It's Happening Again

[Meghan]

Since I have met my wife, we have had almost 5 years of marital bliss. We have discussed my dressing in detail, and I even have my own little box with my clothes in it...but we don't open it often.

Lately, I am getting overwhelmed with urges to completely dress again...take pictures etc...and I am dreaming about it every night.

I don't want to tell her this stuff...because things are going so well overall. But each night as I drift to sleep, I can't stop thinking about being alone so I can do all of those things.

Why does this keep coming back?

I wish, wish wish I could fix whatever gene is making this happen....

Meghan

[Noortje]

I'm not sure I understand the problem. You say your wife is aware of your crossdressing, and from your description I get the idea that she is ok with it. If you discuss it with her, I'm sure she'll be willing to arrange some "alone time" for you, so that you can dress.

You say that things are going so well overall, and you do not want to upset this with your crossdressing. But who says it will upset things? I understand from your "own little box" that your wife accepts at least a certain amount of dressing. As long as you don't dress all the time, or otherwise to an unreasonable extent, how could it suddenly disrupt your relationship, if that did not happen before?

By the way, "things going well overall" should also include your happiness. You are not doing your marriage any favours by suppressing your feelings and desires and hiding them from your wife. Your relationship should make you happy and fulfilled as well!

Good luck!

[Eryn]

Meghan, I can only tell you my own experience.

I didn't tell my wife for two decades, at first because I didn't comprehend my own feelings and later because I feared her reaction. The stress was affecting my relationship anyway so we finally had "the talk"

My life is MUCH better now. My wife and was willing to accept Eryn into our lives and helped me to realize how important this is to me. We communicate better and I'm working on exorcising that male stoicism that were harming our relationship.

It appears as if you have already done the scary bit. You wife knows about your female side. My question is if you truly understand your female side. The way you discuss it it sounds like you are a bit afraid of her.

I think that the best route is to have a heart-to-heart discussion with your wife. Tell her what is bothering you and let her participate in finding a way to relieve your distress. The two of you together are stronger and smarter than either of you alone.

Hugs, Eryn

[Mikka]

I also did not tell my wife and she found out about it. (Bad move on my part). That was last December and we went through some bad months. But now I realize it was all because I was not willing to talk. I was hoping that if I did not talk about it, the issue would go away. So I found this forum and the wonderful advice that people share and I realized that I was the obstacle in moving forward. I opened up and am completely an open book plus I share these thoughts with my wife. We are making wonderful progress, she is not totally on board yet but we are in a good place. As you described it won't go away, hit it head on be open and patient and hopefully things work out.

Mikka

[Cynthia Anne]

Talk is cheap! TALK IS YOUR BEST SOURCE! Before you regret your actions do the TALK! Hugs!

[Karren H]

Resistance is futile.......

[kimdl93]

Everyone changes over time. This gene or whatever it is, expresses itself differently as we mature and gain experience. Your wife knows, and your post suggests that the two of you open that box together from time to time. So if I'm understanding correctly, she's fairly supportive. So, as everyone has said, please talk to her. Talk about your feelings...don't just say I want to dress more....and ask for her about her feelings. Reassure her of your feelings and commitment to her, and thank her for her support and continued understanding.

[Jenniferathome]

Meghan, you are in the best situation possible to talk to your wife. Just sit down and say, "Honey, do you member the box with my girl things? I want to put them to use more. How would you feel about that?" and go from here. Talking is THE only answer. There is no cure for cross dressing because it is not an illness. Good luck.

[Stephanie47]

If your wife has an understanding of cross dressing and your personal desires, and she has accepted you totally, I'd discuss the issue with her. I would not expand the scope of cross dressing without discussion and her acceptance. Anything that happens in a marriage affects both spouses. If she is willing to expand the scope of your cross dressing desires, then do not exceed those limitations.

She may not want to participate or see you. However, maybe she would visit a relative or friend overnight with the knowledge you are fulfilling your needs. If she says the house is yours for a weekend, BUT, please do not go out, then do NOT go out. A woman is entitled to the man she married. Marriage is a continuous developing relationship. The biggest reason for marriages to fail is the sudden and dramatic changes one spouse tosses on the other.

Talk to her. Maybe she will let you have a weekend alone. Maybe she would be willing to be your personal shopper. Maybe she'll give you makeup tips. You never know. But, let her expand the boundaries.

[Aprilrain]

good luck with the wishing thing!

[Kaz]

This is what happens... it will never go away... accept it! Just be thankful you kept the box! Now are you going to tell her how it is...?