My crossdressing boyfriend takes hormones

[pradaarmani]

I have a boyfriend (for 4 months) who is a crossdresser (since age 6, now 30). I am okay with that. I enjoy shopping for him and letting him try different styles. I took him out a few times as girl and we both had good time. However, I assume that my boyfriend is a man who enjoys dressing occasstionally. I love that.

Recently he told me that he took hormones and it has been 6 months since he started. I was devastated because I thought he wanted to be a woman and I am not a lesbian. He started the hormones with a careless mind. He looks very good as a man but he wants to achieve the female figure just a little bit. He took the pills.

He still lives as a man and he is happy about that. However, I notice some changes on his body. Breasts developed. His sex drive is very low now and we can't have sex. His facial structure changes.

His mind changes. He grows his hair long because he thinks it's okay. He shapes his eye brows in girls shape. He grows nails like girls nails. He thinks it's okay to wear girls sun glasses on streets. He constantly thinks about makeup and clothes. He wants to be treated like girls. He gets moody and furious at me if I don't take him to clothes shops.

He admits he is addicted to those hormone pills. They make him feel relax and easy going. Don't feel competitive. I think he loses any motivation in career. I ask him to stop the pills. He said he can't.

He doesn't mind him having breasts but I do. I think it's hormones making him think like that. I don't know what he wants to be (man/woman). And he doesn't know that either. He just took hormones and that's it.

Now we need help because my boyfriend doesn't want to lose his my part. He begins to realise that hormones affect his brain. He doesn't want to lose me and I never want to lose him. I am in fears. He said he loves being woman and feels okay being a man. I don't know what I should do and what he wants to do.

[k lynn]

Sounds like to me both of you need to do some deep searching on what you want he sounds more confused hes says he loves being awoman but also likes being a man if he keeps on taking the hormones sooner or later he is going to be all woman. Just my two cents worth from a guy who just likes the clothes.

[BLUE ORCHID]

This sounds like you both are on a collision course you both need to talk to a therapist ASAP
otherwise this isn't going to end well.

Orchid

[CatAttack]

Well first of all, hormones isn't something one should mess around carelessly with. Secondly, it was not very cool of him to be on hormones and not tell you. Him getting mad at you for not taking him clothes shopping is also not very cool. It sounds like this problem can only be overcome by you two sitting down and having a long talk over the issues, or perhaps get some professional help. You guys really need to figure out what he wants/needs to do, and the only way to figure it out is by talking about it. I think, and this is just my opinion based on what you wrote, that deep down he does want to be female, but he knows that you disapprove of it and he loves you, so he tells you that he is happy with being male. If he is truly happy with being a man, then why would he take hormones, grow out his hair, shape his brows, want to be treated as a female etc..? He may claim to just be a crossdresser, but crossdressers generally only want to like, emulate/"look like" a woman. They will dress up or whatever and then be done with it, take off their wig and makeup, and return to being a man.

[Jeanna]

I think that you should know that hormone pills are non-addictive. They are a very serious medication.Did he get the medication from a Dr.? If so then he has convinced some professional that he is trans,or, is he self medicating? If he is, he could wind up very sick or dead. It seems that he has the desire to be a woman and you want a man and you both want each other. Do you really think that this will work out?

[pradaarmani]

My boyfriend is self medicating.

He does love me and keeps saying "don't give up on me". I do love him but I cannot be with him if he chooses to live as woman. I like him being crossdresser, not a woman.

[linda allen]

"My crossdressing boyfriend takes hormones"

Well, he's eventually going to be your non-crossdressing girlfriend! :heehee:

No, seriously, you have to decide how much you love him (her). It's OK to be a lesbian if you love your partner, there's no law (well there are some but they are being changed) that says the person you love has to be of the opposite sex.

You were given advice above to see a therapist. I think that's good advice. You should go as a couple.

Your partner can obviously stop taking hormone pills if he wants to. Apparently, he doesn't really want to.

And of course, "self medication" can easily get him in lots of health trouble. If he is going to continue, it needs to be under medical supervision.

[donnalee]

Anything can be psychologically addictive; the only things that I know have a physical addiction are nicotine and opiates. I think this is one of those "We have to talk" moments. Ask him if he is under medical care and explain that you are worried about his health. Try to get an understanding of why he is doing this, whether he plans to continue on his present path or not; since you have no problem with his cross dressing, he may be in a pink fog and charging blindly into areas you aren't happy with. You both need to be comfortable with the path he's taking and he needs to understand that.

[pradaarmani]

Thank you. He said he needs time to sort out where he is going. At the meantime I have to wait and I don't know how long. He is going to see a doctor but during this time, he still continues hormones.

I am so stressed now. I have a life to live, love to give and dreams to pursue.

[CatAttack]

My boyfriend is self medicating.

Self-medication is only short term. Like, sure he can get the E and spiro from the internet or whatever now, but what about in the future when his source inevitably runs dry [for example, the online pharmacy gets shut down]? Maybe he already has plans to get a real prescription [I started off self-medicating, but I had plans worked out and am now under the supervision of an endocrinologist]. You should ask him what he plans to do about hormones in the future because as stated above, self-medicating is not long term. From his answer you will probably get a big hint about his intentions.

Oh and if he chooses to stop, he should probably do it sooner rather than later.

[Sandygal]

Your boyfriend is in total denial. He wants his cake and eat it too. He is so happy to have you as an accepting girlfriend and it feels so good to have someone with him while he sorts things out. No...I think he sorted things out when he started taking the pills, that's a huge step. I have wanted to take hormones for years, but I'm older and have a great fear of losing my wife and customers(I'm a one person bussiness). If my wife told me she would love me and stay with me, I would take the pills in a heartbeat. Your boyfriend made his choice, now you for better or worse, need to make yours.

[Jenniferathome]

"cross dressers" do not take hormones. Your boyfriend is either transexual or horribly confused. Either way, he needs to talk with a gender therapist. Waiting for him will become waiting for "her" before long. Sorry but you need to take action now.

[MJ]

you both need to go see a gender therapist. and keep talking till you get to the root of his issues. he well may be a transsexual in total denial. taking hormones unsupervised was a very bad idea.. there are many many questions he must answer for himself way before taking hormones. lets face it your " Boyfriend " is a big mess right now his mind is changing in to a woman emotionally he's a mess.... he loves you and wants to keep you.. but he must be true to who he/she is.
should you chose to break up do so gentle has he will find out what woman go through during a breakup... he as no idea ... and tell your boyfriend welcome to womanhood

[Jenny Beth]

I agree with others here, hormones go way beyond being just a cross dresser. Either he is not being honest with you about his desires to become a woman or he doesn't know himself what he wants out of life. You have choice to make, stick with him and be unhappy or let him know you don't want to be with him if he continues down this path. He wants it both ways but you are the one who is going to get hurt.

[Stephenie S]

IMHO your "boyfriend" is a loser. Lose him.

OK, now that I got that out of my system, my more polite response might be to see a couples therapist ASAP. He is seriously confused about his future and about your lives together. If you really want to remain as a couple, you have a lot of work ahead of you, but couples therapy is a good start.

Good luck,
S

[aprilmaeflowers]

I'm sorry but I can't see Love here....4 months. SEEK HELP...

[TGMarla]

It seems to me that if you both continue this course, he'll become convinced that he's transexual, and you will not have a future with him. Counselling is quite in order here. And I'd get after it sooner than later.

[pradaarmani]

He doesn't give me answer about what he wants to be. If he wants to stop the pills, that's great and we seek help to get rid of the addiction. If he wants to continue the hormones, that's fine and he has to leave me and let me carry on with my own life. At the moment, he cannot give any answer and still taking hormones everyday.

He said once that he "may" stop the hormones. But he wants to see a doctor first. I don't know his true intention.

[StarrOfDelite]

You should seek professional counseling together.

It's not uncommon for crossdressers to indulge in body shaping via exercise and diet to attain a more feminine appearance. It's possible he originally took the hormones for that purpose, but has become psychologically addicted to them and the sense of reassurance he gets from the mere act of ingesting them.

On the other hand, it's also possible, as another poster suggested, that he is a transsexual who is in denial.

He definitely needs help to find out who he is and where he is going. It's also possible that you need counseling. It's unusual for gender women to be so accepting of male crossdressing, and I wonder if there is something about a feminine man which is needful for you.

Based on your chronology your boyfriend had been taking female hormones for two months when you began your relationship with him, and had been crossdressing for almost 25 years. I think he was a lot further along towards feminization when you met him than you're willing to admit. I find it hard to believe that he could have started growing his hair long, letting his finger nails grow long, tweezing his eyebrows in feminine shapes, wearing girls sunglasses, and shopping at women's clothing stores in the space of four months. I'm curious, how far along in your relationship did he tell you he was a crossdresser? Did he tell you about the hormones voluntarily or did you discover them? Does he shave his body hair? Does he wear earrings in both ears?

Both of you need to do some soul searching, and you should do it with trained, competent assistance.

[makin' it real]

Aw, Prada, it sounds like you're in a tough place. And it sounds like your boyfriend is too.

I have been using herbs to do the same thing the hormones are doing for your boyfriend, and I know just how tough it can be to stop. There have been several times I told myself I'm going to stop now, because the changes in my body are enough, or the changes in my body are too much; but then I'd be overwhelmed by how wonderful it feels to have my body shaped like this, and to have my mind and emotions think and feel like this, and I'd keep on taking the supplements. I am afraid to stop because I'm afraid I'll lose these wonderful feelings.

It's strange, really. Over the past two weeks I have drastically reduced my use of supplements by simply not replacing them as I run out. I'm now down to a single herb, once a day. I feel some anxiety, and miss the female feelings, but am also better able to take positive actions for my future instead of simply reveling in the pleasures of the moment. I'm still wrestling with how much further to go, and I'm still clear that I am a man who most enjoys being with women, but it's also clear that I am a gender-blender who can no longer be considered just a man, and I'm still working out how I want to present to the world.

I'm getting lots of help in this exploration through counseling with a very helpful therapist. It's still up to me to make the changes I want, just as it will be up to your boyfriend to identify his own feelings and then take actions based on them, but my therapist helps me see my thoughts and feelings more clearly. Maybe one will help your boyfriend too. I'm a strong supporter of therapy, because I've seen it help a lot of my friends. But the work still comes down to the person in therapy. I'd recommend counseling more for him than for you, but couples counseling could be helpful as well as long as he's in private sessions too. He needs to work out who he is separate from you as well as together with you.

I wish you both well,

~Rachel

[pradaarmani]

I found out he was a crossdress a few days after dating him becuase I saw photos. First he denied but two weeks later he admitted. At first I was not into the idea of cd but he made me like it. Now i like it.

He shaved all body hair. He wants to wear earings.

He wrote a blog about starting hormones. I read. I questioned him but he said what he wrote was not real. It's just for fun. Later I saw this bank statement (he wanted to show me the balance) and he bought something from website that sells drugs including hormones. I asked him but he said it was something for his dad. I noticed the lumps under his nipples. His sperm became very clear and the amonut was very little. He had no interest in sex. I knew something was going on.

Only last week he told me about the hormones (he was drunk). I was shocked. He said he needed help.

[sandra-leigh]

Only last week he told me about the hormones (he was drunk). I was shocked. He said he needed help.

Yes, he does need help from a therapist and possibly a gender therapist.

He has been either lying to you or lying to himself. Either one is not good for a relationship.

[sissystephanie]

Your boyfriend does need help, but from a doctor who specializes in Gender problems!! He has apparently become addicted to the hormones, which is not at all unusual. With medical help he can stop the addiction if he wants to. Your description of him makes it sound as though he wants to become a female. If that is the case, you may have a tough time changing him!! He can change, but it has to come from within him, not from you or anyone else!!

I have been a crossdresser for 70 years, and do know what I am talking about!! BTW, I dress only because I like to! I have no desire at all to be a woman, and never have had that desire!

[shapeshifter]

He admits he is addicted to those hormone pills. They make him feel relax and easy going. ... I ask him to stop the pills. He said he can't.

This is a warning sign to me. A LOT of transsexual women, myself included, find relaxation (or more accurately, the absence of chronic anxiety) to be an effect of estrogen. Many trans women find stopping HRT to be horrible. On the other hand, a cis man who takes estrogen would probably feel horrible, much like a trans man does.

She's Not The Man I Married by Helen Boyd is a book written by a woman with a formerly crossdressing husband who now wants to transition. Maybe reading it would be good for both of you? http://www.amazon.com/Shes-Not-Man-Married-Transgender/dp/1580051936

I think you two should get to a gender therapist ASAP! Also, does he have any contact with the trans community? A trans support group may help too (some are creepy, some are wonder). Meeting transsexual and transgender people, crossdressers, etc might help him learn more about himself.

[DonniDarkness]

I understand that you love him and you want to be with him as a man who crossdresses. My wife and i have been married for 10 years this dec. She is also very accepting of me crossdressing as a man, we have grown leaps and bounds together as a couple. She has known since before we were married, but there were many phases of my own mentality and trying to deal with Gender Dysphoria that led me into dark places within myself. Guilt, shame, Self hate, depression, suicidal thoughts......among others.....
Her acceptance of me and my own acceptance of myself has brought me into a healthy mentality with dealing with gender dysphoria.

One thing she cannot support, is actively taking steps to change the chemical me....i.e. Hormones or Supplements. This greatly affects the male physically and makes changes in the brain chemically. Not to mention loss of sex drive and other side effects.

Luckilyfor us i do not wish to change my body other then my body hair. Which was a big deal in the beginning of our acceptance together. It was something important to me when i became comfortable with myself enough to start having thoughts of going out enfemme.

I have always had long hair in guy mode. Since i was like 12 (i am in my 30's now). I take care of it and cut it in a normal guy rocker fashion and she loves it. The reason i bring this up is that there are guys out there with long hair and you shouldnt really be concerned too much about that.

However the hormones you should be very concerned about. But even more to the point, If he has lied to you about taking them then that should really be more of a concern than anything. If he is self medicating there could be very bad side effects. He needs to see a doctor. I can not stress that enough!.

If you love him then help him find his path in life. It may not coincide with what you want out of the relationship tho. But at least help him to find the healthy ways to go about going on Male to Female hormones.

Maybe you need to express what you really like and dont like about crossdressing to him, there is nothing wrong with you voicing your boundaries. And standing by them.

Your BF sounds as tho he is mentally on the road for MtF transitioning and going about it in the worst way for his mental and physical health. But if he is not then you need to voice how you feel about him being TG and what boundaries are deal breakers for you.

I hope this finds you well and GL. I do wish you two the best. I am around and feel free to PM me if you have any questions you dont want to ask on the open boards. i will be glad to help if i can.

a Kindred spirit,
-Donni-

[Aprilrain]

WHOA!! this is WAY F#$%% UP!
Your BF(?) is headed for disaster! Personally i'd dump him, he needs a wake up call and you don't need this shit girl! It sounds like he's keeping you around for his own comfort with little thought of your needs and feelings. I get it! if he needs to transition he needs to transition but dragging you around for a security blanket is just wrong. He would do well to get in to therapy ASAP to determine if a hormone regimen is right for him and figure out if he's just living in fantasy land or if he wants to transition. He would do well to go see his doctor and have a check up with a blood panel hopefully he hasn't harmed himself.

[Sophie_C]

Look, you know where this is leading. It's not even working right now, sexually, and you can only put up with things not working sexually for so long.

You need a fairly hetero relationship. You have your needs as a woman. Clearly you're patient, but that is not helping either of you.

End it. You're just delaying the inevitable.

Now, before anyone says anything else - if she had any inclination of herself being bi, I'd suggest something different, but she isn't.

I'm a person who firmly believes it's best to face reality as quick as possible. No need to drag out something that will end, anyway. You're just wasting both of your time.

[Stephenie S]

While I applaud your desire to stay and support your "man", there are some serious problems here.

He lied to you.

You know, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. He lied to you. That's a pretty darn good indicator that he will lie to you again.

It's just like physical abuse. If a man hits you, you can be darn certain he will hit you again.

Add to this the fact that he really doesn't seem to want to BE a man, and I would say you don't really have much of a future with this guy.

As everyone has said already, couples and individual therapy are in order for both of you if you want to continue this relationship.

Stephie

[ReineD]

He doesn't give me answer about what he wants to be. If he wants to stop the pills, that's great and we seek help to get rid of the addiction. If he wants to continue the hormones, that's fine and he has to leave me and let me carry on with my own life. At the moment, he cannot give any answer and still taking hormones everyday.

He said once that he "may" stop the hormones. But he wants to see a doctor first. I don't know his true intention.

People do not develop physical addictions to hormones like they do to opiates, narcotics, barbiturates, stimulants, alcohol, etc. Your bf is not addicted to HRT. He does, however, behave as if his desire to be a woman overrides everything else, even you. It sounds as if he is transsexual and not a crossdresser.

It is dangerous to self-medicate hormones. One of the medical risks is blood clotting, specifically, deep venous thrombosis and pulmonary embolism. Your bf needs be monitored by a medical doctor and he needs to see a gender therapist immediately. Also, HRT is akin to medical castration and it causes infertility. And although sexual preference is not tied to gender identification, it is not uncommon for TSs to begin preferring men once they've been on hormones. You need to be aware of the possibility.

If your bf believes that taking hormones will make him just "a little bit" more feminine without all the other effects to his male sex organs, and he is not considering the health risks of taking them without medical supervision, then he is severely ignorant of the facts. And to play with such powerful drugs without even reading the resources that are readily available on the internet indicates that he is deeply in denial about who he is and what he wants.

And as for you, although there are women who stay in relationships with transitioning or transitioned TSs, if you know that you are not wired to live your life as a lesbian with another woman, then you need to walk away. I'm afraid that if you stay with him it will prolong his indecision or his denial. If you love him, the best you can do is to force him to see specialists so that he can come to terms with who he is. The best way to do this might well be to simply move on and stop being his emotional safety net.

I'm sorry. :sad:

[pradaarmani]

My boyfried would love to be a woman for sure. To make a transition or not is another question. He may stop hormones if health is a problem. However, the desire to be a woman is still there.

If it was a 3-year marriage, we would try to save it of course. But it's just a 4-month relationship, I don't understand why he wants to save it if he knows that we cannot be together.

At the moment I still have no answer about what he is going to do with hormones. He is taking them everyday. He will see a doctor this week (before end of September 2011). Personally I think he will only stop taking the pills if the doctor says he must stop because they are damaging his body. He still wants to be a woman anyway. That sounds okay with me because he's crossdressing and we go out together. If he is not happy being a man, that's a problem.

Personally I think he will only stop hormones only if the doctor said so because of the health problem. However, his desire to be a woman and dress up is still there. That's great because I enjoy dressing him up and taking him out to tgirl bars.

As long as he's happy being a man and happy being my man, we can be together.

[mariannecd]

Then you need to make some choices about what you really want and if he cannot give you what you need, then you need another plan....!

[Aprilrain]

As long as he's happy being a man and happy being my man, we can be together.

Ya know this really isn't about your GF (I used that term on purpose!) She seems to have made her decision. MEN don't take female hormones because they want to be girls, girls trapped in a male body do! Your so called BF DOESN"T WANT TO BE A BOY or is seriously confused either way the onus is now on you! this is not about figuring out how to somehow control her desire to transition so that you can have a man in a dress this is about YOU making a decision to either stay with a transitioning TS (or seriously confused CDer) OR getting out. Frankly I don't think your doing her any favors by hanging around cause you like to play dress up with her. She is either a chick and you have to accept that or HE is majorly confused about his gender identity which usually just means TS but haven't accepted it yet.

[Stephenie S]

Nicely said April.

As usual, you say it well and to the point.

S

[DonniDarkness]

Well said Miss. April

Hormones dont make you a better crossdresser, they make the outside match the inside woman.

Prada, we all wish you luck with this. The two of you need to sit down and communicate all of this to each other.

-Donni-

[pradaarmani]

Thank you for every comment. I appreciate so much.

My boyfriend and I talk about his everday but he only ends up angry and I crying :(

Today he gave me a hint by saying that he doesn't like keeping me waiting. So I kind of know what is coming. Maybe I am wrong.

[suchacutie]

As you can see from the extensive comments, your SO is in a gender haze. However, you are also in denial. You very much need to decide what YOU want, and then act upon that. It's pretty clear your SO is not, in the long run, going to be your boyfriend. If you want your potential mate to be physically (and successfully) male, you are going to need to look elsewhere.

In all honesty, if you are looking for a transgendered mate, there will be a line at your door once your interest is known, and that line will include many who will fit your wishes perfectly, and will be enamoured with the fact that you support them in their bi-genderism with no games and complete honesty.

I wish you the best. Please do stay here with us and let us know how your search is proceeding!

tina

[sara.s]

WHOA!! this is WAY F#$%% UP!
Your BF(?) is headed for disaster! Personally i'd dump him, he needs a wake up call and you don't need this shit girl! It sounds like he's keeping you around for his own comfort with little thought of your needs and feelings. I get it! if he needs to transition he needs to transition but dragging you around for a security blanket is just wrong. He would do well to get in to therapy ASAP to determine if a hormone regimen is right for him and figure out if he's just living in fantasy land or if he wants to transition. He would do well to go see his doctor and have a check up with a blood panel hopefully he hasn't harmed himself.

Plus One... (Adding 20 dummy characters to complete this post)

[CheyenneNicky]

honestly. That is a hard choice. I personally would go after you. but thats cause im not big Cd'r just more of a kink ya know. but your beautiful and you are very open minded , thats OUTSTANDING! he should be considered very lucky

[sandra-leigh]

pradaarmani, I am a bit confused by some remarks you posted before. Is it correct that you yourself are a MTF transsexual ? You posted that you have been on hormones for a year, including Androcur, and that you went "full time" when you were financially ready.

[sara.s]

pradaarmani, I am a bit confused by some remarks you posted before. Is it correct that you yourself are a MTF transsexual ? You posted that you have been on hormones for a year, including Androcur, and that you went "full time" when you were financially ready.

So what? The fact that she is herself a TS does not make it lesser offense for her BF to lie.

[SabrinaEmily]

It does sound like your boyfriend is in fact a transwoman -- the effects of relaxation from being on hormones strongly indicate that. That's an effect that transpeople going on the right hormones for them experience very quickly.

I hate to say it, but I don't think you can get what you want out of this situation. I hope you two can remain friends if, as seems likely, this doesn't work out.

[Loni]

if you can not get "her" to go with you to see a counselor then please go by your self.
and yes i say "her" as only women trapped in a mans body take hormones. i would love to take them...but i am not sure if i should. and if not under a Dr's care she can get very sick need a new liver, etc. or even die.
if she stays on them for much longer she will never be a "man" again, some things are just one way. no return.
taking hormones is not something one does as a just over night thing, even getting the illegal drugs via the web can take time to set up, and the "drugs" are not of good quality. if she refuses to go see a medical Dr or even see a counselor with you. sorry but time to dump her and live your life with out this problem. it will get worse.

Loni

.

[ReineD]

Today he gave me a hint by saying that he doesn't like keeping me waiting. So I kind of know what is coming. Maybe I am wrong.

Pradaarmani, I've just read your other posts. You've been on hormones for over a year. So, why did you come to a TG forum describing the changes in your boyfriend just as a GG would have, who understood nothing about this? And why did you come off as if you believe that your boyfriend is "addicted" to hormones? I question your motives since you do know a great deal about HRT. I don't respect your subterfuge.

You could have said you are a transwoman, and then described your issues with your boyfriend from the point of view of someone who understands what HRT does. Many respondents to this thread wouldn't have wasted their time trying to explain things to you as if you are a newbie at this, including me. :Angry3:

At any rate, back to the boyfriend issue, what I don't get is why, when you know full well what path he is heading down since you've done it yourself, and you further know that you want a relationship with a man, why do you continue to stay with him? Why do you keep giving us updates as if you just don't understand what's going on?

[docrobbysherry]

Prada, u have been "dating for 4 months and he's been taking hormones for 6 months"?" He's been a CD since age 6 and he's 30 now"? Sorry! Like Reine, I don't get it! None of this sounds real to me! If u think it is, I believe you may be up a creek named De Nile!

[ashleymasters]

That sounds like such a difficult situation for the both of you. When I was younger I wasn't sure what role I wanted my femme side to take in my life or if I even wanted to keep the male side at all. I saw a transformation/gender therapist for 3 sessions. In those sessions I took an inventory of my life the male and female sides. I weighed the pros and cons. The therapist had a great deal of insight on issues about my gender that I never thought to consider. After that I was and am still confident today that I want to live as a man who just enjoys dressing on occasion. Whatever your boyfriend wants he should talk to someone who can help him take a good look at every aspect and make an informed choice about the balance he will choose. After that happens it will be easier to determine how well your relationship will fit in to his life. I hope for all the best for you two.


p.s. you seem like a very wonderful girl for staying by him through all of this.

[pradaarmani]

I was a transexual girl. I don't think I can have a relationship with a woman or another ts woman.

I don't take hormones to feel like a woman because I always think I am a woman since born. The dose I take is recommend by a doctor in thailand where I am from. Now I am in England and still continues the pills and have liver checked every 6 months (last time in August 2011).

I discovered that my bf takes the same pills after 4 months of relationship. Now he is addicted to the pills because they give him the feelings. I like him to have his feminine side. However, there are SOME side effects of the hormones that I don't wish him to have. They afffect me also.

I wish him to somehow stop the pills as soon as possible. Go to see doctor to fight addiction. Then go to gender clinic together if he really needs. The clinic may advise him to be on hormones again, that's cool with me. But we will break up and become friends.

[ReineD]

I wish him to somehow stop the pills as soon as possible. Go to see doctor to fight addiction. Then go to gender clinic together if he really needs. The clinic may advise him to be on hormones again, that's cool with me. But we will break up and become friends.

Yes, you are a woman, and you also know that taking hormone pills is not an addiction. You are taking them to align your body to your internal gender, and your boyfriend seems to be wanting the same thing.

I'm sorry that your boyfriend may be going down a different path than you would like and I'm glad that you will still be friends if you break up.

Good luck. :hugs:

[gretchen2]

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[jillleanne]

I was a transexual girl. I don't think I can have a relationship with a woman or another ts woman.

I don't take hormones to feel like a woman because I always think I am a woman since born. The dose I take is recommend by a doctor in thailand where I am from. Now I am in England and still continues the pills and have liver checked every 6 months (last time in August 2011).

I discovered that my bf takes the same pills after 4 months of relationship. Now he is addicted to the pills because they give him the feelings. I like him to have his feminine side. However, there are SOME side effects of the hormones that I don't wish him to have. They afffect me also.

I wish him to somehow stop the pills as soon as possible. Go to see doctor to fight addiction. Then go to gender clinic together if he really needs. The clinic may advise him to be on hormones again, that's cool with me. But we will break up and become friends.

This may sound a bit harsh, but if what you seek is a man that likes to dress as a woman occasionally, you should find just that. The person you are currently seeing is not in your description of what you seek, and therefore, you should tell him/her the current relationship is not working and you need to move on. Why would you want to punish yourself by staying in a relationship that does not fulfill all you seek? Do not settle for crumbs when you can have the whole cake. One thing I have learned is we all cry, we all laugh, and we all find what we seek if we remain patient.

[pradaarmani]

Update: my boyfriend said he thinks about stopping the hormones and keep being my man. I have a mixed feeling hearing this. He'd love to be woman I am sure. However, he also says that he is happy being a man. I hope he is not lying to himself.

His appearance has changed so much since we first met in May 2011. Long hair, girl nails, girl brows, soft skin, face, breasts, fat distribution. Also his mind and thinking become more feminine.

If he wishes to stop, he has to fight the addiction. I guess he may experience symptoms like women in their menopause. Symptoms like anxiety, mood disturbance, etc. Just guess. He has to regain his health. And I am happy to walk into a gender clinic with him.


I'm sorry that your boyfriend may be going down a different path than you would like and I'm glad that you will still be friends if you break up.

Good luck. :hugs:

Whatever he chooses to do, I still help him get clothes and makeup from shops (he still lives as a man). He entered this relationship as a man who told later that he's a crossdresser, so, at the end of the day, he still needs clothes and makeup.

I took him out at night for first time in his life. We did 3 times so far. He likes me to watch him shave, dress, apply makeup. He spends hours. He will get annoyed if the eye shadow is not right. At first he did not like eyeliner. When I tried that on him, he totally loved it. He always messes up with lipstick and I find that very cute. I make sure the face is alright. Sometimes he is worried about his hair style. I help with wax and hairspray.

When he sees a dress he likes in a shop, I will try it in the fiiting room and let him see. He always goes for a particular style and I encourage him to try something different.

Sometimes I feel like I have done so much for his girl part. Never thought that situation would become like this

[PetiteDuality]

My two thoughts after reading this:

#1) I don't understand yet the tone of your posts. You know about hormones, your are TG, but you write as if you are totally clueless about all the struggles involved. Sorry, but all this is confusing.
#2) After #1, I'm not sure if I can believe the entire story, but if all this is true, your boyfriend might be using you and your experience to understand his transgenderism or to help him transition, or to get clothes... I'd just recommend you to be careful.

[pradaarmani]

My boyfriend has stopped taking the hormones (and blockers) for a few days. He was on hormones for 6 months. He is depressed and moody now as far as I can see. He feels like does not want to do anything. He does not even want to answer when I ask something. He will need to see doctor soon too.

[celeste26]

At the very least your b/f needs to check with a doctor about his liver since hormones are tough on the liver and can damage it. If he is self medicating how can he possibly know the right doses and just how his liver is affected. Those who do this properly through an endocrinologist have their liver function tested regularly. The process of transforming from male to female is complex and has dangers he most likely knows little about and his liver is just one of them. If you still care for him make sure he knows that so he doesn't end up hurting himself far more than he might be prepared for. Hope you can come to peace about this.

[DebbieL]

My boyfriend is self medicating.

He does love me and keeps saying "don't give up on me". I do love him but I cannot be with him if he chooses to live as woman. I like him being crossdresser, not a woman.

Whatever else he does, if he is taking real hormones, he should be talking to a doctor. Too much estrogen at once can create life threatening blood clots as well as some other very dangerous conditions.

The two of you probably need to start looking at your mutual needs. As the Partner of a Cross-Dresser, Transgendered, and possibly Transsexual partner, you should be thinking about what YOU want from his changes. If he wants to stay on hormones and it's making it hard or impossible for him to get it up, then you need to find ways for him to satisfy you sexually. If he's becoming more serene and less aggressive, he needs to use the transitions as motivation. He needs to have some responsibilities both at work, and at home, and needs to be responsible. If he were a single woman, he would still have to work and have a career. Even married women need to work these days, and very often, become very successful.

If he has reached a point where he is comfortable with the changes in his body, and doesn't want more, he shouldn't try to quit cold turkey, and he should probably find a support group or therapist so he can share some of the feelings he is going through. He has made choices, and thus far, he has had to deal with very few consequences.

You are both going through transitions, and you can either fight them, and be frustrated, or you can look for what YOU want out of the transitions. If he can't please you the usual ways, how can he please you. If he's becoming more feminine, will he take on some of the "women's work" chores? If he doesn't like fighting and being aggressive anymore, would he like to focus more on support and service roles and opportunities within his career.

You might even want to encourage him to dress up MORE. Many men, when faced with the pressure of having to do a full dress-up every day, 7 days a week, even if it's after work, and having to get dressed and do normal things all the time, begin to see that being a woman full-time may not be everything they had hoped it would be. You might even want to insist that he dress in skirt, hose, heels, wig, bra, heels, and very tight underwear (tuck) as soon as he gets home from work, and starting first thing in the morning on his days off.

At the same time, you need to let him know, up front, what you expect from him. He has to do better than before at work, and find a way to be doing what he loves at work. He should also under-dress while at work. Wearing what he can under his clothes. A bra may not work, but a camisole, underwear, and hose or tights might be a good choice.

These are all things that a professional therapist would recommend if he thought he wanted to actually transition. Part of the reason is because a significant percentage of TGs and CDs who go through the Benjamin protocol of supervised transition, often find that they aren't interested in making the transition after all.

If he really thinks he wants to transition, the next step would be electrolysis. Sometimes that alone is enough to discourage a wanna-be.

Meanwhile, if he DOES decide he really wants to go further, even if not to sex reassignment surgery (SRS), you will have the ability to either find ways to adjust that may YOU happy, or you will be able to determine that you may not be able to go much further.

Rather than break up with him, you may want to work together to decide on how your needs will be met. This may include having a boyfriend who can please you as a man, as well as having your current boyfriend who can please you the way he pleases you now. You may even find that as he comes out, that you could fix him up with a man or woman who could better meet his needs.

The two most dangerous things to do right now are to just "dump him" or to give him an ultimatim that he stop all medications immediately. Either could trigger some nasty emotional and mental issues. He won't admit it, but he's probably more vulnerable now, with you, than he has ever been. He loves you more than almost anything, partly BECAUSE you accept both his masculine AND FEMININE side. For him, it's the only way he can truly be loved. At the same time, he is experiencing love and the ability to express a part of himself, the most precious and protected part of himself, with you and in public. I'm sure you have seen how happy it makes him, and how much he enjoys it and how much he loves you.

If you "pull the plug" on either, the risk is that he will think that if he failed with you, that he will never be able to make it work. With a future that dismal, a future in which he can never express his true self an can never be truly loved - the possibility of 30, 50, or even 70 years of living a lie, hiding in the shadows, always having to pretend to be what he is not and pretend not to be what he is, and never to be loved, is enough to drive many young men to self-destruction. This may take the form of suicide attempts, drug and alcohol abuse, putting himself in high risk environments and situations, and/or trying to get someone else to castrate or kill him.

If you do want to go your own way, you might want to consider "setting him up" with someone who has expressed a desire to take him where he thinks he wants to go. Let your girlfriends know that he's going a bit farther than you want to go, and that you'd like to know who might want to take him the rest of the way. But before you do that, make sure that he really does want to go that way.

I suspect that if you follow the suggestions I mentioned above, that he may find that he is happy being a man who can be a girl once in a while, and that having small breasts and a girl who loves him is more important and more in line with where he really wants to be. I'm basing this on the statements you have made as well as some of his actions. The fact that he's self-medicating and hasn't started electrolysis tells me that he is playing with ways to improve his look as a CD rather than a desire to spend the rest of his life living full-time as a woman.

[BRANDYJ]

I see a lot of things wrong here. My first thought is "Tough Love" Tell him he gets off the hormones now and seek help to figure out what he wants and then call you once he knows. Right now I fear he is not being totally honest with you. Touch love tests the strength of that love. If he cares about you, he will have to make a choice. That is to be a man, one that crossdresses, But be a man! A MAN DOES NOT TAKE FEMALE HORMONES. So I think it's time he makes a choice. You or his becoming more female to whatever extent he thinks he wants to be. But if it includes 24/7 dress, hormones and no sexual drive or capability, he is not the one for you. That is plain to see. Choices with help from professionals is overdue. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you come out of this situation holding onto your hopes, dreams and wishes. Don't give them up for someone else.

[pradaarmani]

He does admit that the hormones mess up his mind and body. He doesn't want breasts and wishes sex drive will come back. He will get his hair cut short tomorrow. He said he needs to man up. We will go to see the doctor and get his liver checked.

This is a big change. I was shocked by his decision because i always thought that he would never quit the hormones. Now he did. And we will see what happens.

[Vieja]

You said you have a life to live, love to give and dreams to pursue, do it!


Vieja

[docrobbysherry]

I find this thread and most of the posts completely bewildering! Nothing rings tru or makes any sense! :eek:

Did someone slip LSD in my tea? Or, do others feel "lost" when reading about this TS and her possible TS "boyfriend"?:brolleyes:

[Kaitlyn Michele]

i'm with you doc.....

[ReineD]

Me too. ............

[pradaarmani]

One guy started hormones and blockers in March 2011. He met me in May 2011 and we started dating and relationship. He told a few weeks later that he was a cd and I was fine. I took him out for the first time. In late September 2011, he told me about his hormones.

If he continues the hormones, I will help him transition but I don't wish to stay in a romantic relationship. In my selfish opinion, I want him to stop the hormones. A few days ago, he looked and sounded strange. He told me that he did not take the pills and would stop them completely. He enjoys being a man and my boyfriend.

I understand why he started the hormones. It's because of his past. However, the effects of the hormones and blockers on his brain and body are far beyond what he imagined. Now he wishes to stop.

He is not transexual, he said.

[Aprilrain]

You might even want to encourage him to dress up MORE. Many men, when faced with the pressure of having to do a full dress-up every day, 7 days a week, even if it's after work, and having to get dressed and do normal things all the time, begin to see that being a woman full-time may not be everything they had hoped it would be. You might even want to insist that he dress in skirt, hose, heels, wig, bra, heels, and very tight underwear (tuck) as soon as he gets home from work, and starting first thing in the morning on his days off.

what woman wears all that crap everyday? maybe a an exec. The only reason I wear makeup everyday is to cover up the beard shadow. If I could make electrolysis go faster I would! clothes and make up do not make you a woman

[susan1970]

I have the same issues and found out that I really am a transexual he need to go to therapy. The main reason mose ment don't is beucase of fear and shame from family and friends it's a tough thing. His nature of always wanting to be more female will never go away, trust me i know.

[KylieA]

I would repeat, see a therapist, see a doctor. An endrocrinologist would help manage the hormones a lot better. He could choose a middle path like a No-Op transexual. One example is TrannyGirl15 on youtube. She choose to not to have SRS, and maintain a relationship with her girlfriend. Her doctor helps balance hormones so that she can still function sexual with her girlfriend.