Well, it was bound to happen sometime. Can't please everyone, I suppose.

[Loretta]

After telling my best friend about my CD'ing by popping out of the closet in the sequined dress and pumps my aunt just gave me, he was accepting.
I figured I was on a roll, as I had already told 15+ people, and they were all accepting. The girlfriends I told were even helpful (especially my aunt. I do love her so).
My cousin came over today, and decided she was going to look for something that she may have left behind when she moved out. Unfortunately, my room is her old room.
I followed her into the room. She took one look in my closet, and I heard a "What the..." before she emerged holding the 4 inch pumps that my aunt gave me, along with the sequined dress and jacket.
She turned right around with the items in hand, and screamed at me, saying "WHAT THE **** ARE MY PUMPS AND MY MOM'S DRESS DOING IN YOUR CLOSET!"
I was silent for a few seconds, and meekly replied "They're mine. I'm a crossdresser."
She looked at me in disgust, and said in anger, "Well, I always did figure you were a faggot. When's the last time you sucked ****?"
Tears welled up in my eyes, and I ran out of the room crying.
She screamed at me until my aunt got home, and when my aunt couldn't calm her down, she kicked my cousin out of the house.
My aunt gave me back the shoes and dress, and kept saying "I'm so sorry."
It's weird. It's also heartbreaking, since we were close as kids, and I always figured her to be the accepting type.
It hurts. What should I do?

[PaulaAnn]

hi; Sorry to hear that;you must be devestated .Well you handled it in a proper manner I think.what else could you do ? I guess you can wait until your cousin calms down and perhaps you two can talk it out .If not ,it's her loss ...you move forward with your life. Very sad to see so much hate in a person;she must be very unhappy.
Hugs dear and hang in there,Paula.

[Kate T]

It is certainly unfortunate that she reacted the way she did.

However have a little look at it from her POV:
1. You have moved into what she will still regard as "her" house, and are receiving affection from "her" mum.
2. The first time someone finds out it is ALWAYS a shock, no matter how well they take it.
3. Depending on her age (I'm guessing late teens to early twenties if she has moved out of home) she is still at an age where sex / sexuality and gender are all a bit of a big scary roller coaster ride.

What should you do. Leave it. Once she settles down, if she wants to approach you again about it then she will. In the meantime don't treat her any different necessarily, show her that you are still you.

[prettytoes]

Sounds like she is someone that you really don't need in your life. If she truely cared about you, she would not have said those things. Seems like her mouth moves a little faster than her brain does. Lots of anger in her, unfortunately it got let loose on you. I would move on and forget about it. Dwelling on it will only make you miserable. Think of all the supportive people you have in your life and forget about that one bad apple.

[Amanda22]

Your cousin made herself look like an intolerant fool. I knew it hurt you terribly, but the truth is she was way out of line and displayed her ignorance for everyone to see. She definitely needs to make the first move. You don't need this abuse.

[docrobbysherry]

Loretta, I'm so sorry! But, u don't need to do anything! Because you've done NOTHING WRONG!

It is your cousin who needs to appologise first. THEN, u decide if u can forgive her and wish to have a sit down chat with her. Do NOT try to contact her or explain anything until she appologises! Your aunt can and will do that.
Remember, you've done NOTHING WRONG!

[marlaNYC]

i'm sorry to hear of such an uncomfortable moment, especially with you being on a roll. it's sometimes good to have that pride we humans carry, knocked a little. sometimes we're needful of a humbling moment. something tells me your aunt will handle this and it will either be resolved, with apologies along the lines of "i was just so shocked", or it won't and you'll, sadly, have a familial enemy. just remember where the hearts that support you lie :)

[sara.s]

if it is any consolation, she might be more angry about HER things being taken rather about YOU being a cd

[Cynthia Anne]

Loretta! When you changed your name, I thought how beautiful and fitting for such a speacial lady! Please don't let this sad situation take away any of that beauty! All my money is on your loving aunt 'fixing' the problem! Give it some time and keep smileing! For it sure looks good on you! Hugs!:hugs::love:

[giuseppina]

... It hurts. What should I do?

Nothing. Your cousin is clearly in the wrong.

I would like to think someone will read the riot act to her. That's no way to treat family (or anyone else for that matter). :Angry3:

It's up to her to give you an abject apology. I wouldn't initiate contact unless and until this happens. I would be inclined to give her the liquid nitrogen shoulder for a while.

She needs some gender diversity training.

I'm always saddened to hear of these events regardless of who is involved.

[DebbieL]

Loretta,
There is a good chance that many of those people you told already had their suspicions. Your cousin has known you, and possibly liked you, for years. In fact, because you were so close as kids, she may feel more betrayed. It will take time for her to calm down. You need to let her know how afraid you were to tell anybody, and that your aunt figured it out on her own. You can also let her know that you value her as a friend, and as a cousin. You might also let her know that just because you wear a dress doesn't mean you don't like girls or that you like boys.

Your aunt knows she's upset too. So she may be able to talk to your cousin a bit too. Feel free to talk to your aunt, let her know that you are upset that your cousin is upset.

By the way, one thing to remember from woman's world - women value loyalty above everything, much the way men value respect. The worst thing a woman can do to another woman is betray her. Not letting her in on a secret is a form of betrayal. It shows lack of trust. With no context, the assumptions are almost entirely wrong.

Letting her know how hard it was to tell ANYBODY and that she is among the first to know - will give her great joy.

[Aprilrain]

well at least your aunt is cool!

[xristy]

You can't make everyone happy. So just try to make yourself happy...

[suchacutie]

In my opinion, you need to continue to be you! You need to stand up tall in your heels and remind this relative that you are a human being and deserving of respect, not derision, and how dare she make a value judgement on your life! She also needs to watch her language and to be civil!

How's that for starters? :)

tina

[cassandra54]

don't feel bad about it, you're more of a lady than she is and you give the rest of us something to strive for. maybe she was such a b**** because she thought you might look better in that dress and heels than she did

[Intertwined]

"WHAT THE **** ARE MY PUMPS AND MY MOM'S DRESS DOING IN YOUR CLOSET!"
I was silent for a few seconds, and meekly replied "They're mine. I'm a crossdresser."
She looked at me in disgust, and said in anger, "Well, I always did figure you were a faggot. When's the last time you sucked ****?"

1st, you've done NOTHING wrong, nothing for you to be sorry for, or appologize for.

2nd, "ARE MY PUMPS", If those were her shoes at one time, she may have thought you stole them, this started the avalanche, unfortunatley you were in its path.

3rd, There are some people, that are uncomfortable with a Man being feminine, she sounds like one that not only is, but, may always be so.

4th, As far as her Verbal attack, she wanted to HURT you! and figured this was the easiest way, if you had been a bible thumper, she would have attacked your religion, if you were african american, it would have been a racial slur.

I wish I could tell you how I do it, but I don't even know. This type of thing I soak up like a sponge, turn it around, and spit it back in there face (i had to learn this technic or probably would have killed myself as a child).

NOT saying that would have been the right thing in this scenerio, that was family, and you have to cut them a little slack.

I am very sorry to hear this happening to anyone, if it helps, It sounds like your Aunt loves you, and you know what, she probably loves your cousin also, so the same type of acceptance your aunt is showing you, she will probably do the same with your cousin, so its not the end of the world for anyone.

[Tina B.]

Come on girl, one out of fifteen, not to bad an average, if you ask me. Sorry it had to come from some one you care so much about, Your aunt, sure is cool about it though, she stood by you against her own daughter, unfortunately, that won't help your cousin get over it.
Tina B.

[VioletJourney]

Wow what a b!tch. She sounds really insecure.

[christina s]

There was no reason for her to react like but looking at it from her perspective , finding out someone you know is a crossdresser can be a huge discovery and she probably reacted out of pure fear and ignorance . If you have a chance sit down and talk to her . I personally would tell her to stop being such a Cu@@ and mind her own business but you might need to be a little more diplomatic .

[eluuzion]

hiya L,

I guess it is safe to assume that your cousin is not in a sales or human resources field, lol
Just for fun, let me try and guess your cousin's name...Bobbie BuzzKill?:)

It sounds like she would be great at sucking all of the oxygen out any party room.

What to do?

Well, changing all of the locks seems like a good place to start. :heehee:

I am sure you have heard these before...

"You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control how you react to it".

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent".
-Eleanor Roosevelt

I did not read any part of your post that suggested to me that there is anything "wrong" with you or your lifestyle. You were just the innocent witness to an emotional outburst by an immature person with some obvious self-esteem issues and limited social interaction abilities.

I would guess that this is not the first time you have seen this manipulative, attention seeking strategy. If you think back to a few memories of being around her as a child, that display might look pretty familiar. If not, stop by any daycare center and observe the kids for a couple minutes.

I don't see anything here that requires any action on your part. Other than giving her the opportunity to be around you when she is willing to be respectful, and refusing to tolerate abusive behavior just as you would with every other person.

:hugs:

:love:

[Nicole Erin]

Do not show any shame or guilt. People like her feed off that. You need to show that you will not put up with it.

Some women are really insecure in their woman-ness and don't react well. It is rare. That is the reason some women (who are not a wife) act this way.

[donnalee]

A lot has been said about cutting off your ties to her. I believe your hurt is increased because at one time you were very close, but I also believe people often make mistakes and deserve a little forgiveness and forbearance unless it puts you in physical or psychological danger.
I have a hard time believing that somebody raised by someone like your aunt could feel that unaccepting; I suspect that there is something going on in her life and you were the recipient of a lot of pent-up rage; her reaction sounds way over the top.
Let your aunt talk to her - don't go to her yourself; your aunt may be able to negotiate a truce.

[Kate Simmons]

Not much Loretta. You are who you are, she is who she is. Her loss in my opinion. "Keep 'em flying.":)

[erickka]

I would jst leave sleeping dogs lie for the time being. I'm sure she will probably speak to your aunt about it some time in the near future. Luckily she is 100% on your side, so she may be able to calm the waters as far as her view of you. You did the right thing, and only time will tell what the final judgement will be. Keep your head held high, and continue to be proud, after all you are who you are, and LOTS of people love and accept you.

[kimdl93]

You're right - you never know how people may react. I would give it some time...however. it was acertainly an unexpected occurrence and maybe, as others have suggested, she read something into the circumstances...jealousy, the loss of her space, who knows. Over time, she may calm down and reflect on her own behavior.

[Sara Jessica]

While nothing excuses your cousin's behavior, I am curious about some other things.


After telling my best friend about my CD'ing by popping out of the closet in the sequined dress and pumps my aunt just gave me...

Is this the best way to tell anyone? Seems kind of reckless to me.

I understand that your cousin might have put you into a situation where you had no choice but to disclose but still, you say that 15 people have been told. One could surmise that telling her was inevitable given your previous record for disclosure.

But I'm really curious, what is the endgame to all of this?

[Jennifer in CO]

Loretta it just happens - back when I transitioned the few I expected to leave my life forever became closer and the few that I thought would stick by thick and thin disappeared. You just don't know some people and their reactions

Jenn

[Wendy_Marie]

Loretta,
while I understand how hurtful your cousins actions were here on this particular day and time...I think you should give her a bit of time for it to all sink in and hope that since your Aunt is so understanding that "The Apple doesn't Fall too far from the Tree...."
Maybe she reacted so negatively from the shock of the situation and felt she was protecting her Mother and immediate Family.....I'm not trying to hold up for her at all....But lets face it..as Transgender/Crossdressers we all kinda expect to be exposed to some negative reactions from time to time...your own title to this thread bears this fact out....... My own bad family reaction came from of all people one of my older Sisters...havent spoken to her now in almost 6-months.

Give her a while to think about it...then try at least once more to talk to her and explain/educate her to your predictiment...you may turn her opinions around....I tried this with my sister and admittedly it didn't work for me...but then again she is a Baptist Minister and told me I was going to Hell when I was working in a Rock Band.