SO has a point

[Maria 60]

I finally got my chance last night to shave my leg, i usually have it done by now but i had a test to do at the hospital last Monday. Put on a new pair of pantyhose and WOW! what a rush, i was going shopping with the wife and i pulled my pants down in the car and told her to check out these legs. Even she was shocked at how great they looked and she couldn't stop herself from reaching over and taking a feel. I was telling her that i wanted to go for a early morning drive now that iam all shaved and the mornings are darker later, and just have some time to myself. She stopped me and said, from the day you told me about your dressing i have always supported you, i believe that this gift you have has brought us closer, i want you to tell me what you want, and i will get it. I want you to live all your fantasies, but i also want to be honest with you. If you want to stay in the closet, that's fine, but if you want to start going out you better get a story together to tell your kids and friends. Because every time you walk out that door you will be taking a chance and it's only a matter of time before someone is going to see you. So i suggest you think about witch road you want to take and what ever road you choose i will be here for you. I stopped and thought to myself, she''s has a point, iam not in the closet if i want to go, out and if i want to go out i better prepare to be seen and explain to everyone. Looks like i wasn't in the closet as much as i thought. Doe's the my wife have a point?

[k lynn]

Yes she does if you go out dress even for a drive someday you will be found out so get ready. I have been outed just by a bra strap by the waylove those heels.

[ashleymasters]

I think she has an excellent point. I don't believe anyone should have to hide anything but if you choose privacy it has to be proactive. I am closeted also and I normally make preparations to go out that can be hidden under a sweatsuit and carry a gym bag. I had a few favorite bars off the beaten path where I knew I wouldn't run into anyone. I planned ahead, had cash and a full tank, ate and made sure I knew where I was going and where I could freshen up before I left. In all the times I went out I never even had a close call to being outed. Good luck on whichever way you choose.

[Satinpeta]

Yes she does have a point BUT this is something only you can decide on, If you are in a city and not known and mix with other CD's all may be good but if like me you live in a small country town and have for 20 years plus you will take a LOT of flack, not easy, thats why I am still (unfortunally) in the closet, good luck, Peta

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Maria, Your wife is right on just be careful lwhat you wish for you may get more than you want.
If you are going out make sure that you are ready to face the whole world .

Orchid

[Jeanna]

She makes a very good point. There is no doubt that eventually a situation will arise where you will be facing a situation, presenting as a woman and you maybe revealing yourself to someone who knows you. You will be facing the truth, your truth in a very real way. What a "rush" that would be! You are never completely safe from being found out so why be prepared, just good advice. Embrace who you are and be true to yourself.
Jeanna

[Cynthia Anne]

I think the real point here is your loving wife! Not only is she right, she should be included in every decision that's made! Consider the long term situation that will arrive! Are you both prepared for it! What ever you decide think of her! Hugs!

[Gillian Gigs]

That is why we have wives and/or SO's to help give another prespictive on things. She is right on the money, and you should love her and be happy to have her, but I think that you already know it.

[wadevikingfan]

yes, your wife has a point...are you ready to take that chance of being seen??? do you really care what other people think??? you are so very lucky to have a wife that accepts you and talks to you about this..

wendy

[TxKimberly]

Holy smokes Maria, you have one smart AND kind wife. Intelligent woman there - I suggest you listen to her. Once you start going out the door, and sneaking past your children and neighbors, sooner or later you will be in a position where you cant put that Genie back into it's bottle. It doesn't mean the end of the world, but you DO need to consider it and be prepared for the consequences, and then make your decision.

[Cheryl T]

She has a great point.
When I began going out she surprised me by saying she didn't care what the neighbors thought...just don't let friends and family know. She took me into the backyard and took pictures and now when we go out I just dress and we walk out the door. I decided that this is me...if someone knows...then someone knows. I'm careful to a point, but ...
It's a decision that must be made...

[Diane Elizabeth]

My SO tells me to be careful whenever I go out. She is always afraid of family or friends seeing me. I used to be careful when going out to the car dressed in case a neighbor sees me. Now I don't let it bother me. I still worry thaat a frind of the family might see me and tell my family what they saw. Then the cat will be out of the bag.

[Joanna41]

Lol...frankly I'm surprised that you even posted that question. Of course she has a point and a few others as well. I was also happy to read how well she supports you and your dressing. I hope you make it YOUR point to appreciate her and her support!

Joanna

[Nancie64]

I too live in a small town and have my own business, and I know for a fact that my business would be gone if I were to get caught in femme and no excuse would be good enough. And I also have family that lives here. My SO does allow me to undress and than change after we are away from home. Went to the movie on Thursday night and added the wig and skirt on the way home. A couple of stops to take a stroll but always careful. Would not like my wife to be embarassed either. It's part of loving them and protect them.

[Persephone]

Your SO is a woman of tremendous wisdom and sagacity! Please give her an extra hug and kiss and some flowers every once in a while! She definitely deserves them for loving and supporting you!

Once upon a time my spouse and I (en drab) were in a primative campground about 2,837 miles (4,566 km) from home. Four campsites in a remote part of Everglades National Park. Someone from her office showed up!

I'm a very out-and-about crossdresser and I totally agree with your SO. I would advise anyone who plans to take the leap into the world beyond the closet to think long and hard before doing so. As others have said, there is very likely to be no turning back. Believe me, I know.

With that warning in mind though, I will tell you that the most wonderful time of my life has been since I took that step out the door.

To get up in the morning, put on my femme exercise clothes (with forms) and to do my morning run as me, with no guilt, no fear, and no dread, is so comfortable. To go to dinner with friends, as me, is awesome. And to go to religious services and stand before my God and to be able to pray and to say "I am as you made me, I am as you wanted me to be" is an incredible high.

But never forget the risks once you hear the click of the closet door as it closes behind you.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Patty B.]

Listen to your wife she has a valid point of view, so make your choices carefully. Your choices affect not just you but your family and you need to consider how it will affect them.

[linda allen]

Your wife has a very good point.

How about minimizing the risk by going to a city an hour or two away from home where the chance of either of you being recognized is minimized? Rent a room for a day or two and have a blast.

[Skyeyes]

You are married to a very wise woman. And, you are lucky to have a wife who supports you as she does.

[Ginger]

sounds to me like you have a wonderful lady take good care of her as she is you best friend and supporter

[jillleanne]

Indeed, and you will be seen, sooner or later by someone close to you guaranteed. In my case, it was my red toe nails paying the rent for a home we rented for the winter in Florida. lmao, it's so funny now, thinking back. (Yes, I am out full time and lovin' it).

[jillleanne]

[QUOTE=Persephone;2606817]Your SO is a woman of tremendous wisdom and sagacity! Please give her an extra hug and kiss and some flowers every once in a while! She definitely deserves them for loving and supporting you!

Once upon a time my spouse and I (en drab) were in a primative campground about 2,837 miles (4,566 km) from home. Four campsites in a remote part of Everglades National Park. Someone from her office showed up!

LOL, good heavens you too! We flew from Canada to Costa Rica for 3 weeks one January. Swiming in the pool my s/o and I look across the pool only to see a hairdresser that lived just down the road from us in Canada. Needless to say, questions were asked and answered. lol

[Tina B.]

I used to live in a large city, I never worried about running into anyone, it was amazing how much time you could spend out, and never run into anyone you knew, then I moved to a small town, and over the years the wife has meet what seems like half the town, I now Can never feel safe even shopping in drab, because every time you go out, you will run into at least one or more people that will want to stop and talk. You didn't say, are the kids still at home? getting in and out of the house with kids in it, sooner or latter you will cross paths with them at home. But there are many here that go over a town or two, and no one at home finds out, unless the people you know, shop a town or two over. It's a risk at best, but then as long as your wife is behind you, it could be a lot worse.
Tina B.

[suchacutie]

The best point out of all the possible is that the lines of communication are not only open but actively used! When both of you are intimately involved every moment is when it can work so incredibly well. Congratulations to you both. I'd wish you good luck but you've already made your luck! :)

tina

[Meg East]

Her point is more than valid, you being out has an effect on you, your SO, and the kids. Part of being an adult is realizing with our freedom comes responsibility. My life as a CD spans about fifty years, the only person who knows about it, besides me, is my wife. If the community knew there would be a potential harm to our business and therefore our lifesyle. I always try to listen to voice of reason, my wife an equally wise woman, even if it conflicts with my inner narcissism.

[Stephanie47]

Not having read each and every response, I am glad to see that there is general agreement your wife possesses wisdom and counsels you as to the consequences of being outed. I am a closeted cross dresser, although maybe semi closeted because I do go out in the evening for a stroll. Although I undertake everything I can think of to avoid being outed, there is always the possibility of the chance encounter. I think I have to weigh the consequences to self and family when going out en femme.

[Sally24]

I will add something that I don't see mentioned here. It is also very hard to go back to being closeted once you've been out in the real world. I wasn't sure I would ever be able to go out but once I tried it I was hooked. I now go out in the daytime pretty much anywhere I please. But I do realize that at any moment I could run into some one I know. That's why I have "told" most of the important people in my life. Who cares about the rest of them!

[Shelby]

Your wife deserves something special so take her shopping or pamper her with day of relaxation as a thank you for being so supportive. Yes she has a point and if I heard her say that, I probably would have broke down crying at how amazing she is.

[t-girlxsophie]

My Wife and I both made the decision that,going out in our town together was a no-no far too many negatives,but we both decided that going into the City (about 10 miles away) was ok,as long as we were both comfortable with it,If any one of was at all wary then it just didn't happen,after all were in this together we want it always to be fun,and tension free

Sophie

[Barbara Ella]

I think it is part of the male genome we will never be able to get rid of. We know our SO is the most insightful, thoughtful person we know, but we must reaffirm it to ourselves. It is so wonderful that she is included in your life together, and it is very important to keep the life in her comfort zone. I am struggling with exactly how to include my SO and the possible ramifications. I appreciate the sharing of experiences relating SO inclusion and how it all works together.

Give your wife a hug and reassure her she is paramount in your life.

Babes

[joanna marie]

You are married to a very wise woman. And, you are lucky to have a wife who supports you as she does.

can we clone her or borrow some of her DNA

[Rachel Morley]

Aren't wives wonderful? ... one's like yours are anyway. My wife too is very supportive and encouraging. When I first talked about going out in public in the daylight she said to me that, ok .. if WE are going to do this then we better do it properly and to that end she "bent over backwards" to help me with my presentation, female deportment etc which included coming up with an answer for friends and neighbors, should we ever bump into them .... but you know what? To date, we have never had to use that contingency reason or explanation. The people that are close to us, her son and her sister all both know and have seen me often, everyone else, the plan is in place "just in case" ... but, as I say, we're never used it .... yet.

[Jason+]

She has point worthy of being a sticky and/or required reading.

[Leyna]

While it is true she has a point, it's been my experience that most people just aren't that observant. Of course, if you go into a place the frequent while in drab, alarm bells will go off. But going out for a drive? Prolly not too big of a risk. Remember, all those other people have their own lives to worry about; they aren't in some kind of crossdresser neighborhood watch. It's probably more important to validate your SO's concern for her sake than b/c of any significant risk.

[kristinacd55]

Yes, she has a very valid point and I see that this is part of the reason my wife gets so anxious when I go out. You've got a great SO there by the way! You're a lucky girl....:)

[KellyJameson]

Your words are one of the best examples of love that I have read on this forum. I think when a S.O is willing to make sacrifices to this degree than they deserve protection from the risk of social ostracism, particularly the children who than may be exposed to bullying and exclusion.

This is not hypocritical or cowardice by bowing to social pressures but wisdom in fighting battles that you have a possibility of winning. Latter in life when you and the ones you love are in a better position to survive the winds of change that will blow your way from being open than the risks will offer a better return.

Far away vacations if possible could offer a respite from self imposed exile.

My problem with marriage is always the hidden misandry and sexism of women that is never addressed only male misogyny and your words make clear that she honors you regardless of how you are packaged. In my opinion you are married to an exceptional person who is worthy of protection.