My experience

[vetobob9]

When I was younger, my niece found one of my fem items and gave it to my sister thinking it was hers. The problem was it was too small for her. My sister wanted to know if I had anything to talk about. I said no because I did not wish to discuss it at that time. She respected my wishes and that was it. The reason was because I did not want to risk religious condemnation from the community nor did I wish to undergo social humiliation from bigots.
Now, about a decade later I'm reading up on stuff and I read sites that say that everytime a crossdresser is ashamed or does not want to discuss his crossdressing it always means he is a sexual deviant or that the crossdressing for such people is always a sexual fetish.
That was not my experience. I did not want to discuss and the shame I felt was because of the social stigma attached to crossdressing at that time. I did not want to be kicked out of the church or banned from community events or harrassed everywhere I went. I did not want to undergo social humiliation. Sexual stuff was the last thing on my mind.
Maybe the people on those sites said that because that was their experience. But the fact is that is not my experience.

There are other reasons, besides sexual, that a crossdresser may not want to discuss his crossdressing. Reasons that are just as valid and just as true.

[TGMarla]

I think that the reason you give, that the social stigma attached to crossdressing that still exists, is the most valid and understandable reason there is. Is your sister likely non-accepting and biased due to her church participation? If not, then you might just come clean with her. If so, then I'd let it lie. I think very few of us, especially those of us who have been at this a while, are in it solely for sexual gratification.

[kate473]

It's hard to talk about crossdressing. Often it brings up questions and reactions that are best pondered over a longer period of time. It's a slow, difficult conversation for everyone.

[Cynthia Anne]

Couldn't agree with you more! But remember you really just need to please yourself! All others are secondary! Hugs!

[vetobob9]

I think that the reason you give, that the social stigma attached to crossdressing that still exists, is the most valid and understandable reason there is. Is your sister likely non-accepting and biased due to her church participation? If not, then you might just come clean with her. If so, then I'd let it lie. I think very few of us, especially those of us who have been at this a while, are in it solely for sexual gratification.

She went to church but she was not biased. I still have not talked to her but I'm certain she already knows but has not said anything. She seems more accepting than my brother in Cali who harrassed me about it.

[giuseppina]

... Now, about a decade later I'm reading up on stuff and I read sites that say that everytime a crossdresser is ashamed or does not want to discuss his crossdressing it always means he is a sexual deviant or that the crossdressing for such people is always a sexual fetish. ...

Bullfeathers! Remember, all generalisations have exceptions, even the one I just made. Think about it.

This kind of nonsense is about demonisation, nothing more or less.

[Karren H]

I was actually an alter boy in the church... Thanks to my mother. And I totally loved legally wearing those long robes... But listening to the sermons from the other side I questioned everything I heard. In the end I rejected what they said... Still do.... So religion was not the reason I didn't tell anyone... One time I was accused of going through a lingerie drawer at home by my mother... She new I did it. So I actually confessed to looking for money and change rather than admitting the truth. Apparently in my mind it was better being a criminal than a pervert! Lol.

[Longing2be-Trisha]

I to agree the stigma of even being transgender is bad, they think pervert, gay, child molester, God can not love you because you are the evil. What people forget is we are all sinners, we can never do anything good enough to go be with God except by following Jesus. Just remember you are loved!

Hugs

[AllieSF]

Those opinions that you read are just that, opinions, one-sided in my thinking. Maybe you need some other sources of information?

[Toni Citara]

Sadly, this is a very accurate observation. The stigma, for lack of a better word), about crossdressers is that they are perverts, pedofiles, psychopaths, homosexuals, deviants, and just about any other negative and hateful label that can be attributed. Despite the fact that criminals steal, kill, rape, murder, and somehow crossdressers are the people that are spoken about and portrayed in a negative context?

When is the last time you saw a movie or television show where the anti-hero was a gangster, criminal, hitman, killer, thief? Probably about everytime you've been to the theater or watched television. When is the last time you saw a crossdresser in a positive light? Sure, Hollyweird knows that movies about bad guys sell better than movies about a guy in a dress pulling down a regular 9-5 job and sending his kids through college. Ces't La Vie, mes amis, Ces't La Vie.


...in my mind it was better being a criminal than a pervert! Lol.

[Marlana]

I think it's a hard thing to talk about to anyone other than a crossdresser. It does bring up so many questions and feelings that people need time to digest and think about in order to have a reasonable conversation. I won't talk to anyone in my family because of the stigma attached to it. So until I can, i remain unsure as to who i am.

[VioletJourney]

My question is why being a sexual fetish would make it bad.

[Toni Citara]

Anything that is considered "not normal" according the the puritanical judeo/christian train of thought is demonized. There are plenty of cultures where sex is an open topic, the knowledge of sex for more than a missionary style baby producing mechanism. Those cultures were "saved" by the waves of christian missionaries from their god-less and libertine lifestyle. Funny thing, though, if those people believe that "God is Perfect" then that means God intended for sex to be enjoyable, and also intended for men to enjoy wearing a killer pair of heels! Right? So why are those people afraid of what "we" do in our lives?


My question is why being a sexual fetish would make it bad.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Your guilt is misplaced in that you are not obligated to tell her about your dressing. If you don't want to tell someone you dress, then don't; you have no obligation to tell them about your personal activities than they are to tell you about their personal activities (or fetishes.) They should also respect your privacy and not push the matter.

One also has the right to protect oneself and one's reputation. No one needs to apologize for that.


My question is why being a sexual fetish would make it bad.

That is an excellent point.

[sissystephanie]

I have been informed by several Catholic Priests and at least one Catholic Archbishop that God does not care what clothes you are wearing, as long as you are decently covered. The Priests and the Archbishop all know that I am a Crossdresser, all though I have never gone to Church fully dressed enfemme!!

[kimdl93]

Quite honestly, I've never seen nor heard of any legitimate source that considers a reluctance to come out as evidence of sexual deviance or of a fetish....not that there's anything at all with sexual deviance or fetishes, so long as they don't involve children, animals, property damage or personal injury! If you've heard or read this - ignore the source.

You're fully entitled as a CDr to tell or withhold information about CDing for whatever reasons you may have.

[beccacd24]

ive learned that every crossdressers experiences are different, just like everyone in general are different