Do I really belong here anymore? I feel weird.

[GirlieAmanda]

I have gone through so many changes lately. I have finally confirmed that I am a transsexual female. I have started the beginnings of transition such as electroylisis and growing my own hair/ nails among other things. I knew I was a TS a year ago but did not confirm until I actually met my GF and her TS friends in the flesh. Just seeing how they live and breathe in this world inspired me so much. It changed my outlook and showed me the real deal of sorts. This was not just occasionally playing dress up, this was LIFE! As real as it gets. They are physically changing their body in drastic ways because they feel so compelled. They have to deal with real life issues and face the world as it is. I feel the same compelling force. They convinced me to finally take off the wig except for fun times (such as SCC- see Amanda Goes to SCC in Pic and Video sect.) and be more genuine because I was able to. I was very unsure about my short hair. It was an epiphany. A life altering event which I will never forget. I feel like I am the real me now.

I have been living full time 99.9 % of the time since June. It just feels so incredibly right for me. Not that I don't have days still where I question my trans status a bit. It is usually fleeting. Every day I get up and shower emerging to put on panties and bra, moisturize, do my hair, maybe do makeup and nice clothes if we are going somewhere or just be comfy in some lounge garb. It is such a real existence. I am not a crossdresser. I don't "go out" anymore. I go live life now. I feel kind of weird posting about my adventures because people are maybe thinking that I am still "going out". I know there is a smaller TS section on here but I love the community and the discussions here. I know that I am relating less and less with CDs and much more with TS's though. I think that a lot of people on here are more CD than TS. I will definitely continue to stay here but I was just wondering if anyone has had similar feelings or maybe I can get some points of view. This site has guided me to ALL that I have now. This was the beginning. I just see the tagline up there under the logo reading "The #1 community for crossdressers, their family and friends" and I just feel weird because I am not one. I am just unsure what to do or how to continue post. Have I outgrown or graduated from CD.com?

[VioletJourney]

I am just unsure what to do or how to continue post. Have I outgrown or graduated from CD.com?
No offense but that sounds kinda condescending. Being TS doesn't make you better than us casual dressers.

[Sophie86]

Have I outgrown or graduated from CD.com?

Congratulations on having ascended (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?12-Transsexual-Forum). :heehee:

Seriously, there are lots of Transwomen both in the transsexual forum and here in the crossdresser area. Some of them are here because they like hanging out and talking with us crossdressers. Some of them are here to scold us when we say bad things. I suppose, if you like the forum, you can find a reason to stay.

[VioletJourney]

Those are your words, Violet, not Amanda's. I think you missed the point of what she is trying to say. As she shares her experiences as a TS, people here respond like she is venturing out part time like a casual CD. It doesn't make her better, but it does indicate she has more courage and self confidence than us to live life out of the shadows.

Yes, they are my words, an interpretation of what I felt she said. And it doesn't make her braver or more confident, we don't all live out of the shadows. I just don't put the same emphasis on gender as she does.

I'm starting to feel like I don't belong here...

EDIT:
They have to deal with real life issues and face the world as it is.

This also bugged me. Do I not face real life issues? Am I living in a fantasy world? Perhaps my issues aren't gender-related but that does not mean that I don't have challenges to face.

[prene]

Violet I did not get that at all.

Amanda I think you note is very respectful and nice. I do remember you last year ... when you just joined. You were like a shooting star.

I do understand what you mean. If you are now a transsexual female. You are living 100%.

It would be like just being a gg here and talking about getting out.... although some do but they have SO who dress.

I hope to hear and see more os you later.

Your new profile pic is Wonderful. Heck Pin Up Girl.

Hope you stay with us for a while

[Eryn]

Do transwomen "graduate"? Probably so, in the sense that they start thinking of themselves simply as women after they have accomplished the task of transition. If you're to that point the forum might have become superfluous. OTOH, if you still feel the need to share your issues with an accepting group of people who in some way understand you you may find sticking around to be rewarding, even if you don't exactly fit into any of the niches of the forum.

In any case, we enjoy having you here and hearing from you.

Hugs, Eryn

[CheyenneNicky]

no she is saying that she found her place as a women, not that she is braver, its like finding your love. only you know when its right... well she found who she is and that is female. 100% me im like 95% male lol....

[eluuzion]

Picking Friends is one of the only decisions left that we are truly free to make on our own. Placing conditions, benchmarks and qualifications on friendships defeats the fundamental purpose of forming them for me.

The most rewarding part of friendships lies in sharing the growth experience of life. Rafts were named Life Boats for a reason. The goal is to all survive together, not toss people overboard if they gain or loss weight, lol.

Hey if we were not intended to change our minds, why do we have them to begin with?

I enjoy hearing as many perspectives on issues as there are people willing to voice them.

...as long as they agree with mine, of course...heehee:heehee:

Stay! Stay! ...K....now.......Roll Over! Roll Over!....K....Speak! :D

:hugs:
:love:

[donnalee]

Of course you should continue posting here, as long as you feel you want to. Friends are still friends, no matter how you or they choose to live and express themselves.
I got no impression that "superiority" was expressed or implied by the original post, just a plain statement of her decision and a description of how she had been implementing it in her life.

Old saw - "Make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver, the other gold."
:hugs:

[Persephone]

Hi Amanda!

Congratulations on feeling positive about who you are and how you feel! That may be a bigger step for most CD/TG/TS's than crossing whatever arbitrary line there is between "man" and "woman."

Only you can decide whether you belong here or not. If you enjoy being here and/or if you feel that your posting here can continue to inspire and help others, then being here is not in conflict with your life.

Like you, I live life rather than "go out." I'm in "femme mode" more than in "drab mode." I have a name, I have an identity, I have credit cards. More importantly, I have friends who know me only as a woman and the circle of friends who know me solely as a man grows constantly smaller and smaller.

And most interesting (to me) of all, I have obligations as a woman, events and activities I have committed to, so even "deciding" when to be "en femme" and when to be "en drab" is no longer an option!

Unlike what you wrote though, I continue to view myself as a crossdresser, not as a transsexual, but, in truth, I'm not always sure which of those terms someone else would apply to me, and I really don't care. Someone on here once said "labels are for cans of pasta sauce, not for people" and I agree. I am ME, not a label.

There are others here, some of whom have completely "crossed over" with all the proper parts on their upholstery and with "F" on their driver's license, passport, and social security card, who continue to read and post here and who are truly Angels for the opinions, guidance, and help they continue to offer us.

So I would encourage you to decide for yourself whether or not you still belong here, rather than deciding based upon labels.

Hugs,
Persephone .

P.S. --
It doesn't make her better, but it does indicate she has more courage and self confidence than us to live life out of the shadows.

I don't know, Danielle. Around here I've seen plenty of courage and self-confidence to admire among folks ranging from deep in the closet to full-time. -- Persephone.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Amanda

I dont think anyone ever actually graduated from CD.com

You may feel because you have confirmed your transexual status you have less in common with crossdressers. This is why we have different sections on the forum.

Only you can decide if you want to continue participating in any particular section or get involved more in a different area.

[Kate Simmons]

I kind of agree with Shelly Hon. I don't think we ever truly "graduate" as we will always be learning about life and this is part of it. My friends are my friends regardless and I "fit in" with them because they are my friends as they accept me for who I am and I accept them for who they are regardless of what we may personally decide to do. We are all just learning who we are and that is what is mainly about.:)

[beccacd24]

Congratulations hun, so happy that you are being yourself and have people that support you.

[thechic]

no she is saying that she found her place as a women, not that she is braver, its like finding your love. only you know when its right... well she found who she is and that is female. 100% me im like 95% male lol....

I agree with CheyenneNicky
she has just found her place in life,Ive done the same its no longer a big thing going out dressed as a woman you go out as yourself a woman,ive gone this way,im living as a woman daily 100% of the time to work,up town just every where and all the time even at home with the kids and freinds im still married etc,ive just slotted into being a woman and am getting on better then when i was a guy 40% of the time,im still intrested in this forim because theres alot of good advice here,there are wondiful people here,i accasional post replys to posts for advice to give or ask,also post pics just so people know i am still alive.
i dont class myself as a crossdresser as i no longer where guys clothing.

[noeleena]

Hi,

many of my friends are dresser's tho i have a few who are liveing as they should , yet im different in many ways as i dont live in ether camp. because im not able to mix we are too far away so a good few hours drive to see them, i am involved with many people tho most of my close friends are women just were we live through our many groups both women only & mixed ( men & women )

Over in Austraila i have a lot of dresser friends & have meet them im accepted by them they know of my difference & we get on well ,

For me personly i just mix with people & what we have in common is what makes us friends , its about accepting each as we find each person for who they are, not just what they or i do.

its like most of us have cars or what ever transport, we dont all have to talk only about that do we to be friends,
Tho this forum brings us to gether we can still be friends reguardless of who or what we do...

...noeleena...

[cassandra54]

No offense but that sounds kinda condescending. Being TS doesn't make you better than us casual dressers.

i kind of agree with her. some people really don't have a NEED to be here, but it's a great way to share information, offer advice, give and receive support. it's great your making the transition if that's for you. some people like me will not. i will go as far as i can go without surgery or pills. you can call me a crossdresser, but i prefer tg since i am going to live part-time as cassandra.

[Debglam]

Amanda,

Your posts have always been kind, open, and appreciated. You will always be welcome here.

Debby

[Cynthia Anne]

I've always knew that I was TS and not CD! As long as I hace friends here rather they are cd or ts I'm going to stay! FRIENDS DON'T WALK OUT ON FRIENDS! I agree with Eluuzion! You should stay! You said this place has helped you so stick around and grow some more! STAY! SPEAK! ROLLOVER ONLY WHEN IT'S FITTING! Hugs!

[Debglam]

Hi Amanda,

Not a hijack here but I have been thinking about your OP and my own experiences. I don’t see any reason why you can’t stay if you want to. I frankly do not understand this concept that TS and CD are so radically different that we can’t understand each other and enjoy each other’s company. I don’t think you were going there but I kind of understand Violet’s post.

On another forum (but occasionally here), a “trannier than thou” attitude seems to prevail. Transsexuals are “real” and crossdressers are “fake.” That gets carried even further where post-op TS trumps pre-op and hormones trumps non-hormones, etc. This is just nuts!

I believe that all of us dealing with these gender issues come from the same wellspring. We may have varying degrees of gender discomfort or whatever you want to call it but it is all some variant of being born in body X and desiring or needing to be Y. Creating some sort of hierarchy is basically like saying I’m 70% uncomfortable so I’m better than someone 49% uncomfortable. Maybe supporting each other is the better way to go?

From a political standpoint, there just aren’t enough of us with any gender issue to make a difference unless we band together. The numbers are all over the place but we don’t have a loud enough voice to get the politicians to do anything without putting our differences aside and supporting each other.

I belong to a group with members that span the gender identity spectrum. Some of the nicest women I’ve met there are post-op women. While I can’t relate to everything they have gone through on their journey I can relate to enough. More importantly, I can empathize with their problems and support them. Isn’t that what friends do?

To bring this back to your question Amanda, if you feel that you have moved on I understand that. I know from my friends that transition can be “weary” to say the least and I get the idea that someone who has always considered themselves to be a woman, period, may want to move past this trans stuff. Just know that you will always have friends here who would love you to stay or welcome you back anytime!

Good Luck on Your Journey,
Debby

Oh BTW, your short hair is adorable! :)

[PretzelGirl]

Amanda, whether you feel you belong here or not is purely your choice. Some come and get what they need and move on to other phases of their life. Some stay because they feel they want to share or they want to stay with the same friends. Only you can figure this out. But this forum will only give everyone information on all aspects of what we do if everyone who experiences these aspects decides to share. So do you want to share what you have learned and what you experience? If you do, then you teach the rest of us something. But don't take that as something you should do, but something that is very much appreciated if you feel it is what you want to do.


Amanda, I question my inclusion here as well, though for different reasons. I too feel weird at times, certainly when posts I thought were meaningful or discussion worthy go unnoticed. I feel awkward now talking about my family when so many others have struggled with rejection, feeling like I come across as boastful.

And Danielle, this is a good example. If those that have supporting wives don't post their experiences, then anyone who is new will be left believing that all wives are unaccepting as that is all they see in the various posts. As it is, I think supporting wives are viewed in the minority more than what reality is. And that is because we tend to post more when things are stressful and when we need advice. It is a shame, but it is how a discussion group tends to go.

So post about your loving and accepting soon-to-be wife. Give her due and let us all know. It is very much appreciated as we need to be aware or all the realities, good and bad.

[Sara Jessica]

Amanda, you know I think you are terrific and am so happy for you in the steps you have taken to be true to yourself.

Call me naive but I've never really seen any kind of TG hierarchy which would prevent anyone from participating in various parts of this forum. Sure, there are threads which don't really speak my language but even though I participate mostly in this section, I've never hesitated to participate elsewhere (ie - the TS section) because there are issues there which are dear to my heart.

So follow your interests Amanda and don't let anyone tell you where you can and cannot participate. You have experience that can help those in this section that has to do with relationships, perhaps disclosure, or even taking those first fateful steps out into our wonderful world. Heck, you may also enjoy talking style in the clothing section or makeup, or whatever. It's your choice.

Again, don't let anyone else suggest otherwise.

[Kaz]

Amanda,

I would love you to stay and share your experiences as i can relate to them even if I am not TS. If I were younger and in a different place I would love to TS. But I am where I am... old, bald and with very complex work and family relationships that I want to maintain as they are (well most of them!).

So I am very envious of you and would love to hear of the adventures you have out there. It helps me to understand what might have been if circumstances were different.

[Rianna Humble]

I just see the tagline up there under the logo reading "The #1 community for crossdressers, their family and friends" and I just feel weird because I am not one. I am just unsure what to do or how to continue post. Have I outgrown or graduated from CD.com?

If you truly mean that you are not friendly towards cross-dressers, then perhaps you should question whether you belong; but I sincerely doubt that this is what you mean.

A while ago, someone questioned my right to take part in the MtF cross-dressers forum because I am TS and don't cross-dress, so I asked whether I should now refrain from posting here. The tagline that you quote was used by several people to state that they wanted me to continue to participate in the discussions since I am friends with numerous cross-dressers.


I have been living full time 99.9 % of the time :eek: That sounds complicated, what do you do for the other 1 thousandth of the time?

[GirlieAmanda]

Well, this is what I sought. I wanted to draw out people who feel the same. I had zero intent of being superior. I tried to make sure that I was not. I feel better reading that others feel the same. I will stay. Its really the name that gets me. Crossdressers.com and the tagline. I wish they would change the tagline to be more inclusive. Like "The best community for transgender people"

Also, I have seen the deep cutting sacrifice that TS people make. Loss of family, friends, job, discrimination, etc. I know that CDs face this somewhat but usually TS people can't just "clean up" and stuff the clothes in the rafters somewhere such as I used to do in the early days. They are different and I see it now. I just prefer the company of TS people now because I have always hated the way that some have to hide and scheme, not answer the phone, etc. I hated being a dirty little secret or the shadowy friend. It was very frustrating. I love face to face time. I love to be around people who are just living life as themselves whatever their level is. I have not been to work yet. I have not changed my docs. I am not at that level. I have my process in mind. Hormones and electrolisis, doc change, job transition or new job, possible surgeries including SRS someday. I was really surprised by Violet's comments. I love all of "my people" as I call them. I would never be condescending to anyone in the LGBT community. I try not to be that way.

[Kittyagain]

Amanda I understand. I think we all have a tendency to glare down from our particular level without really meaning too although I do not read that in your post.. Since the SCC, there seems to be a pulling away by those that attended. It is natural for birds of of feather. I guess you could say you are the top of the cross dressing world and maybe beyond.

There will always be those that want to follow your path. It would be nice to have you here for them.

Kitty

[Debra Russell]

Amanda - your another piece of the puzzel ! if you are not in place it's not complete. We are all here to help complete the puzzel - in other words here for each other -- happy for you.........................Debra

[kellycan27]

IMHO you haven't graduated, and at the very least you have completed CD101. To be perfectly frank it seems to me that what you have arrived at is more of what i would consider a kind of TS pink fog. Your SO is accepting and you have basically traded the support here for the support of her "TS friends". You feel safe and protected. I think it is a bit naive to say that you are living life as it really is because in fact life as "it really is" is not even close to hanging out and feeling comfortable around other transsexuals. 3 months and 99.9% hardly qualifies as graduation. When you are living it 24/7 365, and are comfortable with your friends your family, and your job etc.. without or with very little support of the TG community ( i hate that word "community") you may in fact be closer to graduation. If you are not out 100% than you still have the luxury of "cleaning up" and stuffing your clothes into the rafters for work as an example. When you feel comfortable in the presence of "just other people" and not just others like your self.. you will be closer to graduation. You have had a Revelation.. I am a woman, and I am not trying to rain on your parade because we all have to start somewhere. Stick around, you still have a lot to learn and there are some very insightful people both here in the cd section as well as in the TS section. This is a process that is jam packed with ups and downs, rivers to cross and mountains to climb. Forget about graduation..School starts NOW! :hugs:

Kelly

[DebbieL]

Amanda,
It's wonderful that you've reached this point, and so quickly. I very much hope you will continue to stay and contribute. Your experience, strength, and hope could make the difference for so many people. And the difference you make for some could even be a matter of life and death.

There are so few who have come as far as you have and so many of those who reach the other side of SRS want to put as much distance as they can between their new feminine side and their previous transgendered world. It's understandable, they don't need to struggle anymore because they have completed the process. Many also want to reduce the risk of being read.

Here, you can be a valuable contribution to those who are wrestling with the same issues you have resolved. They could benefit from your experience, insights, and experience, as well as your experience of having gone through the various procedures and how you dealt with the consequences.

To be honest, I wish that I had been able to have the experience of someone like you when I was 20 or even 30 years old.

It would have saved me a HUGE amount of pain and loss.

[GirlieAmanda]

IMHO you haven't graduated, and at the very least you have completed CD101. To be perfectly frank it seems to me that what you have arrived at is more of what i would consider a kind of TS pink fog. Your SO is accepting and you have basically traded the support here for the support of her "TS friends". You feel safe and protected. I think it is a bit naive to say that you are living life as it really is because in fact life as "it really is" is not even close to hanging out and feeling comfortable around other transsexuals. 3 months and 99.9% hardly qualifies as graduation. When you are living it 24/7 365, and are comfortable with your friends your family, and your job etc.. without or with very little support of the TG community ( i hate that word "community") you may in fact be closer to graduation. If you are not out 100% than you still have the luxury of "cleaning up" and stuffing your clothes into the rafters for work as an example. When you feel comfortable in the presence of "just other people" and not just others like your self.. you will be closer to graduation. You have had a Revelation.. I am a woman, and I am not trying to rain on your parade because we all have to start somewhere. Stick around, you still have a lot to learn and there are some very insightful people both here in the cd section as well as in the TS section. This is a process that is jam packed with ups and downs, rivers to cross and mountains to climb. Forget about graduation..School starts NOW! :hugs:

Kelly

I don't really think of myself as a full time TS yet. As I keep saying...I just have an issue with the name of the site and some of the postings in relation to myself. I could go change my docs tomorrow and do really well out there including a job without any other enhancements or changes. I just don't feel it is time yet. I want to have all my guns blazing when I go the full monty. Plus, I am in the process of moving and getting my life straightened out. I can also interact with plenty of people out in the world pretty easily. I think I do really well. I may live with a TS but she is not full time. I can begin to see what people talk about when they say that there is a hierarchy in the trans world. Each level looks down on the preceding level as inferior. I vow to not do this. I just want to do it right. A couple of my friends are living full time with jobs. I am friends with them but they do not "protect" me. I do this on my own with support when I ask for it. I don't consider this a TS pink fog. My GF grills me every day on the realities of TS life. It is not glamorous.

[Aprilrain]

You may find that you get more out of the TS section now than the CD section since you do not identify as a CD. I to initially kept posting in the CD section probably out of fear of sounding stupid or being rejected but something I posted in the CD section got moved to the TS section, that was when I stated to get comfortable posting in the TS section. There is no reason to leave and there is no hierarchy however there are people who have been where I have not, most have a valid message some deliver in a way that will make sense to me others do not I take what I need and leave the rest. Good luck in your journey, It sounds like it has only just begun and that you have many trial and tribulations ahead. I have found not only good information here but have made some friends and become familiar with a host of others. Sometimes I feel like i must be the only one in the world who "feels this way" then someone else will post something and I find that I'm not alone or as "unique" as I thought. If nothing else this site is addictive and has huge potential for entertainment value!

[Melody Moore]

Hi Amanda, I can relate to the feeling like transcending from just being a crossdresser. However I have to throw
my support behind the comments here made by Kelly and April, so please pop over more often to the transsexual
section of this forum (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?12-Transsexual-Forum) because you will get more relevant support to continue your over there. And remember there
is also the Safe Haven here (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?72-Safe-Haven-%28MTF-Transsexuals-Invitation-Only%29) for people like us to talk privately about more sensitive issues about being transsexual.

I am a the coordinator for my support group and this forum has been invaluable for learning more about gender
diversity and gender identities. Reading stories from other people has taught me so much and I still keep learning
here every single day. And I am sure that in time you will have the experience to also help others following in your
footsteps and it is important to keep people like us around to support others. There will be always something that
we can all contribute and gain here. And if you would also like some off-site support and friendship, then hit me up
on Facebook if you are ever looking for some one on one chat. See the link in my signature below.
In the meantime, take care, and good luck in your journey with whatever you decide. :hugs:

[Phylis Nicole Schuyler]

Hi Amanda,

Not a hijack here but I have been thinking about your OP and my own experiences. I don’t see any reason why you can’t stay if you want to. I frankly do not understand this concept that TS and CD are so radically different that we can’t understand each other and enjoy each other’s company. I don’t think you were going there but I kind of understand Violet’s post.


On another forum (but occasionally here), a “trannier than thou” attitude seems to prevail. Transsexuals are “real” and crossdressers are “fake.” That gets carried even further where post-op TS trumps pre-op and hormones trumps non-hormones, etc. This is just nuts!

I believe that all of us dealing with these gender issues come from the same wellspring. We may have varying degrees of gender discomfort or whatever you want to call it but it is all some variant of being born in body X and desiring or needing to be Y. Creating some sort of hierarchy is basically like saying I’m 70% uncomfortable so I’m better than someone 49% uncomfortable. Maybe supporting each other is the better way to go?

From a political standpoint, there just aren’t enough of us with any gender issue to make a difference unless we band together. The numbers are all over the place but we don’t have a loud enough voice to get the politicians to do anything without putting our differences aside and supporting each other.

I belong to a group with members that span the gender identity spectrum. Some of the nicest women I’ve met there are post-op women. While I can’t relate to everything they have gone through on their journey I can relate to enough. More importantly, I can empathize with their problems and support them. Isn’t that what friends do?

To bring this back to your question Amanda, if you feel that you have moved on I understand that. I know from my friends that transition can be “weary” to say the least and I get the idea that someone who has always considered themselves to be a woman, period, may want to move past this trans stuff. Just know that you will always have friends here who would love you to stay or welcome you back anytime!

Good Luck on Your Journey,
Debby

Oh BTW, your short hair is adorable! :)

Well Said Debby. I couldn't agree with you more.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

The trannier than thou idea comes from people that take it personally when a transsexual says here i am, here's what i did, and here's why i am different than you..

the word is different...not better, it's not higher up on the "heirarchy"... its not personal..pls show me the posts where people argue over who takes more hormones...i admit people argue over srs...but thats a debate about the benefits of a procedure with legal, physical and emotional benefits to the group...not about about who is a better person...and when people make that debate personal, it does get nuts...but it has nothing to do with crossdressing..

Why is it so hard to understand that it's a different path for someone that is a woman vs is a man?
It's not "real" or "fake"...Red is not "fake" purple..its just red...a crossdresser is not a "fake" transsexual, what is the problem with that?

How can you say you support me, when you cannot identify me and celebrate how i am different than you?

Amanda gets to decide what she wants to do...
I think posting here about this topic the way she did propagates the idea of a heirarchy..the word "graduated" seems wrong...the post was a little condescending ...but she is a positive and nice person based on her posts...so who cares..
but it did come up in the responses, and that's why we are talking about this part of it...

[Elle1946]

You belong to where you feel wanted and happy. As far as I am comcerned you are welcome here.