What was your biggest obstacle to transitioning?

[AKAMichelle]

I was reading another post and one of the posts touched on the fact that they didn't want to be with a man caused them to hestitate. Mine is that I don't want to be with a man, but also what I want to do about dating. I don't know that anything will change, but it does cause me to think long and hard about my next steps.

What is your obstacle that stopped you the most and how did you get past it?

[Melody Moore]

That was one of mine, but I would have to say that fears of rejection, discrimination abuse
and when kids came into the picture then that really complicated things even more. So I have
to say it just wasn't one obstacle I had to overcome.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

you don't have to be with anybody..

It's interesting that you bring that up as a biggest obstacle....it doesnt sound like an obstacle at all...it just sounds like your priority is dating..and if that's the case..trust me, stick with dating..its much easier

[NathalieX66]

The fact that I have two identities, both are the same person.

I am both genders, and I am neither......why genders anyway. what's gender? You like what you like, and you go in the direction you go in.

But seriously, I'm short of HRT, and I'm happy here. .......just is. :)

[Badtranny]

you don't have to be with anybody..

I know, I don't understand the problem.

Michelle, please elaborate. Do you not want to date a man, or do you not want to be a lesbian?

[Jorja]

Times have changed since I transitioned. Back then other people were my biggest obstacle. If you think attitudes and bigotry are a problem today, you should have tried transitioning in the 80's or earlier. I got past it by knowing what I wanted and fighting every step of the way for it.

[AKAMichelle]

you don't have to be with anybody..

It's interesting that you bring that up as a biggest obstacle....it doesnt sound like an obstacle at all...it just sounds like your priority is dating..and if that's the case..trust me, stick with dating..its much easier

Right now I could care less about being with anyone. That is a very unusual feeling for me and it causes me to question why. I have always known what I want and my feelings are more of indifference. Although I do have to admit that even though the family knows that I dress as a woman, it would be harder to tell them that is the way I am going to stay.

[Andrea85]

Parents. My friends have known for years and I even dated guys before coming out. If my life didn't happen the way it did and I didnt end up back at my parents, I prolly never would have gone through any of this.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Hi Michelle...sorry if i'm dense...

I read your OP as saying your biggest obstacle to transition is that you don't want to be with a man...
and you wanted to know if others felt that way..
and now you are saying an obstacle is that it's hard to tell your family..

sexuality is fluid in a transsexuals life...its just the way it is... whether you "Want to want" a man is irrelevant to transition..

what are you indifferent about?
indifference may be telling you that you've taken crossdressing as far you can go..you may feel that somehow there must be a next step, and that's to live life as a woman, but it doesnt work that way all the time..
or you could be approaching a moment in your life where you are going to challenge your own feelings about your identity...which is quite daunting..

in any case, i'm just pointing out that considering sexuality will more than likely just end up confusing the real issue, which is what's the best path for you...

[Frances]

The first biggest obstacle for me was not wanting to be a transsexual. I bargained with myself, pretending it was some kind of fetish for a very long time. Being part gorilla, I thought body hair was too much of an obstacle as well. When I finally got it, guilt was the biggest problem. I did not have the courage to do it and I felt guilty towards my SO for wrecking her life. Suicide became the most sensible option.

I gave therapy one more shot, and when I decided to transition (being transsexual is not a choice, but transitioning has to be a commited decision), there was no obstacle. I loaded six credit cards, covered my entire body with EMLA and Saran Wrap every few weeks for expensive laser sessions, went through some 300 hours of painful electrolysis, filed for bankruptcy, changed my voice, whatever it took. The object of my sexuality, however, be they man, woman, monkey or shoe, had no relevance.

[Diane Elizabeth]

My biggest obstacle is telling family. Then there is how to transition without the money for everything that needs to be done. Then I fear I will lose my job. Bankrupcy and starting over is scary to me. But I hope that I can overcome these obstacles in due time ,hopefully, be for I get too old to enjoy life.

[StaceyJane]

Fear of coming out to my job and parents.
Coming out to my wife and daughters was tough but everything eventually worked out and my life is so much better for it.

[gretchen2]

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[AKAMichelle]

Hi Michelle...sorry if i'm dense...

I read your OP as saying your biggest obstacle to transition is that you don't want to be with a man...
and you wanted to know if others felt that way..
and now you are saying an obstacle is that it's hard to tell your family..

sexuality is fluid in a transsexuals life...its just the way it is... whether you "Want to want" a man is irrelevant to transition..

what are you indifferent about?
indifference may be telling you that you've taken crossdressing as far you can go..you may feel that somehow there must be a next step, and that's to live life as a woman, but it doesnt work that way all the time..
or you could be approaching a moment in your life where you are going to challenge your own feelings about your identity...which is quite daunting..

in any case, i'm just pointing out that considering sexuality will more than likely just end up confusing the real issue, which is what's the best path for you...

Don't read too much into my comments. I have lots of reasons and family is only one of them.

I will work through the list and figure out what the next step is for me.

[CharleneT]

In a general sense, the biggest prob was fear. Frances's answer sounds a lot like my life until about 2008 - when I started to be honest with myself and started to do something about my issues. In the end, I lost my wife, some friends and a huge amount of time wasted along the way. From that point forward, the biggest prob was money.

[Traci Elizabeth]

Michelle's concerns were a non-issue for me as it was me who was transitioning not who I might be with. That was completely irrelevant to me.

My biggest concern was my age but like others, I could not stop my transition and I could no longer live another year, month, week, day, hour, or moment in a man's exterior. Once I started, it was and has been smooth sailing. I think too many of us dwell on issues that will correct themselves as we travel through our transition.

[Aprilrain]

I think we all face basically the same obstacles, all off which boil down to fear. I would add my own ignorance and black and white thinking were also huge barriers. I cant tell you how many times i said to myself, "Why do I want to be the one thing in this world that i can NEVER be" The way I saw it if you had a man's body that is what you were wether you liked it or not! On bad days I still struggle with this sort of thinking.

[kellycan27]

Money.......... was my biggest obstacle.

[Aprilrain]

Money.......... was my biggest obstacle.

But what about that brothel.....OH SHIT...was I not supposed to say anything?!?!? ; )

[kellycan27]

But what about that brothel.....OH SHIT...was I not supposed to say anything?!?!? ; )

I couldn't get any other girls so I had to run it by my own hand. :heehee: You still looking for a job?

[Aprilrain]

I couldn't get any other girls so I had to run it by my own hand. :heehee: You still looking for a job?

hey its legal in Nevada right!!!

[kellycan27]

hey its legal in Nevada right!!!

I live in Ca now. And just so ya know. Las Vegas is in Clark County Nevada.. Prostitution is only legal in NYE county. I'd hate to see you get arrested for working a corrner in LV. Ignorance of the law is no excuse LMAO

[Aprilrain]

I live in Ca now. And just so ya know. Las Vegas is in Clark County Nevada.. Prostitution is only legal in NYE county. I'd hate to see you get arrested for working a corrner in LV. Ignorance of the law is no excuse LMAO

But I saw you doing it!!! : P

[Jay Cee]

I think we all face basically the same obstacles, all off which boil down to fear. I would add my own ignorance and black and white thinking were also huge barriers...

I can see that the black and white thinking (with a large dose of sexist thought) is going to be an issue for me, too. ie: Girls don't do anything that I like to do, so I can't be female. Time will tell...

[Jorja]

I can see that the black and white thinking (with a large dose of sexist thought) is going to be an issue for me, too. ie: Girls don't do anything that I like to do, so I can't be female. Time will tell...

Girls do everything I like to do. ;) Let's start with breathing, waking up in the morning, getting ready to go to work, coming home at night, eating, and getting ready for bed. So I must be female.

[DebbieL]

For me, the biggest obstacle was my family. I knew I wanted to be a girl when I was 5, and my parents knew it when I was 6. But I had a grandfather who was a right wing fundamentalist Christian. He helped my parents out of a few financial scrapes and had a nice nest-egg from his heating and metal work business. He also owned a percentage of some oil wells in Oklahoma, and held liens on about 100 houses in Boulder.

Grandpa would get upset with mom or smoking, and when he saw a girl in a short skirt or shorts, or even pants (of any kind) he would remark "she's dressed like a *****, she's going to hell". Of course, he said that just as I was thinking how badly I wanted to be dressed just like she was.

When Grandpa died, I was married and had two children. My wife told me that if I went out in public, or cheated on her, she would take me for everything I had, and make sure I never got to see the children. Later, after we got divorced, she told me that if I dressed around the kids, she had a social worker from her new husband's church who would sign a paper recommending supervised visitation. So I would lose my kids.

When I finally did start going public, my brother, sister, and mother were very accepting, and not terribly surprised. My father on the other hand, was very upset and didn't want to ever see Debbie again.

My father died in April, but when I came out to visit him, he didn't know how much longer he had, so he told me right away that he wanted me to "Be yourself", and that was his greatest gift to me. I took him at his word and wore short shorts, femme shoes, and femme tops that showed my 40A to it's advantage.

Later, when he was itching and I was scratching his back, the way I scratch my wife's back when she takes off her bra, he asked me how I learned to take such good care of him. I told him "from you dad, from you". He was very accepting of Debbie and happy to see me, and twice called me by that name.

Today, my wife is still concerned that I might want to do more than just grow some boobs, and isn't quite sure how that would go over at our church. Her family knows and we joke about it, so to several at the church. I dress Androgynous for church and most people have it figured out. At the same time, they know I make my wife very happy.

If the magic gender fairy would waive her magic wand and turn me into a young and beautiful woman, I'd probably want it immediately. At my age, I'd be neither young nor particularly beautiful. I often wonder if the Hindus might be right and that we can come back - maybe I'd want to come back as a girl and go through the whole growing up process again, hopefully remembering how much I wanted to be a girl this time around.

[Rianna Humble]

Girls do everything I like to do. ;) Let's start with breathing, waking up in the morning, getting ready to go to work, coming home at night, eating, and getting ready for bed. So I must be female.

You must know different girls to me. I would have to strike out waking, going to work and (to some extent) eating.:eek: I can agree on breathing, coming home atthe end of the day and going to bed. :D

[wino_tg_girl]

Job

I work for a progressive company, but I'm in sales and a majority of my wholesalers, retailers, and consumers would NOT be even a little bit cool with it. I would need a completely new career and I make an OK living that I enjoy right now. If I started from entry level, I'd be broke.

[Jay Cee]

Girls do everything I like to do. ;) Let's start with breathing, waking up in the morning, getting ready to go to work, coming home at night, eating, and getting ready for bed. So I must be female.

I was thinking more in terms of hobbies and interests, smartypants. ;)

[Melody Moore]

I was thinking more in terms of hobbies and interests, smartypants. ;)
Jay Cee, you only believe that you are defined in your gender identity by your gender roles, but that is just the
legacy of the stereotypical imprint left on you through the social conditioning we all get put through to be 'good
upstanding member of society'. When you learn that gender identity is not defined by your gender roles, sexual
orientations and even by what is between your legs, the sooner you will find the real you and set yourself free.

[Bree-asaurus]

Jay Cee, you only believe that you are defined in your gender identity by your gender roles, but that is just the
legacy of the stereotypical imprint left on you through the social conditioning we all get put through to be 'good
upstanding member of society'. When you learn that gender identity is not defined by your gender roles, sexual
orientations and even by what is between your legs, the sooner you will find the real you and set yourself free.

Couldn't agree more.

I work on my old cars. I am a grease monkey. I am still a girl.

Gender and sexuality are built in, they have been there all your life. Your hobbies and interests are mostly a product of your upbringing.

Everything that you like, Jay Cee, that you think is a manly thing to like, there are genetic girls out there that are interested in the same things.

[Aprilrain]

I am a grease monkey. Everything that you like, Jay Cee, that you think is a manly thing to like, there are genetic girls out there that are interested in the same things.

AAWWW but such a cute grease monkey!

There is NOTHING that men do that woman don't do as well which is not true in the opposite direction. Men shut themselves out from all sorts of "girly" activities for fear of being seen as effeminate or week

[Jorja]

I was thinking more in terms of hobbies and interests, smartypants. ;)

Well lets see.... I like to hunt, fish, camp, hike, crosstich, knit, sew, rebuild Harleys, cars and trucks, garden (my roses took first place in the local rose show this summer), shopping, cooking, and playing playing fast pitch softball just to name a few. My partner in crime, the one that gets me involved in most of these activities is a GG. She has no problem chopping the top on a 32 Ford Coupe or making a pie, or taking care of the kids. Do what you like to do and don't worry if it is feminine or not. If you truely want to become a woman your going to need to be versatile. ;)

[Rianna Humble]

What is your obstacle that stopped you the most

That would have been me! I persuaded myself that I would be just as ugly as a woman as I felt myself to be as a man. Add this to my age and I had the ready built excuse "No-one would want to know an ugly old woman"


and how did you get past it?

Sheer desperation

[Jay Cee]

Everything that you like, Jay Cee, that you think is a manly thing to like, there are genetic girls out there that are interested in the same things.

I know, I know... my brain still has a hard time processing it, though. I have yet to see a 45 year old woman freeriding on a mountain bike. I dunno why, but it seems so odd to me. Then again, I haven't seen many 45 year old men do that around here, either. So, maybe gender has nothing to do with it - it's just me trying to stay young.

Thank you all for giving me a good talking to. I needed and deserved it.

My apologies, Michelle - I didn't mean to hijack your original post.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

this is very much in line with the OP..

there are 2 kinds of obstacles JayCee...one kind are real issues...work/family/kids/lovelife/health..... its not a given that everyone can transition and live a high quality of life.....these are things to consider..

the other issues are ones you make up for yourself..figuring things out is brutal, and no one can decide for you..to make it exquisitely difficult, i know that i lived in a deep state of self loathing and low esteem for myself..i learned how to be male while watching others be male...i had no strong sense of my own worth ...i had no sense of confidence around my own decisions...i know others that have felt this way..and in my opinion, thats why it took getting into a state of deep desperation before i let myself think of myself as transsexual...same as rianna and many others..

you may be the type of person that needs to feel more desperate to move forward.. ..that's totally ok...but while you figure things out, try to focus on things that matter... the fact you stay healthy by mountain biking is not something to worry about..its something to celebrate...and its a great excuse to keep your body cleanly shaved..

now excuse while i go back to playing Halo:reach

[Melody Moore]

I have to agree very strongly with Kaitlyn here Jay Cee, my experiences were very similar to hers as well
where as long as I can remember I lived in deep state of self loathing and low esteem about myself and I
too had to learn to be a male by watching & observing others. Boys have more of a stigma about engaging
in roles or interests that are traditionally feminine than girls have with engaging in roles or interests that
are traditionally masculine. When you are battling with a gender identity conflict then such things like your
hobbies and interests take on a different meaning for you - you have an increased awareness that such things
are not traditionally acceptable for your birth sex.

Gender conflicted people tend to over think or analysis everything to try & find any 'justifiable reason' they can
to talk themselves out of accepting who they really are. What we are essentially doing is putting more hurdles
in our way that don't really need to be there. When we are in denial about our gender issues it is quite common to
grab on to the most meaningless excuse you can find to have some type of 'justifiable reason' not to accept who
you really are - but don't feel like anyone is singling you out here because this is very common thing that happens
to lots of us. It really does your head in trying to figure all this stuff out and as Kaitlyn says it is 'brutal' and not
until we get desperate enough do we ever stop the denial which is the first thing we need to do before we can even
start to go forward. Or essentially you get to a point where you run out of excuses and realise what it is you are
really doing. I just got sick of trying to run away from my problems because no matter how hard I tried it was still there.

I honestly believe that denial is just like a toxin that can really destroy who you are and your whole life. And getting
over denial takes a hell of a lot of work & this is something I am helping one local girl with right now who still keeps
doing the same thing and yet she has already started on hormones. But still there is that little bit of doubt & denial
going on that only keeps holding her back. She just sent me a message earlier where she claimed that her therapist
told her that she needed to lose weight before going out in public because she is still so scared about coming out.

So fear is by far one of the biggest real obstacles to overcome, while most of the other hurdles such as our sexual
orientations, gender roles & interests that we use as some type of 'justifiable excuse' we have just put in the way
ourselves. Gender & Sexuality are completely two separate things and are not binary to each other. Both are fluid
with each other and also within themselves.

[kellycan27]

I was thinking more in terms of hobbies and interests, smartypants. ;)

Jay Cee
I ride a harley, I have ridden motocross, and continue to ride dirtbikes. I ride quads, surf, bungy jump and i would much rather be behind the wheel of that sandrail than sitting in the passenger seat. Girls can do anything guys can and look prettier doing it lol

[Melody Moore]

Kelly, I have ridden bikes as well for most of my life and while I currently don't have one, I have
no doubts at all that I will eventually get another bike. I was thinking about something along the
lines of a BMW R1200GS (http://www.mcnews.com.au/Wallpaper/BMW/R1200GS/Index.htm) so I can mix up my love of off-road riding with the power of a super-bike.
This is without any doubts one of the best bikes I have had the privilege of riding for over 2 weeks
so it was really hard when it came to giving this baby back to it's owner.

[Kelsy]

I thought coming out would be the barrier that would stop me but finding the money to transition is the most problematic.
The clock comes in second!

[Jorja]

I thought coming out would be the barrier that would stop me but finding the money to transition is the most problematic.
The clock comes in second!

One lesson I have learned in life..... Where there is a will, there is a way.