Outed to a friend today

[Alice B]

When in to my local salon to have a haircut, get my nails done and eyebrows waxed. As I walked in there was my neighbor and golf buddy getting his hair cut. I'm wearing open toed sandles with painted toes. As I'm getting my pedi we talked about an upcoming tournament, but I can't help but notice that he constantly looked at my toes as the old polish is removed. Nothing was said, but I'm sure he was fully aware and he is close friends with several others in the neighborhood. All I can say at this point is that "it is what it is". Will have to wait and see if anything is said.

[bridgetta]

the secret of life is living without fear

[abigailf]

People have seen me with polish on my toes when in "guy" mode. I was asked about it a couple of times. Just said, because I wanted polish on my toes and left it at that.

[Sara Jessica]

Tough one, my friend.

Do you come clean about the whole thing or simply go with the "yeah, I sometimes get a pedi with color, so what?"

I kind of lean towards the latter.

BTW, something I do to help avoid this kind of scenario is to avoid those salons which do both hair and nails. I feel like nails only kind of minimizes the risk, at least when I'm closer to home.

[Kittyagain]

You know the old golf chide if you hit a short shot, "Give him a minute guys while he slips on his dress." Well, in your case, it will be true. :)

Kitty

[carhill2mn]

Obviously this salon is frequented by both men and women. So, it sort stands to reason that at some time you will see someone you know. He may not say anything but, if he does, you will have an opportunity to enlighten him a little (how much is another decision).

[ReineD]

He might gossip. But I doubt he understands the full meaning of what he has seen. It is more likely he'll think you have a kink, but otherwise you're still an OK guy.

I think many people have an awareness and a tolerance for a variety of kinks and sexual behaviors even if they don't engage in them. Some may even have a good chuckle. This also explains why some wives are OK with the CDing in the beginning but then change their minds once they perceive it is more than just a kink.

This is just a guess.

[Alberta_Pat]

Just curious. Has he seen you without polished nails? Mine look nasty when they are not painted, so I keep them looking good.

[Paulette]

You can always use the excuse that your grand daughter painted them, mine did and I loved it.

[Sophie86]

People have seen me with polish on my toes when in "guy" mode. I was asked about it a couple of times. Just said, because I wanted polish on my toes and left it at that.

I wear mine out and about all the time. I've never gotten a question about them in person, but it did inspire some indirect questioning that ended with me coming out to a couple of my friends (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?155434-Came-out-to-friends-and-now-I-m-worried...). I've had family members ask me about my shaved legs, and I gave them basically the same answer as Abigail: Because I like them that way. It's a really good answer.

Alice, I doubt you'll hear anything back about it, but if you do I hope you'll share it with us.

[2B Natasha]

Let it lie. He saw what you where doing. He sat there and talked to you about the up coming golf tourney. I mean come on. How freaked out could he be? He didn't run, he didn't call you names, he didn't do anything except sit there and talk by the sounds of it. So now what? He goes home and tells his wife. Big deal. Your not married to her. He tells your golf buddies? Big deal. Your not married to them either.

I wondered for a long time what my friends from childhood would say to me when they saw my toes painted. We are talking friends for on about 40 years now. So sitting around doing fantasy football drafting with the guy's for 4 hours. One comment. 1. Now what it was? Nice toes. Then on to the poker game. That was three years ago. Not another word since and they see them all the time. So do there wife's, and children.

Why do we make such a big deal about it? It's all in your head. And if it's all in there head, do you really want to be friends with them anyway?

[kimdl93]

alice, I don't think you need worry. He will probably just chalk it up as a unique kink. We all have them. And maybe he will ask. If so you can decide how much you care to disclose. Most of the people I have told were very philosophical about it.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Alice, How do you know that he doesn't have his townails painted too ???

Orchid

[Eryn]

He might gossip. But I doubt he understands the full meaning of what he has seen. It is more likely he'll think you have a kink, but otherwise you're still an OK guy.

I think that Reine has her finger right on the pulse here. Your friend's use of a salon rather than a barber indicates that he might be a bit more liberal than the norm about grooming. He may be amused by your little peccadillo, but he probably doesn't recognize the broader ramifications of it.

[docrobbysherry]

Maybe this is an "opportunity", Alice!?

[Jamie001]

You can always use the excuse that your grand daughter painted them, mine did and I loved it.

Don't use lies and excuses. Just say that you like to have painted nails. It's really that simple and it is the best response.

[RachelPortugal]

What's the issue? You were out of the house in open sandals with painted toe nails, so anyone who knows you could have seen you! You can't worry about what friends may think if you have not bothered to hide your penchant for painted nails.

[Patty B.]

Alice B. I'd really like an update on this post as whatever happens unfold, my life has been very different since being outed, also not by my choice. I also live in rural upstate ny, closer to canada than anywhere and it is a very redneck area. Just curious to see how this works out in a more populated area.

[linda allen]

My wife talked me into getting a pedicure from time to time. I meet her there while she is getting her complete workover and she tells the staff what to do and pays and tips (with my money, but that's a different story). Sometimes the (Asia ) woman doing the pedicure will ask me if I want polish (I'm assuming clear). I turn them down.

Painted nails (on me) are not a big turn on for me.

[xristy]

Sometimes it seems that CDers do things that put them at risk of being outed. Perhaps a subconcious need for your feminine side to be acknowledged. I personally do not want to be outed, but at times think it would be the best thing if it were to happen. Once outed, nothing left to do but be yourself. I do understand that being outed can lead to lots of problems in your daily life, but it can also be a liberating thing.

It really just depends on you and the people you know.

[*Vanessa*]

Alice - walk out that door the same way you walked in.
.

[michelleddg]

Amazing coincidence, I was in the same situation yesterday, but have quite a different perspective.

I am out to my wife and a small group of SA's (nails, hair, makeup, wigs). That's it. No interest in sharing this side of my with anyone else in my Fred-life. For my very occasional "spa days" I don't worry about how I present because there is no chance of been seen by somebody I know.

So I started yesterday at the nail salon with long solar nails and red toes in boy mode. Then off to the hair salon. Same boy mode except with gym shoes. I'm greeted with a hearty "Hi Michelle" as always, then I hear a "I know you!" from a long time female friend getting her hair done. My trusty SA's immediately switch to "right this way, Fred" and I can conceal the fingers, but I advised my SA I'd be back in an hour. In and out the door in less than a minute. I don't think I outted myself but would be mortified if I did.

Anyway, back to the now-empty salon an hour later for a styling, off to the MAC counter for a makeover, then off to a foo foo French restaurant for a lovely meal and a bunch of "madame" references from the staff.

[Alice B]

Well, running out the door was not an option for me as I was already fully committed. I'll just have to wait and see what happens and if he brings up the subject or maybe I'll bring it up and clear the air. I'll let everyone knows what happens, if and when it happens. I don't think the grand daughter idea would fly as he knows my grand daughter lives in Oklahoma.

[Kittyagain]

Alice, put yourself in his place. If you saw something out of the ordinary like lets say you thought you saw a long time friend shop lift. After the event, in a short amount of time, the preponderance of past memories of that person would over shadow what you thought you saw.

Remember a BIG Smile puts a positive spin on everything.

You have no troubles on this one.

Kitty

[Jamie001]

Alice, put yourself in his place. If you saw something out of the ordinary like lets say you thought you saw a long time friend shop lift. After the event, in a short amount of time, the preponderance of past memories of that person would over shadow what you thought you saw.

Remember a BIG Smile puts a positive spin on everything.

You have no troubles on this one.

Kitty

It is not a good idea to equate wearing nail polish to shoplifting. Shoplifting is a really big problem and it is illegal. Wearing nail polish is not illegal and therefore there is no problem. Consider that today people have tattoos and piercings all-over their bodies, therefore why would nail polish on toes be a big-deal?

Another positive aspect of this situation is that Alice's friend will most likely tell other friends and since everyone will know, Alice will be free to wear open-toe sandals to show-off her pretty toes without worrying about who will see them.

[Jamie001]

Let it lie. He saw what you where doing. He sat there and talked to you about the up coming golf tourney. I mean come on. How freaked out could he be? He didn't run, he didn't call you names, he didn't do anything except sit there and talk by the sounds of it. So now what? He goes home and tells his wife. Big deal. Your not married to her. He tells your golf buddies? Big deal. Your not married to them either.

I wondered for a long time what my friends from childhood would say to me when they saw my toes painted. We are talking friends for on about 40 years now. So sitting around doing fantasy football drafting with the guy's for 4 hours. One comment. 1. Now what it was? Nice toes. Then on to the poker game. That was three years ago. Not another word since and they see them all the time. So do there wife's, and children.

Why do we make such a big deal about it? It's all in your head. And if it's all in there head, do you really want to be friends with them anyway?

Hi Natasha,

Your advice is so very true. If you can't be yourself around friends, then those people are merely acquaintances and are not real friends. Being yourself is a good way to determine who your friends really are.