Sara Jessica
09-18-2011, 11:15 AM
There is a thread in the beauty section about the joy of someone's first pedicure which has fallen somewhat off of the original tracks. Here is the exchange that led to where we are now. Roll with the length, there could be some valuable discussion to be had at the end.
This is what I just posted in another thread.
"Just got back for the nail salon, mani - pedi, light transparent pink finish and lovely conversations with the other lady customers. One lady got the gel treatment on her nails and it took a long time. The pedicurist even complimented me on my feet for the second time. That was nice. "
I have been getting them for about 3 yeas now. I love them. When the cooler weather gets here in maybe November (yeah I live in the warm zone Karren), which is no flip flop weather, I will get a nice dark color on my toenails.
The time to get a nice dark color on your toes is during flip-flop weather. There is no purpose in wearing polish on your toes if you can't show them in flip-flops.
Jamie, I understand, but that will just not work for me since I am in flip flops from April till November, and, most importantly, I am not out to family and friends. I use a transparent pink, Love Letters by China Glaze all summer long on my finger and toe nails. So, cold weather season it is for the darker colors. I still enjoy seeing them when uncovered when I am barefoot in the house and when I go out in the city. Though sometimes they get covered up by nylons or tights. That's life and I am still happy!
Thanks for the reply, now I understand. Also, something to consider if you want to wear polished nails openly and you are not out to your family: Try googling "men wearing nail polish" and "men wearing toenail polish" and you will see than many actors, athletes, musicians, rock stars, race car drivers, and mixed martial arts fighters polish their toenails and wear openly. Even Tori Spelling's husband does this on his reality show. So it is possible to get pedicures and wear toenail polish without being "out" as "transgendered".
Jamie, I must say your enthusiasm for this subject has never waned, nor has your message. But for the 1000th time, while any of us could choose to wear polish openly and proudly, it simply isn't the best choice for dare I say most of us. Speaking for myself, I'm not a rock star, race car driver or eclectic artist type who can set trends in nail-polish-land as I please. I have to consider the elephant in my room who already has long hair, smooth legs and regularly waxed eyebrows, not to mention progress in facial hair clearing via electrolysis. Adding the pedi to the mix would in fact out my elephant as being 100% USDA Select TRANSGENDER. Being in a similar place as Allie, I'm not about to go there.
It's all about picking one's battles, and making the choices that are best for our respective life situations.
t has also been mentioned many times on these forums that most of the fear is manufactured in our own minds. We play-out artificial realities in our minds based upon fear that have no bearing on true reality. Most of the time, we find that the elephant in the room is a figment of our imagination or that it is really a tiny mouse and that there is no need to be afraid of it. Men wearing nail polish is no different then men wearing earrings 15 to 20 years ago. We need to have the courage to take steps to achieve fashion freedom just as women won their fashion freedom many years ago when the began wearing pants. Focus on the elephant in the room and after some contemplation and self realization, you will discover that it really isn't there or that it is a tiny mouse. If you are confident in what you do, other folks will accept. If you appear frightened or act like you are doing something wrong, other folks will react accordingly. You have the ability to create the elephant or to make it disappear. It is you choice.
You're killing me Jamie. I feel like you are not reading a word others are saying.
Let the record reflect that I am beyond confident without an ounce of fear. Anyone who knows me can attest to that. However, people in our community in situations such as mine must consider the needs of others before we go running around with red-painted toenails. The elephant in my room is an analogy I often use in describing those permanent and semi-permanent visible body modifications that individually can either ignored by the masses or easily attributed to something non-TG related. However, it's the compounding effect of these things which can lead to TG being a reasonable conclusion.
This whole discussion seems a bit like a thread hijack but even OP Laura Jade says "I still want to stay stealthy" so I dare to say she is in a similar boat as Allie and I. Whether talking about painted nails, shaving one's legs, growing out one's hair, etc., what is good for one person is not necessarily the best choice for another. Put this in the context of a thread by a person who for whatever reason cannot shave their legs, looking for alternative solutions for a look while wearing a skirt. They are barraged with comments such as "just shave, no one cares, etc.". It's the same thing, people have no empathy and it drives those who are seeking legitimate advice absolutely nuts.
It's one thing to espouse the virtues about the choices one makes but to be pushy with such views and imply that failure to adhere to your thinking is the same as being fearful is nothing more than irresponsible with a complete lack of empathy for other's situations.
Bringing it full circle, getting a pedi is a really fun experience as Laura says. And it sucks to have to cover it up with socks and it sucks even more to have to remove it within a day or two during the summer season but regardless, it's a simple pleasure that any of us can experience whether we have to keep it covered or not.
We should "agree" to "disagree" because I and other girls like Sissy Stephanie know that the elephant really doesn't exist, but we create it based upon preconceived notions that we have had for many years even since early childhood. I understand that the elephant to you have created in your mind is very large and very real and I respect that you believe that it is very real. The point that I'm attempting to make is that everyone's perception of reality regarding crossdressing is quite different and is deeply rooted in their own beliefs and thought processes that were formed over the course of their life. Some of us evolve slower than others regarding rejecting these beliefs that are not based in fact. A lot of girls begin early and reject these unreal daemons in their 20's, while most of us like me didn't begin the rejection process until they reached the mid forties. I respect that you need to continue this process at a speed that is comfortable and that feels safe.
Instead of carrying on within the original thread, I thought it'd be best to do so here where a wider audience can chime in.
Each of us is in a different situation. Life experiences (family, friends, career, etc) along with our respective experience in the TG world, comfort level in our presentation and/or interaction with others (whether TG or the Muggles), not to mention geography (as in it's much easier to be bold in going out in SoCal than it is in small town middle America) all affect the decisions we make when it comes to being "out". As I've said before, I'm out but I'm not "out". I typically take my outings outside of a circle of comfort, a circle drawn many miles around all that which I hold dear. Outside of this circle, the chances of my encountering someone I know diminishes significantly but of course never reaches zero. Outside of this circle I am liberated to simply "be".
Inside this circle sits my elephant. Her presence is based on the fact I am "out" to only one person, my wife. At first, my elephant only existed in my imagination. But as time goes on, she becomes less transparent to the outside world by what I call a compounding effect of changes I have made to my appearance on a day to day basis. This is also referred to as "leaking femme", a term coined by either Veronica M. or Kathi L. IIRC.
Anyways, taken individually, an outside observer is not likely to come to a TG conclusion when faced with one of these changes. Shaved legs? No sweat, he rides a road bicycle. Waxed eyebrows? That one's a bit more difficult but hey, it's kind of a "metro" thing to do, ya know. What to make of that disappearing facial hair? Well my process has been pretty gradual so that one might be hard to notice (oh but what about when you tweeze the rest away before an outing, you have ZERO shadow for a week???). Long hair? Ahhhh, piling this one on top of all the others makes things interesting. Most of my circle of friends thinks the hair thing is really cool. At work I've heard that I am having a mid-life crisis (duh!).
But what is being thought & said outside of my earshot? Perhaps nothing which means my elephant is still transparent. But my theory relies upon the following assumptions.
People are perceptive, they notice things even if we think they do not.
People are also generally polite in not bringing up some things they notice.
Just because people don't talk about it to your face doesn't mean they didn't notice, nor does it mean there is no discussion behind your back.
2+2=4, or the part of this theory which has to do with the componding effect of these changes (also known as "if it walks like a duck...")
Bringing this full circle, let's add the bright red pedi to the list of changes I've already made. My point has been that to do so, I might as well color my elephant grey for all to see, put her in a pink tutu and watch her sing show tunes for all to hear.
I am not some goatee-wearin' NASCAR lovin' manly-man who wishes to show support for my driver by paintin' my toes blue (or whatever color). No, I have made the changes I have described and still wish to keep this whole TG thing on the down-low. This is out of respect for my family and the life we have built together. This is out of respect for my children who really don't need to have to explain things such as this to their peers. This is out of respect to my choice to remain on a middle path, balancing my life as best I can in a daily effort to avoid transition (a struggle that can often be measured by the minute or by the hour).
This discussion is also about respect for the choices people make and their ability to convey their feelings without ridicule or lecture in these pages telling us our "fears" are unfounded. It's one thing to offer encouragement, or to even point out where some fears might be truly unfounded to an objective observer. But when a case is made demonstrating why things are the way they are and still to be told that I'm on some sort of lower "evolutionary" level on the TG ladder, please.
To Jamie, as I said before, your message has always been consistent when it comes to the bright red toenails thing and your love of showing them off. But your message has also been quite singular in that I cannot recall ever reading anything from you about anything else in our world. So you love the bright red toenails, hey that's great. But I don't perceive a depth to your TG experience that gives you any credibility in passing judgement on others for the choices they make.
This is what I just posted in another thread.
"Just got back for the nail salon, mani - pedi, light transparent pink finish and lovely conversations with the other lady customers. One lady got the gel treatment on her nails and it took a long time. The pedicurist even complimented me on my feet for the second time. That was nice. "
I have been getting them for about 3 yeas now. I love them. When the cooler weather gets here in maybe November (yeah I live in the warm zone Karren), which is no flip flop weather, I will get a nice dark color on my toenails.
The time to get a nice dark color on your toes is during flip-flop weather. There is no purpose in wearing polish on your toes if you can't show them in flip-flops.
Jamie, I understand, but that will just not work for me since I am in flip flops from April till November, and, most importantly, I am not out to family and friends. I use a transparent pink, Love Letters by China Glaze all summer long on my finger and toe nails. So, cold weather season it is for the darker colors. I still enjoy seeing them when uncovered when I am barefoot in the house and when I go out in the city. Though sometimes they get covered up by nylons or tights. That's life and I am still happy!
Thanks for the reply, now I understand. Also, something to consider if you want to wear polished nails openly and you are not out to your family: Try googling "men wearing nail polish" and "men wearing toenail polish" and you will see than many actors, athletes, musicians, rock stars, race car drivers, and mixed martial arts fighters polish their toenails and wear openly. Even Tori Spelling's husband does this on his reality show. So it is possible to get pedicures and wear toenail polish without being "out" as "transgendered".
Jamie, I must say your enthusiasm for this subject has never waned, nor has your message. But for the 1000th time, while any of us could choose to wear polish openly and proudly, it simply isn't the best choice for dare I say most of us. Speaking for myself, I'm not a rock star, race car driver or eclectic artist type who can set trends in nail-polish-land as I please. I have to consider the elephant in my room who already has long hair, smooth legs and regularly waxed eyebrows, not to mention progress in facial hair clearing via electrolysis. Adding the pedi to the mix would in fact out my elephant as being 100% USDA Select TRANSGENDER. Being in a similar place as Allie, I'm not about to go there.
It's all about picking one's battles, and making the choices that are best for our respective life situations.
t has also been mentioned many times on these forums that most of the fear is manufactured in our own minds. We play-out artificial realities in our minds based upon fear that have no bearing on true reality. Most of the time, we find that the elephant in the room is a figment of our imagination or that it is really a tiny mouse and that there is no need to be afraid of it. Men wearing nail polish is no different then men wearing earrings 15 to 20 years ago. We need to have the courage to take steps to achieve fashion freedom just as women won their fashion freedom many years ago when the began wearing pants. Focus on the elephant in the room and after some contemplation and self realization, you will discover that it really isn't there or that it is a tiny mouse. If you are confident in what you do, other folks will accept. If you appear frightened or act like you are doing something wrong, other folks will react accordingly. You have the ability to create the elephant or to make it disappear. It is you choice.
You're killing me Jamie. I feel like you are not reading a word others are saying.
Let the record reflect that I am beyond confident without an ounce of fear. Anyone who knows me can attest to that. However, people in our community in situations such as mine must consider the needs of others before we go running around with red-painted toenails. The elephant in my room is an analogy I often use in describing those permanent and semi-permanent visible body modifications that individually can either ignored by the masses or easily attributed to something non-TG related. However, it's the compounding effect of these things which can lead to TG being a reasonable conclusion.
This whole discussion seems a bit like a thread hijack but even OP Laura Jade says "I still want to stay stealthy" so I dare to say she is in a similar boat as Allie and I. Whether talking about painted nails, shaving one's legs, growing out one's hair, etc., what is good for one person is not necessarily the best choice for another. Put this in the context of a thread by a person who for whatever reason cannot shave their legs, looking for alternative solutions for a look while wearing a skirt. They are barraged with comments such as "just shave, no one cares, etc.". It's the same thing, people have no empathy and it drives those who are seeking legitimate advice absolutely nuts.
It's one thing to espouse the virtues about the choices one makes but to be pushy with such views and imply that failure to adhere to your thinking is the same as being fearful is nothing more than irresponsible with a complete lack of empathy for other's situations.
Bringing it full circle, getting a pedi is a really fun experience as Laura says. And it sucks to have to cover it up with socks and it sucks even more to have to remove it within a day or two during the summer season but regardless, it's a simple pleasure that any of us can experience whether we have to keep it covered or not.
We should "agree" to "disagree" because I and other girls like Sissy Stephanie know that the elephant really doesn't exist, but we create it based upon preconceived notions that we have had for many years even since early childhood. I understand that the elephant to you have created in your mind is very large and very real and I respect that you believe that it is very real. The point that I'm attempting to make is that everyone's perception of reality regarding crossdressing is quite different and is deeply rooted in their own beliefs and thought processes that were formed over the course of their life. Some of us evolve slower than others regarding rejecting these beliefs that are not based in fact. A lot of girls begin early and reject these unreal daemons in their 20's, while most of us like me didn't begin the rejection process until they reached the mid forties. I respect that you need to continue this process at a speed that is comfortable and that feels safe.
Instead of carrying on within the original thread, I thought it'd be best to do so here where a wider audience can chime in.
Each of us is in a different situation. Life experiences (family, friends, career, etc) along with our respective experience in the TG world, comfort level in our presentation and/or interaction with others (whether TG or the Muggles), not to mention geography (as in it's much easier to be bold in going out in SoCal than it is in small town middle America) all affect the decisions we make when it comes to being "out". As I've said before, I'm out but I'm not "out". I typically take my outings outside of a circle of comfort, a circle drawn many miles around all that which I hold dear. Outside of this circle, the chances of my encountering someone I know diminishes significantly but of course never reaches zero. Outside of this circle I am liberated to simply "be".
Inside this circle sits my elephant. Her presence is based on the fact I am "out" to only one person, my wife. At first, my elephant only existed in my imagination. But as time goes on, she becomes less transparent to the outside world by what I call a compounding effect of changes I have made to my appearance on a day to day basis. This is also referred to as "leaking femme", a term coined by either Veronica M. or Kathi L. IIRC.
Anyways, taken individually, an outside observer is not likely to come to a TG conclusion when faced with one of these changes. Shaved legs? No sweat, he rides a road bicycle. Waxed eyebrows? That one's a bit more difficult but hey, it's kind of a "metro" thing to do, ya know. What to make of that disappearing facial hair? Well my process has been pretty gradual so that one might be hard to notice (oh but what about when you tweeze the rest away before an outing, you have ZERO shadow for a week???). Long hair? Ahhhh, piling this one on top of all the others makes things interesting. Most of my circle of friends thinks the hair thing is really cool. At work I've heard that I am having a mid-life crisis (duh!).
But what is being thought & said outside of my earshot? Perhaps nothing which means my elephant is still transparent. But my theory relies upon the following assumptions.
People are perceptive, they notice things even if we think they do not.
People are also generally polite in not bringing up some things they notice.
Just because people don't talk about it to your face doesn't mean they didn't notice, nor does it mean there is no discussion behind your back.
2+2=4, or the part of this theory which has to do with the componding effect of these changes (also known as "if it walks like a duck...")
Bringing this full circle, let's add the bright red pedi to the list of changes I've already made. My point has been that to do so, I might as well color my elephant grey for all to see, put her in a pink tutu and watch her sing show tunes for all to hear.
I am not some goatee-wearin' NASCAR lovin' manly-man who wishes to show support for my driver by paintin' my toes blue (or whatever color). No, I have made the changes I have described and still wish to keep this whole TG thing on the down-low. This is out of respect for my family and the life we have built together. This is out of respect for my children who really don't need to have to explain things such as this to their peers. This is out of respect to my choice to remain on a middle path, balancing my life as best I can in a daily effort to avoid transition (a struggle that can often be measured by the minute or by the hour).
This discussion is also about respect for the choices people make and their ability to convey their feelings without ridicule or lecture in these pages telling us our "fears" are unfounded. It's one thing to offer encouragement, or to even point out where some fears might be truly unfounded to an objective observer. But when a case is made demonstrating why things are the way they are and still to be told that I'm on some sort of lower "evolutionary" level on the TG ladder, please.
To Jamie, as I said before, your message has always been consistent when it comes to the bright red toenails thing and your love of showing them off. But your message has also been quite singular in that I cannot recall ever reading anything from you about anything else in our world. So you love the bright red toenails, hey that's great. But I don't perceive a depth to your TG experience that gives you any credibility in passing judgement on others for the choices they make.