View Full Version : Philadelphia Female Questioning

10-15-2005, 11:24 PM

I am a twenty-year-old college student and recently I have been attending therapy because of many suicide attempts, etc. I have questioned my sexuality before and hated my feminine appearance but I pushed these thoughts aside due to certain circumstances. Now that I am in therapy, these thoughts are back and I know that I can no longer ignore them because it is unhealthy.

I am attracted to females much more than males but I admire CDs and MtF. I would like to date a male crossdresser, even if he wanted to make the final transition to a female, because it feels much more comfortable.

As for my own gender... I hate my breasts. A lot. I like to have a girly boy appearance and I could pull it off if it weren't for my chest. I want to have breast reduction but I have a lot of fears. I am not sure how to tell my family and friends... I told a few friends so far and their reaction was just as I expected, but I was lucky they they didn't push me away.

I honestly feel confused and scared... I need advice and help, but I'm afraid that people are just going to push me aside and consider me as someone who's faking or something along that line. -sigh-

Sorry if this post is messed up but I am tired, have a headache, and feel very messed up.

Marlena Dahlstrom
10-16-2005, 02:16 AM
Mad Butterfly, I'm sorry to hear you're in so much pain. We can hold your hand, but it sounds like you've got issues that require professional attention, so I'm glad you're getting therapy. It sounds like you could use a therapist who specializes in transgender issues, so I'd ask your therapist about this since they may be able to offer a referral. You may be transgendered, you may not -- but either way a therapist knowledgable in TG issues can help you figure this out.

I see from your other posts that you're interested in meeting CDs. I know Philly has a bit of a scene (http://www.transvamp.com/parties/index.html), so you may find some friends there. I know there's undoubted a CD support group in the area as well and there's also a number of TG resources and support groups listed here. (http://trans-health.org/resources/resourcesmain.html) In addition to your therapy, it might be helpful to attend on one of the TG support groups as well.

BTW, I assume you meant to say you're interested in breast reduction rather than augmentation. The guys here can give you tips on minimizing your breasts better than I can, but I know the "frog bra" is often used by the guys.

Anyway, hang in there. And know that you're not alone. :hugs:

10-16-2005, 08:56 AM
Hello Mad Butterfly!

I will give you some ideas in religious ways....
I know how you feel, but suicide won't make solve problem. Many people are trying to commit suicide to escape a problem, but it'll just making it worse upon themselves. They are really not solving anything, they are simply creating more problems in next life....Suicide is no solution. As for you're situation, I believe you need to meet someone who understands your sexual encounter, and that way, you will feel more happier as I do.

I was once Chritian before, and told that wearing opposite sex clothes is also SIN, but for those CD's there are very nice and sweet person then the other normal person. I read a biblography book about a pure white AMERICAN graduated from HARVARD UNIVERSITY studied religion in the major, graduated top in the class, and he eventually became monk in Korea and immigrated to our country. Not just he loved Korea, and people, but the lecture by Korean monk and he listened came into his heart. He grew up in Catholic family, and many families denied what he wants to become. However when times goes by, it seems their families are getting started to understand and accpeted him to become monk. When he was student at High School, he met a crossdresser roommate, and he thought according to Chritian teachings, he would go hell, but while the author was sick, he couldn't eat for few days, but he's roommate brought him a food, medicine and author finally opens his heart, became open minded and started to know more about him although he was not gay too. On the next year, they decided to become roommate again.

I know when it comes to tell people others who you are, it'll be pain for moment, but when times goes by I think most people will accpet.

10-16-2005, 05:12 PM
There can be no happiness without struggle. It is the struggle that illuminates and shows you what happiness looks like. Keep your faith and go where your heart leads you...it is then you find the peace you are looking for.

You have many of us who will be with you in thought, mind and prayer.

Ask for strength and seek your happiness...you are not alone.


10-17-2005, 09:56 AM
I wish I could give sage advice on the subject, but I'm still confused about these things myself and am slowly discovering who I am and what I'm about. :confused:

All I know for sure is that we can't let anyone else tell us who we are. We have to take the journey of self-discovery for ourselves (but not necessarily by ourselves) and in the end we will be able to tell the world about it, and not let them tell us.

Please don't let anyone tell you what is and isn't normal. Only those who have been where we are and where we're going can help us. Even if others are sympathetic, they just can't be objective. Follow Darla's (much wiser) advice and find a support group in your area.

I'm glad you're getting help. Please continue and let us know your progress. Remember, you can always come here and rant, rave and ask questions. We're all learning together, even if some are further ahead on the road than us. Good luck. :)

P.S. Love your city!

10-31-2005, 08:11 AM
try not to let anyone push there moral bagage on you you need to let yourself become who you realy are if they can't love you for that then remove them from your life take time to know the new you
to know yourself is the key to freedom