Blue Fog - losing the urge

[Cari]

There is allot of talk of Pink Fogs ; but I wonder if anyone has experienced a blue fog. I was reading some posts and realized I have always had an ebb and flow with my desire to dress.

Early on I would get what I think of now as blue fogs, times where I would purge and just completely quit dressing cold turkey ect. At these times I would think that dressing was bad for me and I needed to stop ect.

Some blue fogs just kinda settled in and I lost the desire to dress boxed everything up and took a break. These didn't have the gotta quit or bad feelings.

I think over time the swings have mellowed out; mainly because I've accepted my dressing. It seems like the "fogs" on both sides are less extreme with each swing.

Has anyone else experienced this - Is there an opposite to the Pink fog ?
Maybe I'm just getting older and don't have the energy for the drama :-)

[suchacutie]

For me, "energy" is the word. Tina is an intense side of me and every time she appears I learn a lot about her. I've never been able to do this when I'm tired or when the world is pressing in on my (our) life. It's not that I feel guilty at all, or have any reservations about my feminine side. Tina needs time and energy, and then the pink fog is very pink and very foggy!

[danielle.cd]

yeah i get that after weeeks of dressing you get the urge but then u think about and think why all the time and effort for what. then you go about your life for a while and bam i have to dress and for weeks on end thats all youl think about . so yes i believe there are two fogs but also ive notice when i dont feel like dresssing i still like shoping for stuff and i get really iritable almost like my testoterone is to high or spikeing then like a week or so later pink fog time then when the low t hits it dips to low and i get the blue fog as u put it , just what i have found in my instinces not neccesaraly others

[joanna4]

I just got a new GF and I feel the same. Though I still like to shop and look at makeup and girls clothes, just I don't want to dress anymore.

[carolynn2fem]

There is allot of talk of Pink Fogs ; but I wonder if anyone has experienced a blue fog. I was reading some posts and realized I have always had an ebb and flow with my desire to dress.

Early on I would get what I think of now as blue fogs, times where I would purge and just completely quit dressing cold turkey ect. At these times I would think that dressing was bad for me and I needed to stop ect.

Some blue fogs just kinda settled in and I lost the desire to dress boxed everything up and took a break. These didn't have the gotta quit or bad feelings.

I think over time the swings have mellowed out; mainly because I've accepted my dressing. It seems like the "fogs" on both sides are less extreme with each swing.

Has anyone else experienced this - Is there an opposite to the Pink fog ?
Maybe I'm just getting older and don't have the energy for the drama :-)

Yes My tide ebbs and flow aswell. a ying and a yang or as Tina put it a pink and blue energy and some times energys blend. this is the time of year the pink energy arises and I have noticed a differnt flow and intensity from year to year or cycle to cycle as well. Carolynn likes to explore differnt aspects of herself like Robs interest very too. It gets confusing when I'm on the line between the two Carolynn likes to look and feel pretty and Rob likes to play with guns. Carolynn doesnt like the look of Rob's hunting appearl so she has to buy her own.

[Princess29]

After a few things going a bit pear shaped towards the end of last year, Melissa kind of disappeared and then I had hoped to bring her back during Divas Las Vegas earlier this year but a lot of the same issues that had been taken up a notch at the end of last year, were there in abundance even in Vegas and that kind of sealed the deal.
I havent dressed for nearly a year now aside from one failed attempt in Vegas. Lately the urges are starting to resurface but the issues that put me off are still there.
I do find lately especially that while I might want to buy some girl stuff, I know that I wont use it so I refrain from purchasing whereas previously I would have just bought it anyway.
Purging is not going to happen as wigs are hard enough to come by for me (they dont make them big enough) but I have trimmed a fair bit of stuff from my girl wardrobe that I never used, even when I was dressing more often.

[Cynthia Anne]

WhenI was younger I would get peer pressure and feel ashame and have the desire to quit! After I started accepting myself this changed and I realized that there was no shame! So now there is no desire to quit because I'm just being me!! Hugs!

[Staci G]

I just got a new GF and I feel the same. Though I still like to shop and look at makeup and girls clothes, just I don't want to dress anymore.

JOANNA, I MET MY WIFE AND JUST KNEW SHE WAS THE ONE AND i NEVER WANT TO DRESS AGAIN. THAT WAS SHORT LIVED (ABOUT 2 YEARS) THEN BOOM LIKE A ROCKET IT HIT ME AND THEN IT WAS TO LATE SHE IS A HATER. LET HER KNOW IF YOU THINK IT MIGHT GET SERIOUS, IT WILL SAVE HEART ACHE WHEN THE DESIRE COMES BACK.

[Tina B.]

I love the term Blue Fog, never had the name, but I'm an old friend of the blue fog. Not one to purge anymore, but have been known to pack it all away, for years at a time. now days at times it just hangs in the closet unused, but I don't pack anything away anymore, I know it will be back out an a few weeks, or months. But when the interest is gone, it's long gone. Then when it comes back around to pink fog, it's bar the door, Tina's going to bolt, shopping 24/7 in womens wear for a week or two, other than the occasional trip to town.
Tina B.

[Piora]

About 10 years ago, when I first separated, and the family home was sold, I purged everything I owned....corsets, stockings, panties, wigs - everything - with the thought that I would never dress again. And, for about 7 years, that was true. Prior to that day, I had been dressing almost every day for about 20 or so years. Then, about 3 years ago, I was browsing the Web, and came across a lingerie site. There were pictures of models in corsets, stockings, panties etc. Something clicked and the old desire came flooding back again. I've been dressing ever since, as strong as ever. My tastes in clothing and lingerie have changed since 10 years ago, and perhaps I wouldn't be wearing any of the things that I purged that day, anyway.

My point is, of course, that while all of us have stopped crossdressing for a couple of weeks, to a few months - even years, like me - it never goes away. Life sometimes just gets in between us and our desire to dress, and we turn all our attention to that, and not for dressing.

[RenneB]

Oh the ebb and flows of my moods are so much fem that I can't believe that I even purge. But as I look back over half a century, it really has come and gone. However, the closer I am to the stairway to heaven, the stronger the swings. The last purge was about a decade and a half ago. Then Bam, it's back into the pink fog and lovin it. You girls here make it easyier to be who I am.

I have a few mini purges now and then. Like when I take a bad pic and then am on the computer, I'll purge my wish list from the bay store and just stop shopping alltogether. Wait a few weeks and then I'll be surfing the tv channels and come across a great show with a GG in a great outfit and say to myself, hey, I could wear that better than she could and then the pink fog is back....

I must say, that en fem, the depression is gone, the adreniline pumps up a little bit and I get a little giddy. Maybe that's not the right word so I'll go with comfy. Can't wait for the next comfy clothes outfit to arrive in the mail.

I am really enjoying the journey as I'm not sure what the destination is.... purges be darned.

Renne.....

[steftoday]

About 10 years ago, when I first separated, and the family home was sold, I purged everything I owned....corsets, stockings, panties, wigs - everything - with the thought that I would never dress again. And, for about 7 years, that was true. I've been dressing ever since, as strong as ever. My tastes in clothing and lingerie have changed since 10 years ago, and perhaps I wouldn't be wearing any of the things that I purged that day, anyway.

My point is, of course, that while all of us have stopped crossdressing for a couple of weeks, to a few months - even years, like me. But it never goes away. Life sometimes just gets in between us and our desire to dress. and we turn all our attention to that, and not for dressing.

This post is very reminiscent of what I sent through as well. I had been dressing since I was about 13, and did so often until I was well into my 40s. For some reason, I purged and stopped for about 9 years. Dressing was still on my mind, but for whatever reason, it sort of just stayed below the surface.
About 4 or so years ago, I began dressing again. My wife had known for 25 years that I did this, and she was surprised when I started again. Now, I'm pretty much always dressed at home, after work, and if there's no company or other activities going on. I'm very lucky in that she is accepting, and we share shopping for things for both of us. I don't know what caused the re-emergence. Age? Less testosterone? Our children are in college and out of the house. Perhaps less stress related to raising the family? I don't know, but I'm making up for lost time. :)

[*Vanessa*]

"Blue Flog" - very cool.

Yes Cari what you have described sound familiar. I relate most to "swings have mellowed out". The absence of Pink Flog is not the presence of Blue Flog as they are two completely different flogs.

I think where we generally get tripped up is thinking we need to be "this or that" and stop being us. Life is like a river constantly moving. At times we look at one shore and some days the other shore and we forget we are in a moving boat. One of the key components is knowing that "guilt feeds addiction" and I'm not saying crossdressing is one. As you are moving through your life you feeling less guilty about who or what you have become. We settle into the 'now' of life.

If you watch the ocean tiles you notice that as the tide is rising, there are smaller ebbs that are constantly moving in the opposite direction. When we stop think life is a switch that is either on of off we become happier. If we try we can hold the Pink Flog in our left hand and the Blue in our right while we smile at both knowing it is our life and it too will change.
v.


... I'm making up for lost time. :)

Very cool Stef, I loved sharing my life with my Ex. - congrats.

[anonymousinmaryland]

Whatever your decision is, DO NOT PURGE. Repeat: DO NOT PURGE. The pink fog ALWAYS comes back. Maybe not tomorrow, or next month, or a year from now. But it comes back.

[Robyn B]

There has been a definate ebb and flow to my dressing -- and I'll be darned if I can figure out why. Sometimes the urge increases when I'm under a great deal of stress, sometimes when I have little stress, sometimes when family ties are strained, sometimes when all is well. I can't determine any correlation.

Got to think it's something hormonal! But who knows.......

Sound advice not to purge though. I've trashed some lovely intimates and shoes over the years....oh the horror! Box 'em up!

[Cari]

I haven't purged in years I think that is part of the mellowing in my fogs :-)
On the other hand my pink fogs don't seem as thick either.
I would add to the box it up comment that its a real good idea to wash everything first.

I was just reading about the theory that all CD's will eventually want to transition.
Like its a sliding board and you cant stop. That got me thinking about my journey.
I remembered the Blue and Pink fogs and how much they have mellowed out with time.
My journey has been nothing like the sliding board at all; It has been more like bouncing around until I found a middle ground.

[Sarasometimes]

For me I need the freedom to dress to stay on keel. The summer is a time when I can rarely dress and that wieghs on me so i tend to want or need it more then. Now that school is back in session I can dress much more frequently so I find I don't have as strong an urge. The old wanting what you can't have syndrome. In mid August I had very rare opportunity for 2 full days to dress and I enjoyed them greatly but I also found that at the end of day two i wanted to be enmale again. I like to have the occasional big chunk of time to be Sara but more importantly I need frequent chances to be Sara for even short periods of time.
I guess I had a Blue fog right after school started. I could have gone out dressed a few times over the last 2 weeks now but I'm finally doing so Monday by getting a pedi.
I don't think what you experience is unusual. I would avoid the purge though. I do agree that Sara time take energy and I sounds like you are closeted like me and the whole risk benefit thing comes into play.
Hope I helped, Sara now where is that blue nail polish? Wow what does that mean? he He

[DebbieL]

One of the reasons that we are required to live full-time for a full year before beginning HRT and SRS is to see how we deal with the "blue fog" as you call it. When cross-dressing is forbidden, and we are only able to do it exclusively for pleasure, it's lots of fun because we focus only on the pleasant times. When we have to put on the make-up, wig, heels, and skirts or feminine slacks and blouses all the time, when it's too cold, when it's hot, when we have a bad day at work, and when we have to shop for groceries, do the laundry, and do the other ordinary things that men and women do.

It's natural to have times when we just don't want to get up early to put on our faces, or have to roll-up the hair at night. We might want to let the stubble grow for a few days, or skip the bra for a day. Those are things the therapist will listen for. What's important is not that we don't like it, but how we deal with it. Do we stay in femme mode, but dress more casually, doing what is needed to pass, or do we revert back to "Man mode"?

For many transgendered men, the actual reality of being dressed as much as possible can help them sort out whether they are true transsexuals or just transgendered cross-dressers. It has also been found to help "cure" transgendered men who are NOT transgendered, helping them to realize that, while they enjoy being women from time to time, for special events, they also enjoy being men and the options and previledges that come with being men.

Transgendered men and women have the rare experience of experiencing life as both men and women, of enjoying both "Mars" and "Venus", and having the opportunity to actually choose which world they would rather live in, either permanently or on a situational basis.

Enjoy the pink cloud, enjoy the blue fog. As a man or a woman, you are allowed your "casual days", your "frumpy sweatshirt", and your baggy sweat-pants. Thank goodness that this is now true for both men and women, that we aren't obligated to play our strictest gender roles every waking hour of every day, wearing a wool suit, started dress shirt, and tight neck-tie from sunrise to midnight of every day. At the same time, real women and CDs don't have to wear the 3-inch heels, support hose, full make-up, short skirt, and tight blouse - from sunrise to midnight of every day either.

[Kate Simmons]

I never really understood why so many seemed to diss the "blue fog". Peer pressure maybe? It's all part of who we are. Enjoy life to to full, be it blue, pink or purple.:)