the third person

[marlaNYC]

my first post here...

for a long time, i've been puzzled about why so many gurls refer to their female identities in the third person - "Marla likes this, Marla did that..." and so forth. personally, i've had a harder time figuring out the name i'm most comfortable with, as that name is just an extension of me, not some separate entity. i was just wondering if anyone would care to offer up their thoughts on why you might keep your female self separate from your male self in such a manner?

thanks in advance for your thoughts. i'm just curious, hoping not to offend

[sara.s]

I feel i am just play acting. I don't think Sara is real and me.. just a name for an illusion. But not all CD's feel the same.

[Kaz]

Simple... Kaz is a figment of my imagination... she is is me, but perceived differently. She looks very different. When I see Kaz I don't see me... I see a good looking woman with rather nice legs! In my 'normal' boy mode... I am short, bald, totally unattractive and dreadfully boring. Kaz is far more fun!

[cdtraveler]

While I haven't given my Cd fem name on this post often, the name I chose is just part of the fun. I picked the name based upon a GG I know who I think is really fun, super fem and sexy and when I dress it helps me to imagine me being able to embody those fem qualities. When I dress I pretend I'm Amanda but it's kind of like a stage name if you will. I recognize and appreciate though that others have their own different and of course just a valid reasons for how they preceive it. This is how I see it. Thanks for the post.

[Miss Maxine]

I do it, all the time. Feels natural. I am a Gemini, so I guess it makes sense.

[Sara Jessica]

...i've been puzzled about why so many gurls refer to their female identities in the third person -

Not that I do it but I'd imagine it's for the same exact reason some people insist on using the term "gurls".

[marlaNYC]

thanks for your answers. i can easily see why now and it makes sense.

and, ugh, yes, i left the word "gurls" in. sorry - i was about to change it to "ladies" but got distracted by another grammatical error and forgot. apologies if that offended anyone.

[Cheryl T]

I sometimes use the third person when trying to answer a question which requires me to distinguish between my male and female sides.
Other than that, as a friend once said, "I'm Cheryl all the time, people just don't see me that way all the time".

[Ellyn]

"WE" are still wondering why you ask.

[Oilpainter35]

I think it is ...as far as writing here....it is so the reader knows who you are talking about...........as in gurls....meaning not a genetic woman....and in real life, well I believe it goes along with the skirt, sheer blouse, bra, heels...the image you are trying to portray to anyone, and the feeling you have wearing the clothes, is how....(put any fem name in here)....feels when she does ..x,y,z...help?

[Kittyagain]

I have used the third person and will again but like you, it seems unnatural.

Kitty

[Dawna Ellen Bays]

I tend to use both first and third person with reckless abandon...

Interesting aside: Throughout his career, Alice Cooper has always used the third person in interviews: "This is what Alice does..." "When Alice is on stage..."

[DAVIDA]

Be careful what you ask.
I asked the same question about a year ago and was told by one of our more educated members that it was a stupid question and should have never been asked.:brolleyes:
Just shows you what an education can do.:doh:

[noeleena]

Hi,

Noel or no-el was my given birth name as was edward , = they are noeleena & edwina, so ether way its still who i am & known by those names . for legal purpose's noeleena edwina Loch-head. tho i have two other given names that refers to my background,

...noeleena...

[DebbieL]

Would the real me just stand up?

I have two names. Debbie and Rex. Rex was the name my parents gave me when I was born, named after my father's father. It was an unusual name, and people had no trouble remembering it, but there was very little anonymity. When someone talked about what Rex did, there was no question about who they were talking about.

Debbie was a name I chose for myself. I wanted a name that would allow me to talk about her without giving up that she was really me. A really exotic name would have attracted more interest and attention. I tried a few other names, like Gloria, Gina (Rex is king in Latin, Regina is queen, and Gina would be the common form). I didn't want anything that was too obviously close like Roxanne. I finally chose Debbie because I had several women friends named Debbie who had sparkly bubbly personalities (most were named after Debbie Reynolds), and just seemed to enjoy life. More than anything else, I think that was the biggest reason.

The irony is that I think of Debbie as the "Real Me", and Rex as a puppet or face I have to maintain, like the wizard's giant head in the Wizard of Oz. Rex is an identity created to compensate for that I couldn't be a girl. I couldn't be a girl, so I got smart. When I was in the hospital being stuck with needles I thought I was being punished for trying to be a girl, so I decided to be good. And when my friends turned away because I was sticking up for my friend on the church school bus (really sticking up for Debbie), I became an actor, a chameleon.

So Rex read thousands of books, mostly non-fiction to be really smart. Rex became a deacon and elder at church, sang in the church choir, sponsored hundreds of addicts and alcoholics, and wrote literature for one of the 12 step fellowships. Rex even helped 8,000 publishers put their content on the internet, and helped 80 third-world countries get computers by finding people to convert "obsolete" Windows computes into Linux computers in their destination countries. But at the same time, I didn't want to give up the possibility of some day being Debbie for real, so I zealously guarded my anonymity.

But even then, it was really Debbie doing all of this, to prove to the world that they were wrong, that I deserved my freedom. That I deserved to freedom to be the girl I wanted to be. Debbie took all of Rex's winning strategies and strong-suits and created situations where they would naturally produce the result. At the same time, Debbie, with her enthusiasm, zest for life, honesty, integrity, and authenticity was able to communicate powerfully with others, create new possibilities for them caused them to choose to participate. Debbie enrolled techies and the heads of major corporations alike, even while wearing the "Suit".

The hardest part was getting acknowledged. If Rex was acknowledged, it was hollow, empty, almost meaningless. It was DEBBIE who wanted to be acknowledged, accepted, and recognized. But Debbie had to stay in hiding from the public, for fear that people would see her as a "Pervert" and try to kill off not only her, but also the possibilities and projects she was trying to create. That I was trying to create.

The irony is that my willingness to give up the limelight so easily made the other leaders far more willing to do so much more than I could ever have expected them to do if I had been the "Star", or even the director or producer of the show. I could inspire them and they could inspire others. And nobody had to know that it was really this "Drag Queen" (transgendered/transsexual) who was leading the leaders.

[LeaP]

"Lea" is actually a part of my name, as Lea is part of me. No separation.

Lea

[Karren H]

Karren says she doesn't do that!!! I concur. :D

[Kate Simmons]

Easy Hon. That way if Marla (or whoever) screws up or makes a mistake, she did it not us.:heehee::)

[Joanna41]

I don't really do that 3rd person talk but Joanna is separate from my male side. As some have said here I don't see my male side when dressed...therefore Joanna becomes her own person

Joanna

[sometimes_miss]

I think it's because they want to separate their female behavior and feelings from what they like to feel is their true male identity, perhaps because we've been brought up to believe that any feminine behavior and/or feelings on the part of a male is completely unacceptable. So, we compartmentalize ourselves to put a distance between our female personality parts and the male ones. Of course, not everyone feels a need to do this (I don't) but I understand why some do. And, there's nothing wrong with it. It's a defense mechanism to help us deal with our lives and still function as normally as possible.

[SusanLCD]

I sometimes refer to Susan in the 3rd person. Because to me she's the 1st person. My male personna is the 2nd person.

Many here feel that their male and female personnas are one and the same. I don't feel that way. When I am Susan, I feel totally Susan. :eg: Susan is interesting, open, and wants to socialize. When I'm not Susan, I don't feel that way, at all. I feel yucky :yucky: , boring, old, sad, uninteresting. Male me is introverted. Susan, while not extroverted, is at least mid-range.

For me, there is a definite Jeckyl/Hyde separation. (Haven't performed any dastardly deeds, yet, as long as we don't count Susan using my male debit card. :heehee: ) Consequently, I think of them as 2 different people because, to me, they are very different. Hypothetically, if they were to meet, I think male me would want to be with Susan, but, Susan wouldn't spend much time with male me.

Too bad Susan only exists for a small percentage of my time. The world needs more Susans than male me(s).

Sorry that got a little heavy. I considered deleting it, but, decided to post it anyway. Maybe others feel this way.

[Tina B.]

Because Tina did that, or this, is easier to say than I did that while I was dressed as a women, besides, it reminds the listener it is being said about the feminine side of the personality.
But in real conversation, Tina does not like to use the third person, and neither do I. And I was always told, there is no stupid questions, just stupid answers.
Tina B.

[Cynthia Anne]

Cynthia doesn't do that! She's to busy being herself! Hugs!

[Sally24]

As a practical matter, my wife and I adopted using the third person so we could talk openly without problems."Do you think this would fit Sally?", ect.. Even now being much more Out, it still helps to separate the two versions of me."Is Sally going or is ******* going?".

[TGMarla]

I have to call me something when I'm dressed, and I really don't look like me, so me has to have another name.

Marla (me) doesn't know why Marla goes by the name Marla, but Marla's been Marla for so long now, Marla is me.

Oh, and Marla thinks MarlaNY has a cute name.

[suchacutie]

What Sally said! Let me expand a bit:

When my wife and I found Tina, we were very curious (still are) about who she is and what role she plays in our everyday life. So, when we talk about Tina we are talking about that part of my complete self that is my feminine side, and whatever characteristic of her being that might currently be the topic of conversation. I could be, as Sally said, "would that look good on Tina" while perusing a VS catelog, but it's also, "what would Tina think about this/that?", or "what's Tina been up to recently?".

When one's gendered selves are separate, this seems to be a successful way of handling the conversation.

[Jorja]

Be careful what you ask.
I asked the same question about a year ago and was told by one of our more educated members that it was a stupid question and should have never been asked.:brolleyes:
Just shows you what an education can do.:doh:

My reply to that person would have been;

The only stupid question is the one not asked.

[Gina X]

I never think of Gina being any different she is me and so unfortunately is my male persona so I just think of myself having twin identities not seperate but twin so in fact I respond to both differently but equal. When I'm femme I certainly react differently than in homme but do respond equally to both, if that makes sense !!!! LOL

[suzy1]

I never think of Gina being any different she is me and so unfortunately is my male persona so I just think of myself having twin identities not seperate but twin so in fact I respond to both differently but equal. When I'm femme I certainly react differently than in homme but do respond equally to both, if that makes sense !!!! LOL

Gina said it all for me. Spot on Gina!

Hugs, SUZY

[Toni Citara]

I've never really thought about giving myself another name. Maybe something like "bubbles"? LOL

[marlaNYC]

i really appreciate all your thoughts, insights and distinctions in helping me understand. and also being kind enough not to throw the kitchen sink at the newbie :)

thank you ladies

[docrobbysherry]

Thank u, Jessica! I've ALWAYS found that term offensive and refuse to use it here and all other CD sites. Females r just that, as well as GGs. As far as I'm concerned, until u get your SRS, you're "one of the cd.com girls", to me!

Not that I do it but I'd imagine it's for the same exact reason some people insist on using the term "gurls".

As for Sherry, she's about as DIFFERENT from me as u can get! I have no idea where; she came from, is going, and I am in awe of her, "life", and style! In fact, she's not even the same gender! Eek!

[SarahLynn]

Would the real me just stand up? ....

The irony is that my willingness to give up the limelight so easily made the other leaders far more willing to do so much more than I could ever have expected them to do if I had been the "Star", or even the director or producer of the show. I could inspire them and they could inspire others. And nobody had to know that it was really this "Drag Queen" (transgendered/transsexual) who was leading the leaders.

I think my tag line says it for you, and in doing so, shows your greatness.

"Great leaders are not great because of their words or deeds but because of the greatness they inspire from others."

[LeaP]

As a practical matter, my wife and I adopted using the third person so we could talk openly without problems."Do you think this would fit Sally?", ect.. Even now being much more Out, it still helps to separate the two versions of me."Is Sally going or is ******* going?".

I like that!

Lea