Good-bye to Tiffany .... for now

[Tiffany8]

This is my first real message about myself and my history.

I have always "dabbled" in womans clothing ever since I was a young boy. When I was young I never felt like I would ever have a girlfriend :sad: and so I experimented with my femanine side. I would sneek my moms under garments ( bras, panties, slips, dresses and other stuff) to my room and wear them while I had the house to myself. I would occationally even wear them to bed and wake up in the morning feeling pretty good. When the oppertunity came I would even rade my other female family members wardrobes like my sisters, aunts and the odd cousin. Some of my cousins had some very nice laungerie :battingeyelashes:. How I never got caught is a mystery. I loved the feeling that I got when I was wearing them and walking around free as could be in my house while I was alone. As the years went on, and the girls started to notice me, and take more interest in me, those urges to dress diminished and eventually disapeared.

It really wasn't until a few years after my wife left me, almost 10 years ago, that they came back. By them I had long lost all my clothing and had nothing to wear. So I started to shop for my "girlfriend" and got back into it again. The feelings of comfort and happiness that where lost after the break up, where replaced by items. Those "items" became belongings and then became a part of me. Thats when I knew I needed a name for myself. I knew many Tiffany's and always loved that name so it only seemed fit. And thats when "Tiffany" came about. Having my own house I was able to set aside her own closet and a few drawers of her own. I was able to bring her out at any time. Through all this, even though I was more comfortable with it, I still had many moments of confusion ( as we all do at some point) and until resently i still did.

Over the last few months my wife and I have rekindled our love and all the urges have completely disapeared. I have faught with myself as to purge Tiffany's belongings or not, knowing that the urges may and probably will resurface.

Well today I did it. I grabbed a couple of large bags and put all of her stuff in them and took them out to the garage. Next step, off to the dump. The closet that was once TIffany's is now set aside for my wife to use.

So the time has come to say good-bye to Tiffany .... at least for now. And if they ever come back, then who knows, maybe she and I can go out shopping together for new clothes. :D

I'm half asleep while writting this so I hope it makes sence. Don't worry, I will keep checking in and adding my 2 cents now and then.

Until then, its not good-bye, rather see you later.

Tiffany :battingeyelashes:

[SabrinaEmily]

Bad idea. Don't throw them out. It never seems to work. A lot of people seem to think that "they only crossdress because they don't have a woman in their life" or something, but that turns out to be true very rarely, at best.

I'd say leave your clothes in the garage, or get a storage locker or something. (And if you won't take this advice and insist on getting rid of them, at least donate them somewhere instead of just dumping them.)

[Mikka]

Store them, box them up and put them out of sight, but don't throw them away. I have purged a wardrobe and have lost so many nice things that I regret tossing. It always calls me, sometimes louder than others.

[Cynthia Anne]

I fully agree with Sabrina on this! Also don't be supprised if the 'urge' doesn't come back sooner this time! Hugs!

[ArleneRaquel]

I've regreeting every purged that I have done. Its a bad idea to not keep at least some female things. I've that " the urge " never really leaves you.

[jennCD]

I've never purged and am quite happy to have not felt that "Ugghhhhh" moment when remembering what I would have to buy again...

:)
jenn

[Lorileah]

Wow so many focus on the material part. I would like to address the emotional part.

So when you have a SO you don't need your feminine side. I understand how you feel there but look deeply into yourself. There isa reason you like to dress. It isn't because you are without female companionship, It is much deeper and right now you are early in the rekindling part of your romance. I certainly would wish that this feeling will last the rest of your life. That would be ideal. But you know it won't. Things will cool down and then what?

Instead of casting away this part of you, work with your spouse to make it part of both of you. Love knows no clothing and in reality you are the same person in and out of that dress. Yes passion is high now. But the long lasting relationships are based on things more than chemistry. If you lose this part of you now, you may regret it later. Reach out to your SO. Share each other. Love is about sharing. It isn't about changing who you are to meet the standards of the other. Instead of looking to be someone else work to be who you are and grow from there.

I sincerely hope that you find a lasting companion from this no matter what you decide to do. Just know that you are who you are and she is who she is. If you each try and change that, you will end up disappointed.

[Diane Elizabeth]

Hi Tiffany, I agree with not throwing away your clothes. I also felt no need whenever I had a SO in my life. I realized that I was getting most of my dressing emotion thru taking my SO shopping and buying her wnat I was interested in since I wasn't going to dress myself I would dress my SO. I have been thru a few SO's over the years. They will come and go but a desire to dress is always there. Buried that may be deep inside you, but the desire is there.

[Karren H]

If you have to..... But at the least donate everything to charity!

[Stephanie47]

First, I'll agree with Karen! If you want to purge, then donate your garments to a local charity. Then, please recognize being a cross dresser is not always a hobby or a fetish. Yeah, wearing pink panties all the time and that's it may be a fetish. You sound as if there is a true female component bottled up inside you. I was in the same position as a teenager. I wore my mother's garments with a strong sexual component. I guess it was no different than jacking off with a Playboy magazine. I went through a period of not having ANY cross dressing desires. When I met my wife she and I would go lingerie buying for her. I really enjoyed adorning her in sexy clothing. When she was out of town for several days I would buy and dress and purge it before she came home. I felt revulsion due to my non acceptance of self.

Now forty years later there is absolutely NO sexual component to dressing. I've progressed to dressing en femme from foundation garments to dresses and heels- makeup and wig. I am totally at ease with myself. It was a long haul.

If you feel you can purge your cross dressing urges, then give it a try. However, do NOT beat yourself up about it, if you fail. Recognize your inner self. Just remember, when married, there is a wife to consider. Do NOT throw any issue in her face-cross dressing or otherwise. Marriage is a lifetime of negotiation and compromises.

Good luck to you!

[ReineD]

It sounds as if you believe that your feminine expression is a replacement for a woman in your life. This may well be true, but I wonder if you NEVER, not once thought about dressing while you were happily married? If you did think about it, then it's an indication that your need for feminine expression is separate from any relationship you might be in. And if this is true, there is a chance that the urges will come back, especially as you age, which seems to be a common pattern for many members here. It's just something to consider.

Can you box your femme things up and put them away instead of throwing them out? And is this something that you can talk to your wife about? If the dressing has been with you all your life, even if it was off and on, she should be told. And more importantly, YOU deserve the right to openly be who you are, even if for now it is a CD who has no urges to dress.


When I was young I never felt like I would ever have a girlfriend :sad: I've read this many times before from other CDs. If you don't mind, can you tell me why you thought you'd never have a girlfriend? Can you remember?

[kendra_gurl]

After almost 10 years apart how about you just use this oppertunity to man up and tell your ex what you have discovered about your desire to dress in her absence. It will certainly be easier on you both to start out without secrets. She may tell you she knew all along

[kimdl93]

Well, I think its already too late to prevent a purge...and too bad that those clothes went to the dump.

I'm glad to hear that you and your ex have been able to reconnect. And its possible that you dressed solely as a substitute for a female companion, and perhaps you'll never desire to dress again. Maybe.

But if the urge / desire / need returns as it has for so many of us at one time or another, will you then discuss it with your wife or will you attempt to hide this part of yourself in the hope that she'll never discover. If its the latter, then you are setting yourself up for trouble. And if its the former, you may be missing an opportunity to re-starting this relationship on a constructive note. So many of us regret not telling our partners at the start of the relationship...you have a unique second chance to get a clean start. Take advantage of it!

[pernille d]

No no no another. Purge mistake on the way , I feel for you and we all know you will have the urge again , remember if you decide to keep your clothing and it's a long time , they wil be out of fashion do keep the things that don't age .

Take it from me I have purged 2 times and always regret it and tried to quit so many times but once a Crossdresser always a Crossdresser , when you accept that you can move on . I thought to marriage would cure me, nope just adds complications to things, I surgest you are honest say how it is and what you ate planning to give up. What ever it will always be lurking in the background so it's better things are clear and talked about before

Good luck

[Piora]

Please take the advice from ALL the people on this thread..... Read carefully: DO NOT PURGE THE FEMALE CLOTHES!!! Now rinse and repeat. And say out loud, "I will not purge my female clothing". Say it over and over at least 20 times. Do a search on purging on this site, and you will see that almost without exception, everyone who has done it regrets it. Sort 'em, bag 'em, pack 'em and find a safe warm dry place where they can stay for a good long time......

[Staci G]

Yeah I agree with most BAD idea. When I me my wife I thought wow here she is the one that will cure me. (not that there is a sickness). I just knew I would never want to dress again. HAHA yeah right!!! Staci comes back and is a bitch about being in the closet. So we will be here when you get back. TTFN.

[JanetK]

I agree with most--bad idea!! Not only is it a waste of time to purge when your history shows that you have rebounded in the past, but a costly mistake at that. I cringe when I think of how much money I would give up if I purged!

[PetiteDuality]

I don't think it's a bad idea. If you really don't feel like dressing, and dressing is not something "compatible" with your relationship, then it's perfectly right to quit. If I could take a pill and make my desire to crossdress disappear, I'd totally take it.

[beccacd24]

thanx for sharing, hope you are happy. see you later tiffany

[Helen Grandeis]

Even better, if you must purge donate to a local transgender support group. There are some very grateful CD's wearing Helen's former wardrobe now who might not have had the nerve to buy it.

[Tiffany8]

Thank you to all of you that responded. I agree with your idea of not just throwing them away, but donating them to the local thrift shop. I will be doing so this coming week.

What really caught my attention though was the number of you that only responded with such things as " Bad idea. Don't throw them out " or " I agree with not throwing away your clothes " or " I cringe when I think of how much money I would give up if I purged! ". It seems most of you are more worried about the $$ or the material object, rather than the emotional value.

To the rest of you. Thank you for your added compation about my emotions and feelings. I will take all your advice into consideration. Material objects can be replaced. And like I said if it ever changes and I come out to my wife then we can go shopping together.

Tiffany

[Tiffany8]

Wow so many focus on the material part. I would like to address the emotional part.

So when you have a SO you don't need your feminine side. I understand how you feel there but look deeply into yourself. There isa reason you like to dress. It isn't because you are without female companionship, It is much deeper and right now you are early in the rekindling part of your romance. I certainly would wish that this feeling will last the rest of your life. That would be ideal. But you know it won't. Things will cool down and then what?

Instead of casting away this part of you, work with your spouse to make it part of both of you. Love knows no clothing and in reality you are the same person in and out of that dress. Yes passion is high now. But the long lasting relationships are based on things more than chemistry. If you lose this part of you now, you may regret it later. Reach out to your SO. Share each other. Love is about sharing. It isn't about changing who you are to meet the standards of the other. Instead of looking to be someone else work to be who you are and grow from there.

I sincerely hope that you find a lasting companion from this no matter what you decide to do. Just know that you are who you are and she is who she is. If you each try and change that, you will end up disappointed.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and reply :)


I don't think it's a bad idea. If you really don't feel like dressing, and dressing is not something "compatible" with your relationship, then it's perfectly right to quit. If I could take a pill and make my desire to crossdress disappear, I'd totally take it.


thanx for sharing, hope you are happy. see you later tiffany


I don't know the complexities of getting back together with someone after 10 years but it obviously means a great deal to you. And so I wish you all the best.

Again, Thank you for taking the time to read and reply. :)

[SabrinaEmily]

Thank you to all of you that responded. I agree with your idea of not just throwing them away, but donating them to the local thrift shop. I will be doing so this coming week.

What really caught my attention though was the number of you that only responded with such things as " Bad idea. Don't throw them out " or " I agree with not throwing away your clothes " or " I cringe when I think of how much money I would give up if I purged! ". It seems most of you are more worried about the $$ or the material object, rather than the emotional value.

To the rest of you. Thank you for your added compation about my emotions and feelings. I will take all your advice into consideration. Material objects can be replaced. And like I said if it ever changes and I come out to my wife then we can go shopping together.

Tiffany

As the one who said "bad idea, don't throw them out," let me point out that my post didn't say one word about money. That wasn't on my mind. What was is how many people purge their clothes and regret it a great deal later.

I wouldn't wait on opening up to your wife about this, either. "I won't feel the need to crossdress because I have a woman in my life now" rarely comes true, because that's not the reason to begin with. (It seems to me that many crossdressers want the same aesthetic for themselves that they admire in others. One shouldn't expect this to change any more than one would expect, say, sexual orientation to change.) Stories of difficult comings-out (or forcings-out) after hiding from one's wife for years or decades are all over this forum. You have a chance to make sure that never happens to you. And I've seen enough of how painful it can be to strongly recommend that you do so.

[Piora]

As the one who said "bad idea, don't throw them out," let me point out that my post didn't say one word about money. That wasn't on my mind. What was is how many people purge their clothes and regret it a great deal later.
I also said that in my post, and my thoughts were nothing to do with finances. The regret is from throwing out those one-of-a-kind items that no amount of money could ever replace. Items that you have a fond attachment to, or have some special memories, or stories behind them. Of course you can buy new things if you ever decide to start dressing again.....but if or when you do decide, you are still going to be remorseful that you didn't just stash 'em.

As for the emotional side, I also agree with Sabrina that having a loving partner in your life is wonderful, but it cannot replace a desire to do something that feels like a part of you. I was able to suppress my CDing for 6 years, but eventually it came back, with even greater force than before. Having someone in your life isn't a replacement for crossdressing.

[Angie G]

Don't toss them Tiffany. But if you must how Giving them to good will. Later hun.:hugs:
Angie

[erin8042]

I think you have to do what you have to do. A second chance with your wife is the risk of throwing out some clothes.

[Sophie_C]

Good luck on your relationship, but remember this thing doesn't go away.

I highly suggest restarting your relationship with that in the open, since you're just delaying the inevitable, if she can't handle it.

[Risque_Christine]

Only you can decide what is best or you and you should do as you think best. What I read on this thread is not so much the sense of loss of physical possessions, but a regret at denial of your own true self. I have done that myself, and regret it to this day. You may be able to change and adapt and I wish you well. I only wish I could do the same, but cannot.
Christine