advice : first time in public

[wish4naught]

So I've been dressing on and off for the past few years and have never been out in public. A few people know that I dress and two of which have suggested I go out on the town en femme. The idea is intriguing but I'm apprehensive to agree for a few reasons. First being the fear of being recognized and social stigmas, the second being I don't really fit into the lgbta community as I consider myself a heterosexual male.

I suppose what I'm really asking is if it's better to dive head first into the scene with support or to do something on the down-low on my own? What all have you done for your first time out?

[cassandra54]

my first time out, i went to get gas and cigarettes. it was awesome and yeah, i don't think anyone notice at all.

[Savannah Daniels]

The first time can be the hardest, after that, it's much easier. As you develop confidence in your appearance, mannerisms, etc., then you can truly enjoy your ventures en femme. "Crawl, Walk, Run." I recommend stores or the mall during early morning hours. Places like Kohl's, Macy's, Dillards. Even Walmart or Meijer.
Keep in mind, your female persona is an effective disguise, so I doubt you'd be recognized. If you're made, what's the worst that can happen? :battingeyelashes:

Tip #1: Wear flats/sensible shoes the first time
Tip #2: Don't lock your keys in your car
Tip#3: Always wear clean panties (Got that one from my Mom!)

Have Fun!!!

[Torrey]

I was fortunate to have a good GG friend go out with me my first time. We went to Wally World, and needless to say, the world did not end. In fact it was exhilarating. We also went shoe shopping. I may not have done it without my friend, though.

Good luck! I'm sure you will have a great time.

Hugs,
Torrey

[kimdl93]

my suggestion is learn to fit into the GLBT crowd. I have found them to be accepting, intelligent and enjoyable company...and they have the best entertainment in town!

PS.. I've always been treated like a lady at gay clubs.

[Nikki A.]

It's always better with support. I'm a hetero male and I'm accepted as Nikki by my GLBT friends. We all belong to a wide spectrum and you might make some nice friends.

[Jorja]

It is always better with support of others but not really necessary. Go to a park and take a short walk. Go to the gas station for gas. Make a trip to the grocery store when it is slow. Then work your way up to going to the mall at the busiest time of day with hunderds or even thousands of people all around. Do make some GLBT friends. We don't bite....... much! :) It is always good to be around like minded people. You can go online and see if there is a crossdresser support group in your area.

[Danielle_cder]

Hold your head up high! Be confident there is all sorts of support here. Don't be afraid you have as much right to express yourself as everyone else. I too am hetro, love going out but dont really make a point of showing off, go to causal places just as Savannah said, "crawl, walk, run." trying something for the first time is never ez but you do it once the second time is half as hard, the third is half as hard as the second time and so on!

[Persephone]

A few people know that I dress and two of which have suggested I go out on the town en femme. The idea is intriguing but I'm apprehensive to agree for a few reasons. First being the fear of being recognized and social stigmas, the second being I don't really fit into the lgbta community as I consider myself a heterosexual male.

I suppose what I'm really asking is if it's better to dive head first into the scene with support or to do something on the down-low on my own?

Hi!

Going out, especially for the first time, is pretty scary! I definitely understand. But why do you feel it has to be to an LGBTetc environment if you are not particularly comfortable there?

Nothing against LGBTetc bars, clubs, and what have you, but there is a whole world out there! Why not dinner in a restaurant and a show - live theater or a movie? Why not an afternoon at a museum? Or, dare I say it, a shopping trip?

You are going to be nervous the first time out no matter what, so why go somewhere that seems to make you even more uncomfortable?

Hugs,
Persephone.

[NathalieX66]

I did a few spurts en femme during & after college a long time ago, but as of recent my first time out was at a hotel with my Tri-Ess group (almost 2 years ago) where they grabbed me by the arm to come out to a hotel bar for drinks where there were dozens of military personnel in combat fatigues because there was a base nearby, and those guys didn't give a 'at's rass'. In fact, they paid no attention to us girls. That moment broke my fear level. After thaton another time, my same group of girls took me to an all night diner where drag race guys ( the race cars) show up. We may have gotten a few funny looks from the racers, but between the staff and other customers, we got nothing but smiles. That pushed my courage even further.
It's more fun to be among company like ourselves, it makes us feel justified in our cause.
However, going out solo at any place like crowded shopping mall, restauran, or movie theatre is pretty easy for me. I may have a height advantage because I'm five foot six, and no one pays attention to me, but I found that I don't get many strange looks when out in public. I only get fear when I think my makeup isn't right, and I think I',m a dead giveaway.

[PretzelGirl]

Wish - The fear of being recognized is probably one of our greatest. It certainly has been that for me. My fear is that because I don't wear wigs, that my male and femme sides don't have a lot of contrast and I would be easily recognizable. The reality is that I have walked past at least 10 people I work with without a flinch. So while it may be hard to believe that you won't be recognized, it isn't that easy. At most, you probably want to move out of a situation as soon as possible as giving someone time may eliminate all your advantages.

[michelleddg]

As you can see from the responses we've all been through this and so share your concerns. Some thoughts:

If you're dressed and well made up yo mama would not recognize you. This is not an exaggeration.

Unless you're really good the teenage girls will clock you and quite possibly out you. Been there, done that, would not care to do it again. So, there is risk to doing the mall thing.

If you just want to blend you have a lot of flexibility. If you want to get dolled up and gorgeous that limits you. You'll attract unwanted attention for sure if you go for a stroll in the park or to the mall in your miniskirt and heels.

So, some options for your consideration. Best might be to google your town and transgender and see if there's a local support group such as Tri-Ess. They'll have social nights that are perfect for newbies. Another possibility is to google your town and transformation service. Now you'll pay, but they'll make you gorgeous and advise what the opportunities for going out are.

What I would do if you want the full experience, is: 1) Go to any nail salon and get your fingers done. 2) If you have a full set of hair, go to any hair salon and get your hair done. 3) Get dressed, go to MAC and get your makeup done. As your first outing, go back to 1) and 2) and show your pretty self. Make appointments beforehand for 1), 2) and 3) - seriously, it will help you with your "coming out" by showing you people will be cordial and friendly, and also give you practice with dealing with something you're very nervous about with confidence.

Hope this helps! Hugs, Michelle

[Barbra P]

Like some others here I would suggest that you locate a transgender support group where you live. I see by your first post that you live near Seattle so I Googled “Seattle transgender support group” and got a number of hits; you might start with http://seattletransgender.org/default.aspx, which has under Resources a half-dozen links.

While the first three letters of LGBT refer to the gay community the “T” for transgender does not necessarily have to have anything to do with being gay. It is generally acknowledged that the majority of MTF cross dressers are heterosexual and not gay; the percentage of gay cross dressers is no higher than that of the general public and may be less. I located a transgender support group from the San Diego LGBT Community Center’s Webpage and I enjoy the monthly meetings very much – they afford me a way of getting out enfemme with a very supporting group.

My group suggested that I attend the first meeting drab and not dress enfemme until I felt comfortable in doing so. The meetings are held in the Meeting Room at a local Coco’s and one does have to walk through the main restaurant to get to the meeting. Yes the first few times walking through a crowded restaurant was a bit scary but it got easier. The first time using the Ladies Room was even scarier, and when a woman walked in on my second visit to the Ladies Room I thought I was in real trouble. I was touching up my lipstick when she walked in and I really thought she might run out looking for the manager to say there was a man in the Ladies Room, but she merely smiled at me in the mirror and entered one of the stalls – nothing said.

The staff at the restaurant addresses me as Ma’am and a man held the door for me when I was entering the restaurant, so I now feel that my confidence is much better than it was before I attended any of the meetings. I’ve been shopping a few times at Avenue and the store staff has always made feel comfortable and I am welcome to try on anything in the store and use the dressing rooms.

Also as others have pointed out, it helps a great deal if you wear appropriate attire, dress in the same style and manor as the GG’s that will be where you are going – don’t wear a mini-skirt, fishnet stockings, stilettos, and too much makeup if the uniform of the day calls for casual daytime attire. The secret is to blend in – NOT stand out.

[JanetHarper]

If you're dressed and well made up yo mama would not recognize you. This is not an exaggeration.

Until I read that I had completely forgotten about playing a prank on my mother years ago. I dressed up (lifetime CDer) snuck out the back and went to the front door rang the bell and pretended to be a charity collecter. I expected her to fall about laughing, instead she went to get her purse to make a donation. Even after I said 'Mum it's me' it took her a few moments. We still laugh at that one. It's not like she didn't know what I looked like dressed, it was that she wasn't expecting it.

[Ann Thomas]

My first times out were in a very small rural town, and I knew nobody in the lgbt community. I started out by going to places where I knew there were security cameras in case something happened. My first trip was to the bank. Later I went to a gas station that had cameras. Next I drove 20 minutes down the freeway to WalMart and Target. Once I go my confidence up, I started going everywhere.

I realized it has more to do with confidence than anything else. Early on, I read Inside Inside, by James Lipton, and he talked quite a bit about the history of method acting. I realized that's a whole lot like what I was doing, which is portraying a character in a believable way, but the character was my true self.

Hope that helps!

Hugs,
Ann

[MsKimiko]

Sent you an email girl ^_^

[thechic]

before i went first went out in public i made certin that i had the correct body movement when walking,and had a long hair wig to hide my face.now it short hair (mine),and confidance.first time i went out was at the beach.

[Kate Simmons]

My first time "out" I decided to go all out. I went to my first Renaissance meeting in full femme in broad daylight and had a wonderful experience. Seemed to work best by keeping my mind set on my objective.:)

[Eryn]

My advice is: Don't sneak about furtively. GGs don't do that and if you do it will make you stand out. Head up, girls forward, and walk with purpose, even if you aren't so confident inside. After your first walk through a public place you'll realize that the world didn't end and you'll want to do it again!

Have fun, you'll remember this for a long time! :)

[jillleanne]

It was on my own, about 34 years ago now. Scary as hell and had a blast. Now out and about daily. Remember it like it was yesterday. Got some looks but nothing much until some teenage girls coming out of the mall as I was going in, whistled at me and cheered and laughed having fun. To this day I am not sure if they read me, or thought I was a call girl. I was overdressed for the occasion. I was so nervous I turned around and walked back to my car and left. But those few minutes alone in the open heading to the mall entrance will stay with me forever. What a thrill!!!!
Dress for the occasion!!!!!! Do not look like it's your wedding day or your first night out as a hooker, and you'll be fine. Dress like the masses do.

[Tasha McIntyre]

What all have you done for your first time out?

My first time out was to a reasonably busy, but not crowded mall midweek mid morning. The reason I chose that was because there is relative safety in numbers, and with several other shoppers around the odd redneck is unlikely to be hostile. Security cameras also afford greater security.

Mid morning worked best for me, as the teenagers are either in school or not out of bed yet.

Other bits of advice I got, which worked a treat are to dress conservatively, for the occasion. Keep your head up and smile. Wander around like you belong there. I didn't interact much with SA's etc on my first couple of trips out as I was still coming to terms with my nerves, but after realising nothing bad was happening I gradually got my confidence up and now have an absolute whale of a time mixing it up.

Hope things go well for you.

Tash :)

[StarrOfDelite]

[QUOTE=
Keep in mind, your female persona is an effective disguise, so I doubt you'd be recognized. If you're made, what's the worst that can happen? :battingeyelashes:


[/QUOTE]

Agree whole-heartedly! Assuming you aren't living in the Heart of Darkness what can anyone do? You aren't committing a crime, and truly no one really cares enough to go running after you throwing rocks and yelling "Tranny! Tranny! " I also agree that if you really want to "PASS" you have to "blend in, " or more accurately dress down. This Thursday in northeast Ohio I went to a regional franchise eatery similar to Ruby Tuesday or Appleby's wearing a turtle-neck cotton jersey shirt dress with appropriate accessories. All around me were gender women in my middle-aged group with their Pillsbury Dough Boy bodies clad in awful slacks, shapeless cotton sweat shirts, and their faces wearing poorly applied makeup and vacant expressions. If you have shaved legs and arms and face, don't burp and belch and scratch your groin and/or pick your nose, wear fish net panty hose or six inch stilettos and a flaming red wig, then you'll pass for a typical American Woman. P.T. Barnum famously said that no one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American Public, and I'd have to say that no Crossdresser ever got 'Made' by dressing and acting like a typical American Female. The standard the G-Girls are setting for us is pretty damn low, i.e. sloppy and careless.

[Rachel Morley]

I was fortunate to have a good GG friend go out with me my first time.
Me too! I was super lucky as I had my encouraging and supportive wife to help me. OMG I was so nervous. We went for a dress and drive (she was driving) and then did a little window shopping at a strip mall. With or without a "support person" I recommend a dress and drive and then if you find it "too easy" you can get out of the car .... and maybe even go shopping at the mall! Whatever you do, think of what you have read here and know that we are all with you (in spirit) :)

P.S. Being a hetro person and being a CDer at a gay bar is not a problem at all. IMHO one of the most acceptable places to be when dressed is an LGBT venue ... that's why most of us love to frequent them.

[Eryn]

I was also lucky to have a supportive wife and friends to help me on my first "real world" excursion. I wrote about it here: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?157224-Eryn-and-Persephone-s-Getaway-to-Solvang&highlight=

Although LGBT venues can be more comfortable, I don't have any qualms about going to mainstream places.

[Kate T]

So I've been dressing on and off for the past few years and have never been out in public. A few people know that I dress and two of which have suggested I go out on the town en femme. The idea is intriguing but I'm apprehensive to agree for a few reasons. First being the fear of being recognized and social stigmas, the second being I don't really fit into the lgbta community as I consider myself a heterosexual male.

I suppose what I'm really asking is if it's better to dive head first into the scene with support or to do something on the down-low on my own? What all have you done for your first time out?

First time was with wife driving to our closest capital city (4 hour drive) and checking into hotel and then going to local all night store to get an icecream.

First time spending some time in public was going shopping at a factory outlet shopping mall with wife again, spent around 3 hrs shopping (all for her). Had lunch and coffee as well.

BTW, most of the members here would identify as heterosexual male. It's just our gender thats different. May as well get used to the tag LGBTA because I'm afraid take the sunnies of sweetie, that group includes you! (Oh, and around 18000 other members on this forum alone!)