Shouldn't it Get Easier?

[Aeron]

So, went out dressed for the first time about a week ago. It went pretty well, I think. No real negatives that I could perceive other than the inevitable teenage girl encounter ("That's a man!") that I managed to ignore.

But, for some reason, I cannot bring myself to go out again. I do not understand why. Figured the first time was the big hurdle, and after that it'd be massively easier to go for it a second time.

[*Vanessa*]

Hi Aeron
Great that you got out for sure. Can you talk more about not being able to go out again. Is it because you don't want to or no longer have a yearning to go out? Maybe it isn't the 'going out' that is the hurdle?

[abigailf]

It does get easier, but it takes time and multiple outings. In know it is scary, but just push through it, bite the bullet and go out again. If you need, go out with another TG friend or someone that knows and is willing to go out with you. Eventually, you won't even think twice about it.

[Aeron]

Hi Aeron
Great that you got out for sure. Can you talk more about not being able to go out again. Is it because you don't want to or no longer have a yearning to go out? Maybe it isn't the 'going out' that is the hurdle?

Still have the yearning, yes, but you might be right that it is something else that is bothering me. Guess I need to think on this for a bit and get ti figured out.

@abigailf: thanks for the encouraging words. I expect you are correct, just need to get there, I guess.

[Amanda22]

Aeron, it does get easier. My experience is that it takes a long time. I started going out regularly at the start of this year, literally on New Years Day. Just very recently, going out dressed has become "no big deal." That took 9+ months for me. I'm sure everyone is different. I wonder if you're re-living the scariness of your initial outing when you think about going out a second time. My recommendation is to make your second outing something really safe, like visiting a park and having a stroll. Do that as many times as it takes you to feel you want more exposure around strangers. Please let us know how you get on. Good luck, you can definitely do it!

[Sally24]

It took me over a year to relax about going out. Even after 6 years there are days I stress out and end up staying home. But, it does get much easier over time!

[xristy]

Aeron,

I have only been out dressed once a few weeks back. I had a great time and I would like to do it again, but as you are, I am a bit concerned about doing it again. The only thing I can say is that 1 time is only 1 time. You can not get use to going out just 1 time. I hope that I will get the courage up to go out dressed again and hope the same for you...

Xristy

[Debra Russell]

The first time is always scary but it will happen again and maybe be just as scary or more -- but it's too late now -- try to figure it out, it won't go away, even with self doubt and all - the need is still there and it's true, self acceptance is a big part of the answer.............Debra

[kimdl93]

Another echo. Its only been 2 months since my first public excursion, and I can assure you that it gets easier with each experience.

[Wendy_Marie]

So, went out dressed for the first time about a week ago. It went pretty well, I think. No real negatives that I could perceive other than the inevitable teenage girl encounter ("That's a man!") that I managed to ignore.

But, for some reason, I cannot bring myself to go out again. I do not understand why. Figured the first time was the big hurdle, and after that it'd be massively easier to go for it a second time.

While I haven't went Skydiving yet..it is in my Bucketlist of things I want to do before I die...what has this got to do with your question?

Every person I know who has jumped from a perfectly good airplane has told me the same thing....The second time is tougher than the first....! Then it gets easier.....

With the first time you run on pure adrenelin and so your fight or flight response takes control over the body...the second time you may be experiencing this with a whole different outlook and far less adrenelin and so the experience feels different to you.

Don't feel that you are in any manner pressured or obligated to go out again unless and until you feel ready...then when you are...you will go and with any trepidation.

[Inna]

I have ventured out the first time while still in the closet, although I suppose venturing out makes it out side the closet technically.
I had a tremendous time until 3 girls looked at me and pointed to each other "this is a man" , my blood rushed out of my head, feeling of betrayal, wrongness, shame and puzzlement took over. I never went out again.............that is until I became entirely enveloped with transition, then I had become more grounded in self identity as a woman and could take strides just being my self.

I believe you have experienced a similar abrupt awakening during your wonderful dream while out. It almost is inevitable that from time to time you will be looked upon as controversial but you can definitely help the situation. Dress down to begin with, small steps towards full on fem, get to know few Crossdressing friends in the area, believe me, it gets better in the numbers, go out to the transgender friendly clubs, slowly confidence and presentation will get better and shortly you will stroll down the boulevard in latest chic couture and turn heads not because you are a CDer but because you are a beautiful women they can't take their eyes off of.

[Lynn Marie]

I've been out for a couple of years now and I've made hundreds of parachute jumps. They are both scary even after years of practise. You just go over your emergency procedures, avoid making stupid mistakes, and get going. Once out the door in both endeavors, the fear kind of melts away and the task at hand becomes paramount.

Pick your venues and avoid places where you will be outed by idiots. LGBT clubs for the most part are very accepting of us and most everyone else. They understand rejection. Find a friend to go out with, it helps a ton.

[susangirl]

I have just made leap out the door into some very public places. I know for fact that an up scale department store will treat you very nicely. Go in the morning when they just open when not many shoppers are out yet. The sale staffs have seen cross dressers before. You have as much right to shop as natural born women. I had the same hang ups about public. It all in the mind but the mind is very powerful. Good luck.

[Wendy_Marie]

I've been out for a couple of years now and I've made hundreds of parachute jumps. They are both scary even after years of practise. You just go over your emergency procedures, avoid making stupid mistakes, and get going. Once out the door in both endeavors, the fear kind of melts away and the task at hand becomes paramount.

Pick your venues and avoid places where you will be outed by idiots. LGBT clubs for the most part are very accepting of us and most everyone else. They understand rejection. Find a friend to go out with, it helps a ton.

Then your the person I want standing in the door with me Lynn...I never needed a push to do anything...but it is always nice to be around someone who exudes confidence and knows proper safety sequences.

[RADER]

Aeron;
At least you got out. Be glad, I can only wish I could get out.
1, My wife asked me not to try, and 2, I would look like a lumber jack in a skirt.
I am just not petite enough to pull it off. Big hands, arms, shoulders, big everything.
I say good for you, and try gong out after dusk, maybe that will build your confidence some.
But please do not give up.
Rader

[Kittyagain]

I've been out for a couple of years now and I've made hundreds of parachute jumps. They are both scary even after years of practise. You just go over your emergency procedures, avoid making stupid mistakes, and get going. Once out the door in both endeavors, the fear kind of melts away and the task at hand becomes paramount.

Pick your venues and avoid places where you will be outed by idiots. LGBT clubs for the most part are very accepting of us and most everyone else. They understand rejection. Find a friend to go out with, it helps a ton.


Okay Lynn, we have to know. Have you jumped out of a plane dressed? :)

Kitty

[Aeron]

Thanks to all for the positive words and encouragement. My intent is to make another attempt on the summit this weekend. :) I'll let you all know how it goes.

[sissystephanie]

As others have said, experience is the best teacher!! When my late wife was still alive she always did my makeup and fixed my wig before I went out. She was very good at doing both things and made me very passable. I am very bad at both makeup and fixing the wig so just never did it. When my wife died, I had to decide what to do so I could go out as Stephanie. I finally decided to just dress enfemme and go out looking like a man!! It was hard for the first couple of times, but I have now been doing it for 6 years and it doesn't bother me at all!! After all, I dress to please myself, not the rest of the world!!

[AllieSF]

Congratulations on taking that first big step. The next time do not put a lot of expectation in it. Just go out and try to enjoy your moment in the sun and go with the adrenaline, or lack thereof, flow. Every time out can bring new experiences, some good and some not so good. Just like anything else worth doing it may take some extra effort to make it all work for you. Good luck.

[Risque_Christine]

1. Dress to be you. You cannot be somebody else, just because others might disapprove.
2. Have confidence and be proud of who you are.
3. Trust me, most CDs take more care about how they look than GGs do. Look around the next time you are in a mall or on a subway. Bet you were better dressed than the teens were!
Christine

[lauraabdl]

My new avatar is from my latest trip to Augusta GA, had a blast with a friend, and yes it gets easier and you get more comfortable. My friend says that I do my makeup, nails and dress better than her so keep up what I'm doing.:heehee:

[Kate Simmons]

Depends on how much of a fuss budget we are Hon. No matter what we do we're never going to look perfect, so if you want to go out, go for it.:)

[jillleanne]

Another echo. Its only been 2 months since my first public excursion, and I can assure you that it gets easier with each experience.

It most certainly does. And with each outing comes confidence. In my case, unintentional and unexpectedly, I now find I dress down when out for the most part, at least when shopping, etc. I can remember early on in my outings, I would dress like I was going to a wedding or church if you will, to the nines. Now, years later, I often wear leggings with a long top and either nice flat sandals or 3" heels, not the 4-5 inchers I would wear at first. (I recall how it was the young girls that could read me much more easily than older women probably because they take a greater interest in what other women wear.) Shall we say I fit in with the others women out there on a daily basis? Not to mention it's alot easier to just be me without worrying about something happening, like catching a stelletto heel on something. I even wear stretch jeans with 3" heels which look very nice with a belt to match the shoes. I suppose being out full time for the most part also eases the fears I once had before. It's all about attitude, self acceptance, and confidence.

[Karren H]

Sounds like the first time I jumped out of an airplane... The first and only time! Check that off my list! Except crossdressing in public isn't something you can just check off... It opens up so many other things you want to do enfemme... And bigger and perttier list!

[Lynn Marie]

Okay Lynn, we have to know. Have you jumped out of a plane dressed? :)

Kitty

Hi Kitty,

Those days were long ago and far away, and I wasn't crossdressing then. I still have an ankle that hurts when the weather changes from those days, but only with flat shoes. No pain in heels!

[Tasha McIntyre]

Hi Aeron, I found that although my first time out and about was the hardest, it was somewhat masked by the sense of occasion. You know, crossing it off the bucket list type of thing.

My first time was just wandering around the mall, with no interaction with anyone. I survived that and knew that I just had to do it again, but although the next few times were easier, thay were not significantly easier. Each time out I made a promise to myself to push a little further, e.g. ordering a coffee, or chatting to a sales assistant and trying a dress on in store. I have met other members whilst out and about.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?140944-Meeting-for-coffee&highlight=

I think it took maybe a dozen times out until I felt relaxed about the whole deal. I must say though, that I have never had anything bad happen. Had plenty of stares from the tuff tradie type apes, and the teenage girls (heck, I ain't fooling anyone who looks at me). I have, however, had plenty of great positive experiences.

Conquer your fears Aeron. Good luck to you, and stay safe.

Tash :)