No I'm Not...No I'm Not...No I'm Not...Yes I am

[Inna]

I know at least for me the denial period between birth and conscious acceptance was humongous. It took me 35 years to realize the inevitable, with some regret associated with "why the heck did I waited so long" but now I do understand why, simply just life, conformity and fear drove me away from the truth.

Our posts reflect both scenarios, on one hand those who have found comfort in knowing they are fine and well, just by dressing and having such experience being temporary and on the other hand those who can't wait to be the woman they are and always knew they were.

But this post is for those who for the longest time denied their transsexuality and were CrossDressing until the moment of self acceptance and giving in to the feeling "I always was a transsexual but had to travel crossdressing road until I got here".

I am one of those who kind of knew but didn't until I knew exactly that I did.....seriously :eek: :sad: :D


So how many girls are out there who had experienced the same??????????????????????

[Wendy_Marie]

yep, you can add me to this list. It was very hard for me to admit to myself that i was a Crossdresser, then it became apparent that this was more than just crossdressing inside of me...The admission that I was Transgender was the most difficult and now sionce I have began HRT and am so looking forward to the changes only means that I will soon be labeled under a different category as a transsexual..and what is funny... at least it is funny to me....I am fine with being looked upon as a Transsexual where I wasn't with the other labels bestowed upon me.

[kimdl93]

I really admire people who, at one point or another, achieve this level of clarity about themselves...and a make the commitment to live it out honestly and completely.

I'm no longer in the "I'm not, I'm not ....stage", but I can't fully say for sure what "I am", nor certain that I can yet bring myself to live totally (and honestly) as what I may be. Still, as a (former) Minnesotan and Scandinavian, at least I am comfortable with acknowledging that "It could be worse!"

[Inna]

And I must say I do admire your courage of admitting uncertainty about your life Kim, I am also walking a path which I believe but am not certain, will lead me to the ultimate goal of wholeness. I suppose we should never make anyone think that there is such think as an absolute, at least my life lately had been surrounded by lots of uncertainties yet my strong belief in the path I am walking and little miracles which illuminate my days, in the way push me forth and make me smile.

[Longing2be-Trisha]

43 years for me!

hugs

[cassandra54]

i've thought about that a lot. but it comes down to one thing. i am a man by birth, lived as a man and never really had a conflict with being a man. being a pretend woman is awesome, since i get to live as a man and a woman.
however like i've said in reply to other threads, if there was an SRS that would make me biologically identical to what a woman's anatomy is, i might consider it.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

count me in... i ignored all the signs.. i refused to even consider to think about allowing myself to wonder about it...
then blammo.... and my best recollection that what was stopping me was the my belief that i could never pass or be accepted...too tall, too manly, loud voice, job.. i had a wonderful mountain of excuses to block my path, but they turned out to be vapors...realizing that felt very disturbing and destructive to me...and it took me a while to recover, and then i hired dr osborne to advise me, and i transitioned...just like that... it never occurred to me to look back and question.. i've mentioned this before....looking back..the idea of changing gender roles now seems inconceivable to me.. being in the right gender does that much for a person..

[sissystephanie]

I think there are a lot of crossdressers who still won't admit to themselves that they really are crossdressers. A lot of them are on this forum! They write about being afraid of going out in public, because of the public's attitude towards crosssdressers! The problem is that the attitude they are talking about is mainly in their heads!! I walk around out in public looking like a man, but dressed as a woman all the time. in the last 6 years no one has ever said anything negative to me!! Unless you are making a real scene, people just don't care!!

Accept who you really are, and live your life to the fullest!!

[juno]

I was never in denial about being feminine. I always thought of myself as a feminine male that didn't like anything other males like. I thought I couldn't be TS because I am a logical thinker, good at math, and prefer women. Maybe it should be more obvious, but I have also been extremely anti-social most of my life due to ADD and Asperger-related learning disabilities. Now that my social skills have improved, I am realizing that my internal identity is far more female. My learning disabilities were the biggest hurdle. Figuring out this gender stuff is not so bad.

[suchacutie]

I just wasn't aware enough to even know that there was an issue. I knew I was different and couldn't explain why I understood the organization and general thinking of the women around me, at work especially. I never in my wildest dreams thought that I was a part of their thinking!!!

So I missed all of this growing up in a quandry! Effectively, Tina was born from whole cloth as a confused adult trying to figure out who she is, but already in a context of a terrific marriage and a well-established male persona. That means that up to the point that I retire, Tina is in discovery mode, and then she and my wife will sit down and figure out life :)