I'm so far away

[Steph.TS]

my therapist wants to help me get closer to having HRT, but as I mentioned before I live with my conservative family, today my dad and I were talking about homosexuality (his definition of homosexuality includes crossdressers, transsexuals etc...) I tried to nodge him from this this as part of his view is less aggressive but on the whole he's opposed to it and if I came out as TS, I'm afraid he'd kick me out and it'd upset my mom something I don't want to do as she does so much for this family last thing she wants is for it to be torn apart.

anyways he brought up the west borough baptist church and their signs (he disagrees with their extremist views and was speaking of the signs people trying to upset them were holding) when he mentioned that they were opposed to gays, I mentioned that was a view he held to, and he continued on after he told his story, I tried to argue that homosexuality was victimless, but he disagreed, talking about how it destroys marriages if a husband decides he gay and move on (I pointed out that in straight marriages husbands can cheat on thier wives) there was more but he will not be budged.

how can I save up for SRS, and FFS, while doing therapy, laser/electrolysis, and trying to buy some clothes for myself on roughly $2000 a month if I am forced to move out? how can I hurt my mom by coming out to my dad who will almost certainly kick me out and have nothing to do with me?

These things need to be addressed before I think about going on hormones or it's going to be a disaster. I'm sure of it... so as I see it I'm far away from going on HRT regardless of what my therapist want :sad:

[Aprilrain]

perhaps focusing on moving out and getting your own place is the first order of business

[Ann Thomas]

Best thing to do is make a list of goals at your age (I assume it's pretty young), then prioritize the list. Make a scrap book or cork board of ideas with pictures depicting each goal. Since you live in a house where it could be seen, be creative about hiding it. It could even be in digital form. But the most effective is a picture or group of pictures on the wall in your room. Work towards each goal carefully and methodically, setting small goals. Maybe one of your first steps is to increase your income. Maybe a second would be to reduce your costs of living somehow. Maybe next, find cheap places for clothes in styles you can abide by.

Eventually all your goals will be met. It might take 5 or 10 years, but it's worth the wait. You can't have everything instantly. Life is not like mash potato mix - you don't just add water, and throw it in the microwave for two minutes til it's done. Work carefully and methodically until you reach your goals. You will reach them that way.

You're not going to change your parents, but what you can do is be true to yourself, while at the same time respecting them and giving them the space they need. Don't be ashamed of who you are.

Hugs,
Ann

[Jorja]

Best thing to do is make a list of goals at your age (I assume it's pretty young), then prioritize the list. Make a scrap book or cork board of ideas with pictures depicting each goal. Since you live in a house where it could be seen, be creative about hiding it. It could even be in digital form. But the most effective is a picture or group of pictures on the wall in your room. Work towards each goal carefully and methodically, setting small goals. Maybe one of your first steps is to increase your income. Maybe a second would be to reduce your costs of living somehow. Maybe next, find cheap places for clothes in styles you can abide by.

Eventually all your goals will be met. It might take 5 or 10 years, but it's worth the wait. You can't have everything instantly. Life is not like mash potato mix - you don't just add water, and throw it in the microwave for two minutes til it's done. Work carefully and methodically until you reach your goals. You will reach them that way.

You're not going to change your parents, but what you can do is be true to yourself, while at the same time respecting them and giving them the space they need. Don't be ashamed of who you are.

Hugs,
Ann

Applauds loudly!!!! This is the most sensible post I have seen for quite awhile now. Execellent advise!

[Sharon]

Instead of focusing on the reasons, however valid they may seem today, for not moving forward, try focusing on why you should. Instead of depending on others, no matter who they are, to validate and support you, be your own person, responsible to yourself. Expect your loved ones to give as much to you emotionally as you obviously give to them.

It's a tough life being transsexual, no matter what decisions you make or don't make. Frankly, it can really suck sometimes. You need to be realistic, Steph, about your situation -- financial, familial and what have you -- but you need to make decisions from a determined and empowered vantage. You will find a way to your goals. You will demand acceptance from those you expect it from or you will stop depending on them altogether. "Blood from a stone" is a phrase that comes to mind.

Be strong, Steph. Be who you are. Settle for nothing less.

[Toni Citara]

You cannot accomplish your goals on $2,000.00/month. Never going to happen in a million years. You need to find an income source way beyond the minimum wage threshold. Not to sound harsh, but it is an economic reality. Also, don't use the word "anyways" - it doesn't exist and sounds stupid, almost as stupid as the word irregardless.

I think you are still in the stage of accepting who you are to yourself, once you get over that hurdle, you will realize you don't need approval from family or friends. Those that love you will love you for the person you are inside, not the image you project in public.

Just my two pennies... YMMV.

[AnnaCalliope]

You cannot accomplish your goals on $2,000.00/month. Never going to happen in a million years. You need to find an income source way beyond the minimum wage threshold. Not to sound harsh, but it is an economic reality. Also, don't use the word "anyways" - it doesn't exist and sounds stupid, almost as stupid as the word irregardless.

I think you are still in the stage of accepting who you are to yourself, once you get over that hurdle, you will realize you don't need approval from family or friends. Those that love you will love you for the person you are inside, not the image you project in public.

Just my two pennies... YMMV.


Never gonna accomplish HRT, electrolysis, Breast Aug and SRS on $2000 a month? I disagree wholeheartedly. It would take some creative budgeting and a lot of saving up, but it can be done, and a lot quicker than a million years. You can rent a room in someone's house or get a one bedroom apartment (including utilities) for around $500-600 a month, depending on which area of the country you live. Food for 1 person? About $200 a month. Gas + daily expenses? Another $200 a month. That still leaves you $1000 every month to buy the right clothes for your gender, go to therapy, get hormones, pay for electrolysis and still put a bit into your savings account to put towards breast surgery or SRS.

$2000 a month is a lot to work with, you just have to break yourself of the habit of spending every cent you have as soon as you get paid. Open up a savings account and start putting in 20% of every paycheck you get. By the end of the first year, you should have close to $5000 to put towards your dreams of womanhood.

It also helps if your job offers health insurance, and how loose their guidelines are on treating mental disorders. Gender Dysphoria is still considered a "mental disorder" and often times even the most basic of insurance plans will help cover up to 50% of therapy costs and medication (i.e. hormones).

Lastly, you are going to have to choose between who you want to be happy: Yourself or your family. My dad's side of the family sounds a lot like your father. Very rigid Southern Baptist. My dad is not very religious himself, but he's inherently homophobic due to his best (male) friend from high school trying to seduce him at his 10 year high school reunion. I love my father and his family, but as soon as they find out I plan on changing my gender, I'll most likely never hear from them again. Does it bother me? Yes. But I can't change who I am, and I'm done sacrificing my happiness for the sake of others. I've been holding in this side of me for almost 15 years now, and if being happy means starting a new family, so be it. My mom has begged me, literally begged me to never speak to my father of my gender issues, knowing how badly he likely take it, but I can't keep pretending to be something I'm not. I'm not male. I never was. Eventually you'll have to make that decision yourself, and hope that it doesn't destroy you in the process.

This is not an easy life. It takes a lot of hard work, a lot of money and even more sacrifice. Start saving up as soon as possible, but make absolutely sure this is the life you want before bringing your family into it. Some bridges cannot be rebuilt.

[steph963]

Sorry to hear that your family wouldn't be accepting of you.

Do you have a friend or family member that would allow you to board with them until you either get on your feet or your parents come around?

Personally I think that you should take the transition one step at a time. I can't really speak from experience as I'm just starting my journey but SRS, FFS, therapy, electrolysis and buying clothes seems like a lot to do all at once, perhaps just start with one or two for now and leave the more expensive ones until you can afford them. Like Ann said, make a goal list and work towards it at the best of your capability.

[Melody Moore]

I am transitioning on $1600 a month - $600 for rent including electricity,
$200 for food, $80 for fuel for my car, $140 for my ADSL internet & mobile
phone costs, the rest I either pay of other luxuries I might need or save.