Why do few women give comments or advise to CD threads?

[IMkrystal]

Prior to, and since the ”Love Ones” forum has been on here, there are patterns to the type of threads that are posted. This is also true in other forum areas. Crossdressers are constantly asking for advice or comments on beauty, dress (clothing), pictures, going out, significant others, passing, and other topics Seldom have I seen any advice or comment made by women. It is as if, they have no knowledge about any of these topics. On the other hand, when women post a thread mostly on here and a few times where it is not only viewable by women, Crossdressers respond openly. The sharing is one sided. It is understandable women have little knowledge about crossdressing, however obviously from Crossdressers’ post, man have less knowledge about emulating a woman. There is a thread on here entitled something like, how many women want a CD? Mostly crossdressers have responded saying how lucky they are to have a wonderful wife or they have a friend who is looking for one, or they are they are out there you just have to find the right one. I think there are only two women responses. My perception, and probably the perception of many others, of this and other women threads is how negatively women view the subject of crossdressing. The advantage of this website for crossdressers is it a place to come to feel safe and find acceptance in a world where we are still considered outcast. The advantage for women is to share their frustrations publicly without interacting with those who are causing their problems. :2c:

[Melanie R]

If you want to read good advise written by the wife of a cross dresser, read the books of Dr Peggy Rudd and Helen Boyd. Peggy,s first two books, My husband Wears My Clothes and Crossdressing With dignity, are available from all book stores and now Kindle and Nook.

[Stitch]

I used to give advice, but honestly I feel pretty invisible here. I used to post, but rarely got responses in the main areas of the forum. Hence why I am now a "lurking GG" always here, but rarely post. I've unfortunately resigned myself to only posting when something riles me enough to do so, or is about key topics that I adore or have enough experience in to warrant a post. As one of the younger GG's I feel that sometimes my perspective and life experience may be lacking enough to give an informed response.

Another reason why I don't post in some threads? Well my Mum always told me if you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all. I do feel that there are many members here who wouldn't enjoy the level of constructive criticism we as GGs would bestow if we did post more.

I have also found that my generation especially receives a fair bit of flack from some crossdressers, as many of us wear trousers or aren't as feminine as you'd all like. Which isn't exactly welcoming.

[Nigella]

I will only say this, a maxim I have lived my life by, if you ask for advice, at least listen to the advice you are given. How often have you heard the expression, "don't shoot the messenger"? Well that is what happens all too often when a GG gives advice in the M2F forum.

Yes there are GGs who would gladly give advice on how to be a "woman", but IMHO, too many CDs only want to listen to their peers.

[goofus]

I for one like constructive criticism...and I don't think that CD's should be giving GG's flack about not being "feminine enough" anymore than GG's should be giving us grief about not being masculine enough...but that's just me...I like to think I'm a liberated person...

[Presh GG]

I am a GG
I have answered that question a few times since i've been here,

Look to your friends with excepting wives
[ birds of a feather ect ]

Be honest, yada yada

I usually feel nobody wants to hear the same 'old from me.

Good morning
Presh GG

[Sandra]

It is understandable women have little knowledge about crossdressing,

Really, there happens to be a lot of women on this forum who do have a lot of knowledge about crossdressing as they are living with it everyday.

I have seen many a time and have had it happen to me, we post and just because we speak the truth we are wrong of the embittered wife. If we don't agree with what is said, or post all the oohs and aahs again we are wring and no nothing.

We get fed up of being treated as if we don't know anything, and a lot of GGs won't even venture into the MtF let alone post for fear of being blasted or slammed, and when advice or comments are given they are ignored, but if another cder makes the same comment as a GG has then they are praised....any wonder why we don't post much.

[kellycan27]

Most of the gg's that i know, who don't have a dog in this fight, Don't see you as a threat to their sexuality, they see you as a threat to yours. It seems to me that while there are a lot of gg's here who accept the cding there doesn't look like there are a lot who actually embrace it. Not saying that there aren't those who do, but I think they are more the exception than the rule. "first you want me to accept the fact that you dress in woman's clothing, and now you you want me to give you tips on being more lady like"? I think it would be interesting to poll the accepting gg's and ask that even though can accept their SO's cross dressing, how many would prefer that he didn't to begin with.

[Raychel Torn]

Well, I can only speak for myself, but I am sorry that any GG ever feels their input is unwanted. I want to know what you think. I want a good set of opinions, not just the ideas of people who agree with me. So don't give up on us.

[Aprilrain]

I think it would be interesting to poll the accepting gg's and ask that even though can accept their SO's cross dressing, how many would prefer that he didn't to begin with.

this poll has already been taken, sorta.

GG's, Could you let her go?

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?146115-GG-s-Could-you-let-her-go

[Kittyagain]

Keep in mind that it is love that makes a man becoming a woman relationship work with the SO. Without the love I think would just as soon not deal with us. Not to say they would avoid us or be critical just not supportive.

Kitty

Kitty

[kellycan27]

this poll has already been taken, sorta.

GG's, Could you let her go?

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?146115-GG-s-Could-you-let-her-go

Yes, kind of, but i was speaking in more in terms of knowing beforehand as opposed to after the fact.

[J'lyn GG]

Your post is an exact reason why GG's don't post much. IMO, it comes off as condescending. Did I want a CDer? Heck, no. But that isn't what the OP wanted to hear. If you have seen most of my posts/replies, you will see I have been slammed, talked down to, and completely ignored.

Heck, in a recent post, I and 3 other cders said, roughly, the same thing. The OP thanked them and ignored me. Fine. Didn't hurt my feelings. But it makes me think twice to the posts I reply to. And that post, specifically, asked for GG's thoughts.

I also posted about the steps I have made to become more supportive. One particular person said (in a nutshell) that I was a horrible person and I needed a complete 'reframe' of myself. That doesn't make me feel all too warm and fuzzy. Although, others did stand up for me and I thank them tremendously.

I, and other GG's, have received PM's from cders chastising us for replies. Some don't want to hear ANYTHING we have to say and some don't like to feel the bubble burst when we inject a little reality into a 'fantasy world post'. Or don't want us to remind them how their wife might feel about the things they just ranted about. How are we supposed to know who wants to hear from us and who doesn't? I respond to posts that deal with coming out to a spouse or being reasonable in expectations of a spouse, for the most part. Why? Because I don't want any other woman to go thru what I went thru in the beginning.

Beauty question posts? I don't go to that forum, b/c, quite frankly, talking about makeup and stuff bores the pants off me. And depending on the tone of the post, well...never mind. My hubby and I may talk about that stuff, but I love him. He doesn't talk down to me. I guess I have been burned one too many times to put myself out there too much. Although, I have found myself posting a little more often, lately.

[Presh GG]

So Krystal

Care to take another stab at us ?

Presh gg

[Joan_CD]

Any non genetic female for mtf or non genetic male for ftm that thinks the genetic person feels threatened or jealous is off base. You cannot match the genetic person for various reasons, such as life experiences to name one. Wearing their shoes doesn't mean you walked in them.

[Stitch]

Support and acceptance go both ways. Many people here want to loved for who they are, not because of their gender or the clothes they choose to wear. To be who they are inside and not be judged for it. Yet I see much judgement cast out towards GGs for not wearing dresses, wearing no make up and even having tattoos.

Practice what you preach people!

Can't we all just be who we want to be? I'm sure we can all agree the world would be a better place if we could all wear what we wanted without people looking down their noses at us, regardless of gender constraints.

[babs816 GG]

I'm a supportive GG.. new to a relationship with a gurl that I adore..NEW to the CD lifestyle and a pretty recent member here. I'm still feeling my way around here but I do post when the mood strikes and not just in threads started by other GG's I'm all about the shout outs when I see a great pic or a SMOKIN HOT pair of shoes..etc.

Give me sometime and I'm sure there will be people here thinking..OH NO HER AGAIN when I post. LOL

Barb

[Speck]

Krystal,

Irl, I love doing people's make up and if I could make any money at it, I'd love to be an image consultant or something. There are lots of times when I want to give a compliment and other times when I'd like to make a suggestion but here, when someone's not paying for my advice, I think my agenda would be questioned.

When it comes to comments about someone's looks, there are two competing values at play. On one hand, you want to be honest and on the other, you want to be nice and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. On a CDing forum, I think it's best everyone sticks to the "ooohs and awes".

Speck

[susan54]

I have some sympathy with Stitch and many of the other GGs who have replied. Though this is probably the least judgmental of the CD forums, that aspect is still present, and why people want to have a go at GGs is beyond my comprehension - if they are on here they are sympathetic or asking for information. Why is that regarded by some as a problem? For my own part I feel I have little in common with other CDs and none at all with TSs, and interaction with GGs, on line or in reality is what I value. Please do not be discouraged by these people - some of us greatly value your presence here. CDs and others on here want tolerance in society - so, critics - how about practicing what you preach?

[larry]

To: All the GGs on here,"I' Thank You for taking the time and effort to post. To just be on this forum tells me you must be a nice
person.

[Presh GG]

Larry and susan54 ,

THANK YOU !

We are here to support and BE supported .. Can we all play nice ?

Presh

[michelle64]

WoW...finally a refreshing thread of truth...i too lurk for durations on end as when it is posted what needs to be said many flame and attacks are sure to follow..the GG's are right..many many here cannot handle the truth when it is spelled out for them..so why bother anymore i say

ps: i am so sick of the sex while CD'ing stuff and what color of panties are you wearing today threads..come on people..ive never seen such stuff posted on other boards that are 99% GG's..many here drive GG's away and i do not blame them for going elsewhere (something to think about)..posts above by the GG's have been well stated

[ReineD]

I remember a few months ago, a newbie CD went into the Beauty section and in his title, asked specifically for input from GGs about hose or tights (or something). You'd be surprised at how many CDs who responded in the thread resented this. They felt as if their own expertise didn't matter. I rather got the impression they felt as if their own turf was crossed.

And this is an attitude I pick up here as well. My opinion of fashion as a GG is dismissed (not by everyone but by many CDs here), since CDs just know so much more than I do. I've even sensed in my SO whom I love dearly, that my opinion is not welcome unless specifically requested. Frankly, I understand this. There's no way that I spend as much time and energy studying fashion as many of the CDs here. Or, maybe when a GG offers an opinion it is viewed as a criticism?

Also Krystal you've got to consider that we only do have a handful of GGs who participate in the forum at any given time compared to the several hundreds of CDs who post on a regular basis. This is probably the biggest reason there are only a fraction of posts in the MtF section from GGs, apart from many of them feeling unwelcomed when they do post their opinions.

If any of you believe that GGs don't post here because they feel as if their femininity is threatened, or they are jealous, or they feel as if their female sanctuary has been breached somehow, then please get that idea of out of your minds. It is a CD fantasy that women feel this way, and not the reality. lol

The thead in Loved Ones that April posted about whether GGs could let the CDing go - pease remember people that many GGs don't go out looking to be in relationships with CDs, any more than little boys grow up actively wanting to be feminine or effeminate. How many purges are there before a TG accepts himself? How many years does he keep the CDing to himself thinking and hoping it will go away, before he tells his wife? The opinions you read in that thread are from GGs who are along their own journeys of acceptance. If they do not accept or if they experience difficulty along the road to acceptance, it is because of the way that anything trans-variant is vilified in our society, and not because these GGs are b*tches. GGs who are married to CDs are not raised in some little bubble where they are exempt from the general societal bias against the CDing. So please, people ... keep this in mind!

That said, when I read this thread I see an awful lot of posts from GGs who do support the CDing because they love their husbands, even if they could let the CDing go. In fact, many of the GGs said they would respect their husbands' choices, whatever these choices might be. :)

[IMkrystal]

I wish to apologize to all the women that have responded to my thread during the past 6 hours.:love: From you responses it appears Crossdressers do not value your opinions and that is sad. I must be the exception on here and I did not wish to sound condescending. I am on here looking for responses from women because I am interested in your opinions. From your post to this thread, it appears most crossdressers resent your opinions. I guess if the US Congress cannot work together to solve America’s problems what chance do we have in solving ours.

[J'lyn GG]

:)
I wish to apologize to all the women that have responded to my thread during the past 6 hours.:love: From you responses it appears Crossdressers do not value your opinion and that is sad. I must be the exception on here and I did not wish to sound condescending. I am on here looking for responses from women because I am interested in your opinions. From your post to this thread, it appears most crossdressers resent your opinions. I guess if the US Congress cannot work together to solve America’s problems what chance do we have in solving ours.

It takes great strength of character to admit a mistake. I admire that and I thank you. While I know there are some that truly want a GG's opinion, it is hard to know who they are.:)

[Kaz]

I just want to say that I value EVERY OPINION of EVERY GG out there... I wish we had more! I am so so sorry that you feel beaten down by stupid men.. yet again!

For those who post on the forum there are many more who don't, but who read what is posted. So to react to the gallery is not commiting to greater good.

I so wish I could get good constructive comment from the GGs... the lack of it is does translate to lack of interest and engagement I am afraid... but if it is a fear of being beaten up or even a case of 'I have been beaten up too much', then please share... I have spent a lifetime as a husband and father trying to say the right thing and failing... the thoughts have been OK, just the communication was a tad 'off'...

As a C.. I do value your opinion ABOVE other CDs.. excect when it comes to experience stuff... like how to handle the guy who says.. 'you are a pervert' in a public situation where no-one else noticed, but now they all do? But having said that... I would wlecome a GG's advice on this.

Gosh are we really so bad at this?

[Chickhe]

Don't beat ourselves up... I think it is just the reality much like if you were to join a makeup forum, most would probably sit on the sidelines because its not really our main interest... sure it is something we need to deal with but it may not be that exiting to us, yet we want to learn about it. Everyone is welcome to comment, but you also have to be willing to listen to the responses and realize the perspective is different so, I can see why it can be hard to join in, a typical woman is bored of the discussions about learning to be a woman...they went through it growing up...its old hat. So it probably more interesting to just read about others experiences. It would be nice to hear on a woman's experiences on things like getting chatted up in the street or stuff like that or stories about what they do enjoy about CDing...

[larry]

So refreshing to hear, thank you! Because if read one more time that I'm not feminine if I wear jeans I'm going to scream!
Allie,If that is you in that avatar it would be a fool to call you not feminine no matter WHAT you wear. hehehe (meant with all respect)

[bridget thronton]

I have learned that all feedback is a gift. I welcome the comments made by the GG's in this forum and regularly watch for some of your comments Reine I hav often reopened a thread when I noticed I missed reading a post from you. Thanks to all the ladies who have helped to better understand my wonderful spouse better.

[SweetPea_GG]

ps: i am so sick of the sex while CD'ing stuff and what color of panties are you wearing today threads..come on people..ive never seen such stuff posted on other boards that are 99% GG's..many here drive GG's away and i do not blame them for going elsewhere (something to think about)..posts above by the GG's have been well stated

This is one of my reasons for not posting much all I seem to see is panty color threads and more similar I won't list. When I have viewed this section I feel like there are a lot of fantasy topics and cutesy topics but not much on other issues. So now I only pop in here if I see a topic listed on the main page I am interested in And to be truthful panty color threads seem very un-nessary and a bit odd for grown men to have a forum topic about. If I was s SO who just found out about my husbands cding I would not feel comfortable viewing this forum area at first. Usually I advise them not to.

[Rianna Humble]

It is refreshing to see a thread like this. I hope that some of the other members will read it even if they don't post


I just want to say that I value EVERY OPINION of EVERY GG out there... I wish we had more! I am so so sorry that you feel beaten down by stupid men.. yet again!
...
Gosh are we really so bad at this?

I'm sorry to say, Kaz, that with a few exceptions (you being one IMNSHO) a lot of the people who frequent this particular forum are quite bad in the way that they diss any woman who tries to offer an opinion. I have lost count of the times recently where I have seen a GG contribute to a thread only to be made to feel that her opinion doesn't count or she has no idea what she is talking about.

It gets even worse if a GG has the affrontary to contribute her experience when the topic of telling an SO about cross-dressing comes around again. If she is completely accepting, her opinion is dismissed as not being typical, if she explains why she had a hard time, she is accused of being unsupportive and if she dares to mention the feeling of having been deceived - even if she later overcame that - then many people are ready to tie her to the stake and light the wood under her feet.

I'm afraid that for me, nothing illustrates this as well as a recent thread in Loved Ones, where a GG who had only just found out that her SO cross-dresses and was trying to make him understand that she wanted to be supportive but was not getting a very good reception from him was told that she didn't deserve to be in a relationship because she had left the room when he got upset.

[ReineD]

One thing bothers me here, and I think everyone is prone to doing this, GGs, CDs, and even me sometimes.

There will be a thread, say two pages, fifty responses. Forty of the responses will be positive. Two will be negative. Eight will be neutral. Yet, people focus on the two negative responses! :p

This forum is large and there are bound to be members who can't read between the lines, or who have limited views that they base on their own personal circumstances. It's going to happen! Admittedly, I've seen the lemming culture in some threads, when everyone jumps on the bandwagon and is negative. But, this is rare. Usually, most of the responses are positive or neutral.

Maybe it is human nature to focus on that which is less than ideal, and then make generalizations that everyone else is negative too?

[CheyenneNicky]

I do it too.. when ever i see the negitive comments. i see how they start to pile comments on the negitive one, and i just get angry. so i stop reading. for example the Male Lesbian one. I stopped looking at it cause of the fact that someone was very in my opinion condescending and i was like what ever why am i letting this get to me. so i let it go and moved on from the topic.

[Tamara Croft]

Well I'm actually a Beauty Therapist, although I don't actually practice it anymore and I used to give out a lot of advice, but because I'm an Administrator here, I get slammed that much, I don't post anymore, there is no point, so all my beauty advice has gone back in my closet, where people on this forum have pushed me into :sad:

[noeleena]

Hi.

From experance ,

I spent some time with a group of people some time ago, of cause i had asked would they like to have there make up done by 3 woman i knew who were very good & were coming down in our town = city, to promote make up ,
Of cause that was really just for us women ,

i asked the women concerned would they be interested in doing make up & colour for a group of men i knew , who i hoped would be interested enough to come with me , & take time to be shown how to apply make up colour & any tips that would help them,
We had seven guys come yes they were dressed in womens clothes ,

i took the time in arrangeing & timeing of . at the end , the comment i receved from the one who ran the crossdressing group . was,

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,WELL THAT WAS A WASTE OF TIME,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

So you can quess how i felt, im a woman & i did not expect to get that, tho knowing the people im not surprised .....so much for my experance

Two of the women i know & one more so i have known for some 6 years, & she is lovely .

...noeleena...

[Patty B.]

ReineD as always on the money, and I read a lot and don't always post much, many posts I dont even look at (panty color) for instance. But the info I've gained by this forum has been invaluable either from gg's or cd's, hate to see threads take the directions they can go in. Just keeping an open mind on what is posted, and appreciate the advise given.

[Karren H]

Your asking the wrong audience....imho. I've always felt this... That's why when I had questions I went to a women's forum. A couple of them. And asked them the questions. And I got answers. Lot and lots of them. Maybe not the ones I wanted to hear but they were honest ones. Which I needed to hear. And I made a ton of female friends. Whom I converse with on Facebook daily. I became accepted for how I am and what I do...

[Joan_CD]

Your asking the wrong audience....imho. I've always felt this... That's why when I had questions I went to a women's forum. A couple of them. And asked them the questions. And I got answers. Lot and lots of them. Maybe not the ones I wanted to hear but they were honest ones. Which I needed to hear. And I made a ton of female friends. Whom I converse with on Facebook daily. I became accepted for how I am and what I do...

I agree with you Karren. I go to makeup talk or noogleberry and get valuable advice, opinions, and constructive criticism. I also surround myself with women as I go out. I feel comfortable with them and love how we relate.

[LeaP]

ps: i am so sick of the sex while CD'ing stuff and what color of panties are you wearing today threads..come on people..ive never seen such stuff posted on other boards that are 99% GG's..many here drive GG's away and i do not blame them for going elsewhere (something to think about)..posts above by the GG's have been well stated

It threatens to drive some of the CD'ers away, too ... I looked long and hard at this forum before joining, and I wince when I see some of the threads. Fortunately, the moderators shut down the worst of it.

Lea

[CheyenneNicky]

It threatens to drive some of the CD'ers away, too ... I looked long and hard at this forum before joining, and I wince when I see some of the threads. Fortunately, the moderators shut down the worst of it.

Lea
I am happy that you all feel that way. cause i came here for advise on things, and to learn experience of others. not hear about perversions honestly thank you.

[LeaP]

I remember a few months ago, a newbie CD went into the Beauty section and in his title, asked specifically for input from GGs about hose or tights (or something). You'd be surprised at how many CDs who responded in the thread resented this. They felt as if their own expertise didn't matter. I rather got the impression they felt as if their own turf was crossed.

And this is an attitude I pick up here as well. My opinion of fashion as a GG is dismissed (not by everyone but by many CDs here), since CDs just know so much more than I do. I've even sensed in my SO whom I love dearly, that my opinion is not welcome unless specifically requested. Frankly, I understand this. There's no way that I spend as much time and energy studying fashion as many of the CDs here. Or, maybe when a GG offers an opinion it is viewed as a criticism?

...

If any of you believe that GGs don't post here because they feel as if their femininity is threatened, or they are jealous, or they feel as if their female sanctuary has been breached somehow, then please get that idea of out of your minds. It is a CD fantasy that women feel this way, and not the reality. lol



I find all of this fascinating. There is a VERY narrow range of topics (e.g., tucking) where taking the advice or viewpoint of a crossdresser would seem best. On virtually every other topic related to female dress and deportment, I would - and do, from my wife - take a woman's advice every time. I'm also fortunate in that she is a make-up and skin care expert, as she was in that business for many years. She's very good at reading crossdressers, and almost 100% of them can be nailed on the basis of clothing choice alone. One needs to dress age-appropriately, to their figure, and in reasonably up-to-date styles and many crossdressers manage to blow through all three! That appears to be more due to ignorance than anything else.

The notion of GG's being threatened by crossdressers' expression of femininity I just find odd, maybe not even believable. I haven't personally seen it in the forum. What I have read is mostly insecurity about appearance. I can see how a negative or even constructive comment from a GG might be misunderstood as coming from a position of being threatened, but find it difficult to believe anyone would truly believe this is the case for most women, most of the time. Social conditioning alone would suggest otherwise, as gender variant people are not seen in any way more desirable by the general public. Quite the opposite.

Lea

[Kate Simmons]

Most women no doubt conclude that they have little to nothing to gain by advising and/or encouraging crossdressers.:)

[LindaC]

Thanks Reine for putting things in prospective. Your a pretty smart lady.

[Asche]

The notion of GG's being threatened by crossdressers' expression of femininity I just find odd, maybe not even believable. ..
Maybe.

But I have seen numerous posts where CD's express the idea that they are more "feminine" than their SOs, or more feminine than women in general, and it's hard to see how the SOs -- and GGs in general -- could not see this as at a verbal kick in the teeth.

I notice that a lot of what the GGs are complaining about in this thread is the sort of stuff that GGs complain about regarding almost any mixed-gender forum: guys dominating the discussion, ignoring anything a woman says (even if they've asked for her input), and discussing women as if they were all alike and not present.

[LeaP]

Maybe.

But I have seen numerous posts where CD's express the idea that they are more "feminine" than their SOs, or more feminine than women in general, and it's hard to see how the SOs -- and GGs in general -- could not see this as at a verbal kick in the teeth.

I've seen those, but didn't make the connection to the current topic. I usually take that sort of response as indicating some dissatisfaction with a SO's grooming standard - not their femininity per se. Those are not remotely the same to me, but I may well be reading my own interpretations into the posts as a result.

Lea

[ReineD]

I find all of this fascinating. There is a VERY narrow range of topics (e.g., tucking) where taking the advice or viewpoint of a crossdresser would seem best. On virtually every other topic related to female dress and deportment, I would - and do, from my wife - take a woman's advice every time.

Not every CD resents a GG's opinion on fashion and makeup. But, some do. It is difficult to tell which do and don't though, and this is why I think many GGs shy away from giving their opinions.




The notion of GG's being threatened by crossdressers' expression of femininity I just find odd, maybe not even believable. I haven't personally seen it in the forum. What I have read is mostly insecurity about appearance. I can see how a negative or even constructive comment from a GG might be misunderstood as coming from a position of being threatened, but find it difficult to believe anyone would truly believe this is the case for most women, most of the time. Social conditioning alone would suggest otherwise, as gender variant people are not seen in any way more desirable by the general public. Quite the opposite.


You haven't been here long enough. :D

I haven't seen many of those posts recently, but there have been times in this forum where such posts seemed to be a theme: GGs don't accept the CDing because they are jealous. CDs are so much more feminine than GGs. GGs feel threatened by CDs. GGs dress like men. Etc. I don't know why such sentiments ebb and flow, and I also wonder if the CDs who post these things really believe them, or if they are carrying a huge chip on their shoulders.

[CallieH]

As newbies to this forum, that is one of the things my gf Hayley and I discussed after she came here seeking clarification. For some GG's, all this is a shocking new development for them. But a lot of them decide they are going to love and support their CDing SO's by learning what they can and helping when asked.

She feels that her input as a GG is sometimes not sought, and probably wouldn't be given due respect either. If we want GG's to be more active here, we need to create a more conducive environment here for them.

[LeaP]

You haven't been here long enough. :D

I haven't seen many of those posts recently, but there have been times in this forum where such posts seemed to be a theme: GGs don't accept the CDing because they are jealous. CDs are so much more feminine than GGs. GGs feel threatened by CDs. GGs dress like men. Etc. I don't know why such sentiments ebb and flow, and I also wonder if the CDs who post these things really believe them, or if they are carrying a huge chip on their shoulders.

As I said in a recent, unrelated post, wishful thinking perhaps. I suppose I could understand the attitude to a degree if coming from one of those who is blessed with not just passability, but beauty and taste. Many of us, however, me included, look like the proverbial "man in a dress" even at our best. For those of us in that category, it could be defensive - better to believe the GG's wrong than I don't look so good.

Thanks for the comment on tenure. I took it in the nicest sense!

Lea

[Kerigirl2009]

I would LOVE to see more GG (women) make their comments known at least to me (PVT message if need be)
I dont want to ruffle to many boas here (lol) But I am in agreement with alot of the GG reply here. Why would we ask for advice and then rip on their opinions, for that matter any negative opinions.
I know We all want to feel good about ourselves (myself included) and I know that I have my good moments and I have my not so good moments.
Maybe we should have a New Sticky thread that we can post without our names just maybe a CD or GG marking where we could post Honestly without backlash. I know this is sort of a community where we get to know others on line, I would much rather here the truth then a line of bull just to spare my feelings.
I would much rather have that happen here then out and about in the world. I know when I don't have anything nice to say I move on to the next post. I guess my mom taught me pretty good afterall.

[kimdl93]

Actually, its seems to me that we do get a lot of GG input, particularly when we ask for it. There are, naturally, many more CDs than GGs on the site, but I think the GGs are remarkably well represented by those who do participate!

[VeronicaMoonlit]

I remember a few months ago, a newbie CD went into the Beauty section and in his title, asked specifically for input from GGs about hose or tights (or something). You'd be surprised at how many CDs who responded in the thread resented this. They felt as if their own expertise didn't matter.

I remember that thread and I do believe I was one of the ones that posted that I was a touch resentful. IIRC I mentioned that there were transfolk who knew quite a bit about fashion/makeup, though I understood why they were being GG centric, since in the past I had done similar. I think I also suggested that the trans fashionistas probably knew more about hosiery issues like leg hair coverage and the like.


Or, maybe when a GG offers an opinion it is viewed as a criticism?

Sometimes, I think so.



That's why when I had questions I went to a women's forum. A couple of them. And asked them the questions. And I got answers. Lot and lots of them.


I agree with you Karren. I go to makeup talk or noogleberry and get valuable advice, opinions, and constructive criticism.

Of course, there are other transfolk in such places, so it's not just GG's you're asking questions of. :-) Personally I don't care who or what the fashionista/makeupista is just as long as they're a makeupista/fashionista. For example if I was to ever see Tim Gunn and he made some suggestions to me, I would take them very seriously.


But, some do. It is difficult to tell which do and don't though, and this is why I think many GGs shy away from giving their opinions.

I can understand that.


You haven't been here long enough. :D

Heh.


I also wonder if the CDs who post these things really believe them, or if they are carrying a huge chip on their shoulders.


For those of us in that category, it could be defensive - better to believe the GG's wrong than I don't look so good.

Both, I think.


Thanks for the comment on tenure. I took it in the nicest sense!


Heh.

Veronica

[Asche]

Maybe.

But I have seen numerous posts where CD's express the idea that they are more "feminine" than their SOs, or more feminine than women in general, and it's hard to see how the SOs -- and GGs in general -- could not see this as at a verbal kick in the teeth.
I've seen those, but didn't make the connection to the current topic. I usually take that sort of response as indicating some dissatisfaction with a SO's grooming standard - not their femininity per se. Those are not remotely the same to me, but I may well be reading my own interpretations into the posts as a result.I really don't know how to respond to this. It seems to me that the fact that you -- and a lot of other GMs here -- don't see why a woman would see this sort of comment as a put-down of who they are as women is a large part of the problem.

[LeaP]

I really don't know how to respond to this. It seems to me that the fact that you -- and a lot of other GMs here -- don't see why a woman would see this sort of comment as a put-down of who they are as women is a large part of the problem.

I wasn't speaking to the GG viewpoint, I was speaking entirely to the CD side of the point.

Lea

[Kate Simmons]

No, that's not it at all. We just spent this entire thread explaining it. If we didn't seek insight, friendship, or better understanding of our SOs, we wouldn't be here, would we? I am here for my gain.

I speak only for myself now, but I have no issue offering advice and do so quite frequently in PMs - to my CD friends who appreciate the feedback and ask specific pointed questions. Im happy to offer advice, to anyone, I just don't drop it on a thread unsolicited for the aforementioned reasons.I know that Hon, I just wanted to see if anyone was really paying attention. As Reine said, sometimes these threads get so convoluted that we may miss the good stuff and quality answers.:)

[Sandra]

It gets even worse if a GG has the affrontary to contribute her experience when the topic of telling an SO about cross-dressing comes around again. If she is completely accepting, her opinion is dismissed as not being typical,

Not got a cat in hells chance have I then :)

[IMkrystal]

THANKS Everyone!! These comments and discussions is what I have been hoping for. Maybe US Congress can learn a lesson from this!! Instead of talking "AT", just talking helps develop new thinking. I also wish there was a forum segment where individuals would not fear posting because of backlash.

[ReineD]

I also wish there was a forum segment where individuals would not fear posting because of backlash.

Mods do their best to make sure the backlash isn't too strong. We do edit for trolling and personal attacks. There is also the handy-dandy "Report Post" triangle on the bottom left of every post, just in case a mod misses something. :)

That said, it is also incumbent on every member (GG, CD, or TS) to also keep the threads in perspective. I can't emphasize how important this is. Going back to my post #34, if there are 40 positive and 2 negative responses, then it is best to just brush off the negatives and instead focus and respond to the positives, at least until past a cooling off period. You can report an offensive post, but you don't have to react to it. There is no greater punishment for a troll than to be ignored. :D

[Presh GG]

Sometimes after haveing told my story a dozen times, I think you don't want to hear the same old thing from me.

I love my husband of 36+ years [ yes, I always knew ] so how boreing is that ?

Tea and I have made many good and lasting friends here in RL, so I get the cding , Iknow the sex threads are writen mostly by frustrated people who are forced in their closet and I'm sorry, but what more can I say ?

I have responded to threads , said something, had a cd say exactly the same thing and all responces are to the cd. Go figure.

I am happy for the friends we've made, so I find myself talking more to them in RL than on the board.

Sometimes I look at the photos and all responces are " OHHHHH SEXY !!!!!!!!!"
How about " you look very happy or something more appropriate."

Just random thoughts.:)Presh GG

[virginia522]

I also tend to feel very out of place here on the MTF forum. I agree that it seems like most of the men on here don't want to hear honest opinions or advice they really just want the compliments from other CDer's to feel reassured. I actually talked about this with my therapist last week. We discussed how most males do not freely compliment each other the way women compliment each other, and that may be one reason men are pulled to crossdressing, to be able to express some personality traits such as vivaciousness and complimenting and receiving compliments that they doesn't usually get to express or receive. It seems like the CDer's on here give each other positive feedback and compliments regardless of how the person actually looks, because to be honest most people on this site do not look very passable to me. I would give advice, but I didn't think it was really wanted.

[LeaP]

We discussed how most males do not freely compliment each other the way women compliment each other, and that may be one reason men are pulled to crossdressing, to be able to express some personality traits such as vivaciousness and complimenting and receiving compliments that they doesn't usually get to express or receive. It seems like the CDer's on here give each other positive feedback and compliments regardless of how the person actually looks, because to be honest most people on this site do not look very passable to me. I would give advice, but I didn't think it was really wanted.

You know, that's true, but I often see something more, or different. From one POV, yes, ew - man in a dress and doesn't look so good (e.g., me in mirror ... I'm not pointing fingers). But I also see the happiness, the whatever-it-is that I also share with many here, and it has it's own way of looking good and right. Not so much in the physical sense. It's more how the real person shows through.

Lea

[CheyenneNicky]

Allie and virginia... that is very understandable... but honestly because of the fact i am just starting... i would love your help more than another cd really when it comes to make up and looks.. my friends that i told (all gay community but not like makes a difference..) are very supportive and want to help one of which is a girl... she used to pick out her gf's clothes and she is happy she gets to do it for me... so again... when i do post something... probably a while from now... i want the critisism more than the compliments cause how do you expect me to get better... by thinking oh im good... and walk out and i look like a dude wearing shitty makeup and outfit. lol

[VanessaJCD]

Funny but when I joined a short while back I was pleasantly surprised that GG's were posting on here. I need all the help I can get and they are experts in all the things we want to learn. I'm saddened to learn the many do not want to post due to intimidation by others.

I for one have much to learn from all and welcome GG advice. Please feel free to respond to any of my posts either by posting or by PM.

Thank you for all your help and advice!

[Kendappa]

I really enjoy reading their posts and appreciate that they take the time to respond. :)

[Babeba]

I will tell you one reason that the amount I post decreases occasionally: my life doesn't revolve around crossdressing. It's something important to my SO, and I'm happy to have it be in my life - but it's only one, very part-time aspect. There is so much else out there I have to juggle in life (work, keeping up housework, friends, volunteering, holidays, actual face time with my SO, etc.) that I miss an awful lot of threads on here - particularly if there isn't a certain thread I'm keeping up with, or a certain person I'm worried about and checking up on. Perhaps if I needed more support or had more questions about CDing in general I would be on here more actively, but then I probably wouldn't be giving loads of advice then, either.

Sometimes I do pop into the beauty or the picture forums and try to help with people's questions. Sometimes I get really nice responses back. Other times, I get flak from other posters; and the thing that really frosts me the most is when I put a lot of work into a response and the thread ends up kind of getting buried after that, or what I wrote is totally ignored and conversation continues on as if my post wasn't there.

[sanderlay]

First...

Thank you to every GG, genetic women, who posts here and participates. I value your opinions and constructive criticisms. How else can I learn? I also value the opinions of others. I will consider what anyone has to say. But keep in mind that my goal in appearance is not the same as most here. (see point three)

Second...

Forgive me if I ever condescend any person, GG, CD, etc... No one should have to put up with that. This is not instant conversation. I try to read my posts before I hit send. I edit them when I make a mistake and let others know what I deleted or changed. I want to be supportive in my post and appreciate your feedback. I want to appreciate the time and effort you took to respond or write a starting thread. I hope my post will reflect that effort and appreciate your words of wisdom.

My desire is for gender equality and the right for every person to express who they are without being harassed. A smile goes a long way... even in your words. I hope you see mine in what I write.

Everyone seems to have their own concept of Masculinity and Femininity. Mine is more from my past than from current fashions. So bear with me in my love of skirts and pastel colors. It may not be current fashion but it is my concept of being feminine. What ever you decide to wear, makeup, clothing, etc... you are beautiful. Your inner beauty will always shine through.

Third...

When I go out in public I know I'm not passable as a female. That's on purpose at present. I may be dressed in some or all feminine attire but I'm still trying to present as both male and female. My goal is to dress my age and be modest. I welcome feedback and constructive criticism.

[Daphne Renee]

So refreshing to hear, thank you! Because if read one more time that I'm not feminine if I wear jeans I'm going to scream!
Allie. There are some people that arent going to be happy no matter what. You arent feminine if you wear jeans but your setting back womens rights if you wear dresses often. something like that? IMO wearing jeans doesnt make you any more or less feminine. Your just wearing something that you like. I cant speak for others but I am sorry if you feel attacked by others here.

I dont post often and if I did post of pic. I would be looking for any helpful advice GG or CD.. Now that being said I would look for constructive criticism not just all compliments or Bashing.. We should all strive to help one another. I see no reason to be hurtful to anyone here. We are all in the same boat so to speak.

[virginia522]

Cheyenne, Vanessa, Sanderlay, and Candy now that I know you would like I advice I would love to help you all in anyway I can. :)

[CheyenneNicky]

Thank you Virginia^-^ we do appreciate it... at least i do very much....

[Momarie]

I really appreciate this thread.

I started to quote all the GG's who posted my exact thoughts and feelings and soon realized there were way too many.

I would like to add though, sometimes I too feel like a target.
For a few, I feel like I represent what angers them most in their own wife/SO and they transfer that anger onto me.
When that happens, like clockwork their allies join in as well.

I am strong and I am outspoken at times.
I can't bear to see what I perceive to be injustice, so I will speak up to defend myself and others.

Please know that what some might find offensive about me here, is the same voice used in real life to defend and protect the lovely feminine people you have every right to be.

p.s. I don't know about other GGs but I get really uncomfortable when I see the threads (unlike this one) that thank us.
I'm here because I love a guy who is part girl, no thanks needed, just support and understanding.

[Babeba]

p.s. I don't know about other GGs but I get really uncomfortable when I see the threads (unlike this one) that thank us.
I'm here because I love a guy who is part girl, no thanks needed, just support and understanding.

I agree with you on this one - we are all members of this forum, and we participate because we want to and sometimes need to! Would you post a thread thanking all the CDs for being here? Or all the FTMs? Supporting the GG members of this board isn't about posting big flashy thanks threads once a month and bashing/ignoring/belittling genetic women at all other times - which sometimes it feels like.

Another reason I personally don't always post in the clothing section - I have no knowledge of where to get size 15 shoes, what wig you should buy, how to style them, nor do I have an opinion on spiderweb pantyhose - that's a smattering of the threads that are current on that board! If you want advice on what someone who is average female height (5'4" to 5'8"), average female weight for that height, has a larger bottom than top and is on a budget can do to best suit their body type I TOTALLY have you covered. When it comes to how to dress a 6'1" genetic male with broad shoulders, legs that go on forever and a small waist to look the most feminine - I'm more likely to be asking everyone else for tips on what to look for when Crystal and I are shopping for her!! :-)

[PretzelGirl]

I am just seeing this thread for the first time and some of it saddens me. From those getting negative PMs (always nice to hide behind privacy) to Tamara not realizing her advice is gold. My wife is very quiet and as a result, spent some time here and left after reading all she wanted. The lack of interaction made her time here run its course. So I would hope that the interaction and friendships nurtured are what keep everyone here. If it is, then all parties are taking away something.

I do agree with Reine that the few negative replies in a thread can draw more attention, but it isn't a surprise as that is human nature. It raises our emotions and as a result looms larger in our eyes. The vocal minority always gets more than its share of exposure (Westboro church anyone?). So I hope no one feels their voice isn't being heard. It's just that the minority might divert some attention and make it appear otherwise.

If you are here because you care, that makes you a special person. Don't let someone who shouldn't have that power take away your value.

:bh:

[Debglam]

Ok, I won't say thanks to the GF's but I will say this:

I know that we are all different here but my version of transness has always been a kind of triangle. I love women, I want to be a woman (at least sometimes), and I really like women.

I want to talk about the last part. When I say I like women I don't mean that in a condescending way. I like to talk to them and more importantly, I like to listen to them, I value their opinions, and I find that they bring much of value to almost any situation. I respect them. I'm assuming since most of us aspire to either be women (The TS on this forum generally KNOW that they are women.) or to come as close to appearing as one as we can, that we would have a lot of respect for GFs also. Obviously from some of the posts here this isn't always true. Sometimes I see posts that make me want to scream! "I was cheating on my wife and she found out. . .she doesn't support me." or "Why are GG's jealous of how good we look?" or the ever popular "GG's get to crossdress. . .they wear jeans." No matter how many times the regular GF's rebut this stuff, it keeps coming back. I can see how they get sick of it.

Look, I'm not going to say thanks for being here but there are a lot of us that would be very sad if you weren't here.

Debby

[ThiHi]

I agree with you on this one - we are all members of this forum, and we participate because we want to and sometimes need to! Would you post a thread thanking all the CDs for being here? Or all the FTMs? Supporting the GG members of this board isn't about posting big flashy thanks threads once a month and bashing/ignoring/belittling genetic women at all other times - which sometimes it feels like.

Another reason I personally don't always post in the clothing section - I have no knowledge of where to get size 15 shoes, what wig you should buy, how to style them, nor do I have an opinion on spiderweb pantyhose - that's a smattering of the threads that are current on that board! If you want advice on what someone who is average female height (5'4" to 5'8"), average female weight for that height, has a larger bottom than top and is on a budget can do to best suit their body type I TOTALLY have you covered. When it comes to how to dress a 6'1" genetic male with broad shoulders, legs that go on forever and a small waist to look the most feminine - I'm more likely to be asking everyone else for tips on what to look for when Crystal and I are shopping for her!! :-)

I'm so sorry to hear the bashing comments. I'm an infrequent visitor, and even less frequent poster. Being small, finding clothes is easier for me, it's just paying for them as i'm on a tight budget too Babea. ;-)

Kindness, listening, and a fair amount of acceptance is all i'm ever looking for. I can't take much negativity, so I avoid an awful lot of the interwebz.

But I will say thank you to all who post thoughtfully, peacefully, and with care and love.