A massive first... things are getting confusing

[Randilegs]

Hi Girls! Okay, so I may just be venting, but I think I need some perspective.

A bit of quick background for context. I am in my mid-40's and have CDing most of my life. I went through a divorce 3 years ago. Since the divorce, I have had the luxury of a great deal of exploration that has allowed me to mostly comfortable with myself. I am still in the closet, and choose to remain there. A very few close friends (mostly GG's) know and support my pretty side. I consider myself straight, but have often said "right man, right time, right mood, right outfit and anything could happen."

This last weekend, one of those friends (Lori) and I decided to have a night out. This involved a trip out of town to a larger city about 2.5 hours away. A brief shopping excursion was fun, dinner was fabulous and we were both ready to hit the club. We stopped and picked up her brother(local to the larger city) and hit a club that he recommended. He is gay, and picked a club that caters to a wide variety of clientele.

To cut to the chase, the right man, the right time, the right mood and the right outfit all happened. I spent the night at his place. Without a salacious description, allow me to simply say that he treated as a lady from the very first minute we met until I left after breakfast the next morning (although there was not a question of actual gender). Never in my life have I ever felt so utterly feminine. It was wonderful! When Lori came to get me (her choice), he handed me his number and said he would like to see me again. Even this was gentlemanly, because he didn't ask for my number. Although it was clear he was hoping to get it. The girl talk on a way home was an excellent ending to an excellent night out.

But I have spent this week struggling with whether or not I want to see him again. And with, at least, some guilt. The guilt is based in whether or not it was somehow wrong. But instead I feel like I may have used him. In my head, I know this is silly because he knew exactly what the score was. But my gut isn't keeping tabs on what my brain says. As to whether or not I want to see him again, the jury is still out. Part of me thinks this was probably a perfect storm of circumstances.

Any thoughts????

Randi

[Donnadcd]

Why not a second time? Just try to think about what has brought you there.

If it still feels right, then you aren't using him - you're just where you need to be.

Wish I could find myself in the same circumstance. I don't think I'd think about it twice.

I wish you luck
:hugs: Donna

[AllieSF]

Give him a call, have a cup of coffee and discuss how you feel. If he is cool, he will more than understand, appreciate your honesty and openness, and then you can ask him if he wants your number. That means he calls you to go out! It is not rocket science. You are an adult, thought about it before hand, pre-decided that it might happen one day, and lo and behold, it did. Why over think and over analyze it, when that will get you no where? Take it slow and treat it as a learning experience, which it is. Even if you did use him, he, of course did use you in the dating kind of way. No guilt involved. Remember that he is probably not a first timer in this, so you can learn from him as well as enjoy your moments with him. I say, go for it and just be common sense careful. Thanks for sharing such a personal and private moment.

[Wendae]

I've had the same thoughts and don't know what I'd do. If he seemed genuine and you enjoyed the experience then why not?

[Beth Wilde]

Sounds like you had one of those perfect nights that so many dream of! You're single, so no guilt is required, if you enjoyed it and want to meet him again then do it, if not then all you need do is tell him, but please think carefully, it seems that the two of you have potential. Whatever you do, don't let the views of society affect your feelings, your happiness is much more important.

Good luck however it works out!

[Kittyagain]

My best suggestion is when making these kind of decisions, make them in your male mode to take the pink out the process.

Kitty

[linda allen]

I've never been in that position myself and don't know how I would react, but you have no obligations to anyone except yourself so if you enjoyed the experience, call him back. It's not a commitment, if things don't work out or your feelings change, you can end the relationship.

BTW: You didn't "use" him, he is an adult and knew exactly what was going on. And he asked you to call him.

[Paula_56]

I've never been in that position myself and don't know how I would react,.

Pun intented here, I'd love to be in that postion!!!!!!!!!!!

[Aprilrain]

Which position Paula? there are so many to choose from!

So the other day my BF says, "are we gay?" I said, "do you care" he said, "No". Good enough for me! Im full time BTW.

[monalisa]

Once you get dressed and made up you will want to see him again. Might be better the 2nd time or at least you will have a better feel what you want to do.

[Paula_56]

Which position Paula? there are so many to choose from!

So the other day my BF says, "are we gay?" I said, "do you care" he said, "No".
.


No...........But I'm willing to learn!!!!!!!!!!!!

[linda allen]

So the other day my BF says, "are we gay?" I said, "do you care" he said, "No". Good enough for me! Im full time BTW.

Well that brings up a really good question: If a man dates a crossdresser, is he "gay"? How about a full time crossdresser? A "transgendered" M to F?

If you only date men when you are presenting as a woman, are you gay? If you only did this once, are you still gay?

Where does "gay" start? Can you go back to being "straight" later?

Should we take these questions to Jerry Springer? :heehee:

[Tina B.]

Used him, I don't think so. He was out at a bar, he met a pretty women, spent the evening charming her enough to get her to go home with him. It sounds like a very nice gentleman, or he had a good time, there is no other reason he would go out of his way to give you his number. Now the question is how much fun did you have, enough to find it if there is something between the two of you or not? You are a single, adult, I assume he is a single adult. If you had a good time, and think you could play girl friend to a guy, then why not live out that dream and find out. A second date, is not a comment, maybe you will find out, it was the perfect storm, and it was a one time thrill, or maybe it could be the start of a great relationship, how will you know if you don't go back for at least a second try. Oh, if your guilt is caused by not wanting to be gay, forget about it, straight or gay, what you really want to be is happy.
Tina B.

[linda allen]

............ Oh, if your guilt is caused by not wanting to be gay, forget about it, straight or gay, what you really want to be is happy..
Unless this is going to be a problem at work or your life, I agree.

BTW: It's one of my fantasies do be dressed as a woman and be with a man. It's not going to happen though. It will stay a secret fantasy.

[Aprilrain]

Well that brings up a really good question: If a man dates a crossdresser, is he "gay"? How about a full time crossdresser? A "transgendered" M to F?

If you only date men when you are presenting as a woman, are you gay? If you only did this once, are you still gay?

Where does "gay" start? Can you go back to being "straight" later?

Should we take these questions to Jerry Springer? :heehee:

I wasted enough of my life fretting over such things. Im a woman he's a man I just have some unusual anatomy at the present and he's a perv! Just Kidding! My BF is a very sweet guy and I don't think he should waste one minute worrying about his sexual orientation. First and fore most WHO CARES! We enjoy each others company and bodies that SHOULD be good enough for the rest of the world cause its good enough for me. Second of all he's not attracted to masculinity he's attracted to femininity. He doesn't want a dude he wants me, a chick!

As far as Jerry Springer is concerned he used to be the mayor of my town and while in that capacity payed for a hooker with a check LOL! so not the sharpest tool in the shed!

[joannemarie barker]

I Would have found it harder to leave than go back again ;)

[*Vanessa*]

"right man, right time, right mood, right outfit and anything could happen" in a "perfect storm" - sweet !

Guilt - kick it to the curb. To some degree we all use and give. Sounds to me you both had a wonderful time.

Repeat until done.

[Vanessa Storrs]

It seems like you really want to see him again but you are having identity issues. You had a good time, if you don't follow through you will regret it for a long time. If you do follow through you may have another wonderful experience or choose to end the relationship. Call him.

[carhill2mn]

You might have to reconsider your thinking that you are "straight".

[Aprilrain]

You might have to reconsider your thinking that you are "straight".

Why are we so obsessed with defining this? Its unhealthy!

[beccacd24]

follow your heart. if you enjoyed yourself go for it girl. have fun

[DebbieL]

Randi,

Congratulations, you've met a "tranny chaser". There are both male and female versions, and both now how to treat a CD/TG like a woman. They know how to make you feel good, and they know how hard it has been for you to get where you are.

Given that you had a wonderful night with this man, it sounds like you are bisexual.

Male partners and Female partners offer different trade-offs. Each can be quite wonderful and nice. Women are attractive to us because we like that they can wear the same kinds of pretty clothes that we like, and can enjoy "Normal" sex. The down side is that GGs often expect to be treated like the woman (you pay, you please them, you initiate), and at the same time, may have relatively low sex drives, often not wanting sex (it's their period, upset, cramps, headaches...) even if the sex you do have is wonderful. I addition, many tranny-chaser girls are a bit transgendered themselves, often preferring to dress in pants, comfortable shoes, and baggy shirts that hide a bit of excess weight.

Male tranny chasers on the other hand, want to treat you like a lady, and have the sex drive of men. They love sex and love that you love sex. They want to please you, and they LOVE that you dress like a beautiful sexy woman. They will take their time, and they want to make sure that you enjoy every minute of your time together. If you can pass, they love that they can be out with a beautiful woman who has that something special. In many ways, they want you because you want to be a woman. They also love that you like dressing and acting like a woman, and are in no big hurry to make you "strip" to naked. They might even want you to keep your stockings on, bra, and even your panties on. For them, seeing you in lingerie is as much as a turn on for him as it is for you.

Many male tranny chasers are also a bit transgendered. They may not be able to pass, but if you want them to dress up so you can be a pair of girls, they may really get into it. You are early in your relationship and he may not be comfortable telling you about all of his favorite kinks yet, but there is a good chance he has a few delightful surprises if you are willing to explore things further.

Since you aren't married, and didn't have a really negative experience, I would suggest a second date. You probably want to let him take you someplace nice, some dinner and dancing, and then to his place. But this time, drink very little, and don't do any drugs. If you love what he did to you while you were a little tipsy, you might really love what he can do to you when you are fully alert, aware, and able to enjoy every sensation. If it feels good, if you are enjoying what he does, and you like the kind of attention you are getting, then explore it further.

You'll both need to explore where you want to go with it in the future. Does he want you to further feminize yourself (hrt, eletrolysis, implants...) and is that what you want? Does he want a long term permanent relationship, or do you want to be lovers who get together every now and then? Do you want to move to the city with him? Do you want to come down for the week-ends?

If you are not ready to be his full-time lover, are you willing to accept that he might be making love to other boys or t-girls when you are away, as long as he is willing to do the wonderful things you love so much when you are there with him?

Any relationship is complicated. A relationship as a CD/TG is a little more complicated, whether with a man or a woman. And a relationship where you are exploring your desire for a man, as a woman, may be even more complicated. There are so many options. You may want to keep the fantasy alive by only letting him see you as Randi. Or you may want to also let him get to know you as Randy or whatever you call your masculine side.

The most important thing to keep in mind is that you aren't being asked to make a lifetime commitment at this point, you are simply being asked to explore some wonderful sensuality and sexuality with a man who makes you feel wonderful about your feminine self. You don't have to walk down the isle with him, you don't have to get the SRS, and you don't have to forsake all others till death do you part. Consider it a wonderful opportunity to learn, to explore, and to enjoy a wonderful gift from a wonderful man.

Life is too short to give up something you really enjoy because of what others might think, and then spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been.

[Beverly]

Call him...After dating a man who really likes you and treats you right, You may never go drab again!

[Maria 60]

Randi you confuse me from the start, you say your in the closet and want to stay there but your out shopping and clubbing. You say your straight and then you spend a night with a male. I think before you move on you should really think about your status. I never like to give advice to anyone if i don't live the situation myself, but your confusing me. I often wonder if the situation ever happened to me what i would do and if i would want to be pampered like a woman. My only advice to you is, do what ever makes you happy and follow your heart. ENJOY LIFE.

[eluuzion]

You always have many options. Here are two...

1) "Think Less, Act More...Life is Short. Trust your gut feelings and act on them.

2) Do not contact him again until we have all had time to try and correctly analyze every possible meaning attached to your encounter, plus generate every possible direction this situation could take if/when you see him again. Plus we will need time to analyze you and him independently...then as a couple interacting. Then we need time to discuss any/all possible hidden agendas that may, or may not be present.

Based upon the total amount of specific information we have been supplied, I am confident we will be able to give you some credible direction. It should not take us much longer than 3 or 4 months to get this done. Then you can make the ultimate decision as to your next move, if any, with him. :D

Those are two options off the top of my head. I could probably come up with about 50 more if you give me more time...:)

hope that helps!:hugs:

:love:

[Rogina B]

If I were you,I would take "option #1" that Eluuzion suggests....Enjoy yourself,and feel no quilt for doing so.

[joannemarie barker]

dying to know if you went for it and met him again :)