Happiness

[BreenaDion]

Think this has been thread to death but sorry I was just pondering this very point the last few days. With my PTSD I have come to except the issues it causes an try and make an assemblance of a life with and around it.

Also being addicted to exercise because I inadvertently linked it to Transsexualism. I will in the future refer it to " ISM" thank you. My psychotherapist says I do things to the extreme, gee where did she get that idea LOL. Yeah exercise to hard an make excessive amounts of testosterone while on medication and at a moderate doze isn't working to well.

So to my point of this thread, what makes me "happy" ? If you have followed my transition at all and I don't blame you if you didn't , its the amount of testosterone.
I would Love to be able to maintain a constant level of testosterone at lower than 20. I have done this early on in transition and the mind calming effect is what I was looking for decades and was blinded by my own depression to realize the cure of my misery. This low level makes me calmer, more patient, also more submissive.
I would be able to enjoy the company of others, not surcome to anger and aggression. I can except my fate better with self pity and focus on life.

What makes you happy, Thanks.
Breena.

[DebbieL]

Abraham Lincoln once said "Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be". This from a man who struggled with constant depression, lost several elections, lost a son, and presided over the bloodiest war in the history of the United States.

Having been active as a member and sponsor in 12 step programs for 30 years, and in Landmark Education for 20 years, I've learned that so much of my depression was dwelling on the worst parts of the past and worrying that the worst parts would repeat themselves.

When I learned to put the past in the past, and focus on how I could serve others rather than what I didn't get, happiness just came naturally. I can be happy even when my biology is running down. I can be mellow even when my body wants to go into overdrive.

We've all had trauma. I have scars, broken bones, and memories of hospital rooms that were more like torture chambers. The pumped liquid fear (eppinephrine and adrenaline) into my veins and the air I was breathing (isoprel). I've even been raped, once my a man and once by a woman.

But these are things that happened in the past. I don't have to relive them unless I want to. Today, I can share the pain when it serves others, but I can be open to joys, peace, and serenity.

Today, I don't have bad days, I have bad minutes. On rare occaisions I have bad hours, and if I really work at it, I can almost have a bad day.

I was born without testicles (they were still up inside), they came down when I was 10, and it got to the point where a rush of testosterone at seeing a beautiful woman would tear me apart inside. I didn't want to have sex with her, I wanted to BE her, and the testosterone was making that impossible.

Eventually, I learned that I could reduce testosterone by keeping things very warm, wearing extra tight spandex panties, and drinking lots of fluids.

At 56, most men my age are begging their doctors for viagra. I'm asking for premarin.

[BreenaDion]

Thou our paths maybe similiar DebbieL but the way of healing isnt. Like the book Invisible Heroes by Belleruth Naparstek I started to heal after I excepted my fate by way of trying to recieve answers to my PSTD. Unlike one of my electrologist, beautiful inside and out was raped at an early age and is dealing with PTSD. In many ways we have alot incommon but not they way we heal. She like others do conventional therapy to heal where is I just had to swallow a bitter pill and except it . I turned a few corners in the past year and I am doing very well so my Psychotherapist and Clinical Psychologist gave me very good reports. I don't have a need to sympathise with every one , I just listen where I don't need it as well. I find a need of stealth in a way that I know its there but I just want in to slide under the rug sorta speak.

I will apologize in advance if I said something not right as I walk a different ppath but try to be respectful also. Thank you for sharing and god bless you.
Breena.

[DebbieL]

I have learned to be very open minded to the many routes to transformation. I'm glad you have found one that works for you.
I wish you all happiness and a great life.

[BreenaDion]

Thanks and you as well. I am good very good when the testosterone is down really low, I can do so much good. Happiness just seams to come along for the ride. I am able to put a life together with my spouse which I am blessed to have an the relationship only gets better as long as the "T" is low.
Breena.