

Take the time to listen to her, and don't manipulate her to go back to your usual crossdressing. Your crossdressing will change and you will have to adapt yourself too. Try to respect her limits, except if she ask you to totally give up, because if you told her you were a crossdresser, your limit is that YOU ARE A CROSSDRESSER. In that case, tell her the truth, that it will never end.

[Shelly67]

I think in the consideration of your marriage and parenthood perhaps paitience needs to be the most important factor here .
Ok , you and I both know as crossdressers it'll always be a part of our lives - however even the act of sincere honesty it can also be DESTRUCTIVE .
Perhaps the greatest advice to pass on to a willing but hidden crossdresser , who wishes to be totally up front and honest to his partner , long term or not is literally test the water but to OBSERVE the reactions before totally coming out . I suggest chatting about perhaps something you've seen , either a newspaper article or a tv clip showing a trans person . Be considerate in what you say , be polite .
From then on just listen , take things into a considerate measure , don't for goodness sake keep going on about it hoping to find answears , because there is a reality here NONE of us appreciate .
No matter what , if we as people are so consumed with crossdressing but hide it away in turmoil , we ARE giving off signals our loved ones pick up on . Its only natural .
Think about that .
It causes stress for both persons concerned ...... so ..... it has to be dealt with , gently , in great respect . In truth , it simply means you are about to off set the " norm " against a solid relationship . It also brings many questions , sexuality , the possibility of wanting to go out and threaten the matrimonial privacey and safety . Especially if there are children involved . Its an undeniable fact , if you really are in turmoil as a hidden crossdresser then you must have to realise how to come to terms with it in a marital setting . In blunt reality it means once you realise there is an oppertunatey to sit down and properly HUMBLY ask for a proper heart to heart talk . Choose the moment carefully , the location private and neutral . More than anything be a man - be supportive . I'd firsty make her aware she is about to learn about a part of your personality that may upset her . Although people of our nature are truely harmless we are STILL misunderstood . Remember that . From then on , only you know how to handle the situation in regards towards your wifes personality .
IF you really are going to come foward and tell your partner all , then abstinance is also an important factor .
We have to accept , although out of the closet doesn't mean its ok to dress everyday . My wife and I have only just really gotten to a point where I can easily ask is it ok for Shelly to come out to play .
It's a very awakening moment in anyones life to simply have to accept , when we have chosen to spend our lives with someone then there occaisions when we really have to learn the most important factor of sharing a life .


Its HOW to communicate .

Bless you - good luck .

[Tina B.]

It all comes down to how well do you know your wife, how does she feel about Gays, Trans people, minority's, liberals, Conservatives, what is her attitude about sex, and real macho men, versus an intellectual quiet type, or in other words, just how well do you know what the women thinks. I've never met your wife, but I believe, people that have an open mind, and will listen, are more likely to accept, but someone that lives with a lot of preconceived notions, will not. A woman that has a thing for the big macho type, may not be to understanding, some have religious differences that cause them to be less than understanding, although a lot of churches are becoming very accepting. I told my wife, and for me, it was the best thing I ever did, there are many others here that say the same, but there is also many stories of broken marriages, some ended in divorce, some are still together, but it's never been the same since they told. Be sure, be careful, and be prepared, because it could go either way.
Tina B.

[Taylor186]

While I generally agree with what Tina has said just above: don't make the mistake of thinking that every woman who is accepting of gays, lesbians and transgender people is a woman who wants to be married to one. Those are two entirely different propositions. That being said, I agree that if she is not accepting of gays, lesbians and transgender people then she will most likely not be accepting of you.

[Inna]

Hi Girls,

I am thinking to tell my wife about CDing. I am not sure about the reaction from her but If she allows it then I can do CDing all the time and she can help me. I am not sure it can be back-fired also.

Need your advice.

Kendra

If you are ready for truth, and consequence of such go for it, if you are looking into one way street and want to get your butt in the middle of it, be sure!!! there is no backing up.........

But then, truth will set us all free, where free doesn't necessarily mean easy

[LeaP]

There are all kinds of marriages and all kinds of relationships. ALL of them, however, rely on honesty, else the relationship is built isn't real. Want an open relationship? If you and your SO agree, fine. Ditto for any other kind, including those resting on convention assumptions. You can't pretend to one while actually pursuing the other without deception and no one deserves that, as you are literally wasting their lives.

Problem is, much in relationships isn't explicit. In fact, the more conventional or culturally-mainline the assumptions are, the less discussion there is. It doesn't help, of course, that things like CD'ing and gender ID issues can lay dormant or supressed. That doesn't change the fact that consideration for the relationship - the "us" - as well as respect for your partner's life trumps your fear.

There are no guarantees. Figure out the best way to bring this up, either on your own or with a counselor, and get past it.

Lea

[CINDYO]

Kendra
I am a GG, and my husband of more than 25 years told me of this a few months ago. I had absolutely no idea. I was devestated and still am. I don't think i will ever completely recover. I have decide to seek a professional for therapy and this will be the 1st time in my life that i have ever felt off balance, directly related to this revelation. He took himself out of the closet and has put me in. I do love him but this is shocking and unbelievable. You know your wife best. My take on the topic is. if you did not have the courage to tel her before the marriage, so that she could have made an informed decision, then be selfless enough to let her have the marriage that she thinks she has. I have cried night and day, i have resumed my life on the outside but i am dying on the inside. I am trying very very hard (thus my membership here) but honestly i am not sure where this is all going to go. I feel betrayed, i was not my choice to married a crossdresser (or what ever else this may lead to) and if you tell her, again will not be her choice to learn this. I would suggest as a wife, GG, if you have had a great marriage and you can possibly go on like you have been, then don't destroy your wife, unless you think she will embrace this revelation. I so wish i had gone to my grave not knowing this, but life goes on and i take one day at a time. I hope we remain a couple but i know this will have many many lonely challanges for me, i am very very sad, i feel so insecure, and i have a great profession, great family, awesome grown kids and wonderful girl friends Despite all of this my marriage was the best thing in my life and now i fear i may not have that. who knows where my husband really wants to go with this. it is just sooo strange and unsettling. He tells me that he wishes he had never told me and i am a patient, usually open minded person, so things are just too great. really really think about this before you tell her, cindy

[Alberta_Pat]

Go clothes shopping with your wife. Hold up some adorable dress in front of yourself, and say "What do you think of this?".
Be sure that it is something you think she would wear. Be prepared to buy it for her though. ;)

Gauge her reaction to you holding the dress in front of you. If she says anything about it negatively, you will know not to broach the subject. If she is ambivalent or positive, you can take it from there. You can then decide if you want to share your wardrobe with her.

Best of luck on deciding, and I hope it works to your mutual satisfaction.

[Stephenie S]

MHO?

Forget it. From your post, you seem to be a little over the top with this.

Look, it's totally unfair for you to want to CD "all the time", and it's totally unfair to expect her to help you. It's YOUR bag. You do it. Do it on YOUR time, not her time.

I often use the analogy of hunting, something many, many women don't like but put up with in their spouses. It's perfectly OK to have a hobby that includes going out into the woods with a gun and killing other mammals for fun. But if you let hunting completely take over your life and ALSO expect your wife to "help" you with it, it ain't gonna work. It might just turn into a deal breaker.

The same holds true for crossdressing. Your wife does not want another woman as a partner. She married a MAN and she wants her MAN. If you want to crossdress she will probably be OK with it as long as you keep it to yourself, on YOUR time. And for goodness sake, don't ask for her help. And NEVER expect her to make love to you while "dressed". This can be SUCH a turn-off.

These are my thoughts. I have little hard evidence, but YEARS of experience. At least THINK about it.

Stephie

[bridgetta]

Dont do it... i just lost my girl because of that... unless she is predisposed and interested in this type of thing,, you could seriously mess up things..

[LeaP]

Dont do it... i just lost my girl because of that... unless she is predisposed and interested in this type of thing,, you could seriously mess up things..

There's a big difference between disinterest and/or tolerance (the hunting example) on the one hand, and on the other revelations that could go to the very basis of the marriage. To take the position that one should withhold information in the latter category, whether justified on selfish or (conveniently) selfless grounds, is to justify leading a double life. Why not just have an affair too - after all, you wouldn't want to tell your wife and hurt her or lose her. Absurd. A spouse may wish they never have had to hear it, but there are some things that they simply need to know. Cindyo's story is devastating. She should have been told years ago. Instead, her life's been built on a deception, with decades now in ruins that might have had a different outcome. At least she would have had a choice. Who are any of us to decide for our wives?

Lea

[Kittyagain]

I would say the one common bond among supporting wives is the love they have for their husband and the the love the husband has for their wife. Remember that.

Go slow is what worked for me. Don't use the words cross dress since to the general populous it evokes negative emotions. My best advice is while intimate tell her how you love the feel of her panties. If things seem positive, go a little further but the key is you can back out at any time without a commitment. If you get any hint of positive she will she a burst of passion in you. Besides when intimate we all get a bit kinky.

From another thread beware of warning signs of none accepting wives. Like a wife that doesn't like makeup, pretty things and has drawer full of plain, white, cotton panties. Not a sure thing by far but might be an indicator of nonacceptance since they themselves may dislike feminine dress.



Kitty

[jillleanne]

Choose one of the following:
1. She will totally accept it and think it's the next best thing since sliced bread.
2. She will reject it totally and kick your skirted ass to the curb.
3. Something inbetween.
This is a loaded question that begs a dozen more questions that start with. 'what if?' You must measure the worst possibility because anything other than the worst is better, pure and simple. The real question you need to ask yourself is," Should she reject the idea totally, will I/can I give it up for the sake of the relationship?" It is also very important to be totally open and honest about who you are and that needs to be done early in a relationship. If the idea of being caught in a matching pair of panties and bra makes you nervous, you have alot of soul searching to do and make a decision based on the worst case scenario result. I told my gg about 10 years ago now, I am currently dressed to the nines for dinner out tonight at a nice restaurant, with her and some friends. I had no idea what my gg would think of it all and as it turned out, she totally accepts me. But I was ready to part ways at the time of discovery, so there you have it. Everyone is in a different situation and only you ultimately, can decide what to do. I don't know your situation/background with regards to cd'ing. I've been doing it since I was in my mothers womb as far as I know. I had no idea years ago that one day I would be dressed en femme and be out and about anywhere with anyone anytime, but I am. I just got tired of hiding it and reached a point where I just had to be me and screw the world if they didn't like it. Maybe you have no desire LONGTERM to be totally out and about. You may not even know that as of yet. Go with the flow, be happy inside, and if that happiness disappears, change something to get it back. I did. Good luck with your decision.

[Inna]

Kendra
I am a GG, and my husband of more than 25 years told me of this a few months ago. I had absolutely no idea. I was devestated and still am. I don't think i will ever completely recover. I have decide to seek a professional for therapy and this will be the 1st time in my life that i have ever felt off balance, directly related to this revelation. He took himself out of the closet and has put me in. I do love him but this is shocking and unbelievable. You know your wife best. My take on the topic is. if you did not have the courage to tel her before the marriage, so that she could have made an informed decision, then be selfless enough to let her have the marriage that she thinks she has. I have cried night and day, i have resumed my life on the outside but i am dying on the inside. I am trying very very hard (thus my membership here) but honestly i am not sure where this is all going to go. I feel betrayed, i was not my choice to married a crossdresser (or what ever else this may lead to) and if you tell her, again will not be her choice to learn this. I would suggest as a wife, GG, if you have had a great marriage and you can possibly go on like you have been, then don't destroy your wife, unless you think she will embrace this revelation. I so wish i had gone to my grave not knowing this, but life goes on and i take one day at a time. I hope we remain a couple but i know this will have many many lonely challanges for me, i am very very sad, i feel so insecure, and i have a great profession, great family, awesome grown kids and wonderful girl friends Despite all of this my marriage was the best thing in my life and now i fear i may not have that. who knows where my husband really wants to go with this. it is just sooo strange and unsettling. He tells me that he wishes he had never told me and i am a patient, usually open minded person, so things are just too great. really really think about this before you tell her, cindy

Hi Cindy, I do admire your honesty yet it is honesty and truth which unsettles you and pulls you in the downward spiral. What you are suggesting that instead of ultimate truth and honesty, weather it has surfaced now or was part of your life forever, such truth is the building block of love. Without it we have nothing, having your husband be untruthful in pretending the old way of life and by the same token carrying the burden and guilt within, such love is just an illusion and not true and wholesome.

I know it hurts, it hurts so much that I tried to commit suicide because I didn't want to burden my family with this pain. But have I succeeded I would had caused pain without possibility of healing. Since my painful reveal, I have experienced love which until then I could not imagine existed.

Do you love him???? or do you feel a "comfortable dependency" we often mistake for love. Our own insecurities, and guilt we have within our hearts, and believe me, I don't know anyone without such, tend to distort our reality and disallow embrace of the truth. Your husband is the same person you have known all these years, same warmth, same devotion, yet his secret, which put him suddenly into a, demented, freaky, section of the societies book of rules and regulations (another blind and unjust notion) makes him somehow different, more distant.................think about it.

To live a lie, prosperous and long life, however colorful, is to be never born. To live a truth, however painful, is to embrace true love and be alive at last if only for a moment !!!!

[Helen Grandeis]

Don't tell her thinking she may embrace it (or even be neutral) and free you to more fully immerse yourself in CD.
My reveal did not produce a positive action other than to shock me back to reality. Luckily I do not suffer from Gender Identity Disorder. I have been able to repackage Helen into a tiny closet that my wife unknowingly fully endorsed and purchased.
-
It drove a stake through her heart. Luckily the first day of her pounding her fist on my chest and calling me a pervert passed quickly. We don't talk about CD (even in recent counseling) and I am careful not to display any knowledge about transgender - trans-sexual issues. I made a big deal about dropping off, what seemed to her, a large quantity (100%) of women's clothing at the monthly transgender support group meeting.
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Don't leave anything where she can find it. Don't risk her catching you. Don't go "out" in your own home town.
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Honesty is a noble ideal.
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Question your own motives. Assess whether staying married is what you want. I determined that staying in our marraige even if it it is a comfortable dependency was what I wanted.

[Tina B.]

Sorry it's been so hard on you Cindyo, but while living a lie was working for you, it probably was not working for him, I know I hated the lie, and refused to live that way.
Tina B.

[19sabrina727]

I just recently came out to my girlfriend about it and she absolutley loves it, just be slow about it don't give her to much info right up front, I. Just eased in with the fact wearing womens panties turns me on and then slowley went on from there. Good luck!!

[Kerigirl2009]

NO not if you enjoy how your marriage is going. Yes being honest is suppose to be good, but does she want to know this about you?

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kendra, Hope for the best and prepair for the worst I don't think that there is a right answer to your question.

Orchid

[Gerrijerry]

YOU WILL GET ANSWERS BOTH FOR AND AGAINST TELLING HER. Reasons to talk with her slowly etc. etc. The truth is no one can tell what will happen between you and your wife. All I can say is that for a few it worked out wonderful for some it was separate lives after. and every thing in-between for the rest. I personally think you are wishing for way to much to happen in your favor.

[Katesback]

I am not a big gambler but I would bet a lot of money on the CDs that tell thier wives thinking they will be accepting and end up in hell. I know thats the most likely situation. You yourself expressed the real problem. Telling is only the beginning of a wives hell. Thereafter it only escalates to a state she could not ever imagine. Really your dreaming to think that a wife is going to be accepting or participatory.

Katie

[giuseppina]

Kendra
I am a GG, and my husband of more than 25 years told me of this a few months ago. I had absolutely no idea. I was devestated and still am. I don't think i will ever completely recover. I have decide to seek a professional for therapy and this will be the 1st time in my life that i have ever felt off balance, directly related to this revelation. ...

It's clear to me you are having a hard time dealing with your dear sweet husband's revelation. Seeing a professional is a good idea, provided s/he is properly qualified and licensed.

Your family doctor may know of someone who does this kind of counselling. Someone who does counselling for gender issues is a good start. You may not get someone you can work with the first time. If that happens, try someone else. This is normal when seeking counselling.

Now for some red flags about things that can go wrong:
* any sort of judgment on the therapist's part
* any mention of reparative therapy in any positive manner - this is unethical as it is associated with more serious problems like clinical depression or worse
* a therapist that tries to push you faster than you want to go - this leads to breakdown of the professional relationship between therapist and client

Unfortuneatly, members of the clergy are almost never qualified or licensed to provide counselling for the sort of thing you are experiencing right now.

A positive attitude is the most important thing. You will survive this. Your marriage will change, but that is to be expected with these sorts of revelations. Let's hope this makes you and your husband closer after all the dust settles. Sure, it's hard now, but every marriage has its ups and downs, even those without gender issues in one or both spouses.

Good luck. :hugs:

[Jaymee]

knowing yor partner is the biggest thing in this matter, and if after all of your time together you can honestley say that you think it would hurt yor spouse, then don't

[Tara D. Rose]

Stats show that it is not the best not the right thing to do. If life with her is good right now, then it's best to leave it at that. Why try to fix something that isn't broken.? Look how unhappy I am for telling my wife, look how unhappy MoMarie is with her husband, and so many more. It's a beautiful concept, but most times, crossdressing and marriage do not mix. ........oh my...another one bites the dust

[DebbieL]

Hi Girls,
I am thinking to tell my wife about CDing. I am not sure about the reaction from her but If she allows it then I can do CDing all the time and she can help me. I am not sure it can be back-fired also.

Need your advice.

Kendra

Kendra,
Although most of us who are transgendered and cross-dressers totally understand why you like to dress, and why you have kept it a secret from so many people for so many years, it's quite likely that you wife will understand none of it.

What's worse, if you have been dressing around the house, hiding your wardrobe, and hoping she wouldn't find it, or the activity on the computer, then she may already know and is afraid to let you know that she knows for fear that it might hurt you.

The reactions to the formal revelation are similar to the reactions to learning that a loved one has died. Shock, anger, sadness, acceptance, and resolution. And it's not a linear progression either. She may seem accepting one day, then angry about it another day. She may also see it as a potential bargaining chip.

The degree to which she will experience your revelation as a death of the man she knew and loved, will be largely a factor of who you have been prior to this revelation. If you are "Mr Macho" at home and in your social life, and what she loves about you is that your strong, masculine, aggressive, and a good "protector", then she might feel like everything about you is a lie, that the man she knew was an illusion, and she might even hate your femme self.

On the other hand, if you have always been kind, patient, gentle, supportive, loving, and "feminine", she may have been waiting for you to come out, and might have even been afraid to let you know that she was attracted to you because you were so feminine.

Simply put, the more you've lied, the harder it's going to be to make amends for all the lies. For a woman, it's not the cross-dressing that's the issue, it's the dishonesty, the betrayal.

You need to be ready to support her in any way she needs you through all of this. If you have never told any other living person, face-to-face, about your desires, then you need to tell her that. If you have tried to tell others and it has gone badly, you need to tell her that. You need to let her know how vulnerable you are, and how much you love her and how much you don't want to lose her. She needs to know that you love HER, and find HER sexy, beautiful, attractive, and wonderful in every way. She also needs to know that this is not a secret you kept lightly.

Next, you need to let her begin to set the terms. How does she want to deal with it? If you're lucky, she will be into it, maybe even have some bisexual tendencies and fantasies, and will want you to make love to her as a woman. On the other hand, she may insist that you not do it at home, around the kids, or anywhere else where others might find out. She might suggest that you go to a cheap motel and dress up and stay in the room. She might want to dress you up evey night or all week-end, or she might want you to limit yourself to once a month at the motel.

But she may also have some other demands. She might want you to stop smoking, start losing weight, quit drinking, or do more housework like cleaning the house and doing the laundry - especially if you've avoided the "women's work" in the past. Even if she says she wants you to scrub the toilets, you should seriously consider ANYTHING she suggests as not a "It would be nice if..." but as something as important to her as your cross-dressing is to you.

The one thing that you can count in that she will very quickly be aware of how important this is to you. It was important enough to keep it a secret for all these years, and important enough that you were too afraid to even tell her for fear of losing her. It's only natural that she will want to use that leverage in ways you may not be prepared for, and can't predict. You can probably already guess what it is she will want, but more than likely there will be some twist to make it more interesting.

If you listen, really listen, for what SHE really wants and needs, there is a good chance that you will work out a solution that works well for both of you. She may even moderate her demands. You may end up having a much closer relationship as a result. One based on honesty, integrity, and authenticity and mutual trust.

[Ashliegh]

Don't do it. Don't "come out". That is a HUGE mistake. If she finds out that you've been hiding it all along and "living a lie all this time, your marriage is over. Period. There are VERY rare exceptions. My advice to you is to "discover" that part of yourself WITH her. Joke about trying on her pantie. Say something like "they feel so nice on the outside, how do they feel on the inside?" If she goes along then you can ask to try them on. If she shoots you down you know her feelings and need to decide if you want a marriage based on a lie or look for someone else that is accepting of someone who is a CDer. If you didn't tell her before you got married, you have a lot of nerve expecting her to accept it now. Start out with the panties, see how it goes. If that goes well, SLOWLY work to expand. Make it seem as though you're discovering this for the first time and she's there with you. Yes it is still a lie, but the truth will still eventually come out, and you may have a slim chance of saving your marriage. I told my wife well before we were married that I liked wearing women's lingerie and was told it was "fine" and she didn't "have a problem" with it. Then 10 years later she left me saying she never knew the extent of it, when I tried to be open about the progression as it happened. I am now with an accepting girlfriend but she knew BEFORE we got together and knew me from years before.
All I can say is "good luck" ... You're going to need it :(

[Meg East]

Think before you come out to here. You won't be able to un-ring the bell afterwards. Under the best circumstances be ready for the questions about your sexuality, honesty, etc.

Realize you can't control her response to your pronouncement.

[TGMarla]

There used to be a sticky at the top of this forum on how to tell your wife. Rachel Morley's wife used to be an active member on these boards, and she put out a detailed and thoughtful post on methods one can take to effectively let your wife in on your little secret. It looks like all the stickys have been taken down. You may want to take the time to write her a letter detailing your crossdressing desires. This way you can say what you want to without tripping over your tongue and saying something you may regret a whole lot later. You can also include your deep feelings for her while you tell her about this. Best of luck, though. Very few women are down with this, and even fewer will appreciate why you kept it from her for so long.

[jillleanne]

I think in alot of responses, the main point is being missed. Assuming we have a relationship whereby one participant is happy, the other is not, for whatever reason( it's immaterial), something needs to change in the relationship, period, if happiness by both parties is to achieved. Hiding something from your partner that makes you unhappy for the sake of retaining a supposedly happy relationship, is foolhardy and over time, will return with a vengence. It's much easier to pretent/hide something from a partner thinking it will magically go away on it's own, but it won't( out of site, out of mind). If you stay in the closet, sooner or later, someone you know will find out, usually your partner. Would you rather have your partner surprisingly walk in on you sprawled out on the chesterfield dressed en femme and throw them into shock, or would you rather sit with them and calmly try to explain to them who you are, have been, and will be in the future. The result may or not be positive, that's the chance you take. What are your options? You can continue to live a lie, unhappily and take your chances of never being caught, and hope your desire to be gender enhanced does not intensify over time because that will just increase the unhappiness for you and the relationship. We all want two things in life, whether we know it or not; happiness and health, ultimately, the other things don't matter. You've got the health now hopefully. Do whatever it takes to get happinesss in your life and in your relationships with others and let destiny lead you forward.

[*Vanessa*]

Hi Girls,

I am thinking to tell my wife about CDing... Need your advice.

Kendra

Hey sweetie
You know you should have had this talk prior to the I DOs right? I was going to ask how long have you been married but that doesn't matter a bit. You want to now come clean (so to speak) now that Kendra wants more attention. Your wife should have had that choice prior to the vows, remember (the honour and respect stuff). I hope she truly speaks her mind when you do, I hope she says, "Oh that's so cute sweetheart lets go shopping" but I don't think that's going to happen.

Not trying to be nasty about this Kendra, just being honest.

This is my advice. Tell your wife you need her complete attention to talk about a few personal things you have going on. Ask her to pick a day to spend solely with you so that the two of your can talk this through. Time to pull up your big girl panties now Kendra, hope it turns out the way you want.

With respect
v.

[J'lyn GG]

When you realize that it will be your job to remind you wife on a daily basis why she loves you, then its time to tell your wife. Telling your wife isn't a free ticket to freedom. If anything, it is a free ticket to hell for your wife and a free ticket to walking on glass for you. Because when you tell your wife, her emotions will be all over the map, all the time.

Yes, she may place unreasonable demands on you, to which you should say, okay dear. For you, because I love you. Then it won't be such a big deal, because you made her more important than the cding.

She may say shaving is okay one week, then the next week, have a change of heart, then the next week, it changes back. It will be very frustrating for you, but you need to go with the flow. IF its frustrating for you, imagine what its like for her. To have no control over her emotions and no reason why she feels the way she feels.

Find a counselor first, so if its needed, you have someone on stand by to go and discuss this with. Don't wait until things are unbearable, then decide to take that step.

Be prepared to be an open book. And when I mean an open book, I mean be prepared to tell her EVERYTHING you have done, do now, and plan/may plan to do in the future. My husband has an email account. I don't care if he checks it, but, for some reason, I have to know that he has checked it or plans to check it. Like I said I don't know why, but I do. He respects that.

Be prepared for her to walk out the door. Not every woman does, but some do. But, also be prepared for her to be hateful, vengeful, resentful. Even if for a short time. If you love her enough, you will understand and deal with all of this.

Honestly, I could go on and on. This all could go on for a couple of months or a couple of years. If you are not understanding, such as some men on this site, then you won't make it. She'll either leave you or stay and be miserable. Either way, not good for you. It's been a year (of actually facing this head on in our lives. I've actually known 16 years. In a don't ask, don't tell way) for us. We're still not at a place with it that I would like, nor is my husband. But we are at a compromise that both of us gets something we want and both of us have to deal with something we don't want. That's compromise, right?

Please keep in mind that this is MY point of view. Some may apply, some may not. Each GG is capable of different things, based on previous life experience and previous life hurts and baggage.

PS. Under no circumstance do you tell her it is just clothes. Because it is not. Never. Not only is she dealing with the cding, but also the lies, the secrecy, the betrayal, the feeling of being duped and also feeling unsecure in her marriage and her life has just spiraled out of her control. Imagine dealing with cding, the death of your mother, your best friend and your husband, all at once. Yeah. Many women mourn the marriage/life they thought they had. Hence all the crazy emotions.

[Momarie]

Tara-mxy:

"look how unhappy MoMarie is with her husband"

Tara I know you demanded to know whether I was "lawfully married" in your pm to me, I chose not reply as I sensed the direction you wanted to go.
To dismiss me and to punish.

No, I am not "lawfully married".
Yes we struggle with this but after 34 years we still care very much for each other and try to UNDERSTAND each other.

Kendra,

Only you know what is in your heart.
Only you know your wife.
I believe in a loving relationship you have more options that just staying in the closet or losing her completely...those possibilities are endless if you are both willing and able to put the others need first.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Kendra

I think you should read the link in my signature

TG Marla refered to it earlier It has a lot of useful advice and I would say it is essential reading before you do anything

[dana8656]

I can't say in favor of or not. I can say that is probably not a good idea to keep secrets from your wife.

[Ressie]

I've tried since I was about 25 years old (I'm now 58) to share the secret with my girlfriends. I've only had one gf that was cool with it (when I was 25). What made me so at ease to tell her was early in the relationship she told me she was bi. So if your wife is bi, she may find it fascinating. I've shared the secret with a few other women over the years, because I figured if the relationship became serious it should be known. No other woman was for it, and some felt as though I had another gf on the side. So, I wouldn't recommend it once you're married unless you know your wife has a kinky side.

Telling the truth may be just to clear your conscience. Think of how she'll feel and be affected.

[Babeba]

Don't do it. Don't "come out". That is a HUGE mistake. If she finds out that you've been hiding it all along and "living a lie all this time, your marriage is over. Period. There are VERY rare exceptions. My advice to you is to "discover" that part of yourself WITH her...

Start out with the panties, see how it goes. If that goes well, SLOWLY work to expand. Make it seem as though you're discovering this for the first time and she's there with you. Yes it is still a lie, but the truth will still eventually come out, and you may have a slim chance of saving your marriage. I told my wife well before we were married that I liked wearing women's lingerie and was told it was "fine" and she didn't "have a problem" with it. Then 10 years later she left me saying she never knew the extent of it, when I tried to be open about the progression as it happened. I am now with an accepting girlfriend but she knew BEFORE we got together and knew me from years before.
All I can say is "good luck" ... You're going to need it :(


I can't say that I'm a fan of the 'pretending to discover' as a way of revealing this. How much lying do you want in your life? What happens if she needs extra support from someone else going through this and discovers this site (and your posts?) Even if she doesn't find them by accident, I really think that joining THIS site in particular is probably the best for the SOs and wives of crossdressers to sort out their feelings and get support from other women who are going through the same thing with as open a mind as possible. If you want your wife to have the best chance of seeing this as normal, finding other women like me, ReineD, Sandra and many others who are happy with their CDing (or TS!) SOs - and women like Grace Anne, CINDYO and Momarie who have a hell of a lot of courage in the paths they are attempting to keep their lives and their relationships together as possible - is probably something she will need. Do you want to sabotage her path in this by not being able to 'let' her find this website? Changing your girl name so she doesn't realise that you premeditated so many little lies?

The number one thing that any GG needs, at any stage of learning about her SO's cross dressing or transgenderism, is patience on behalf of their SO. Let them go through the stages they need to go through. Some of it may not be pleasant for you; certainly some of it is not going to be pleasant for her. That's okay, you guys NEED to go through it, and together. Also, let's face it - you've had umpteen years to figure out what this means to you and get to the level of acceptance you are at. How much time has your SO had?

The number two thing that any GG needs is respect and love. If you don't love your SO enough to respect her, her boundaries, and the choices she is entitled as a human being to make about her own life - if you don't value your relationship enough to compromise and work together to a place you can both live with - then I'm not sure you should mess her life up. I'm conflicted about this. I think everyone should have the right to the information they need to make big decisions about their lives; but as CINDYO pointed out, that can be absolutely devastating. It's best to tell before marriage and serious life changes... but afterwards? Big fuzzy grey area.

Also - if you DO tell, I think honesty is incredibly important. YOU CANNOT LIE ANYMORE. It will just make it worse. I'm not saying you have to say it in the harshest way, but you shouldn't outright lie or deceive any more at that point.

[Joanne f]

Yes it would be a good idea to tell your wife about the CDing but only you can judge what her reaction might be but (always that but):heehee: i think you should not be doing with the attitude that it will allow you to CD all the time once she knows about it , acceptance does not necessarily mean full acceptance so be wise with it .

[Shelly67]

In regards to all the replies here , have you asked yourself one HUGE question ?
In light of the obvious you wish to tell your partner , strike up a relationship of understanding and acceptance BUT if you decide NOT to come clean , then the only real quandry is this - how long do you think you can keep it up ?
To be at a crossroads isn't easy , but to standing still gets everyone nowhere . And no one can do that forever.
I think perhaps you've made your mind up already , but in simple terms are cautious of reaction . Maybe that needs to be dealt with first . Deception ( that is how our secret is jugded on first hearing ) hurts like mad .
To unload such a sensative , misunderstood part of our lives is truely an enlightening moment in so many ways . We are asking to be understood , accepted in disbelief . Unless the person concerned has an inkling " something " is going on then its never going to be easy . To engage in such a disscusion , it has to be realised - there are going to be questions , tears even heated moments . This part of a crossdressers life , the raw fearful part , it has to be dealt with in maturity honesty , but more importantly we have to realise we are going to rock that boat and hurt the someone we love. Maybe that needs to be dealt with first - learn how to comfort properly .

Either way , in the end it'll always come out ....... the truth always does .
We just have to realise we do have the ability to engage in trying to change everything . And to be brave enough to try .
The most important of factors in life .......... we only wish to be accepted and supported in exactly the same way our opposites do .

Think of your partners reaction .
The last thing you want to do is hurt the poor girl .

[Mandy]

Please just be carefull, as women have the perogitive of changing there minds, like mine did:D
They might be fine after the initial confession & questions, but be prepared for a change of heart:straightface:
They are also like the Gestapo, they know when there is something amiss:doh:
Still to this day my gf routes, rummages, call it what you want, through my things, I have nothing to hide nor do I wear her things.

Take it easy & be prepared to be interrigated

[ReineD]

I am thinking to tell my wife about CDing. I am not sure about the reaction from her but If she allows it then I can do CDing all the time and she can help me. I am not sure it can be back-fired also.

There's no telling how she'll take it. I guess it has to do with her age, her personality, how close you are, how open-minded she is, whether the CDing is something you like to do once in awhile for fun as opposed to a deeper level where you'd rather CD than doing anything else. You did say she is supportive of you in everything else and this is a good sign.

But I wouldn't approach it from the POV of telling her because you need help. You did say you don't want to hide it though, and this is a better way to approach this ... you want to tell her because this is something that she needs to know about you. She'll have a lot of questions and you'll need to be prepared to answer them all. The CDing might make her feel as if she is losing her husband, but you need to not run away from the questions and instead help her to understand what this means to you. She may feel insecure about this, or she may well get right on board with this depending on the slew of variables I mention above and there's no way to know until you actually go through with telling her. Just please read this (I know Shelly Preston already provided the link, but I can't emphasize reading this enough):

How To Tell Your Partner (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?13841-How-to-tell-your-partner)

Now I Like It, Now I Don't (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?12890-Now-I-Like-It-Now-I-Don-t)

But, just know that if you decide to not tell her, you will over time resent having to hide, and she will over time sense you are hiding something and she won't know what it is. This is when trust breaks down in relationships and once this happens it's very difficult to get the marriage back on track. Even if you do decide to tell her years from now because you can't hide anymore, it might well be too late to get her on board with you. It's better to do it now.

Good luck! :hugs:




Sister girl, be very wary of GG's, most cases they will let a man down, just as all the ex relationships I have had as well as you have and most men or males on this site, over 50+.

Tara, what happened? Eight hours before you posted above, you said you and your wife were going together to the SCC. Did you and she have a fight?

You say your first wife blackmailed you for $20k and I understand feeling burned by this, especially if you are now experiencing difficulties with your current wife. But, I don't agree that most GGs will behave this way especially if the marriage is sound, although it's true that generally there will be difficulties depending on her age and if she wasn't told beforehand. We have a high divorce rate in this country, whether or not the husbands CDs. But, if he does CD and things aren't going well in the marriage (due to the tension that exists when the husband feels he needs to hide), this brings added complications and can bring the marriage to a whole other level of ugliness. It takes two people to sour a marriage. I am sorry that both you and your wife are going through this and believe me I am fully aware of how ugly it can be when marriages end even when there is no CDing. I hope for your sakes it was just a fight and not the end.

I'm just trying to put it in perspective. You haven't had positive experiences, but if you read through the forum you'll see more instances than not of marriages who do survive rather well when a husband CDs.

[BRANDYJ]

It's interesting how some members here, that have had bad experineces in telling their wife about their Cding, how they can tell you "Don't do it" based on their experience with their wife or SO. It also puzzels me how we talk about telling and never do we see where the one that wants to tell gives us any idea how much their wife loves them or if she is otherwise happy in the relationship. They don' share how happy she is now, before telling. Every relationship is as different as all of us are fom each other. There is no way to know how she will take it without knowing more about the health of the relationship as it stands now. No way of telling without knowng how open-minded she is or how devoted to making the relationship work.
We don't kow if the Cder that is asking has otherissues that make the wife unhappy. Perhaps he has a serious drinin problem. Maybe he spends to much time doing what he wants and ignores the needs and wants of his wife. he may be selfish, thoughtless and cares more about his wants and needs then he dooes his wifes. If any of those things are true, no doubt the odds of her understanding and acceptance are next to none. it could be the straw that broke the camel's back and the relationship goes into a tail spin. However if he is a thoughtful husband that spends time with his wife, does not abuse drugs or alcohol, is a good friend and shares in all household concerns, he's got more then a fighting chance IF... and I do mean IF, the communication is good, the trust up until this point has been good, and IF the love is strong and mutual, then I think most women can learn more about the what and why we Dress and can adjust to it and keep the relationship alive and perhaps grow even closer due to this shared secret now out in the open.

I guess I have been lucky or blessed. I have told two past wives (first one died in 1984), and our releationships survived. My second wife and I divorced after close to 19 years from just growing apart. My being a CD had nothing to do with it. Today we are still friends and respect each other. My current SO and I have been together fo over 4 years and she knew before we even met face to face. She happens to be more then accepting since she has had past experiences with CD's She enjoys this part of who I am and it was part of her attraction to me.
The point is, only the CDer that knows himself and knows his partner and the strenght of the relationship can make the call as to tell or not to tell. He should already kow ho she feels about many things such as gays, and other alternate lifestyles. He should know how her religious views might effect her acceptance. Above all, he should know that she will stand by him through thick and thin out of love. If he knows these things, knows she does in fact love him and he loves her, then by all means TELL! And the sooner the better.

[angies GG]

It is very difficult to accept. I first found out after 5 years of marriage, but we basically went on "dont ask dont tell" so it didn't really help his cause of being able to dress whenever. Ignorance is bliss. That being said I think I'm glad that I do know. He talked to me about it "again" this summer (now married 22 years, it was probably a long 17 years for him).

There have been some really good comments. I agree you will be disappointed if you are just telling her to be able to dress more frequently. Take it slow. VERY SLOW! Be prepared to answer questions but also don't be afraid to tell her if you don't have the answers. I recommend giving her some time to sort things out after you tell her and really try to be open about discussing it if she is willing. It may be hard, since you have lived with this secret so long, to talk about it but it is important.

The reason I am glad that he told me is I hate to think of us as every having any secrets from each other. This is the only secret we have had, and I do understand his reason for not telling me. He didn't want to accept it himself. It will not go away, so because he has always been so supportive of me and I like to really "share" our marriage together I am doing my best. It is different for all of us. My best seems "wonderful" to many CDs and my husband is very appreciative. I still however do have lots of restrictions, that many CDs think would be unreasonable or they could not live with it. I have become comfortable with expressing my feelings to him about this and don't feel guilty for not accepting the parts that I don't accept. I am always willing to talk about it again in the future to see if my views have changed. But if not, oh well.

Also, it is important for her to see that you are still your masculine self. The husband that she married. CDing is just a part of who you are. She may feel that your femininity makes her feel less feminine. Even though it is not about her, she may feel that it is. Just reassure her along the way. My husband let me set the pace. That helped me feel in control and less overwhelmed. But I did try to at least have a pace, and some GGs if allowed to set the pace my just ignore the whole issue and you are back at square one. So set a date perhaps to discuss issues, and maybe another date to re-evaluate how things are going. Good luck and keep us posted with whatever you decide.

[Kittyagain]

I am curious. What did you do?

Kitty


Hi Girls,

I am thinking to tell my wife about CDing. I am not sure about the reaction from her but If she allows it then I can do CDing all the time and she can help me. I am not sure it can be back-fired also.

Need your advice.

Kendra

[Gaby2]

Hi Kendra,
just caught up on a few of your posts.
Don't let the wealth of sincere experience here confuse (or even disillusion) you.
It's very important for each and every one of us to gain his/her own experience all by him/herself.
You're doing very well... enjoy your time alone... and look forward to seeing and being with your wife when she returns.
:)Gaby