Are you more socialy accepted as a Male or as a Female?

[Samantha W]

Here is my observation of myself. Does anyone else find this to be true?

Since I was a kid, when I go out to a bar or party as a male I rarely make any real social connections. I can meet, get to know people’s names and later on, greet them be name. However the connections rarely go deeper than typical small talk. Even though I try to take the conversations beyond small talk, offer my number or an invitation to hang at some later date at my place. (Beers at the backyard fire pit) the offers are very rarely take up and the offer is never given. Even in this small town where some people have known me for years. I do not push the situation or push myself on them. Usually it goes something like this; “ If you ever wanna hang out and (Mutual interest) we could drink a few beers while we’re at it. Give me a call.” “Sure. Cool.” And then nothing more. People hardly ever talk to me first, male or female. Sometimes I feel like I’m a ghost and I’m just haunting this world.

When I am dressed and being Samantha it’s completely different. People smile and talk to me on the street. Mostly women commenting on what I’m wearing. When I am in the clubs people (Male and Female) flirt with and approach me. They tell Sam personal things about themselves, their past, hopes, fears, relationships, etc. Things they would never tell Eric. I find myself doing the same. But almost never do we talk about my being a CD.

People offer me their phone numbers and invite me to eat a Denny’s or to a party afterward. I haven’t taken anyone up on these offers because I’m just not comfortable outside my safe zone yet. I should also make this clear, I am not passable. No one who sees my face or speaks to me for more than a few seconds would mistake me for a GG. But I do look nice. My cloths fit well and my hair and make-up look good. I receive many sincere compliments about my looks. Something else I have never received as a male.

Long story short; people want Samantha’s personal and sexual attention, but not Eric’s. I’m the same person, just different cloths. I act a bit more girly, but that’s all.

Does anyone else experience this? Any thoughts or possible explanations?

[Cheryl T]

I don't know if it's social acceptance for me or if it's just that I am more at ease making honest friendships, but I find it's so much easier for me to do as a female.
I don't think I was ever really accepted (maybe just my perception) as a male, but I know that I am more open and honest to people as a female. I feel that as a male I always tried to hard to be accepted and never felt that I succeeded, but somehow Cheryl just has that ability.
In some ways I feel that my female side has aided my male side in this respect in the last few years.

[Stephanie47]

Frankly, when I go out to a party or "pick up" joint, I am bored out of my skull. Most of the time the attendees are just as bored! Or they like to lay on the bull----. If anything seems to develop, it's limited to having a beer and BSing at the bar. Maybe, that's just the extent of the interaction the people want. Guys tend to talk about sports, politics, scoring with the chicks. Girls, hmmm, not sports or politics! Maybe scoring with a hunk.

Are you sure you're not being considered a novelty at these establishments- by females and males? Since you never progress past the superficial introductions, you really do not know what the person's ultimate motivation may be.

[Staci G]

When we are dressed as women and it is known we are men we have at that point opened ourselves to our deepest secret. I have been told by GG's that they feel I have told them things about myself no man ever has without even saying a thing. I have also been told they feel as though they can trust me with anything, and I have been told many secrets I would never tell again. I like my fem self, I may not be the prettiest transgender person around but I like the person I become when I am enfemme. As far as attention I am not looking for attention but I agree people want Staci's when she is around.

[eluuzion]

hiya SW,


Well, here are my thoughts on the topic...

A great part of your “dilemma” can be attributed to kinesics (body language) and gender differences. Over 50% of communication consists of interpreting each others’ body language cues and gestures. There are also some distinct differences in female and male communication gestures that change the entire arena of interacting with people, and how they interpret the signals you send. Much of it is not conscious analysis and reading of these cues, it just happens and years of human behavior and tics/cues play an integral part.

For example...women are “relaters” and men are “resolvers”. Women have an objective of “connecting” and “bonding” in conversation. Men have the objective of identifying the “problem”, and finding a solution to resolve it.

Take head nodding for example...
Women typically continuously “nod” their heads in a conversation...which acknowledges to the speaker that she “understands” the message (agreeing or disagreeing is irrelevant to this). Men however typically only “nod” when they are in agreement to what the speaker is conveying.
So when a woman is nodding her head, he is automatically assuming that is a signal she is agreeing with what he is saying. (Not the case). Later when she disagrees, he thinks she has “changed” her mind, lol.

Women converse standing or sitting directly facing each other as the preferred stance. Men innately try to address each other side to side, or at angles...because face-to-face produces the feeling of being “challenged” and thus motivates the urge to “defend” themselves...which inhibits interpretation.

Women smile much more than men. They also engage much more time in direct eye contact with the person/people they are interacting with. Men typically spend much of their time looking off to the side or gazing “away”. Women are thus better “listeners”, because they concentrate on searching for opportunities to “connect” or “relate/bond” with the speaker. (“Relaters”) That is their goal. In contrast, men tend to appear to “drift off” when they minimize direct eye contact. This is one of the reasons women accuse SOs of “not listening” to them. But the men actually are “listening”...they are just focusing on picking up the parts of the conversation that will help them “resolve” the “problem”...which is their natural objective.

I could go on forever with a myriad of examples. But the point is that I would attribute much of your frustration to be the result of the non-verbal cues you are unconsciously sending out in each of the “modes”...and the difference is how they are naturally being interpreted by the receiver, who interprets them to a great degree with influence of what gender you are presenting.

It is quite amazing how much you can influence/change/affect other peoples’ feedback and attraction/aversion to you, if you understand how to control/influence body language.

If you do not have any interest in working on improving your “presence” with others, another short cut option is just to give everybody you see a fistful of money and buy everybody drinks all night. Pretty shallow...and expensive strategy...but I can almost guarantee it will be effective hehehe.:heehee:

Have you checked to make sure somebody has not taped a sign on your back that says “I’m a loser”. ??? Hey, don’t laugh...when you have friends like mine...anything is possible...lol:D

Good Luck!
:love:

[Kate Simmons]

Don't much care really if I am socially acceptable or not. My close friends accept me as myself in both modes and that is sufficient. The female "glitter" jazzes it up a bit but otherwise I'm basically meself and what you see is what you basically get with no pretense.:)

[sissystephanie]

I have been socially acceptable most of my life. The clothes I wear don't seem to matter too much!! I have always been people friendly and people react to that!! I can walk into a crowd of complete strangers and with in minutes have some really good friends!! It is just my nature to do that!!

[Wendy_Marie]

I think in female dress some people see us as more approachable...less threatening and they somehow believe that we are more fun and a little out of the ordinary. I use to make my living in bars and now can't stand going to one...

Nearly everyone who I have met as female always says the same thing...Let's go to the NoName bar and grab a drink and dance...sometimes I feel like they want to befirend me more as a novelty for them to show off to their other friends than anything else...I avoid these types.

[Pythos]

I have definitely noticed with my return of full fledged clubbing I am much more admired, and engaged with when in my fem/androgynous self. My GF thinks it is because THAT is my true self. I am more animated and stuff when in that mode. Makes perfect sense to me. When I went to the club in male mode years ago, I was not recognized, and pretty much ignored. When I am in my prefered mode I have both males and females walk right up to me and compliment my style. The females ALWAYS touch. Yes I know my scene is much more open, but I have noticed what the OP is stating.

For the most part, males in our culture that are not prominent due to fame, or fortune, blend into the back round, and are pretty much ignored.

[Chickhe]

I have experienced it. I usually go out with my wife on halloween to clubs. One time we were sitting alone, some other woman joined us and they shared some treats with us and talked about baking. I was obviously a guy in a dress at that event. We also experienced a similar thing last time when the group beside us thought we were women, they pulled their table to ours to make one big one..guys and girls involved. Funny thing, once the guys found out I was male half were even more interested in us and the other half not so much. The woman at their table at first were not so happy to see me...I'm pretty sure I was considered competition, but after they knew I was male, they were flirting with me. It was a rare occasion that I passed, my wife and I also experienced being chatted up by some middle age guy who told us his life story, bragged about himself and bored us almost to tears. As a male, I rarely ever got that much attention...except the time I dressed up as a broken heart (funny thing, my wife was dressed up as the other half of the heart, so you should have seen the girls run when I told them that!)