Not sure what's up

[Diane Elizabeth]

Lately I have been having the emotional feelings of maybe I am not meant to be a woman. Yes, I am questioning myself. I still love to wear womens clothing. I am in love with my breasts, though they haven't grown too much with the HRT. I just don't feel what I was feeling before. Maybe its just a depression over not having the curves of a woman. Or the hips and butt. Or the voice. Or any of that other stuff that makes a woman a female. I still feel the urge to be a female. Yet, at the same time I am tired of trying to pretend (if that is the right word) I am one. I think maybe I am losing the energy to continue the transitioning process. Well, its a good thing I am scheduled to see my therapist on Monday.

I will think and mope about it until then I guess. It didn't help that I went to aMcD for bfast and a little girl said "thats a man" to her mother who was standing behind me at the counter. Or having the cashier call me sir. Yes I was wearing obvious enfem. I just couldn't say anything. So I took my tray and went to sit down to eat.

[Maria 60]

WOW! You have taken some very big steps, going out in public that takes a lot of courage and confidence. You have to expect that you are going to get read now and then. I have excepted that i can never pass, i have a mans body. You must be head strong and don't give up that one kid read you. You are doing much more then i could have ever dream of. Your depressed that you got read and now you depressed me that i will never walk out my door as Maria. So your very lucky in my eye's and consider yourself lucky and most of all have fun and smile, we are all in the same shoe's.

[sissystephanie]

I should start off by saying that I have never wanted to be a woman! I just like to wear their clothes. I never was any good with makeup or fixing a wig, but my dear late wife was excellent at both!! So during the almost 50 years we had together she made it possible for me to go out and pass very easily. when she passed away I started going out dressed enfemme, but looking like the man that I am!! Been doing it for almost 6 years now, and have not had one single problem! Of ourse I do get called sir in stores or restaurants, but that is natural!!

The thing that has be learned is that most people don't care what you are wearing, as long as you are decently covered. I have gone just about anywhere you can imagine, dressed totally enfemme but looking like a man! I wear skirts or dresses most of the time!! Remember, how you dress is your business, not that of the rest of the world!!

[Diane Elizabeth]

I am over that incident with the kid at McD. I am sure I get read all the time. I just don't like to hear it. No matter how confident one is, it still hurts a little when being outed in public. My hat is off to sissy stephanie and the other girls that can go out daily as a male wearing womens clothing.

[Jorja]

Donna, it's ok to feel what you are feeling at the moment. First, transition is hard work. Sometimes we just need to take a brake and not worry about it. Second, I am glad you are having some doubts. They are there to slap you in the face and make you see reality once in a while. They make you question yourself. Am I doing the right thing? Is this really where I want to go with my life? It lets you know that it is not yet too late to change your mind. If you must continue, you will. And third, What does a snot nose kid know anyhow? ;) I think god put them and teenage girls in our path just to mess with us.

Relax, take a brake and be honest with yourself. You will make the best decisions for you.

[Donna1]

I kind of felt the same thing (however, I am not in transition), but I had issues with wanting to become a woman too. Especially after coming back from Iraq and retireing from the military. But, at the end of the day, I am a man that loves to be a "woman" through CD. However, it does take a lot of work I am sure. I have therapy about ever 2 weeks. Hugs Donna.

[Kate Simmons]

I don't think we are supposed to "feel" like one thing or the other. Once we get to a comfort level of feeling we are really ourselves then that's where we should be in my opinion, gender notwithstanding.:)

[Diane Elizabeth]

Yes, I realize from other threads previously that my mind may be telling me that it needs a break from transitioning. But, I am not quite sure how to do that. Transitioning is on my mind 224/7. All of my everyday clothes are female to androgenous. So, even if my mind could shut out the trans stuff, I still have to dress everyday. And I have to wear a sports bra to work for protection as well as to hide my breasts.

Doubt. Yes, I have doubts. I always have doubts. That is what my problem is. I have doubts about everything in life. I have had doubts about what I wanted to do in life. I had doubts about all my relationships in life. I have 2 exes and 3 grown kids. Doubts about my career( which is none). I doubt I made the right choices in everything I have done. Even when I am sure, I doubt myself. I know I am pretty much tired of doubting myself. But I can't find a way to stop it. I know one thing right now and that is a ramble on too much about my doubts.

I will see what my therapist has to say today.

[kimdl93]

Donna, We all have doubts. There's little you can do to avoid that. However, we also all make choices and most are not reversible. We often have choose a course of action and see it through, without any guarantee that its the "right" decision beyond personal judgement based on expereince, education and intuition. So of course we always have doubts. How do you deal with doubt - make the best decision you can, commit yourself to it and live with it.

So, try to make the best choice you can, based on clear thinking and consideration of the pluses and minuses. Use that time with your therapist to work on defining and weighing the positives and negatives of continuing towards transition. If you can't make that choice with regard to transitioning, then I'd suggest that you back off from making a commitment until you can be more certain that its right. There's always time to revisit the decision later.