Supportive Girlfriend, but she is not happy

[Sophiewouldbenice]

Hello,

my fresh girlfriend knows about my crossdressing from the beginning and even dressed me up, does my makeup and shot photos.

But she is not turned on by my crossdressing and I feel, that she is not happy but tries not to show it. In the moment my body hair grow again for her (besides I do not enjoy it).

I do not wanna loose her or make unhappy, but I think I need crossdressing...

In the moment I have longer fingernail, finger and toe nails polished invisbile all the time, longer hair (somehow more female), she shaped my eyebrows a bit. And I do corssdress, if she is not there and I have time or sometimes with her, we even have been outside once for a short time.

Should I keep my body hair and therefore crossdress whenever I want - hardly think I will do it, because she wants a man, so I will not do it anytime I want to. But keeeping my chest, belly, arms, arse, legs with hairs all the time is very unpleasent, probably I can live with hairs on legs and arms (somehow).

I am a little bit lost,... can I ask for more, or should I do less by my own...

Probably it is worse, somehow she looses sexual interest in me, she told me more clearly than before... (before it was more she is not that much in the mood in generel)

[Tina B.]

Sounds like if you want to be her man, you can't be your own man, some women will never be happy with it, and women do have it in there heads sometimes that they can change a man and make him what he is not, it never works, and leaves everyone unsatisfied. If you "need" to dress, how are you going to find happiness if you give it all up for her, and if she wants a manly man, is that who you really are? These are things that need to be worked out, before you get to serious, she needs to know just how important this can be, and if it's a deal breaker, she needs to say so now, it's hard, but better now than latter, a marriage and a couple of kids, and then it gets real complicated.
Tina B.

[Frédérique]

my fresh girlfriend knows about my crossdressing from the beginning and even dressed me up, does my makeup and shot photos. But she is not turned on by my crossdressing and I feel, that she is not happy but tries not to show it. In the moment my body hair grow again for her (besides I do not enjoy it). I do not wanna loose her or make unhappy, but I think I need crossdressing...

I once had a girlfriend like that – she was supportive (to a point), but uncomfortable when I brought the topic of CD’ing out into the open, even in the most intimate of circumstances. I definitely didn’t want to lose my girlfriend, but I eventually did, and crossdressing was a factor. I also NEEDED crossdressing, and I did it right under her nose on many occasions – I learned to keep my secret things secret, and maintain a separate existence from this rather superficial relationship I endured. Years later, we met again, and she was STILL reluctant to acknowledge that her ex-boyfriend IS a crossdresser. Apparently she couldn’t handle the truth…
:clap:

[WifeofWrenchette]

Hello,

my fresh girlfriend knows about my crossdressing from the beginning and even dressed me up, does my makeup and shot photos.

But she is not turned on by my crossdressingI think this part is important to understand. Just because cross dressers are turned on by cross dressing doesn't mean their girlfriends or wives will be.

She is understanding of it because she does these things for you, but expecting her to be "turned on" is another thing entirely.

She may be "turned on" by any number of things, but that doesn't mean you are turned by those same things.

It works both ways.

[kimdl93]

have you tried talking to her? Its possible that other things are going on besides your cross dressing.

[Sophie86]

Plenty of guys shave due to involvement in certain sports--swimmers, cyclists, weightlifters. Unless your gf just has a particular attraction to hair, I doubt that the shaving would be a huge problem for her without the crossdressing.

An SO who initially accepted your crossdressing can turn against it for several reasons:

1) She thinks you're obsessing over it too much, spending too much time and money on it.
2) She thinks that her role in the relationship is just to aid and abet your crossdressing.
3) She is worried that you will eventually want to transition.
4) She is worried that you will want to go public with your crossdressing, which would expose you and her to ridicule.
5) She thinks that you are trying to switch roles with her in the bedroom, and she doesn't want to be the man in the relationship.

There may be others that I'm not coming up with at the moment.

If you want to stay in the relationship, you have to decide how important crossdressing is to you. If it's a hobby, then you need to treat it like a hobby and make it subordinate to your relationship with your gf. Show her by your actions that she is more important to you. Reduce your involvement with crossdressing, and spend more time with her, time that doesn't involve her helping you dress.

If your goal is to spend large amounts of your daily life presenting as a woman--whether that means being out to the world as a CD, living 24/7 as a woman, or just spending most of your private time at home dressed--then she needs to know that up front, so she can decide whether she can accept that or not. If that's what you want, and she can't accept it, then don't think you can suppress your desire, or hide it from her. In the long run, that will just make both of you unhappy.

[J'lyn GG]

I agree with Sophie86 for the most part, but, I will add a couple of things. I hate it when he shaves. HATE IT! Not b/c of the way it looks, but b/c I have hypersensitive skin or something. (along with smell, the smell of heavy makeup makes me want to vomit) The feeling of stubble feels sooooo uncomfortable, that it actually hurts. I don't even want to be near him when he shaves.

He shapes his brows. IMO, he overdoes it and it looks awful, but whatever. Right now he is wearing polish on his toenails. We'll see how long I am okay with it. And this is my point. When I start to feel uncomfortable (for whatever inane reason) he will take it off and appreciate the effort with being okay with it for as long as I was. And I appreciate that he doesn't fight me about it or make me feel like the polish/cding is more important than our marriage.

I want to be able to feel like the only woman in my relationship, but if he is always wearing polish, I can't always feel that way. Sometimes it doesn't matter and sometimes it does.

It kind of sounds like she is trying to be supportive, but, maybe you don't appreciate the things she does and its never enough. That gets kinda old. You have NO IDEA how hard it is to be the SO in this situation.

[*Vanessa*]

Hi Sophie
Tina, wrenchette2, Kim and Sophie have some good solid feedback for you.
You need to first ask her what's bothering her. Don't throw your emotions in the mix. Unless you are clairvoyant you can't read her mind to know the answers. Pick a time when you both are comfortable, the time you both contribute best to the conversation. This is where you should start.
best of luck
v.

[Kaz]

Hi Sophie,

There are some amazingly understanding SOs on this site and there are others who have bigger problems with CDing... a spectrum. Those on the far end of course won't be on this site at all. I so love their input as this helps me to understand the bigger issues about this that maybe I haven't thought about.

I have been married for 31 years, have three great daughters, and have had a very fulfilling family life. My wife now accepts that I CD but wasn't want to accept it... so it is all hidden.

I have never had a problem with her NOT wearing skirts or NOT painting her toenails, or NOT wearing heels. I have always thought she looks great, but she establishes her right to wear what she want to and to present as she wants to. When applied to me, this right disappears. It would seem that she can wear a skirt in the summer because it is cooler... but I have to wear jeans... not shorts... they were banned long ago (before I started shaving my legs) as they were "not good".

I have had comments on polished nails (looking too shiny), but have also had the same comments on 'nude' nails.

She has hated my beard, I shave it off, she hates me with no beard... etc..

I have finally accepted that I cannot ever come close to satisfying her ever moving boundaries, so I am moving towards who I really am. I am finding this enlightening and I am increasingly feeling less controlled by artificial 'norms'. The male kids are breaking out of these boundaries a little.. as we did in the 60s (in the UK). When I was 17 I had platform heels, a satin jacket, skin-tight jeans and wore make-up... also painted my toe-nails, and my fingernails... It was all accepted and none of my peer group women objected... quite the opposite! This was a good age for acceptance...

So sad it lasted for so little time..

[Kittyagain]

Sophie, why not a compromise. You may find that you can be happy dressing more casual. A casual look, requires less sensitivity to things like being perfectly clean shaven everywhere. Go to jeans to cover your legs if the hair on your legs bother you. Same for long sleeve tops. On chest hair just shave the area below the neck so most tops will be open. I hate chest hair coming out of my man shirts anyway. Keep your nails cut since a lot of GG do the same. With just a bit of work Man hair can be combed one way to be all mail and then another way to be a short but striking female look.

On make up, find a color your GF finds acceptable and don't worry about your brows. Maybe just a touch of powder to take the shin off.

A lot of the girls here have a home very casual look.

Kitty

[Sophiewouldbenice]

Thx, for the ideas and opinions.

I have to figure it out with my girlfriend. It is hard, because once she is telling me longer nails and invisible polish is fine and the necklace she presented me is ok. Also she tells me, that only the itchy of the shaved hair areas bothers her. BUT on the other hand she tells me she lost sexual interest in me and not only while dressed (there is no while dressed)!

This is somehow why, I don't know what bothers her really and what not. Her point with my body hair can be fixed by laser (well its expansive) - but if its more the lost of masculinity I do worse to her. She tells me, she will not limit me - but still she fears, that she allows more, than she can take. We are together since almost 2 month (so its all new) and I have dresses in a skirt once (no make up and so on), once in a blouse and skirt (no make up and so on) and once she dressed me up including makeup and we went out for lunch (her idea). And she has seen a picture of me with wig, a I was alone (which started the last discussion). She fears it is more important to me than the relationship :( - I do more for the relationship, than crossdressing, but...

Actually she enjoys wearing t-shirts and so on - I would like her more sexy dresses - well I never brought it up, it is up to her...

Somehow start fearing I do give in to often, also at other topics just because I have a bad feeling about my crossdressing.

Ah, and well I am crying more than she does, if we had kind of a fight. So, thats also not that manly.

On the other hand I normaly wear a beard (until crossdressing, sometimes crossdressing with one, because a beard looks great on my male self), I do fitness and I have a manly body. It is not, that I look total female. She is the only one figuring out my nails are polished, ok my hair is more female, but not so much it is obvious, that I am a CD.

After our last argument yesterday, I took of all nailpolish and cut may nail shorter. Probably she recognized, but did not mentioned it. My body hair is growing (kind of a present) for the next month for sure - I really do not like it, but I do it for her. I don't know how to compare my efforts with her effort in accepting crossdressing - probably I shouldn't compare it... but you know - I start fearing I am the one doing to much compromises and accepting to much other things, which are there in other topics...

By the way, I will never start to life 24/7 as a woman. (Would do for a week alone, but not in any other way - not in this life ;) )