Knowing from the start

[Briana90802]

Just wondering if you knew from the first time you tried something on that you were a crossdresser? For example: some gay people know from an early age that they are different and later realize that that difference is there homosexuality manifesting itself. However, some just figure out much later throuh experimentation yada yada yada. When you look back were you hooked immediately and knew you were destine to do it again or did it just marinate for a long long time before the pink fog descended?

[Mikka]

Great question Briana, I knew from day 1 that this is who I am! There was no going back!

[LolaDD]

Briana,

I think you hit the nail ont the head.

Lola

[ArleneRaquel]

I knew from a very eary age, before 10 I guess, that I wanted to live my adult life as a woman.

[Anne2345]

I knew very early on as a child. Of course, at such a young age, I had absolutely no idea or conception of how deeply and profoundly it would impact my life. But I did know, even if there was little else I truly understood about it at the time . . . .

[Toni Citara]

I cannot pinpoint the age, all I know is I was in grade school, 4th or 5th grade, and for whatever reason I found my mom's pantyhose in the laundry and started playing with them, and something in my mind said "try them on" - so off to my bedroom, and WHAM!! I was hooked! Unfortunately my mom caught me in her bra and panties during the summer between 6th and 7th grade. Not sure she ever said anything to my dad. Then my sophmore year my parents decided one weekend to repaint my bedroom, and they found a couple pairs of pantyhose I had hidden. The whole religious conversation ensued... it's a sin, going to hell, yada yada yada.

[Jodi]

Brianna, Bless your heart. One can tell you are young. For those of us that tried on femme clothing for the first time around 1950, we didn't know that there was a label for us. Actually, I don't think the term crossdresser was yet invented. What we thought we were was weird and strange. We just knew we were different and we didn't fit into society's mold.

It's obvious that you have grown up in the internet age. You are lucky to have all this info available to you. Those of us that have been doing this for 60 years were not so fortunate.

Jodi

[Maria 60]

When i was younger every time i finished dressing, it always finished with me saying that i will never do it again. Even when i had a couple of pair of pantyhose in my drawer i always said that tomorrow i was going to throw them out. When i got married i thought i was never going to wear another pair of pantyhose again. The first chance i had i put on her pantyhose and at that point i told her and knew that i was addicted. I guess i always was addicted but never knew it.

[Kathryn Philips]

I know from the age of 4. I have always wanted to dress and look like a woman. Although I have only started dressing in my forties.

[bridgetta]

yes yes. always attracted to shiny colorful fabric and beauty.. once i tried something on i was instantly hooked.

[Cheryl T]

I didn't know that I was a crossdresser, but I certainly knew that I preferred being feminine and loved all the lovely clothes.

[Tess]

When i was younger every time i finished dressing, it always finished with me saying that i will never do it again. Even when i had a couple of pair of pantyhose in my drawer i always said that tomorrow i was going to throw them out. When i got married i thought i was never going to wear another pair of pantyhose again. The first chance i had i put on her pantyhose and at that point i told her and knew that i was addicted. I guess i always was addicted but never knew it.

Maria, you have summed up my experience with your post. It was always never again until the next opportunity came up. I guess I was in denial.

[AnitaH]

I guess in my mid teens I wore my sisters dress for Halloween but I can't say that I started dressing then. Sometime about 18 or 19 something changed in my mind and I started thinking about wearing dresses and such although it was a year or so before I actually did try one on. I have been hooked ever since. Yes I swore never to do it again often. Even went a couple of years but it always came back.

Looking back I can see that I was always more at ease playing with the girls when I was younger. Even played hopscotch, jacks and jump-rope. I didn't enjoy many of the things that most men enjoyed. I now accept that there always was a more feminine part of who I was.

[sissystephanie]

I put on a pair of my sisters panties when I was age 6 and was hooked!! Never have wanted to be a woman, just like to wear their clothes!

[Sheila11]

First time i put on pantyhose i was hooked. About 8 years old. There was no name for it back then. I had no idea what I was doing but have never been able to stop. Now i have no desire to stop.

[LisaKarenAZ]

My earliest memories start around age 9 about knowing I was different. There could have been more at an earlier age, but I don't remember much before age 9.
Anyways, those memories I do recall all surround me praying every night for God to make me a girl. To this day, those feelings have changed very little.

[Traci_Ann CD]

MY femme feelings didn't come out til 2007, it's like they were repressed all those years before...but I actually love feeling feminine and girlie-girl.

[erickka]

I knew really early in life that girly stuff felt a whole lot better than what I was supposed to be wearing!

[drag n fly]

In my early teens, I wore my mothers high heels and stockings...Loved the way my feet looked in them...and the stockings felt so smooth on my legs...All through my life I occasionally dressed, mostly with my wife's stuff...the shoes were always way too small, but I managed to cram my feet in them...wore her panties too...
It's so nice to be out to her, and have my own stuff now...and the shoes...much less painful..hehe smooches Jackie

[LeaP]

...my wife's stuff...the shoes were always way too small, but I managed to cram my feet in them...have my own stuff now...and the shoes...much less painful...

Better for her shoes, too! She was probably wondering why they always seemed to get wider.

Lea

[LeaP]

Just wondering if you knew from the first time you tried something on that you were a crossdresser?

No. My experience mirrors Maria's. Dress, guilt, never again ... then repeat!

Lea

[Karren H]

At the age of 7 I don't think I knew the differences between boys and girls yet let alone what crossdressing was... But I was finding out fast! :)

[Kaitlyn26]

From what I understand I played with barbies and asked for a cabbage patch doll for Christmas as soon as I could talk. I was dressed strictly as a child and didn't really have the time to try anything else. Of the clothes that I was aloud to choose though, I picked out more femme looking boy's clothing. I was often mistaken for a girl.

My Dad left me alone a lot though. I had ample time to experiment when I lived with him for a time. He did not have any woman's clothing that I knew of though. Until one day long after I had lived with him regularly, that I found a random wig in his staircase. It turns out that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. ;) By this time I was already old enough to have gotten my own time alone and "learned myself".

[Marie-Elise]

I remember that from being about 10 years old, I would steal and wear my sister's underwear or raid my mother's closet. Up until I told my wife I liked to wear women's clothes, I never thought of myself as a crossdresser. Even all through my teenage years and later, I just thought it was something I got a sexual thrill out of and it was just my personal kink. I found this site after telling my wife and, with her encouragement to explore this, I now identify myself with the label. However, I still just think of it as a personal thing since my wife has said she doesn't have any interest in getting sexual with me while I am dressed. Then again, I think that might change as she has lately hinted she might be getting interested. We'll see.

Having said that, the "dress, guilt, never again" thing had, until I told my wife, been part of my life for a long time.

[Kaz]

I knew what I was interested in, but I didn't appreciate the term crossdresser until I was well old. The web is a wonderful thing! I spent my life trying to deal with something I thought would go away... I have been a lot more contented in myself since I realised what others go through too. But if I look back... had I known then what I know now... yeah maybe 11, 12ish... I used to like making clothes for action man figures and was fascinated by my mother's top drawer!

[Cynthia Anne]

Truth be known, I knew that I wanted to be a girl since I was four years old! And that's been a few days ago! Hugs!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Some time around 6years old I got started I didn't understand what was going on at the time
but I knew that it was something that I liked to do.
As far as know I never got caught.
At that point I thought that I was the only male that ever had done something like that.

Orchid

[Jordan]

I was very young when I started to crossdress with my moms clothes but never understood why. I never fully relized what i liked until i was in my late 30s and now cant stop doing it snd dont want to stop either

[Carol A]

Jodi, hon you are so correct as back in the early 50 there was a nasty term for us but I will let it go at that. As for me when I was finally caught by my mother I cryed so hard and told her I wanted to be a girl as I am not happy as a boy. Life goes on

[Tina B.]

I first dressed at around 6 years old, I didn't know the first time necessarily, but after a time or two, I knew I was hooked, but to what? I didn't know it was a thing, other than for me, for many more years. First I learned the word Transvestite, and latter picked up on the term Cross dresser, did I know what I was then, no not really, some days I'm still not so sure. Most days I feel like I'm just a cross dresser, but some days I feel like maybe I'm more TS, than I ever wanted to admit to. I would never do SRS, in fact at this point in life, it's to late for me, do to health reasons I couldn't do it, even if I thought I really wanted it. But there are days, I wonder what it would have done for my life, and if I made a mistake not going down that path. But I guess at this point in my life, it's to late to worry about that.
Tina B.

[kimdl93]

Like the majority, I knew I was drawn to feminine things from my earliest moments of awareness. In my case that was aroun4 years of age. Of course, I had no name for it. And from the outset my siblings let me know it was wrong. Years of hiding, denial and self loathing ensued.

[Sophie_C]

I knew I was different as of being 9 or so when people were pointing out the female body language I was giving off. I clearly remember that. Unfortunately I was shamed for doing that, for many, many things as simple as standing and sitting "like a girl." I also was fully aware being tg as of maybe 13? Mind you, that revelation was good, since I stopped feeling something was "wrong" with me as it was that I had something that most people just wouldn't get.

[carhill2mn]

At about age 8 I put on one of my mother's silk blouses. I was hooked! I didn't know at the time that I was a "crossdresser" as that term had not yet been in use. I also did not know that any other male would enjoy wearing women's clothes!

[xristy]

I agree and don't think that when I was young and started CDing that I had any idea what it was. It was something I was ashamed of and hid from everyone. Even as I grew into a young adult, I wasn't really sure if it was just a fettish or some other strange thing going on. I didn't really consider myself a CDer until a few years ago. It wasn't until I accept who I was that I finally understood that I was a CDer.

I think with age comes acceptance, but with the internet, it is much easier to accept ones self since you can see you are not the only one like this.

[Loveday]

Never even had idea at all until I neared 50 years old. Then Boom it hit.

[Krista1985]

For me the realization was a slow process that took hold over the course of several years.

As a child I don't remember having any TG inclinations. I did tell the girls in my pre-school that their dresses were pretty, and as a result I was the mack daddy of my pre-school and kindergarten. I had loads of female friends and play-dates. Then girls became icky for a while and I wanted nothing to do with them at all. Fear of cooties or male conditioning kicking in I suppose.

By the time I was a teenager, I was already well conditioned as to what being a boy/man involved. Being a boy meant rough-housing, climbing trees, scraped knees, fist fights and the emotional range of an Irish Setter. I'm fairly athletic and never had a problem with sports and competition, I played war and loved my toy guns. I was content, and I didn't feel like I was holding anything back/faking it. I liked playing sports and winning, I hated the thought of losing and still do. But when I began to fantasize about girls, it bothered me that I wasn't (just) thinking about what it would be like to be 'with' one, but also what it would feel like to BE A GIRL myself. Try as I did, nothing could take away from the excitement of those thoughts. So the first time I was alone in the presence of feminine clothes, I couldn't help trying on/stuffing my cousin's bra. I was about 14 at the time, and it was a major turn-on, but the shame I felt afterwards led me to avoid doing that again for almost a decade.

The fantasies continued, but it was imagination only. I secretly viewed women with one part lust, one part envy during that time. I saw the outline of my female classmates bra's under their shirts, and remembered fondly how it felt to wear one. In hindsight, it made me feel slightly jealous that the girls I knew could wear a bra without getting a load of crap for it, but I couldn't. And smart though I believe myself to be, I never put two and two together.

I blame daytime talk-shows.

You know the ones. Jerry Springer, Richard Bey, the trash TV hosts in syndication on daytime TV tarnished my opinion of men who enjoyed wearing women's clothing. With that as my only real source of information about TG matters, I assumed that it was not for me. I didn't identify with the people on those train-wreck programs like, "Your wife of X years is actually a crossdressing male." I was horrified to share an attraction to female finery with these 'weirdo's.' So I stifled it through high-school and college, all the way up to grad school. That's when I realized the fantasies weren't going away, they were becoming more vivid and frequent. So I decided to explore what it could mean and it led me to this forum.

So I guess it took me nearly a decade from, 'First exposure' to that, 'Holy cow, I'm a crossdresser!' moment. After realizing that, I quickly felt the need to own some feminine things so I could 'test' my hypothesis. Repeated testing has since confirmed that yes, I am a crossdresser. I enjoy wearing the clothes too much to deny it.

So maybe I'm an odd duck, but I credit lurking here for several weeks and reading posts as my turning point.

[Toni Citara]

Exactly how I feel!!!!!


...Never have wanted to be a woman, just like to wear their clothes!

[paulaloha]

Very very rarely I will get to thinking and wish I were a woman, but I am truly happy about being a man and wouldn't trade it!

But as for crossdressing, I've known since I was 4-5 that I love wearing womens clothes!

[suzanne]

I sure didn't know, and for most of my younger years, I was fearful of what was happening to me. In the time and place I grew up, there was only the single one-size-fits-all three letter word to describe any boy exhibiting non-standard gender behavior, and I felt I could have been killed if anyone found out I was one of THOSE. So when I first discovered I had an fascination for my mom's clothes, I struggled hard against it. I suppressed my urge to CD until I had been married at least ten years, when it just insisted on coming back to stay. And so, I had to find a way to tell my SO at an unacceptably late stage in our relationship. Thanks to all of you in this website, I slowly found my place in the gender world as well as the courage to express my femininity in a way that works for me.

[suzy1]

What’s so heart-warming about the replies here is how similar most of them are.
Just like you others I also started very young. And I could not understand it. I just new I loved to dress like a girl.
How would we be coping today without the internet and this forum I wonder?


SUZY

[Jenniferpl]

From an early age I wanted to be woman. The first time wearing a bra, it just felt right. It took a while to understand it and living with that is the challenge. Once I accepted it, I have been at peace with myself.

[Midnight Skye]

I knew something was different about me. But I sure didn't know what. Honestly ... the first cross-dressing I remember was at 10. But I knew being a little boy didn't feel right even younger... around 6-7. I never thought of myself as oh... I'm a crossdresser. I tried my hardest to deny it... for fear of not being a crossdresser but of being something more. By the time I turned 24 I finally embraced it all... I'm still trying to figure out how to function though ;-)

[suchacutie]

No...but my wife sure did!!! :)

tina

[Ann Thomas]

I had no idea what I was experiencing as I went through my early years. Being raised in a very strict, conservative, religious household, I thought something either was wrong with me, or I 'had demons' or something like that. It wasn't until after I had divorced in my 30's that I realized it could be something normal for me and that others were like me. I really wish I had spent more time with my father, and listened to him. I found out he was a crossdresser when he was on his deathbed. I all I had time to learn from him is that his experience with it was much like mine - developed gradually over time.

Ann