CD and the bedroom

[bridgetta]

Well,
I imagine this is something that is touched on in most threads.. Seems to be something we all avoid as well...

For me.. Bridget has a sexual identity. That is currently going unexpressed.. I imagine at some point my female identity will become restless.. I am trying to incorporate it into my life with my girlfriend but I am not in a hurry.. I feel that a mutual expression of fantasy is the best way to resolve this.. Since I have let the secret side out I am finding it difficult to put back in.. When my girl didnt know about it I didnt have any need to bring it out.. Now that she knows I cant help but wonder when I will be able to incorporate this side..

It could be interesting to hear others points of view.. It seems the general consensus is to keep it all very seperate.. with a few exceptions..

[sissystephanie]

My late wife and I did occasionally exchange sexual identities in the bedroom. But not often! Although I do crossdress, I am first of all a man. I made sure my dear wiofe always knew that!!

[BRANDYJ]

I've been there done that. Both with my current SO and with past relationships. I enjoy it..can not tlel a lie. BUT I would not push it. If it is something your girl wants, then and only then go for it. In the mean time, it's a great fantasy if you are smart. To push it could ruin the level of acceptance your girl is giving you now. Be patient and just let it happen naturally in due time if it is going to happen. In the mean time, be all the man you can be for her. I never once stopped realizing that my SO and past wives wanted me as a man. I also want to be that for them. Perhaps more so then to fill a sexual fantasy like the one you might be stressing over now. I will also confess, that I want to be her man aqnd as soon as the act was completed, I'd sometimes remove all traces of my fem self thinking she now needs to cuddle with her man and not the part time woman I enjoy being. So don't push this. Let it happen naturally in time as she becomes more comfortable being around you in fem mode. Don't push her away if this is a turnm off to her. It might one day be her idea if you focus more on what pleases her.

[kimdl93]

remember it may be your fantasy or a genuine need on your part...but its not necessarily hers. I strongly advise that you let her take the lead in all such things. However, I must say that its encouraging, given the gravity of some of your recent posts, to see that potentially at least, your relationship is recovered to the point that you can think about intimacy again!

[bridgetta]

oh.yes I know.. . I get it..
I dont have the slightest desire to be dressed around her...I think it would be extremely odd.. and when she is around i find my desire goes away dramatically..

My current stage in this is however is realizing she is aware of it.. so.. in some way it is affecting things.

. Im not really looking for advice on my situation.. I just think its something we all have to go thru at some point. therefor it might make a very topical discussion.

[KellyJameson]

Interesting question. Not sure how to answer without asking a question. How would this emerging sexual identity be expressed with your girlfriend?

[docrobbysherry]

I'm not sure Sherry has a separate "sexual identity". However, if so, she's made it quite clear that she's only interested in ME! Wink wink!

[ashleygurl]

I told my wife about my CDing a little bit less than a year ago, and she was ok with it, but not really interested. Over time I slowly became more comfortable dressing when she was home. As I became more comfortable dressing around her, she became more comfortable as well. We recently began shopping for clothes together. Yay!!!

I also felt a sexual side of me that was going unexpressed, but I was unsure of how to approach it. I would occasionally drop hints in conversation about the things I wanted to try in the bedroom. Finally last weekend I came out and told her everything I wanted to do, and asked her if she would be interested. Great news, she was!!! So we have been experimenting this week with my new sexual desires, and it has been amazing.

With any luck tonight will be a good one.

[Diana Bain]

This is a very fine line to cross...it's one thing to be accepted by your SO...but being intmate with her can raise all sorts of questions...I'm very lucky, we go to bed as women...but ultimately she wants what is inside my panties(never have been tactful)...no problem there. I'm extremely lucky...but this can be a relationship killer!

[Allsteamedup]

I agree with diana.
Only you can judge that fine line. In general women want their man in the bedroom.

There have been some posts on here recently where the cder got his partner involved in his femme side (eg dressed in lingerie or wig and forms, makeup etc), which she thought was a game and then was horrified when she found out how she had been 'used' when he revealed the true extent of his cross-dressing.

The major niggle for most women in an ongoing situation of a partner dressed femme is the lesbian aspect. This will be hard for you to understand. You think you are the same person. What you are asking for she may view differently.

I have been physically hurt during these games. Some items of vintage corsetry do damage as do heeled shoes and jewellery.

Try to work out what your partner will get out of this.

Can you differentiate between your sexual interest as a man and that when you are dressed? (You seem to be suggesting that they are different-just asking)

[SatinSarah]

I do need to be Sarah in the bedroom too. We have worked hard over the last 10 years to get this right. We have negotiated carefully. She offers to let me dress and we often shop together for dresses and underwear. But she doesn't want to see me fully dressed with wig and make up. But almost everything up tot hat point is ik. She knows I experiment with my wig and make up if I get the chance bit doesn't want to see me like that. I hope one day she can but that is why our marriage works. We negotiate our space. She often asks me if I want to slip into my bra and nightie. I think it makes me a more sensitive lover and she seems to agree. It certainly doesn't spoil things between us in the bedroom.

[Tina B.]

Getting it on as Tina was always a fantasy of mine also, but the wife, who as supported me, and accepted me for the last 35 years, just could not get comfortable, making out with a guy dressed as a girl, it just felt uncomfortable for her, so I gave up on that idea, years ago. As long as she accepts me wearing a dress way to often, she hates to ask me to go back to drab, if we need to go out, or anything, but she is not comfortable making love that way. well I'm just more than happy to accept that, that she can accept. I don't mind being the man in the bedroom, as long as I can be the housewife in the kitchen. It may not be as much as I would like to have, but it's way more than a lot of us have, so I can keep it in my girdle.
Tina B.

[Mikka]

As it has only been 9 months since my wife found out and she is still trying to get her arms around this. She is asking more questions from time to time which I think is good. I will never bring Mikka to the bedroom until she asks. As she gains acceptance I just want to be able to dress in baby steps and move forward. I really think my wife would enjoy Mikka's personality because it is different.

[xristy]

I think the important thing being said here is that all relationships are different. In my case, my wife knows that I CD, but she doesn't want to see me that way. However, she has long told me that she would do anything for or to me in the bedroom. So from my experience, I have a wife that will treat me like the woman I need to be treated in the bedroom, just not when dressed.

Something else to point out is that some said thier sexual desires are different when dressed from when not dressed. In my experience, I am pretty much the same person if I'm dressed or not. My desires are the same either way and we have come to our arrangement that works for us. However, as most CDers, I would like for things to be a little more in my favor and be able to dress in front of her, and even get intimate with her while dressed.

It is all about a balance that works for you and your SO. I think it is best said by an old Rolling Stone song:

"No, you can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
And if you try sometime you find
You get what you need"

[susmitha]

for CDs to express their feminine side in the bed room...... wife's permission is necessary. but if she is ready to dress and act as a man..... and pamper you and treat you as the female.... that is best.