Finally went out properly!

[Genivieve]

Last week I stayed at my (now ex) girlfriend's and just had to dress. It had been so long. As usual there was the hiding, shame, and guilt. During the day I stepped out dressed just around her apartment building.

Later In the week I outed myself to her. I was so tired of hiding. She didn't accept it. No one in my life accepts this side of me. It has ruined family relations and now my relationship. It wasn't even the secrecy but more the freakish perception of it all.

Yesterday, I booked an awesome hotel for such a great price. I spent the day in peace preparing then I actually went out twice at night!
There was no rush or excitement just contentment. I strolled around a shopping center, then later changed into comfy tights and flats and read a book in a grassy area. I tried to look my best but I tried not to worry about passing. I just wanted to prevent any violence that could have come my way.

I still want more though! I reserved another night and will spend today dressed as well. I feel such peace. If anyone is around Burbank tonight and wants to meet for coffee, drinks, or a simple chat let me know! This will likely be my last chance to dress for a while.

[Sara Jessica]

That is awesome, I'm so glad you finally got out. This was your first time, correct?

BTW, you have the right idea in trying to avoid dangerous situations. Be careful when going out at night when it's only to simply hang around somewhere. Best to have a destination.

[Staci G]

Ditto to Sara, Also I wish I were in Burbank we could do some shopping and dinner. I know the hurt to lose relationships over the crossdressing only too well. I hope you find what you are looking for soon.

[Genivieve]

Thank you Sara and Staci! It's so weird though. Part of my brain is still expecting someone to bash my room door or accost me. Then, I take a breath and realize most of the fear is all in my head complete pavlovian response.

I think I'm going to spend the day as a girl. I have some casual outfits I just need a few accessories. Open up shops!
I also bought this pink pepper spray just to be safe.

[xristy]

Genivieve,

I am so glad that you got out and about while dressed. I had a similar experience recently. I went out for the first time while dressed about 2 weekends ago. For me the experience was definately a pivotal moment in my life. I was lucky to be able to find another local CDer who went out we me. We also had a GG friend of theirs go out with us. That definately made it easier for me to get out for the first time. There is always safety in numbers and we did have a destination.

We went out to a gay bar, even though I do not consider myself gay, people at places like that are more tolerable. I was made even more confortable when we walked in and a drag show was going on. The timing and situation made me feel relaxed and comfortable. Once the initial excitement settled down, it was great to be out and about while dressed. The only problem for me is that now that I have been out, I want to do it again.

I know it was a gay bar and not some ordinary everyday place, but the feeling of acceptance was something that I will never forget and hope to experience again...

[AllieSF]

Congratulations for just being you. I agree with what has been said above. I also recommend that you try to find some kindred souls with whom you can share your outings (always safer and more fun with one or two sidekicks along). You can try to find some local TG groups to join and use as for networking to find one or more compatible friends. You will probably need several friends because logistics, i.e. their ability to go out when you can go out, always seems to limit the actual face time with these friends. Good luck, be safe and enjoy.

[sterling12]

Now, your going to have to ask yourself some fundamental questions I think. If you feel "contended," and your much happier as your Gurl-Self, perhaps you need to get some counseling help, and explore Genvieve. You stated that you haven't done too well in relationships as A Male. Perhaps it's your psyche telling you something!

"The Fear Factor" will go away, the more you go out. Likewise, The "Euphoria Factor" will also subside. After The Initial Rush, if you still feel that femme-self is right? Then, you definitely need to explore what's going on. Good Luck, don't get down, and always remember.....although it's trite, tomorrow IS the first day of the rest of your life.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[AnitaH]

Just recently went out dressed in the daytime and felt that same contentment. I also want more but too much work prevents it for now. Enjoy and I wish you luck in the future.

AnitaH

[joanna4]

awwww I would have love to join you and compensate for the hotel.

[Genivieve]

The hotel was so cheap on priceline that I spent an extra day! Anytime you want to hang out it's on me. I had a creepy situation last night though. I got some of it on video! Well, just my reaction.
This hotel is an extended stay it has a kitchen and everything plus it's Ina good area.
I had some midwestern jocks honk at me and I freaked out and ran back inside.

Later at night I became defiant and didn't want some idiots ruining my time. I had this dress that was too small when I bought it but yesterday it fit! I spent a bunch of time on makeup and was determined to at least go for a stroll in my favorite heels in front of the hotel. I sat down for a bit. It was a dumb move because it was late. Once again, I heard a horn honking then a door opened. I freaked out and started to walk back inside. A voice yelled out behind me saying " yeah that's right your better off...! By then I was inside. I kicked off my heels and ran up the stairs.
I should post the video, except that I look really vain because half the time I was using the iPod camera as a mirror.