How to introduce your partner to the forum?

[Tamara Croft]

Ok, so I'm chatting on yahoo with a member of the forum and she's telling me that her wife is an unaccepting wife of her crossdressing, but would like some advice on maybe introducing her to join cd.com. So my lovely girls, what advice would you give to a member that has told her wife she is a CD, but the wife isn't accepting and flips out when the subject is brought up? What would you say to the wife to try and get her involved in cd.com?

[AngGG]

One of the things that I love about the gg forum is feeling of camaraderie. No matter what level of acceptance you are in one of these fine ladies have been at that same place and can give advice that comes from the heart. You can be very accepting but maybe just having a hard time and need a shoulder and they are there. You can be really struggling to make it from day to day, need to vent or ask questions and they are there. They are my cheerleaders, councilors, comic relief, and advisors. It is very hard when you feel that you have been brought into a closet and have no one to talk to. In this place I feel that the closet door has been opened and I can freely voice my questions, concerns and triumphs without fear or harsh criticisms or judgement.

It is very hard though to get someone who does not want to hear or understand this lifestyle to join a forum dedicated to (imho) understanding. They would be more than welcome though. Just as cds see their friends struggle and want to be there and help...I feel the same way about the GGs.

My advice would be to maybe print out the GG responses to this thread and let her read them for herself and decide if this is a place where she would feel comfortable and welcome.

[Tamara Croft]

When Tammy joined cd.com last year, she was in her little element. It was like she had found something that she could finally fit into without fear of rejection. I'm not sure how long she was a member before she finally introduced me to it. Before I actually became a member of cd.com, I really couldn't get my head around why Tam was a CD. I didn't like discussing it, I didn't really like it that much, but I love Tam with all my heart and I'm sure there is probably something about me she doesn't like much, but puts up with it because she loves me.

I can remember the day I joined here like it was yesterday. I remember Tam being all excited and was hoping I'd jump right into it. To be honest, I didn't like the idea of joining a place where there were even more people like her that I couldn't possibly understand. But, after a while, I gave in and said I'd join. I remember posting my first thread to say who I was etc and I hated it, I felt like I was being forced into something I didn't understand. I was active for a little while and started reading some of the threads here.

I sat there bewildered by it all, it was like a whole new world had opened up and I started to realise that this CD'ing thing was not something as weird as I had first thought. But things happened and I stopped posting. It wasn't until about October last year, I started reading the threads again, but I was reading them as a guest (didn't know what my login was) and things started to make sense. The more I read, the more I started to understand what being a CD meant. How I wish something like this had been around 6 years ago :(

In a nutshell, to all the members here who have partners that know you are a CD, but don't accept it, have you ever asked yourself 'why'? I know getting your partner to join here would be hard, it was for me. But a year on, I'm more understanding, accepting, enjoying, loving Tam (impossible ;) ) than I ever thought possible. And it is all down to this forum, to being introduced last year by my partner. As much as I hated the idea, frowned about it, it was the best thing Tam could have ever done. I hope that one day, you might introduce your partner to this forum to and hey.... we have a special place for GG's now too :D

[Cheery GG]

hellooooo im here......

i found this site through a search engine one day when browsing the net for info on cd's.

I read the posts for about a week, and i was absolutely over the moon that i had found a community that knew where i was coming from. At this point i was confused and needed guidance, so i joined. I was terrified, wondered what the hell i was doing but even so i took a deep breathe....

I was a member for about a week, and i knew i had to tell Lisa, wasnt sure how to bring the subject up, didnt want her to think i had kept anything from her, but i think she was aware of my change in attitude towards Lisa.

When i told Lisa about this site, i was a little....how to say....urm, concerned that my new found support group would also be hers. She showed interest and i showed her the site, A few days later she joined herself, and although she doesnt log on as much as me, she is over the moon that i found the much needed support for myself.

She knows i am logged on here pretty much daily, and shes fine. If ever i have thoughts or questions we talk about things, and sometimes these are points that have sprung to mind from reading posts. It is a conversation starter. A way of learning and sharing info and thoughts and feelings.


Without this site, we might not be together. The support has been a must for me, so for anyone who is thinking about telling theyre So about this site i would say do it now rather than later.....

cheery
xx

[Lulie GG]

I'm not the most accepting SO, but I am trying, I yo-yo but I find this site reassuring, it shows me that there are other SOs out there, I have been made to feel welcome even as I say I am not comfortable with cding. No-one has knocked me for feeling uneasy. They all want to help each other.

I am hoping with reading what others feel and accept it will make me more comfortable also reading the main forum gives you an insight into other cders lives, suddenly I am not alone like I was 20 years ago with no information available easily.

I found this site myself when surfing the net for information.

[kellypm]

Hi Tamara

James introduced me to this site he had been using it for about a week sussing it out and seeing what type of help we could both get from here i am more accepting now then i ever have been but still when something new is suggested i normally take an instant dislike to it becasue i feel like james is pushing me.

he told me about this site one lunchtime when i was home from work he basically said to me you know how you feel like you never have anyone to talk too about julia and that people you have trusted and told have let you down? well i have found a forum with loads of people like me with SO like you, there are lots of places you can read and post but there is a special place that only gg girls can post and read , as soon as he said that i was interested, i had spent so much time thinking that i was the only person out there and not having anyone to talk to what made it even better was the fact there their was this gg side and that James would never be allowed to see in there so i could say what i wanted without upsetting him.

i had a quick look that lunchtime and liked what i saw later that evening i joined and have never looked back james reckons that this has made me a diferent women i will try new things to do with julia i don't ever cry about it anymore and he thinks that because i have you fantastic ladies to share stuff with

i would say to anyone wanting to tell their SO about it to tell her its their if she is interested tell her that they won't force her to use it and if she out right says no to begin with its probably because she could not find it herself , just let her know that if she changed her mind thats ok or just tell her the address so she can find it on her own.


Hope thats helps

Kelly

[Tamara Croft]

I started this in the GG forum.... but it's a little quiet in there lately, but to those that have GG partners here, how did you introduce them to cd.com?

[Marla GG]

I think it's great that you want your wife to join this forum. I agree that this community has much to offer and can be so very helpful to SOs who are looking for information and reassurance.

But at the risk of being a wet blanket, I would like to point out that a lot of SOs are not ready to come to a mixed forum like this one. I have met many such women over the years and I understand where they are coming from. They cannot cope with seeing pictures of men dressed as women. They cannot read enthusiastic discussions about males wearing wigs, makeup and breastforms without feeling sick. They are terrified by the idea of en femme outings like the ones described here every day. And that is just the MtF forum.....never mind the kinds of things discussed in the adult section or the personals. For an SO who "flips out when the subject is brought up," this forum wouldn't be my first choice as a non-threatening introduction to crossdressing. Honestly, I would recommend printing out a few informative articles about CDing (without pictures!) and seeing if she would be willing to read those first. I would also recommend giving her a book like Peggy Rudd's My Husband Wears My Clothes, which presents crossdressing in a positive light. There are also some excellent online CDSO groups for women only, which provide peer support without the potentially disturbing content of this forum. If you PM me I will be happy to give you a referral.

Now if your partner is somewhat accepting and able to talk openly about the subject, but perhaps needs some more support and some other women to talk to, this forum is a great resource. How to get her to join? Well, you can inform her that there is an online community where both crossdressers and their SOs can come for help with personal and relationship issues. You can print out some good posts to show her, and ask if she is interested in reading more. But there is no way I know of to get her to participate if she doesn't want to. All you can really do is let her know that we're here for her if she wants to join us. The rest is up to her.

[mhairi]

I agree with Marla.

Reading some of the sections here could make an SO very uneasy to say the least. For someone who is already accepting and trusting of their partner, it's a great forum and so very down to earth (I'm certainly glad I found it) but for someone who is just starting out and not very accepting, I think it could scare them a bit. :eek:

[Sharon]

I agree with Marla.

Reading some of the sections here could make an SO very uneasy to say the least. For someone who is already accepting and trusting of their partner, it's a great forum and so very down to earth (I'm certainly glad I found it) but for someone who is just starting out and not very accepting, I think it could scare them a bit. :eek:

I think it's adviseable to be with your SO on her initial visit to the forums, to act as a guide. It is also possible to close off sections of the forum -- i.e. the Adult Forum -- by clicking on the arrow at the right hand side of that forum. The heading on the forum will still be there, but it is much less noticeable.

All I know is that I wish this forum, or any forum at all for that matter, was in existence when I first told my wife (then girlfriend) about myself. It would have made things so much easier since adequate words are sometimes difficult to come by. At present, both my youngest daughter and a close GG friend of mine have perused the forum and it has helped me, and them, tremendously.

[robinLynn]

i havent got that far with my other yeat. im still getting used to being open with her about it

[Rachael Warren]

Just popping in, this thread is excellent.

The story's being told here match Freya and myself closely.

Good luck to all on this difficult journey.

Rachael.

[Deborah]

:wave: Rachael

[Jenny Beth]

My wife isn't interested in the computer, it's just not her thing. However whenever there is a really good topic, especially from a GG I always get her to sit with me to read through it. I am hoping someday she will join and be part of all this but for now I have to say she is just happy to read what the GG's have to say.