I don't think that we are critical enough of each other.

[Loretta]

Everyone's too nice.
It's not realistic.
Constructive criticism is part of acceptance and support.
It just makes me a little mad when someone posts something (where it's obvious they weren't really trying for a passable image), and get nothing but niceties back.
I thought that the whole point of being a crossdresser was to avoid looking like a man in a dress, that's all.
When somebody posts a picture, where it's obvious that they barely even tried, and people comment on how beautiful and feminine they look, I die a little inside.
It just seems so fake when something like that happens.

/end rant.

[sandra-leigh]

Last time I posted pictures, I think I got a total of three responses, all fairly short, with 2 of the 3 complimenting the clothes rather than me. If that is getting "nothing but niceties back" then please allow me to retain my last remaining delusions.

And no, the point of being a crossdresser is not "to avoid looking like a man in a dress". Men in dresses are part of our community too.

[TGMarla]

No one wants to post pictures in order to be simply torn down. Many of us have issues with our self-confidence to begin with. "You look like a fat guy in a dress. And toss in a razor, dude!" does not sit well with a lady who's trying her best with what she has. Sometimes one of us will post a request for constructive criticism, and at those times, we do well with guidance and tips for her on how she may be able to maximize her attributes, diminish her disadvantages, and look the best she can.

But unless a girl asks for such criticism, very few of us have much wiggle room to go tearing into one another.

[wanagione]

I think we take so many pitures of ourselves is to validate how we feel inside to what we want to show the world. True, not everyone is a fashion model, but it's true in the GG world too. We all are in the journey at different speeds and levels. I like to see all the pictures i can. I think it gives hope to the girls out there that are still struggeling to find themselves or to take that step out the door. So if someone asks for constructive critisism, you can give it, but respectfully. that's my 2 cents.

PS I would post pictures of myself if i could figure out how to do it.

[AmandaJ]

The honesty is hidden. For example, if someone's pictures get ALOT of comments and the thread keeps going, it's usually because they look good. I've noticed more often than not the less passable pictures get a few comments, but then slip into oblivion.

Not trying to offend anyone, that's just the way it see it as a mostly observer of this site.

[Eryn]

PS I would post pictures of myself if i could figure out how to do it.

It isn't hard, and this board is particularly nice in that it automatically hosts the images for you!

When posting, bring up the advanced window (if you aren't already in one) and scroll down a bit. Click on the Manage Attachments button. A window will pop up that allows you to browse your computer for the image you want to attach to your post. Find those images and click the upload button. Once that is done, you can submit your post normally and your pictures will tag along.

There are restrictions to image size. Maximum is 500 pixels high by 600 wide. If your images are larger than that you have to scale them down.

Now, on to the question at hand. If someone doesn't ask for criticism I don't give it. This forum has a positive personality and I don't want to ruin that.

Imagine meeting a GG in real life. Let's say that she is wearing a horrible-looking top. Do you point that out? Of course not. You either say nothing or you compliment something else.

Now, if she says "what do you think of this outfit?" I might say something like "Perhaps you might want to consider different alternatives to that top" but not go into specifics unless she asks for them.

The same philosophy applies to the ladies here.

Eryn

[docrobbysherry]

So, is this a, "Wow! Does THIS picture stink", thread, Loretta? If so, here's MY contribution!:thumbsdn:

165541

[Katrina Black]

So, is this a, "Wow! Does THIS picture stink", thread, Loretta? If so, here's MY contribution!:thumbsdn:

165541

i ushally delete those pictures before they ever get out of my camera,, for every good picture i show there are 50 that would scare small children and weak at heart old men

[Cynthia Anne]

If I can not speak well of you, I shall not speak ill of you! Hugs!

[Philipa Jane]

Sherry that picture is Amazing



Very tongue in cheek no offense meant.
PJ

[Miss Maxine]

So, is this a, "Wow! Does THIS picture stink", thread, Loretta? If so, here's MY contribution!:thumbsdn:

165541

I feel like I should break out some more of my green track suit pics...

[Kaitlyn26]

I've asked for constructive criticism before. I didn't get any. Which means I'm either amazing (yea right), or everyone is scared that I'll rip their head off. :p

[sterling12]

We could make an exception starting with you!!!!!

Try to imagine a thread where about a hundred of us "piled on." And also imagine we were in male thinking mode: "You look like crap!" "Your too fat!" "Your face is too square, you look like a guy with makeup on!" Do you sort of get The Idea? None of that's true to my mind, but I have seen similar "hatchet jobs" on other sites.

We're not here to "tear in to somebody." The line between objective criticism and really hurting someone is very thin. Every once in a while somebody asks nicely and it's obvious that if we are very, very, careful we can help. But, you won't hear "blinding honesty," and that's probably a good thing.

Besides that, just figure we look for the best in everyone....so to all of us, each and every gurl is B-A-Ute-E-Fool!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Miss Maxine]

I've asked for constructive criticism before. I didn't get any. Which means I'm either amazing (yea right), or everyone is scared that I'll rip their head off. :p

Perhaps both? Personally, I kinda wanna see you in action. Nothing more exciting than a good spiteful decapitation.

[Miss Maxine]

We could make an exception starting with you!!!!!

Try to imagine a thread where about a hundred of us "piled on." And also imagine we were in male thinking mode: "You look like crap!" "Your too fat!" "Your face is too square, you look like a guy with makeup on!" Do you sort of get The Idea? None of that's true in my mind, but I have seen similar "hatchet jobs" on other sites.

We're not here to "tear in to somebody." The line between objective criticism and really hurting someone is very thin. Every once in a while somebody asks nicely and it's obvious that if we are very, very, careful we can help. But, you won't hear "blinding honesty," and that's probably a good thing.

Besides that, just figure we look for the best in everyone....so to all of us, each and every gurl is B-A-Ute-I-Fool!

Peace and Love, Joanie

Oooo! Can I start? I think this thread is total rubbish! Booyah! Next...

[Kaitlyn26]

Perhaps both? Personally, I kinda wanna see you in action. Nothing more exciting than a good spiteful decapitation.

I already made a pics thread. No one said much.

Loretta, your wig front is too far down, your clothes are not age appropriate, and your makeup is atrocious. A complete lack of effort, as I can replicate that look in 15 minutes. How much support did you get from that? ;)

/end tough love

Just to expand on the point in case you're not getting it. Saying something like that to someone is defined as a "d*** move" among guys, and probably has a less crude definition among women. We don't do "d*** moves" because they're not very nice, and can often result in the offender being removed from the boy's club, or the main target for any insults for the rest of the social event.

[Miss Maxine]

I already made a pics thread. No one said much.

I hope I did. If I did, I must have been nice, as I still have my head. ^_^

*hurries off to check*

[suzy1]

For some it takes a lot of courage to post a picture of themselves here.
When I see a picture of a member that has obviously taken a lot of effort to look as good as they can then I appreciate it.
So I will complement them not only on there look but on the effort they have made.

When someone posts a picture having made little or no effort to look good then that’s different and I agree with you.

There is a balance to be found between constructive criticism and hurting a members feelings. And hurting member’s feelings is not what this forum is all about.

A little kindness and empathy would be good Loretta.
If you “die a little inside” when reading some of the complements then this is not the forum for you.

SUZY

[Loretta]

I already made a pics thread. No one said much.

Loretta, your wig front is too far down, your clothes are not age appropriate, and your makeup is atrocious. A complete lack of effort, as I can replicate that look in 15 minutes. How much support did you get from that? ;)

/end tough love

Just to expand on the point in case you're not getting it. Saying something like that to someone is defined as a "d*** move" among guys, and probably has a less crude definition among women. We don't do "d*** moves" because they're not very nice, and can often result in the offender being removed from the boy's club, or the main target for any insults for the rest of the social event.

You...
Did read the part where I said "constructive" criticism, did you not?
Anyway, I can take your criticism.
I'm hardly passable as it is. The fact that I'm using a $5 halloween wig and hand-me-down clothes in that picture probably doesn't help matters all that much. That, and that that was my first attempt at applying makeup without help.
But hey! At least I can improve on said flaws, now that someone has pointed them out to me!
So thanks!

[kimdl93]

I usually refrain from making constructive comments because im still unsure of my own looks and skills. Glass houses, ya know.

[lisakay]

I'll go w gentle support for 200 please!

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Being that I am a very sensitive person myself, my rule has always been if unable to say anything positive or nice, say nothing at all. I know I would feel horrible in recieving negative comments, (unless I am asking for a very honest and upfront critque) and I would truly hope to never intentionally do the same to someone else. I also rarely if ever comment on pictures more so because I can usually never articulate the propper meaing or comment.

[Staci G]

MY picture threads must be pretty bad, I generally get maybe 2-5 comments and that's it. I am ok with this I figure one day I might get it right and look great in a set of pics. When that happens all will be right with the world, (yeah right). I love when someone suggest something different I can try it out on some of my GG friends before I post them, I can try them on here and get no replys and I know it's not working for me. But Loretta, I have seen post in here where the posting party is torn to shreds because of an unbelievable story line, so be careful what you ask for you might just get it.

[Sandra]

There is a difference in being critical and how it is said, and being down right rude. If I see a pic and want to say something then I will, and it will be along the lines of "well how about trying this " or " you could try this"

One thing I always think of is when members post " oh you're hot and pass so well" when the person doesn't pass, it give false hopes, and then if that member goes out and gets ridiculed, how are they going to feel.?

[Joanna41]

I'm one that will post pictures on here...I think I'm about 70% passable but I never get comments on how to improve either...I agree though there are a lot of comments made that are sheer feeling savers I will call it. If someone posts pictures of course I'm gonna lookand see. However if I don't like what I see I'm probably not gonna reply to the post plain and simple. Maybe in some small way people that don't comment on a post with pictures says it all? I do try to find things in those pictures to comment on but a lot of times I can't...but in the end we are all here together to get advice and learn how to be prettier. I know I still have a very long way to go but I'm enjoying my own personal journey with my finace...

Joanna

[Tina B.]

Not sure what you mean by all of this? If I say you are cute, but your hair would show your pretty face better, if the bangs where a bit higher, or your wig looks like a cheap costume wig that looks bad on you, because it hangs down to low on your face, which is better, which one might help, and which one might hurt your feelings and drive you away from the site. Sometimes it's hard to criticize with out offending, after all, we come here with different amounts of experience, skills, and opportunity, I'm not about to tear down a newbie, and with only a few exceptions, I'm not to crazy about age appropriate either. I think a complement, followed by a suggestion, works better for most than telling someone they are wrong, I don't even know what look they where even going for, so how would I know if they got it right or not. Your goals are not my goals, my goals are not those of many others here, but that does not make me wrong, or you wrong or them wrong, we are all just what we are, and if we want to be criticized, we all have a whole wide world out there to do it for us. I am not the fashion police, and neither are you!
Tina B.

[Vieja]

Ahhh If I only had some pictures to post you could really have a field day with "constructive criticism". I have a camera but no way to scan the pix to get them into

the computer and being a computer nerd I probably wouldn't be able to figure out how to get them posted. LOL


Vieja

[monalisa]

As my parents always said if you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all. So if they look terrible just say you have nice shoes or nice earrings if you feel you must respond. Sometimes it is better to not respond at all. Most people can look at their own picture or themselves in the mirror and know if they look great or not. Perhaps we are all just looking for validation or that one minute of fame. I am afraid to post my picture for fear of people being honest and hurting my feelings. So this way I can fool myself into believing I am prettier and sexier than Ms. America.

[KarenCDFL]

I discovered many posts ago that most people simply cannot take any form of criticism at all. Yes I will include myself in this statement.

And honestly, I am not in the mood to get flamed on this Forum, so when I see the type of post "How do you all think I look in this outfit/makeup/shoes etc, If I like it, I may say so. If I think you look like a "man in a dress" which many of us do, I just keep my mouth shut.

It is akin to your Wife/GF/SO asking the age old question of "does my ass look to big in this dress?" You are better off ignoring questions like that than giving any answer at all.

Just my One Cent. The economy got the other one.

[Karren H]

Am not! Am not!! I subscribe to the philosophy if you ask for it I will oblige. I will not criticize just to criticize.. Any more. Much.... Ok fine.... Maybe a little but they were wearing those god awful women's jeans!!

Actually the art of judging people is what women do best!! Listen to Cosmo Radio's Wake up with Taylor sometime!! Women judge and criticize other women all the time!! You want to be a woman then you really better learn how to do it correctly!! Lol.

[linda allen]

Everyone's too nice.
It's not realistic.
Constructive criticism is part of acceptance and support.
It just makes me a little mad when someone posts something (where it's obvious they weren't really trying for a passable image), and get nothing but niceties back.
I thought that the whole point of being a crossdresser was to avoid looking like a man in a dress, that's all.
When somebody posts a picture, where it's obvious that they barely even tried, and people comment on how beautiful and feminine they look, I die a little inside.
It just seems so fake when something like that happens.

/end rant.

Well, that makes me wonder if you're talking about me. :eek:

I tried, but there's only so much one can do under some circumstances. I can't let the neighbors see me in makeup and a dress and it's hard to do a great job sitting in a car in the parking lot.

Some of us live the life, some are part time with the other foot in the "real world". And of course, some of us have size or features that make it impossible to really pass as a female.

If it makes you (or me) happy and doesn't hurt anyone, what's the harm?

So go ahead, criticize my photos. Perhaps I'll do better next time.

[LeaP]

It's easy enough to solicit criticism of this type, if wanted. No need to go there across the board unasked.

Lea

[Crissy Kay]

It's easy enough to solicit criticism of this type, if wanted. No need to go there across the board unasked.

Lea Thats what I think too. Its why I prefer not to show my whole face in my pics, although I do like to use make up, etc. I don"t feel very passable at all.

[*Vanessa*]

Will the young boy how is sharing his first freshly baking muffins that are obviously missing some ingredient do better with;

"Man those things are nasty, they're horrid you must have forgot to put something in the mix"

- or -

"These are really good Billy"

I think the later: He will be proud of his accomplishment and try even harder next time. He will know by taste that they are not as good as his mothers and will question himself as to the why and improve with maturity.

[NicoleScott]

I thought that the whole point of being a crossdresser was to avoid looking like a man in a dress, that's all.

True for some, for many, but not all. Some crossdressers dress for other reasons - the feel of he clothes, for example. Wigs, makeup, and mirrors are not necessary.
I hate the sports expression "refuse to lose". I despise playing not to lose. We should play to win. Likewise, crossdressing should not be about avoiding to look like a man, but rather to endeavor to look like a woman if that's what drives you. I try to look like a pretty woman, realizing that pretty is the eye of the beholder.

When I read the OP, I knew it was a setup for responses like Kaitlyn's post #16. I think you look pretty in your avatar, but you sort of did ask for a dissing.

If someone asks for a critique, it's OK to be honest. But it doesn't have to be mean.

[xristy]

There is a time and place to be honest with people. In general, if someone is not that close to someone, they will tend to not say something at all or not point out obvious issues. The harsh truth is usually set aside for people that are close to you. I recently had an issue with this where I started plucking my eyebrows. When I first started, I got a little carried away and butchered them. I was self concious about this and it had to be obvious to people. However, no one said anything to me. I let them grow back, but have kept them tidy and more femme in general. Why didn't anyone want to say anything to me. Perhaps they were just being kind or didn't feel close enough to me to give the harsh truth.

It goes back to what someone said earlier on here. If you can't say something nice, then say nothing at all. I think most people are this way and that is why some things go unsaid.

[Pythos]

I post my pics not for admiration solely, but also for constructive criticism. I find it ironic how my latest pic post have gotten very little response. I attribute this to the sheer number of pics I have posted, at least I hope that is the case. Now the responses I have gotten have been very nice, and I am thankful for that. I do think when someone is praised when they look awful it really does not help anything. I will be honest here, I really dislike pics where the subject is holding the camera. These very rarely turn out well. Often time the person's face is looking at the camera, so the image is just terrible looking.

[t-girlxsophie]

I try my Arse off to look Passable.It doesn't happen though,but doesn't mean I shouldn't bother to go out my door dressed.I post pics usually to get a critique of my outfit as I can get all the honest opinions about my looks I need off my good lady

Sophie

[suchacutie]

I think Karren is on the right track. My wonderful wife has occasionally reminded me that Tina just really doesn't understand about being "the B word that sounds like "itchy"". We are all being overly "nice" to each other for the very simple reason that we haven't learned the feminine art of being "critical" (or catty or b#*chy!). Frankly, I'm finding it hard to understand that part of the feminine mindset that seems to have been learned through the years growing up as a girl! Maybe we should have a thread to practice our catty remarks to each other??? Maybe we could enlist all the wonderful GGs here to critique our comments....a scale from 1 to 10?

Ok Ok....some of this is tongue in cheek, but let's all remember we grew up nominally socialized as boys, and we've all got a lot to learn!

[xristy]

I always try to look as passable as possible. However, that is not always possible. When posting pics, I only post the ones I think catch the moment and true femininity. When I look back at pics I have taken over the years, the pics I once thought were good now I think make me look bad. So as time goes, what you think is good will change. I guess as with anything, practice makes perfect and things you like now you will not in the future.

[Sophie86]

This has come up before, and I'll just repeat what I said then: Unless it's asked for, I won't give any kind of criticism. I follow Thumper's Rule.

I also try not to compliment a person's clothes without complimenting them, because I know how I hear that kind of compliment: "Your dress looks very pretty..." :/

[Kaitlyn26]

You...
Did read the part where I said "constructive" criticism, did you not?
Anyway, I can take your criticism.
I'm hardly passable as it is. The fact that I'm using a $5 halloween wig and hand-me-down clothes in that picture probably doesn't help matters all that much. That, and that that was my first attempt at applying makeup without help.
But hey! At least I can improve on said flaws, now that someone has pointed them out to me!
So thanks!

It's not nice! You made me sad to have to do that. Seriously. Hopefully you can understand at least that if picture threads become critique fests how unhappy picture posting could become. Deviant art has critique policies for a reason. Same thing in principal.


There is a difference in being critical and how it is said, and being down right rude. If I see a pic and want to say something then I will, and it will be along the lines of "well how about trying this " or " you could try this"

One thing I always think of is when members post " oh you're hot and pass so well" when the person doesn't pass, it give false hopes, and then if that member goes out and gets ridiculed, how are they going to feel.?

I agree with you. I think that if you want to provide any critique though, you need to know the person well enough to know that you're not going to seriously upset them. Some members can be really sensitive.

[Loretta]

Will the young boy how is sharing his first freshly baking muffins that are obviously missing some ingredient do better with;

"Man those things are nasty, they're horrid you must have forgot to put something in the mix"

- or -

"These are really good Billy"

I think the later: He will be proud of his accomplishment and try even harder next time. He will know by taste that they are not as good as his mothers and will question himself as to the why and improve with maturity.
Both methods are wrong.
One is being an ass, and the other is also being an ass, just a lying one.

In cooking, people learn from constructive criticism.
You don't tell billy that his first muffin attempt was the best thing ever, because it's not true.
You also don't tell him his muffins were S*** personified, because that's also not true.
Instead, you eat one, and offer critique on what you think would make the muffins even better.
If the muffins need sugar, then you let him know, that way he learns for the next time.
Through guidance, his muffins will get better and better, until no further criticism is necessary.

If billy can't handle positive criticism, he probably shouldn't be cooking for others in the first place.

[Miss Maxine]

This is exactly why people should not make negative remarks.

[Tara D. Rose]

Well I think this pic came out ok, Ok for me. I know I have a long way to go. But being 54 years old, I feel i cannot do much better, Of course my camera always makes my pics a little grainy, so the make up details don't show up well enough. Do I look like sh**, I am a very sensitive person, go easy, after all I asked for it.

[suzy1]

Yes Tara, you look like sh**.
And I sometimes tell the odd fib.
You want the truth, really! O.K. here it comes……………wow!

SUZY

[Kaitlyn26]

Tara, I'll pick your pic if you want. You have very nice legs and pull off the look very well, all things considered. I think that getting your eyebrows done would greatly help, and maybe trying on some more clothing type to see which ones flatter your figure the best. Imo the skirt is too tight and makes your hips look too narrow, and your shoulders stick out more. Maybe try something looser, and maybe longer. I also think that a smaller sleeveless shirt, or a long sleeve shirt, could help you appear more proportional. I make it a rule to not wear shirts like that, for that reason.

Here's one of me for you and others to pick on, if you wish. Keep the insults to a minimum please. ;)

http://i1132.photobucket.com/albums/m568/dragonslayer26/me3.jpg

[Loretta]

Kaitlyn

The outfit itself is very nice.
The proportions are a tiny bit off, so maybe padding in the hips would be beneficial?

[ReneeT]

So, is this a, "Wow! Does THIS picture stink", thread, Loretta? If so, here's MY contribution!:thumbsdn:

165541


Sherry - i recognize that restroom! That is from SCC, right?

[Kittyagain]

Well I think this pic came out ok, Ok for me. I know I have a long way to go. But being 54 years old.

54? Maybe 34. Great picture. If it just your camera making you look young, would you please post make and model number. :)

Kitty

[Kaitlyn26]

The outfit itself is very nice.
The proportions are a tiny bit off, so maybe padding in the hips would be beneficial?

Actually, I'm more in need of weight loss than hip padding. My hips are currently 46 inches in diameter (that's bigger than most GGs of my height). Any bigger and I'd be an umpa lumpa. :p Waist is at 36 inches, which will look great once it goes back to 28 inches. :) I don't use "props" as I tend to call them.

[Miss Maxine]

I'll jump on the bandwagon. Since wer're all talking about proportions and sh*tty photos, here's one for your butchering pleasure.
http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g204/Montalby/Photos%20of%20Maxine/Flowery1sized.jpg

[*Vanessa*]

Both methods are wrong.
One is being an ass, and the other is also being an ass, just a lying one.

In cooking, people learn from constructive criticism.
You don't tell billy that his first muffin attempt was the best thing ever, because it's not true.
You also don't tell him his muffins were S*** personified, because that's also not true.
Instead, you eat one, and offer critique on what you think would make the muffins even better.
If the muffins need sugar, then you let him know, that way he learns for the next time.
Through guidance, his muffins will get better and better, until no further criticism is necessary.

If billy can't handle positive criticism, he probably shouldn't be cooking for others in the first place.

How's this then -
If you only react to issues from within your own frame of reference then you will never ever get beyond how you perceive the world and will forever remain ignorant. To encourage a child is to nurture them.
The child is not a cook - the child is growing and gaining life skills, physical and emotional. They do not need to be you to be right.

[Joanne f]

Be careful of what you wish for, cross dressing is in people whether they like it or not and not all are young and pretty or feminine to start with , for some it takes very little effort to look what you might call possible, for some it is a very hard and long process and not all have the time or money to spend on looking glamorous and not all actually want to , you are judging members by what you want yourself and there are to many different types of cross dresser to do that , if they are brave enough and happy enough to post their picture then there is nothing wrong with saying a good word to them and supporting them for doing that.

[xristy]

The thing to keep in mind:

When it comes to GG's as well as men, they come in all shapes and sizes. There are GG's that will never look feminine and men who can't help but look feminine. There is a true spectrum of what it means to be feminine. Some CDers are just more fortunate that the end result can be more feminine than what some GG's can actually pull off. You are what you are and be happy with that.

[suzy1]

Be careful of what you wish for, cross dressing is in people whether they like it or not and not all are young and pretty or feminine to start with , for some it takes very little effort to look what you might call possible, for some it is a very hard and long process and not all have the time or money to spend on looking glamorous and not all actually want to , you are judging members by what you want yourself and there are to many different types of cross dresser to do that , if they are brave enough and happy enough to post their picture then there is nothing wrong with saying a good word to them and supporting them for doing that.

Thank you Joanne. You have put it perfectly.

[Carmen]

Maxine...that futon fabric is sooo clashing with the carpet color!
BTW...I love how those boots compliment your legs! I want a pair! (boots)
Hugs,
Linsey

[Badtranny]

Maxine you crack me up!

I bet you would be a blast to party with.

[Loretta]

How's this then -
If you only react to issues from within your own frame of reference then you will never ever get beyond how you perceive the world and will forever remain ignorant. To encourage a child is to nurture them.
The child is not a cook - the child is growing and gaining life skills, physical and emotional. They do not need to be you to be right.

I never said they needed to be me. Encouragement is nice.
However, you don't coddle the child, as it does more harm than good.
If he's old enough to competently handle cooking muffins without help, then he's old enough to accept any constructive criticism I throw his way.
If you encourage a child too much, then they will think that there is no room for improvement.
As I can tell you from a computer animator's standpoint, there is ALWAYS room for improvement.

[*Vanessa*]

Loretta The amount of information you have injected to make your point is amazing. How about a little fun with some of the other posts in this thread now. Have a careful read, a lot have made the same point that I have only more palatable to your senses. BTW - the child is now a chef.

[Philipa Jane]

Hey if my name is Billy and I have slaved over a hot stove to bake you muffins ,and all you can do is criticize them.
Then look out because the next time they may contain rat poison. LOL

[Amanda22]

I'm my harshest critic. My first reaction when I evaluate myself after spending an hour getting ready to go out is, "god, you've got to be kidding." I think a lot of us feel that way. From what I've learned, it isn't just crossdressers who feel like this, but sometimes, GGs do as well. This is why I give strangers so much credit for not busting out in laughter when they pass me on the street. Speaking only for myself, I appreciate other members of this forum who stretch the truth quite far and tell me I look OK. I know I look like a guy in drag, but it is nice to hear compliments.

[Mikaela]

I'm such a harsh critic of myself that I have a hard time taking compliments. :/

[Amanda22]

I'll jump on the bandwagon. Since wer're all talking about proportions and sh*tty photos, here's one for your butchering pleasure.

Maxine, you are awesome.

[Miss Maxine]

Maxine...that futon fabric is sooo clashing with the carpet color!
BTW...I love how those boots compliment your legs! I want a pair! (boots)
Hugs,
Linsey
Haha! The couch was Missa's idea. She wanted a ****ty red couch like the one they have at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch. It's awesome. It turns into a lounger and a bed.

[carhill2mn]

Hi Loretta,

People "crossdress" for many reasons. Not all CDs are trying to not be a "man in a dress". It is true that sometimes there are "complementary" comments when the posted photo is not that good. However, unless the person posting the photo asks for a critique, they may not appreciate "constructive criticism". My approach is that if I do not like what was posted, I do not comment.

[Loretta]

Loretta The amount of information you have injected to make your point is amazing. How about a little fun with some of the other posts in this thread now. Have a careful read, a lot have made the same point that I have only more palatable to your senses. BTW - the child is now a chef.

Do you just hate reading? Is that it?
I made my point perfectly clear, but it's obvious you didn't even attempt to understand it.
The child need not be a chef. However, being overzealous with positive reinforcement does only harm.
Everyone should be able to stand constructive criticism. Everyone. It's how people improve.
We're adults. Not children, so don't get offended when somebody tells you that you're not the most beautiful person in the world.
It's how the world works. Sorry to burst your bubble.

[Miss Maxine]

Maxine, you are awesome.

Thanks. I want to get one of those t-shirts that reads : Proud to be AWESOME

[Schatten Lupus]

I whole heartedly agree. Some constructive criticism can be a very good thing, but yet there are some here who would cause quite a stir in public, everyone knows it, but the "it looks nice" comments do follow. While that's not all this forum offers, and there are some that do offer tips, pointers, and advice, there is indeed a lofty degree of over generosity.

[Miss Maxine]

Do you just hate reading? Is that it?
I made my point perfectly clear, but it's obvious you didn't even attempt to understand it.
The child need not be a chef. However, being overzealous with positive reinforcement does only harm.
Everyone should be able to stand constructive criticism. Everyone. It's how people improve.
We're adults. Not children, so don't get offended when somebody tells you that you're not the most beautiful person in the world.
It's how the world works. Sorry to burst your bubble.

What would be considered constructive criticism to one person, could be perceived as an insult, to another. Best to stick with positive reenforcement. I much prefer to be told what I'm doing right, as opposed to what I'm doing wrong. I improve on my finer qualities, and can identify the lacking ones, through the process of elimination.

[Kaitlyn26]

I'm such a harsh critic of myself that I have a hard time taking compliments. :/

Me either. You look great though. I find you attractive, and someone worth following advice from.

[*Vanessa*]

My bubble Loretta ?
Don't take it personal when people say your narcissistic, they are just people after all.

[Miss Maxine]

I'm such a harsh critic of myself that I have a hard time taking compliments. :/

I agree with Kate. I wouldn't kick you out of bed for eating cookies.

[Kaitlyn26]

One more log to throw on the fire, is that some members post heavily photoshoped pictures that are more a work of art than an actual representation of themselves. I notice those pictures get the short compliments also.

[Miss Maxine]

One more log to throw on the fire, is that some members post heavily photoshoped pictures that are more a work of art than an actual representation of themselves. I notice those pictures get the short compliments also.
I love photoshopped pics. Missa is a great ps artist. Here's an example:
http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g204/Montalby/Photos%20of%20Maxine/Maxgreenlight.jpg

[Kaitlyn26]

I'm talking about the pics that look more like fantasy art than an actual person. With the imported backgrounds and the shape changing alterations.

[Miss Maxine]

I'm talking about the pics that look more like fantasy art than an actual person. With the imported backgrounds and the shape changing alterations.

Psst...(I'm not really green!) :heehee:

[Kaz]

Jeez, I came on here for a quick two minutes before I get down to work but the thread is awesome!

A few points...

Kaitlyn, I agree about not going with bum pads... I don't. You just have some good love handles babe! Most women over a certain age do as well... from the back view... I could live with that! Well I couldn't... I am working on reducing my waist to try and get a better proportion... I will never have the classic feminine form... but most women don't either!

I post pictures because I want this side of me to 'out there'... and I do get constructive comments actually! Of course I really know what the issues are already! But yes... I am sure I get the usuals... I don't care...the attention is nice! After all.. I have put a lot of effort into this!

Some of us want to get better at the 'transformation' thing... I do... I see it as 'illusion'... if I can fool you into thinking I am a woman... it has worked... I achieved my objective. I am not interested in presenting photo-shopped images, but I want to get feedback on how I am doing generally...

BUT... there are loads of us who do want to post and get some level of acceptance, and I have no problem in supporting what they have done rather than criticising the outcome. For those of us who present generously altered images... we know why? We are trying to present ourselves not as we are but we would like to be... I have no problem with this...

Of course we can grab the bull by the horns on the OP and say... when we post... don't give me bull**** tell it straight! If I knew that was what you wanted form my feedback I would be more inclined to aim at that spot between the eyebrows and give it to you straight!

Maxine is awesome! As are many many others... I just love this community and the diversity it brings...

[Miss Maxine]

You like me! You really, really like me! *swoon*

[Kaitlyn26]

Kaz, I'm working on it! I can't lose weight and do it right quickly. I've actually lost another 10 pounds since that pic was taken. Sadly my love handles do not completely leave until I'm almost dying. Same with my hips, thighs, and tummy. It's not like out of hand, but they're there. I do look great with a waist censer though.

[Kaz]

I have this Rago cincher (thong) - awesome! But yeah, you have to learn its little idiosynchasies! It isn't boned so it rides down... works better with pantyhose than stockings... but these are the trade-offs we live with! I will never get rid of my 'male' waist... it is how we are designed... we just need to present the illusion of lack of waist... works for me! I am inclined to do a photo-shop thing for fun!
xx

[Nicole Erin]

People be getting all bent out of shape but I think what Loretta was talking about with pics is the ones you see that they throw on a dress but nothing else or maybe a picture of their flat chest and people rave about how great it is.

The pics that impress me are the ones that you can tell they did a lot of work with what they have. It has nothing to do with how good they actually look in the end but how hard they tried.

So then if some TG bust their butts to take good pics and no one seems to care yet the ones who put zero effort in and get told left and right how good they look, it bites.

[Aprilrain]

Everyone's too nice.
It's not realistic.
Constructive criticism is part of acceptance and support.
It just makes me a little mad when someone posts something (where it's obvious they weren't really trying for a passable image), and get nothing but niceties back.
I thought that the whole point of being a crossdresser was to avoid looking like a man in a dress, that's all.
When somebody posts a picture, where it's obvious that they barely even tried, and people comment on how beautiful and feminine they look, I die a little inside.
It just seems so fake when something like that happens.

/end rant.

OK i'll bite, you should probably smile when taking a picture of yourself. you look kinda scary with that frown!

[Barbara Dugan]

I really don't believe this is the place to criticize anyone, we are not on a competition of something similar, if the OP ask for some feedback there is a great number of members with enough experience that will provide it...sooner or later we all face our own realities in the mean time let's have some fun.

[linda allen]

Loretta,

You still haven't said if it was my photos that set you off on this topic.

[Mikaela]

Loretta,
You still haven't said if it was my photos that set you off on this topic.

Not sure the answer to that is constructive in any capacity whatsoever.

[Loretta]

Loretta,

You still haven't said if it was my photos that set you off on this topic.

I haven't seen any of your photos, if I recall correctly.

[Jodi]

I've tried in the past to give very polite, constructive criticisms. I have been contacted by the moderators on the back channel and told that I was out of line. Bottom line--no more comments from me on anyone's pix, good or bad.

Jodi

[Kathryn Philips]

I have seen some totally passable (which I must admit I'm extremely jealous of) CDS and some terrible pics of CDs on this forum (no names mentioned). My approach for the "terrible" ones is to say nothing. I normally will only post a comment on those CDs who are similar to me, who make the effort to look as feminine as possible within their limitations and who dress appropriately for for their age. I'm all for constructive criticism but without being cruel and trying to take into consideration the person's particular circumstances. I expect others to do the same to me.

[cassandra54]

i would agree that some on here do not pass. i think there are some physical limitations that don't make it realistic for some people to pass. but hey if you feel the need to dress, then dress you must. if you want to dress and pass, then it's a different story. i think it's hard to judge, since we don't want to be judged ourselves. being passable is tricky at best for some. if you think your passable, go out in public and don't have a bad experience, then you're probably passable, but then again who knows for sure?
some people just don't say anything. but yeah, i would certainly welcome any good advice or constructive criticism as i am going out more and more.

[Tara D. Rose]

Thank you Suzy1 for your kind and hopefully honest words. You’re so kind. And Kaitlyn thank you as well. I agree with you about the eyebrows thing 100%, but being a man most of the time I have to keep them like they are for my wife’s sake plus for my whole extended family, I’d really change them if not for that though. But I thank you for your candor and honesty. And Kittyagain, thank you as well, yes my camera makes everyone look 20 years younger. I’ll sell it to you for $5,000.
Love to all of you, .Tara

[Tara D. Rose]

Thank you Suzy1 for your kind and hopefully honest words. You’re so kind. And Kaitlyn thank you as well. I agree with you about the eyebrows thing 100%, but being a man most of the time I have to keep them like they are for my wife’s sake plus for my whole extended family, I’d really change them if not for that though. But I thank you for your candor and honesty. And Kittyagain, thank you as well, yes my camera makes everyone look 20 years younger. I’ll sell it to you for $5,000.
Love to all of you, .Tara

[PretzelGirl]

One of the big problems is that you can't size up how a person will take criticism and where the breaking point is. It reminds me when I met someone I am friends with now (she may recognize my story). She complimented my outfit and in turn I complimented her's. She then said "it's okay, I know I dress sl*tty". Now while she was okay with describing her own outfit, there are a lot of people that would have their feelings hurt if someone had told them that their outfit looked that way.

[Chickhe]

I'll comment if asked and I try to be honest and tactful. Its important to comment only on something that can be changed and improved...for example, a wig or clothing, not the size of someone's nose...

[Kaitlyn26]

I'll comment if asked and I try to be honest and tactful. Its important to comment only on something that can be changed and improved...for example, a wig or clothing, not the size of someone's nose...

That can be changed. :p

[Sophie86]

If you encourage a child too much, then they will think that there is no room for improvement.

I don't think any of us are in danger of getting too cocky. There are girls on here who have been praised to the heavens, and they still don't feel like they look good enough. (I'm looking at you, Amanda. ;) )

The real point is, though, that unless criticism is requested, it is rude to offer it no matter how much good you think you would be doing the world. This isn't HotorNot.com.

And those "ugly" girls you see getting lots of praise, are probably getting the praise because they are nice people--i.e., the kind of people who would never give an unsolicited critique of someone's pics.

[Kristy_K]

Even some of the most pretties girls think they are ugly. Beauty starts from within. If you can't feel good about who you are than no one else will. My experience for me has shown being passable isn't as important as liking yourself.

[t-girlxsophie]

I dont pass,came to that realisation a long time ago,will it stop me going out dressed,not a chance.I do my best to look as good as I can with the tools im given (mind you bad workmen always blame their tools :)) and that is enough to keep me happy with my femme side.

Sophie

[noeleena]

Hi,

For my self i'm in 4 groups of people to tell me how im dressing some 350 people , & i ask , if i have doughts about my self as i did last saturday at our Scottish Ball, i know i can dress nicely , its just the over all look that gets me doughting some times so my friends said i looked lovely , the reason i dought my self is because of my masculine facial looks yet im a woman , goes with my teritory .

If im asked i'll advise not put down , we all have issue's i do , so im more awere because of how i look we all have neat things about us it just does not allway's include our looks. & some times its only a small detail that can change the over all look to make it lovely,

If i think i should not comment because its in aproprate then i wont, ill be honist if im put in a corner as i was , i did not wont to answer , because i knew it was not what the person wonted to hear , may be they should have yet they were not ready for truth,

...noeleena...

[Elizabeth Ann]

However, you don't coddle the child, as it does more harm than good.

Actually, that is exactly what you do. I remember being amazed when I became a parent that I could tell who was and who was not a parent by the level of patience and tolerance they had. You soon realize that your job is to build a confident young person with a strong self image. When the time comes, the kid will know what those muffins, or that refrigerator art, was like, and no one thinks they made a bad cook or artist because they made their child happy.

I want to tread lightly here, and please know that I say this out of concern for you. You express great offense (makes me die a little?) over something that someone you don't know said to someone else that you don't know. You are angry about an exchange not involving you and seemingly acceptable to both parties. Why is that? I am honestly trying to be constructive here in suggesting that you examine your own anger management issues.

I will say that you seem to have a high regard for honesty, which is a great trait to have. I hope you can use it to examine your own motivations as well.

Liz

[sandra-leigh]

I have a photo of me looking quite hideous. In it, I am wearing garish colors and obnoxious clothes. I love it, and it is one of the few photos of me that I have posted. It was taken at one of our club annual "What Not To Wear" nights a few years ago. I was unusually creative in my bad dressing -- and I don't mind sharing a good laugh at myself.

I go out in obvious mixed gender a fair bit. No wig (my hair is shoulder length), little or no makeup -- just me going about my business dressed as I like. Do I look like "A man in a dress"? Could be -- people almost always call me "Sir" even when I have full wig and makeup and forms, so it would be unrealistic for me to expect people to think that I am a GG when I am more casual.

I do not take many photos at all, as I am busy living -- busy thinking about what to make for supper, or how to solve a problem for my work, or trying to "wake up" after a hard night's sleep, or just enjoying the sunshine, or cursing my broken nail, or about whether I want to transfer to a different bus route, and so on -- just everyday life.

Should I refrain from posting pictures of myself being myself out in the world on the basis that I didn't spend enough time dithering about what to select from my wardrobe, and didn't spend enough time carefully sculpting my makeup? I know that my wife seldom spends more about 5 minutes picking what to wear for the day, and only puts on lipstick and some blush -- is she "not putting any effort in to it" too?

And who wants to see pictures of me in a skirt and blouse picking out breakfast cereal in a grocery store? That couldn't possibly be of interest to anyone, right?

Except... well, there are people on the site who long to be able to wear what they want in every-day life and just be accepted as a person. People to whom "passing" is not about looking 100% GG or about obsessing about voice or give-away gestures or about watching the "right" TV shows so they will have the right cultural background and knowledge of designers and trends "because women are supposed to know these things". People who would be happy to walk out the door in a skirt, exchange hellos with the neighbor, take public transit over to shop at a deli, stop in a coffee shop for a while, and head back again -- without being hassled and with people who "read" them not considering the situation to be "strange" or "wrong".

To such people, seeing me "out and about" could well be encouraging. I take the long list of "I could never do that because..." and I stuff it in my purse, and just go out. I don't pretend to perfection or even "pretty good": I just go out with my flaws. And it works. Even if I am not much than an example of how imperfect one can be and still be accepted, that too is valuable.

[linda allen]

I haven't seen any of your photos, if I recall correctly.

Well, I posted some and then a few hours later, I read your post. I thought it might have been about me.

Here's mine:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?160803-Out-and-About&p=2612053#post2612053

[Kristy_K]

I will have agree with Sandra. I myself just experience something interesting. I am started transition about 3 weeks ago. Even so no one wears nail polish at work because of the chemicals we work with at times. I decided to wear a bright red to work. I have work there for over 25 years so there was a lot of looks and even the owner kept his distance from me. But about half way though the day the most prettiest and out going girl there came up to me and ask me to be girlfriend. Then she ask my girlfriend and I to go out with her and her boyfriend. My whole point is that since I have dare to be me I have gain more friends in the last few weeks because of it. The friends I have lost wasn't worth keeping anyway. I found the more you can be yourself the happier you are and because of that people seem to like you for it.

[Badtranny]

I found the more you can be yourself the happier you are and because of that people seem to like you for it.

Truer words have never been spoken.

...I mean written.

[Sophie_C]

Everyone's too nice.
It's not realistic.
Constructive criticism is part of acceptance and support.
It just makes me a little mad when someone posts something (where it's obvious they weren't really trying for a passable image), and get nothing but niceties back.
I thought that the whole point of being a crossdresser was to avoid looking like a man in a dress, that's all.
When somebody posts a picture, where it's obvious that they barely even tried, and people comment on how beautiful and feminine they look, I die a little inside.
It just seems so fake when something like that happens.

/end rant.

I agree completely, but I'm more about positivity than negativity so I only complement when I truly believe it and exactly what I do believe it in. Just check my posts.

If someone asks for gloves-off, no holds barred criticism, I'll let them have it.

Since you seem to like it, based on your photo, I think you need a wig with a more natural hair color. It doesn't match your brows all that well and you need a slimmer, better arc to them, while I'm at it. You can do that with some tricks, even if you can't pluck them that strongly for drab life. And, keep up the gym time, if you're doing it. Have a great day! ;)

[AmandaJ]

I am not afraid of honest criticism. That's why I post my pictures. I want to hear the good and the bad. If I put up a pic where I've got unsightly body hair for instance, it's not like I'm oblivious to the fact. Maybe I'm just looking for some insight as to what I can improve or compliments on the areas that I have improved since previous pictures.

The original poster has a point that should not be ignored. But at the same time though, nobody wants to hurt anybody's feelings. We are all sensitive about this in one shape or form. Some can take harsher criticisms than others, but there is no way to know who's who unless you ask for it I guess.

So like I said, fire away. I can take it.

[Piora]

I am not afraid of honest criticism. That's why I post my pictures. I want to hear the good and the bad. If I put up a pic where I've got unsightly body hair for instance, it's not like I'm oblivious to the fact. Maybe I'm just looking for some insight as to what I can improve or compliments on the areas that I have improved since previous pictures.
Exactly my feeling on this. There's nothing wrong with making other members feel good about themselves, by telling them what you thought was great about their pictures, but if you didn't like what they were wearing, or thought that something could be changed with regard to their ensemble or choice of colour - then say so.....kindly and constructively. If most GGs can be honest about telling each other what they like or don't like about what the other is wearing....why can't we?

[sometimes_miss]

Critical and reality isn't really embraced here. This is a place where crossdressers can come to feel comfortable with themselves, and imagine that everything will be fine. It's an escape from reality. If you want reality, it's easy; just dress up the way you want, and go out. Simple as that. And if you want critical, simply go out dressed as a woman and ask what people think of you. It's that easy.
Instead, what we have here is a fantasy world, where people call each other girl (when we aren't) and tell each other how good we look and that we could definitely 'pass'.
It's a place to feel good. Not be criticized.

[MissMarcie]

Critical and reality isn't really embraced here. This is a place where crossdressers can come to feel comfortable with themselves, and imagine that everything will be fine. It's an escape from reality. If you want reality, it's easy; just dress up the way you want, and go out. Simple as that. And if you want critical, simply go out dressed as a woman and ask what people think of you. It's that easy.
Instead, what we have here is a fantasy world, where people call each other girl (when we aren't) and tell each other how good we look and that we could definitely 'pass'.
It's a place to feel good. Not be criticized.

And the majority of people here think that this whole "fantasy" world is a good and positive thing?

[Kaitlyn Michele]

And the majority of people here think that this whole "fantasy" world is a good and positive thing?

actually generally speaking yes...you don't??

if people are clear and saying...hey i am wearing this outfit to the yankees game tonight...and its gonna get them beat up...then somebody should say it..
otherwise its not a big deal...we all know 90% of the "you pass" comments are baloney..hopefully people are doing their best to be happy...

btw...i found in my early days here that i began using this forum as a kind of crossdressing...i was beginning to actually communicate as a female..perhaps as a ts i was more interested in this..but i found great people and comfort being myself right here on the forum as michele..even if i just got home from work in my blue suit and red tie..

when i meet another woman and i think.."ugh..that hair.."..."yikes her boobs are crooked"..."ewww..that top is like a dead animal", and her jeans look nice...i say .."i like those jeans, where did you get them?"...

[Monique Myers]

I have seen more than my share of big fights develop from some honest constructive criticism. Everyone takes things differently and everyone says things differently, without the nuances of hearing HOW something is said a lot of times it can come off as harsh in type. I think the majority of crossdressers based on my experience are their own worst critics, I know I am. I know the first time I ventured out I looked BRUTAL, caterpillers for eyebrows, uneven lips, blush pasted on too thick, wig not styled right, fortunately I met some really sweet people that gave me some tips and practicing at home in front of the mirror/camera made a world of difference.

I have no goal to pass but I do understand a lot of gurls find this a very important aspect of their presentation. I think for those girls that are trying so hard some kind tips said in the right way will be accepted graciously, but it's important to put yourself in that persons shoes (figuratively of course) and ask "how would I interpret that".

P.S. If you are trying to pass, you either shave or wear tights/pants that doesn't show hair, there is no excuse for that.

[sandra-leigh]

P.S. If you are trying to pass, you either shave or wear tights/pants that doesn't show hair, there is no excuse for that.

How's that again??

Half of my genetic heritage is from a group pretty well known in modern times for the women being hairy (as in visible moustaches and more.) Another quarter is from a group that went down in classical history (roman times) with the adjective "hairy" given to much of their peoples.

Somehow I came out of it all with sparse arm and leg hair (though longer than average for where I live.) There are a lot of women in the world whose legs and arms are more hairy than mine.

[VioletJourney]

I agree. The obvious lack of sincerity in this forum makes me worry what people really think of my pictures.

I like to post on a twist to an old saying: If you don't have anything honest to say, don't say anything at all!

[Babeba]

when i meet another woman and i think.."ugh..that hair.."..."yikes her boobs are crooked"..."ewww..that top is like a dead animal", and her jeans look nice...i say .."i like those jeans, where did you get them?"...

EXACTLY. This is pretty much my philosophy on the picture threads.

I also try to point out mannerisms, stances and little nuances I think the poster might have missed or give creative tips on different things to try that they might like. I hope I've never been taken as mean by someone, I try never to be snarky or anything.

Not to encourage the people trying to decide how to critique little Billy, but for crying out loud, he's a kid. Why shut down his willingness to play in the kitchen? So not cool. If he switched baking soda for baking powder or misread the little t for a big T on the salt measurement, I'd give him a big hug and say, 'I love it that you tried so hard. It's really the thought that counts going into these things. Thank you.' The kid's probably beating himself up enough as it is. So what if they're not textbook perfect? That's just boring. Variation is totally cool and good.

[Shelly67]

Perhaps something needs to be recognised here .
Any of us can post something with all good intention , but a reader can misunderstand it all with any comment posted resulting in offence and angst .
Ok , praps some will see picutres / read threads , feel that perhaps some of the comments may hold a smattering of a patronising content .
I'd go further ( there maybe some on here who even view my input like this ) praps some of us view certain folks as a little self obsessiveness and all consumed by theyre own reality - no matter how they look either.
BUT the simple truth is this . Most of us are men , engaging in trying to be gentle and understood . We are in reality individuals behind a keyboard , no one really knows our personalities in full .
Its almost like that book we've all read - the cover wasn't all that attractive , the content fairly predictable , until that very last chapter - the moment when it all made sense . And caused contemplation .
Surely , in light of this we have a choice on how to behave .
Act like a sensative adult , trying to understand and help our kind , or become exactly what none of us wish to be . Spiteful , aggressive , blunt - just like the male part of us we dislike .

It has to be accepted - we are different after all .

Thats why this site is so popular.

Mind you , the our opposite gender , our partners , relatives already know this better than we do . And some of us are disliked for such differences .

Thats why we need to show kind consideration towards each other , its blatantly obvious in the fact , or if that wasn't the situation then websites of this nature wouldnt require moderators would they ?

The site would just turn out to be a public slanging match .

[Intertwined]

I thought that the whole point of being a crossdresser was to avoid looking like a man in a dress.

And you wonder why I dissapear from this Forum for extended periods of time..!


Not all CDs are trying to not be a "man in a dress".

Thank You Dear... it's people like you why I come back...

165829

[Loretta]

And you wonder why I dissapear from this Forum for extended periods of time..!
To be honest, not really.
Come to think of it, I don't really wonder that about anyone unless I actually know them.

[Crystal Alberta]

Not to encourage the people trying to decide how to critique little Billy, but for crying out loud, he's a kid. Why shut down his willingness to play in the kitchen? So not cool. If he switched baking soda for baking powder or misread the little t for a big T on the salt measurement, I'd give him a big hug and say, 'I love it that you tried so hard. It's really the thought that counts going into these things. Thank you.' The kid's probably beating himself up enough as it is.

Absolutely! One thing I've learned in my years of working with children is that encouragement goes a long way. I think the same thing applies to all people.

I wonder if we're seeing typically (or maybe stereotypically) "masculine" and "feminine" responses to this issue. That is, if it's a question of the "masculine" response of intellectual, rational critique versus the "feminine" response of supportive, emotive nurturing. (I'm putting "masculine" and "feminine" in quotes here because I don't think that either of these are necessarily limited to men or women, although it is how they have come to be perceived.)

Personally, I think that both responses can have their place, but a good dose of encouragement has to come first. Self-esteem has become an often-mocked concept these days, but the fact is that criticism, even when intended constructively, can be pretty disheartening to somebody who isn't too sure of themselves to begin with. A certain amount of confidence is needed if it is to have any constructive effect.

A lot of crossdressers don't have many places where they can go for encouragement, or even reassurance. This site helps to fill that void. Let's not drive each other away.

Crystal

[Trish]

What you said, is so true!



Everyone's too nice.
It's not realistic.
Constructive criticism is part of acceptance and support.
It just makes me a little mad when someone posts something (where it's obvious they weren't really trying for a passable image), and get nothing but niceties back.
I thought that the whole point of being a crossdresser was to avoid looking like a man in a dress, that's all.
When somebody posts a picture, where it's obvious that they barely even tried, and people comment on how beautiful and feminine they look, I die a little inside.
It just seems so fake when something like that happens.

/end rant.

[Kaitlyn26]

I think raising a child properly requires a delicate balance of codling, and being more honest. There's a time for all aspects of leadership skills to be displayed while raising a child. If it just so happens that Dad's are more the tough parent, and Mom's more the nurturing one, that's just natures balance at work. Some households are the opposite, sometimes both parents are pretty tough. It seems like the kids that had rigid parents that refused to show more than one side of themselves, turn into adults that are also on one end of the extremes. Raising a child is a lot like being a leader, only more difficult. Finding the right answers in life, is usually a balancing act, and very rarely does one answer fit all.

[sandra-leigh]

What you said, is so true!

Have you done a google search with the term define:crossdresser

When you did, what portion of the responses said or implied that "the whole point of being a crossdresser was to avoid looking like a man in a dress" ? Can you provide even one (credible) reference source that indicates this?

Without that foundation, a foundation that I have not found evidence for but have found substantial evidence against, Loretta's posting unravels considerably.