Busted - but it's no biggie (so far, anyway)

[Kathi Lake]

As someone who goes out dressed, I usually take Sara's advice - dress far away from your 'circle' - the area around your home and work where the chances of running into people you know is increased. As Sue found out recently, sometimes no matter how far you go, people will still find you.

The closest I have ever been to being busted by someone I know dressed was detailed in this story (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?124807) (you may have to scroll down a bit to like 24 or so. I tend to, . . . ummmmm, . . . write a lot :)). Anyway, I was taking something to a tryon room and a girl I'm good friends with at church, and a member of the little clique I'm in - informally called the Gorgeous Gossip Patrol - was just leaving it. Our eyes locked for a second, but there was no recognition or response from her, so I thought I had escaped and that she didn't recognize me (yeah, right).

Fast forward a year or so, and we are both at the same table at a church auction. One of the items is a $100.00 gift card to the place where we bumped into each other. We were talking about both wanting it, how I took my daughter there for some school stuff, and how they had cute stuff at great prices, etc.. Without thinking (as I often say - it's my normal mode of operation), I blurted out, "I think I even bumped into you there once." Gulp! She just looked me right in the eye, smiled that knowing smile, and agreed that she had indeed seen me in there, but thought it best that she not say anything unless I did. :eek:

About that time, my wife and daughter came back from looking at the silent auction table, and that was it on that topic for the rest of the night - with the exception of her and I smiling a bit at each other. When that auction came up, I was actually bidding against her for a bit, until she gave me "that look" and cocked her eyebrow at me. I took the hint and let her win. Bummer! The $100.00 card went to Candace for $40.00. Call it a bribe for her to keep her silence.

Of course, another topic of discussion that night is that when her husband comes back from Afghanistan in a month, she will be moving to Virginia. Essentially, I believe she was telling me that my secret is safe with her - as it has been this past year. All I could think of was, 'Dang! I could have had a shopping buddy all this time instead of just a friend in the Gorgeous Gossip Patrol!"

So, my lesson has been learned. I should stay away from my immediate area. I mean, that store was a whole three miles from my front door. That's not too close, is it?

:)

Kathi

[MissMarcie]

In a way, it almost seems like you're wanting to caught. That's cool, if that's what you want. Or maybe you just enjoy flirting with disaster. That's also cool, but someday it may bite you in the ass.

[Kittyagain]

So close. LOL Was your heat pounding after you blurted out that you had seen her at the store?

Great story.

Kitty

[Kathi Lake]

Was your heat pounding after you blurted out that you had seen her at the store?Gee, just a little bit! :)

Almost like yesterday; I had been looking at some pictures of the Atlanta Cotillion yesterday (an event held in Atlanta where many of the men wear ladies formal wear as a fund-raiser - and the rules are quite strict on how much effort you're supposed to put into it) and I get an e-mail from my wife. The subject line: Does this Cotillion look interesting?"

As soon as I saw the word, "Cotillion" I immediately thought I had left the browser up on that page or something. My heart hammered for a moment until I read the e-mail. Apparently, there is an organization that teaches manners and social skills around the states, called the Cotillion or something. Totally innocent, but totally nerve-wracking, just the same.

:)

Kathi

[Anne2345]

That's definitely a "D'OH!!!" moment . . . .

But only three miles??!! How completely reckless! Everybody knows you shouldn't shop within a FOUR mile radius of home base . . . . Sheesh! Just WHAT were you thinking??!! You obviously haven't read the CDers Handbook, have you? Wait a second . . . there's no handbook? D'OH!!!

I am happy that it has worked out for you. :) Although it is unfortunate your friend will be moving from the area . . . . :(

[larry]

Geez-4 miles ? Thats more gas you know.


That's definitely a "D'OH!!!" moment . . . .

But only three miles??!! How completely reckless! Everybody knows you shouldn't shop within a FOUR mile radius of home base . . . . Sheesh! Just WHAT were you thinking??!! You obviously haven't read the CDers Handbook, have you? Wait a second . . . there's no handbook? D'OH!!!

I am happy that it has worked out for you. :) Although it is unfortunate your friend will be moving from the area . . . . :(

[kimdl93]

Kathi, In the past couple of months, I've been at the local grocery, dry cleaner and mall w/in 2 miles of home. But so far, no major revelations. And now I learn that my daughter's ex boyfriend is a waiter at one of my favorite LGBT restaruant! I'm one meal away from a major outing, figuratively speaking!

[Kathi Lake]

Geez-4 miles ? Thats more gas you know.Exactly!! I'm just trying to save the planet. That's all! I'd join Greenpeace, but their uniforms are terribly ugly!

:)

Kathi

[S. Lisa Smith]

I go a lot further than three or four miles to shop en femme. The closest I've shopped is 20 miles and that's through the local bridge tunnel (HRBT for those of you in Tidewater). Where your friend going in Virginia?

[donnatracey]

Kathi, In the past couple of months, I've been at the local grocery, dry cleaner and mall w/in 2 miles of home. But so far, no major revelations. And now I learn that my daughter's ex boyfriend is a waiter at one of my favorite LGBT restaruant! I'm one meal away from a major outing, figuratively speaking!

See post #2...................:doh:

[dilane]

Verrrrry Interrrresttting...I've been in one or two close calls, and the key is not to lock eyes with acquaintances, but simply slide your gaze by, maybe with a girl eye-look, or slight toss of the head, if you know what I mean. (I'm referring to the myriad expressions and looks that women use without thinking, but that men never use).

I don't *think* I've been read by acquaintances because I usually keep my femme-cool.

Once I was in a long conversation with a woman at a Lesbian bar, and I realized only after our chat that she was the regional sales manager for the company I worked at (I was CIO there). Oops!! It was strictly don't ask, don't tell after that...we both kept quiet. Mutual assured destruction, I guess.

[Sarah Doepner]

I generally don't go out at all within 100 miles of my house, but I don't know why (actually I do). I've been to several large public gatherings recently en drab, concerts, ethnic festivals, arts and crafts shows, all the kind of thing I used to be a regular at, and I never see anyone I know. At the state fair I saw one person I knew and I had to go back and touch him on the shoulder and say hi to get his attention. The reason I don't go out is my in-laws live at the end of my driveway and they aren't in on the girl stuff and my wife doesn't want them to know. But the rest of the community seems to have grown or changed or become so diverse that there doesn't seem to be anyone out there who knows me any more.

[Tara D. Rose]

So, my lesson has been learned. I should stay away from my immediate area. I mean, that store was a whole three miles from my front door. That's not too close, is it?

:)

Kathi[/QUOTE]


Simple solution, just move 10 miles away and then shop two blocks away. Problem solved.
L&R.................Tara

[Kathi Lake]

Where is your friend going in Virginia?He is getting out, and they are going to buy a business there somewhere. They're still not totally sure. They just want to be close to family near Waynesboro, I believe.


. . . the key is not to lock eyes with acquaintances, but simply slide your gaze byWell, I didn't try to lock eyes, but I know I had to look at her to make sure it was her, and I'm sure she was looking at me, making sure it was me. It just happened. :)


. . . my in-laws live at the end of my driveway and they aren't in on the girl stuff and my wife doesn't want them to know.Wow. Now that would definitely put a damper on things! Until recently, we were the only house on our street. Now we have a stay-at-home mom next door, so I'll have to be extra careful.


Simple solution, just move 10 miles away and then shop two blocks away. Problem solved.You, girl, are brilliant!!

:)

Kathi

["Mary"]

That's so great Kathi. Seems like she is cool with it all, and that probably feels even better than if it never happened. Good for you.

[PretzelGirl]

I mean, that store was a whole three miles from my front door. That's not too close, is it?

If I couldn't shop within three miles, that would take out Ulta! :eek: Can't have that! It would also take out Target, groceries, Starbucks, Sally's, JC Penney, TJMaxx, Maurice's, Dress Barn, and a number of places to eat. Now that's what I call an inner circle!

So have you seen her since giving in on the bid? A private chat could be interesting or awkward (knowing you, interesting).

[Persephone]

Exactly!! I'm just trying to save the planet. That's all! I'd join Greenpeace, but their uniforms are terribly ugly!

Dagnabit, Kathi! Three miles is too close? Does that kinda leave out my morning run/walk starting from, and returning to, my front door? Darn!

Face it sister, you belong in a dress!

And hey, what's wrong with Green Piece? My favorite t-shirt is one of theirs!

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y53/sandylewiscares/GreenPiece.jpg

Hugs,
Persephone.

[brassieres]

That is my fear, being reconigzed, that is why if I ever go out that I would go where I do not know anyone at all.

[Tina B.]

But if I have to shop at least four miles from home, that means I'll be shopping in the middle of a cow pasture, and the styles out there suck, I thought 3 miles was safe enough.
Tina B.

[Kathi Lake]

So have you seen her since giving in on the bid? A private chat could be interesting or awkward (knowing you, interesting).Not yet, and I have Reserves this weekend, so I won't be in church. Part of me definitely wants to chat with her to see if other ladies in the group know, and part of me doesn't. Sigh.


Face it sister, you belong in a dress!Yeah. Kinda. Getting there, however, isn't as easy as it sounds. :)


. . . that means I'll be shopping in the middle of a cow pasture, and the styles out there suck.Oh, I don't know. Animal print is very 'in' this season. :)

Kathi

[kimdl93]

Would it be out of the question to visit with the lady - maybe over coffee?

[Jennifer in CO]

I have to drive 10 miles just to get to the nearest town...thats outside the radius...right? ;0

Jenn

[Sophie86]

Until recently, we were the only house on our street. Now we have a stay-at-home mom next door, so I'll have to be extra careful.

If she's anything like me, she's probably too busy most days to even poke her head out of the door, much less spy on the neighbors. :)

[Sarasometimes]

My plan is to go far enough away so that if someone thought they jnew me they would quickly realize there would be no reason to see ME there. The unfortunate part is that if we can go that far from our own territory so can others. I think being able to blend is helpful and yes have a plan such as avoiding others eye contact. Glad to here it is still cool.

[Staci G]

I shop right here in town all the time. I used to worry but have come to the conclusion "oh well" I am who I am and I can't change not. You know the whole old dogs new tricks thing.

[Risque_Christine]

Great thread, though I have come to accept I will eventually be outed, just not quite yet. I work from time to time on a small Caribbean Island, where I am well known in drab. It is a pretty conservative place, but darned if they didn't have a drag show. I was not going to be there that week, but at the last minute I got sent down there the day before the show. Most of my girl wardrobe is there, so I though this was the perfect place to show up en femme as surely there would be a dozen or so of us there and Christine would fit right in. Wrong. Only person there en femme. Absolutely nobody noticed until somebody announced "Car XYZ has its lights on" which was my car. I sashayed in my dress and heels past the stage with confidence, but I could hear the murmur in the crowd. I ended up as belle of the ball, with about a dozen people, whom I knew, trying to figure out who Christine actually was. They never did, as she was in good form. At the dead end of the show a woman whom I had met ONCE for about an hour --in drab, of course--came up to me and asked for a photo. She immediately recognized me, and told me that if she saw me again on island, she would place her index finger on my chest and and make a sizzling hot sound. I felt like a million bucks and went home. Unfortunately, have not seen her again. The story actually gets better from there, but I have taken too much space on your thread!
Christine

[Lisa Renee]

I shop mostly with in 2 miles of where I live. And in my shopping I have run into various people that I work with, don't think the recognized me at least so far none of them have treated me any differently at work.

[Wendy_Marie]

And hey, what's wrong with Green Piece? My favorite t-shirt is one of theirs!

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y53/sandylewiscares/GreenPiece.jpg

Hugs,
Persephone.

Love the tee shirt..However, I prefer the basic black (Tupperware variety)

[Kathi Lake]

Would it be out of the question to visit with the lady - maybe over coffee?Out of the question? No. Not really. However, is that a conversation I really want to have? I'm not sure.

Right now, everything is going wonderfully. The ladies in my little group continue to call out to me "Hey, girl!" and include me in their plans and conversations, while treating me with respect. Do I want to jeopardize that with bringing this issue to light? I guess part of me wants to know, and part of me doesn't. The part of me that wants to know wants to know just how far this went. I don't think it went that far, and even wonder if any of my other friends in the group know. I mean, I think I would notice if a bad rumor went around about me. I would think that attitudes may change in my group and in how they treated me if word got around that I was 'one of those.' Also, I have had many meetings with the senior pastor one-on-one, and I think that something like that may have come up. :)

My reputation in the church seems to be that of a happy-go-lucky, kinda goofy, always-willing-to-help person. The senior adults love me. The youth grudgingly tolerate my existence (which, if you know teenagers, is equivalent to ecstatic respect and love), and I keep being asked to help in various capacities - and even leadership roles. That leads me to believe that my secret stopped at Candace. Do I really want to take a chance on dredging the waters and stirring anything up? I'm not sure. I really like things the way they are.

Now if the other ladies in my group start hinting, like asking if they can borrow my lip gloss, or saying things like "So, I've heard you look fantastic in a dress and heels!" then yes, I will definitely do some checking around. Otherwise, I'll continue my ostrich impersonation.


If she's anything like me, she's probably too busy most days to even poke her head out of the door, much less spy on the neighbors. :)She has four little ones under the age of 9 right now (this is Utah, of course), so I'm sure she's pretty busy.

:)

Kathi

[RachelPortugal]

3 miles, 4 miles, 10 miles - whatever the distance you can never be totally safe. I was 2,500 kms from home having a drink in a bar one afternoon with my wife when some business acquaintances from our home town walked in. Just as well they had not stumbled across the previous evening when we were taking a stroll and I was en femme. It's a small world.

[Kathi Lake]

I was 2,500 kms from home having a drink in a bar one afternoon with my wife when some business acquaintances from our home town walked in.Great. Now I'm paranoid that I can't even dress in the same country!

:)

Kathi

[Jamsey]

Yes, I know the Circle, used to be about 50 miles away or so, say, about a couple of months ago. Now, like last weekend, it has shrunk to 4 or 5 miles. Do I want to be outed? Saturday, JC Pennys, 5 miles away, went drab, tried on a few things, purchased a couple tops dirt cheap. DSW, about 6 miles away, purchased a very nice pair of black ankle boots, on sale, 50% off, Dress Barn, about 15 miles away at a big mall, purchased a nice jacket, top, and two pair of jeans, had a 25% off coupon.
I was wearing another pair of boots, about a 2 inch heel, and clip clop, clip clop, hard to not notice. Why do so many women's shoes make so much noise? I was completely underdressed to go to Dress Barn. So to celebrate I went to Club 5, 2nd time I've been there, 1st time alone, I first changed into a pair of the jeans I just purchased, and put on the top and jacket, a beautiful jacket, wig and earrings. Latino night at the Club, lot of latino performers, dressed and dancing a storm. After an hour, switched into a skirt, white lace cami and short sweater. Didn't meet anyone I new, luckily.
I'm shrinking that circle. and maybe really shrinking, since a new Saint Vinnies store just opened a few blocks away. Went in but didn't purchase any fem stuff yet, just checking it out.
omg, lol, just a matter of time now, isn't it?

[jillleanne]

Kathi, for goodness sakes girl, you are staring down the hairline of a lady that already accepts you. Call her up and invite her shopping with you. She could be your next best friend. Tell her it's only fair since you let her win the auction. She's already accepted you for who you are or something would have come of it by now. Get dressed and go girl!

[Sara Jessica]

If I couldn't shop within three miles, that would take out Ulta! :eek: Can't have that! It would also take out Target, groceries, Starbucks, Sally's, JC Penney, TJMaxx, Maurice's, Dress Barn, and a number of places to eat. Now that's what I call an inner circle!

So have you seen her since giving in on the bid? A private chat could be interesting or awkward (knowing you, interesting).

I guess that's the good thing about living in a near-megalopolis such as SoCal. There's all of these places 3 miles away, and then 7, and 12, and so on up to wherever you choose to draw your circle.

So Kathi, I would venture to guess your little group knows everything. Candace told them. I would also guess that they made a conscious decision not to let it leave the group out of respect for you. I think your ostrich strategy is a good one for the time being until if/when the day comes when someone else lets on knowing something they perhaps couldn't know without having been told.

[LeanneHowe]

interesting subject. i was talking with my so just the other day about this. there are at least a few men in this area that i've been told look just like me. i wonder if i was seen enfemme would anyone i know recognize me, or just think i had a striking resemblance to myself. there are a few places and towns locally that are accepting, however i am not comfortable enough to try and pull it off here. we havent had the pleasure of having a girls night out yet, looking forward to going a little farther out and having a blast. the idea of a cd cruise, and getting up and pole or bar dancing at a drag friendly place is very exciting! hope to have some stories to share soon/

[Kathi Lake]

. . . I would venture to guess your little group knows everything. Candace told them. I would also guess that they made a conscious decision not to let it leave the group out of respect for you.That's kinda where I was heading, thought-wise. She is the quietest one of the group, but maybe told a few of the others. My gosh, if I had bumped into Melody at the store, she would have plastered pictures of me all over the church in an attempt to 'help' me not be so secretive. :)

Part of me wonders if maybe their knowing (if they do) helped at all. Gone is the concern of why I'm so feminine. "Oh. He's not one of those, he's one of those!" :)

So, I guess we'll see. I will hopefully see her in church this week, and feel her out to see if she is interested in more of a disclosure. It should be an interesting time of hinting around the subject.

Kathi

[kimdl93]

Kathi, I have a feeling that the "word" may be out, but that the girls in the group may be keeping it to themselves.

I was "outed" by my ex many years ago...to friends, family and co-workers alike. She'd never objected to my CDing during our marriage, but (after some grevious mistakes on my part) during the divorce the issue became a convenient club to beat me with. Oddly enough I can't think of a single estranged relative, a friend lost, nor a business association damaged as a result. Maybe I have unusually tolerant friends, family etc, but actually I think most people have their own "things" and take these sorts of revelations in stride.

[Kittyagain]

Kim and Karhi, gossip has a very short half-life.

Kitty