Are you NORMAL, ABNORMAL, or does it even MATTER?

[Anne2345]

Earlier today, I received a nice, thoughtful PM from a forum friend. I always enjoy receiving PMs from her, and we have had some nice conversations throughout my relatively brief tenure here as a member. My friend, however, ended her message with a thought that really struck a chord, and caused me to think (uh oh, everybody hold tight!). Specifically, my friend concluded her message as follows:


Most of the time I love being what I am but sometimes I think it would be easier just being ‘normal.’

Certainly, I understand this sentiment. I can even relate to it from time to time. It very well may be easier to be “normal” than to be a MtF crossdresser in today’s society.

But in this context, what does “normal” actually mean? A good starting point in determining the meaning of any given word, oddly enough, is to look the word up in a dictionary. :eek: Yes, as old school as that may be, a dictionary is an amazing resource.

As it relates herein, as defined by a dictionary, “normal” means, in part, “conforming to the standard or the common type.” Ah, yes, there it is – the word that runs inimical and contrary to the life of a crossdresser. The ever inflammatory and controversial “C-Word.” The bane of many a crossdresser’s existence. Conformity.

But “normal” also means, as further defined in part, “usual, not abnormal; regular; and natural.” Considering the definitions, it therefore seems fair to conclude that it should be a fairly simple exercise to determine whether the state of any particular being is normal, or abnormal. Of course, nothing is ever as simple as it first appears on its face, particular when it comes to crossdressing.

As such, if one takes the time and effort to consider the various possibilities of states of being in regard to the concept of “normalcy,” it is possible for a state of being to be both normal and abnormal simultaneously.

Without question, I am a crossdresser. I wear women’s clothing and makeup whenever I am able. I keep my body free of hair, my toes painted, and I love, love, love my femme name “Anne.” I believe the name very much suits me. It is also a name that is devoid of masculinity. It is a name that no one would ever believe the holder to be any gender other than female. In this, I am Anne, and she is me . . . .

Accordingly, given my propensity, or rather, need, to feminize myself, and my deep love and appreciation of crossdressing, I do not “conform to a standard or common type.” At least I do not conform to a “standard or common type” as determined by society. In this, I am most decidedly abnormal, and I cut without doubt across the grain.

Regardless, however, if I were to conform to the narrow-minded, ignorant, and, in so far as I am concerned, nugatory (I came upon this little gem of a word serendipitously as I looked up “normal” in a dictionary) standards put forth by society, and I forsook my abnormal crossdressing ways, I quite clearly would cease being true to myself.

In fact, if I were to turn my back on the femininity within me, it would be an epic, tragic betrayal of the substance and essence of my self, and who I am. Although society may thereafter consider me “normal,” to myself, I would be anything but. Instead, I would very much have become “abnormal.”

You see, it is actually quite simple – it is “usual” for me to feel and experience femininity (at least as I perceive the concept and ideal), and “regular” and “natural” for me to not only harbor crossdressing desires and needs, but to proactively act upon the necessity of indulging in such desires. Therefore, pursuant to the definition, by and through my very actions, I am actually occupying a state of normalcy when I femme up. To fight the urge, to fight the need, to deny the reality of my inherent, inner femininity, would result in a state of being that is very much per se abnormal, and contrary to who and what I am.

But really, in the end, does it actually matter whether we are normal or abnormal? In this, I will not suggest that our decision making process is not somehow negatively influenced by this concept, at least in so far as it relates to society, because mine most assuredly is. And I am not suggesting that part of our being does not present certain problems or dilemmas in life as it also relates to society, because it very much does.

Despite the potential dilemmas and hardships associated with a life of crossdressing within a less than understanding and accepting society, however, I would choose this life over a non-crossdressing life 100 times out of 100 times. Regardless of the difficulties I personally perceive, and am even actually experiencing currently, I am quite content and happy with the knowledge that I am fortunate to be blessed with this beautiful, magical, and meaningful gift. I would have it no other way, even if promised an easier, normal life. Whatever that is . . . . :straightface:

So what do you think? Are you normal or abnormal? Are there times when you wish you could be more normal, as the term is defined by society? Does it even matter to you? Or do you enjoy cutting across the grain, and actually revel in the concept of being abnormal (yet simulataneously normal to your self)?

[NicoleScott]

I'm a very normal guy, with a passion for dressing up that most people would think abnormal, and it only matters to me and my wife.

[Karren H]

I've always thought I'm the most normal person I know! Lol.

[ArleneRaquel]

To be living as a woman, which is certainly a step or two beyond " mere crossdressing ", it the norm for me, what others think I don't give a hoot. People who care what others do, as long as it legal, are just IMHO bigots who need to believe that THEIR way of life, and morality, is superior to others. They love to finds faults, real or not, in others.

[Elle1946]

We are normal, it is the rest of the world that just doesn't understand. We are who we are.

[ArleneRaquel]

We are normal, it is the rest of the world that just doesn't understand. We are who we are.

A most accurate statement.

[sterling12]

"Normal" at best, is defined by The Society in which we live. It is an artificial construct that is often defined differently by each person. Especially, when it describes something nebulous, like a State of Being.

What your friend May mean, is something like a desire to not be "different" from Society. That Ill-defined "Place" containing all The Normal People.

If you or she feels "abnormal," then at least for The Internal You, then The Definition works. If you accept yourself, and refuse to believe that your path is really out of touch with Societal "Norms," then it can't work on your Psyche.

In truth, she was probably just *****in', and it's probably not a significant impediment in her life. Most Humans really don't want to be defined by "The Normal People." Come to think of it, just who are those people? Anybody you know live like The Cleaver Family? Guess in some ways, we are all just a little removed from "The Norm."

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Diana Bain]

In my little universe...the only three people that matter (my grown children are excluded in my answer) are my wife (first and foremost), Diana and myself. Normal in many ways together and probally abnormal by society views.

[Kim_Bitzflick]

My answer is simply

YES

[AllieSF]

Normal relative to what? To the non-CDing world we are abnormal, to us here on this website we are normal to most of our members. If we have a specific niche (sissy, whatever) then that might be considered abnormal/extreme by some members here. Would I want this to go away? Well, I live in my dream world that I think many of you would like to join. I live in a very accepting/tolerating area, based on age and experience I have a good idea what is worth worrying about and what is not, I am single (that is a negative to me when trying to find a woman as a partner), and I have always taken some risks in life, so being pragmatic this 4+ year old lifestyle has been and continues to be most enjoyable to me. Even though I sometimes think how wonderful it would have been to have started all this much younger, primarily for the better body, skin and looks, and somewhat for the added time to enjoy this before I get too butt ugly too even want to look at myself in the mirror, I realize that I probably would have had many more serious and negative complications in my life, like trying to figure out how and when to tell an SO about all this. So, today, Yes, I like this today. If I started 20 years ago, that answer just may be an emphatic, No. I have talked with too many TS's that have said that they would rather have been just a straight forward external/internal male or female, but not that complicating curse of having some of both.

The one thing I am glad I do not do and do not ever want to start doing, is thinking way too much about all of this. I keep my mind clear and thankfully have avoided so far all the emotional ups and downs, self-questioning, doubts, frustrations that so many of our members have here. For that I am thankful for the late start and the good fortune to be where I am at this moment.

[sissystephanie]

We are normal, it is the rest of the world that just doesn't understand. We are who we are.

Elle said it very well. I, and most of the rest of us on this forum, are NOMAL!! Because we are who we are, That is normal!!

[kimdl93]

I certainly don't and will not conform to the norm for heterosexual males. Years of therapy and a half a lifetime of experience simply can't be ignored for the sake of normalcy. Normal for me, now that's another matter. I feel that I am closest to expressing my true self when I'm dressed and feel a bit of an imposter when I'm not. Beyond that, I look at my behavior and chosen mode of dress as self expression.

I live as a productive member of society, have a great family and feel both socially and personally fulfilled, then this is about as good, ie normal, as it gets. There are lots of apparently normal people who have a far more difficult time meeting any of these measures of normalcy.

[VioletJourney]

I'm happy to say I'm not normal. I agree with my quote from American Beauty, the worst thing you can possibly be is normal. If you're just like everyone else, can your life carry any kind of significance? Will you be remembered as well as if you weren't?

[Miss Maxine]

I am a normal tranny with huge boobs who is dating a cripple. I am no different than any other trannies with huge boobs that are dating cripples.

[AllieSF]

Well stated Maxine. You are writing more and more like Karren every day. Short and to the point.

[Miss Maxine]

Well stated Maxine. You are writing more and more like Karren every day. Short and to the point.

Thanks. Keeps me outta trouble. Besides, it would be the normal thing to do. ^_~

[Jorja]

My shrink defiantly says abnormal.

[AllieSF]

Jorja, it sounds like you may need another shrink if he/she believes what you do is abnormal. I would think that they would say, not common versus the negative connotation of abnormal. Interesting.

[LeaP]

It's hard to answer "normal" without reference to norms. Unfortunately for us, the norms have it as "abnormal".

There's only a small segment of the sciences - biology, and it's a niche even at that - that really regards transgenderism as normal. Everywhere else the verdict is "abnormal," though there are signs of change. Even the cultures that accept (or have accepted) TG people don't really accord them equality.

Still, I say normal from my own perspective. First, I FEEL normal. I feel put upon by the weight of culture, politics, medicine, etc. around the topic, but that doesn't change the fact that I feel right inside.

To your other questions: Does it matter? Yes ... but you already answered the why with your comments about decision making, problems, and dilemmas. Would I rather be more conventionally normal? No. I like who I am as regards my gender identity. I also strongly dislike male norms. Do I enjoy cutting across the grain? Not at all - way too many consequences there.

Great questions, and I empathize with your sentiments concerning abrogating your own normalcy in suppressing dressing. Been there, done that, and THAT creates pathologies! Crossdressing brings peace, integration, and relief.

Lea

[VioletJourney]

Jorja, it sounds like you may need another shrink if he/she believes what you do is abnormal. I would think that they would say, not common versus the negative connotation of abnormal. Interesting.
Maybe it's not the CDing. Maybe Jorja has to alphabetize her entire house or she will die at night. :heehee:

[Debglam]

Anne honey,

Until I embraced this stuff I used to suffer over being "normal." I'm not "normal," this isn't "normal," etc. Since then, I've met a fair number of trans people both online and in-person. The vast majority are nice, caring, sweet, decent people. I have made friends that I care about deeply. Against that, I think of all the hateful, mean, racist, sexist, homophobic, liars, cheats, thieves, etc. that I have met in my life and I'll take this team any day!

If they are truly "normal" then I'll take "abnormal!"

BTW, I can't believe you used "nugatory" in a post! :spank:


I am a normal tranny with huge boobs who is dating a cripple. I am no different than any other trannies with huge boobs that are dating cripples.

:D You're gonna go far kid!

Debby

[GingerLeigh]

Sure, I'm a NORMAL crossdresser.

[Cynthia Anne]

I consider myself very normal at being abnormal! And what really matters to me is that it really doesn't matter to me! Hugs!

[VioletJourney]

Can someone explain to me why "normal" is such a good thing? And why it doesn't contradict wanting to stand out and be remembered?

[ArleneRaquel]

Normal is society's way of telling everyone to conform to a certain code of conduct, within limits it's not a bad thing. But power corrupts and the elites of society seem to love bring down the hammer, at the smallest bending of their rules. Elites, of any kind can, and do, get way with murder.

[Kate Simmons]

Anne, my friend. The bottom line is who we are is the "norm" (or is normal) for us. Only Santa Claus is qualified to dispute that and right now he's at the North Pole trying to figure out what to do with his TG/CD Elves. Guess we're more or less "normal" then.:battingeyelashes::)

[larry]

Anne, I knew there was trouble when I got to this part "uh oh, everybody hold tight!" hehehe
You know it amazes me how many people actually understand you and respond. Shows a lot of respect for you. That being said--I am normal and abnormal.
Depends where and when.

[Ellyn]

The standards of normalcy are all but gone. Step back a few decades, and it was not normal to be divorced. That standard is long gone. I know one man who is on his fifth marriage, and he is accepted as normal. Homosexualityand lesbianism is promoted in movies and tv shows, and is fast becoming accepted by society as "normal" The "straight" person will become the abnormal person in the not too distant future. None of these things "just happen". There is an agenda which promotes these "social changes". The CD is probably outside the agenda for change because a CD can still be married and living in a precreative family unit, which is the building block of a sustainable society.

[ArleneRaquel]

I dont know of anyone who thinks fives marriages is normal. Divorce is up for a number of reasons, back " in the good old days" wife/spousal abuse was not taking as seriously as it is today. Many things in todays world are horrendous but there was never a perfect time, not too far in America's past owning another human being was considered normal and children age 12 and under were working in factories, and that was consider normal, at least by the owners. No times are perfect, the imperfections just change. I doubt that lesbianism and homosexuality can be taught, but perhaps a more tolerant attitude can be taken. Some consider the practice of homosexuality & lesbianism as a sin, if so, let he who is whithout sin caste the first stone. I think someone named Jesus said that.

[rachaelsloane]

Anne,
After a long day at work and only on my first glass of wine, you're making me really think. Your last sentence would best describe how I view myself. I try not to over think the normal or abnormal aspects of crossdressing, it is something I truly enjoy
and have no plans on changing, except, into a dress and heels.
Rachael

[Anne2345]

it is the rest of the world that just doesn't understand.

It is certainly a pity for the naysayers and non-believers that they neither share nor understand our gift . . . . If they didn't make it so difficult for us, I would feel sorry for them . . . . :heehee:


I can't believe you used "nugatory" in a post! :spank:

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! :devil:


Can someone explain to me why "normal" is such a good thing? And why it doesn't contradict wanting to stand out and be remembered?

I never said it was a good thing. At least in so far as the context is within how society perceives us. As Debby said with the example she gave - if that's what "normal" is, then no thank you!


Still, I say normal from my own perspective. First, I FEEL normal.

I absolutely love this quote! I feel normal, too. Even though I am not quite sure who or what I am, I think I have a pretty good idea . . . . And I feel right about it, and myself. I feel normal, and pretty much the way I should feel . . . .

[Tara D. Rose]

Beleive it or not. I just read the op title and didn't read it not did I read the other post's herein. I will do that later. But I am not normal, there's no doubt in my mind that I am abnormal. When normal is finally defined, no doubt to me, that I am far from that, if ever normal can be perfectly defined, it is not me. I am an island all to myself. Similar to none. So different than all or most, in almost all aspects. I confuse many everyday. Some think they have me pegged, yeah right. I am not normal, and I never will be normal.


L&R......................Tara

[Brenda456]

Normal? Hey I AM normal. It is the rest of the world that is messed up!

[Sophie_C]

Not normal whatsoever, even beyond this. Don't care. I just have to remind myself when I end up around very normal, conventional people (for whatever random reason) that we won't 'click, ever. Luckily, I've made a point over time to make sure that none of my friends (or even most acquaintances) are even close to normal, at all.

But, I don't criticize them, either. There's a comfort and familiarity that being 'normal' brings to 'normal' people, just like seeing an Applebee's or TGI Friday's in every suburb. That fits them, just like dressing alike, driving the same cars, listing to the same old music, watching the same mainstream movies, the list goes on and on. They're just a different 'breed' of people I am not like. And, I'm quite sure they'd all agree. This is one of the things I definitely wish I understood as a child. ;)

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I was just watching prime suspecton tv.. A suspect asks a female detective...

"is it unusual for a woman to be a homicide detective?"
The response was ...
" not for me"

[Risque_Christine]

So who gets to decide what is normal, anyhow?
--If is my dog, I am probably OK, as long as I have a biscuit
--If is is my office, good luck if I show up in a dress and makeup
--If I am in Victoria's Secret outlet rummaging through lingerie, it depends on how much I buy, which is usually a lot.
--If it is a really good friend I am "out" to, it doesn't matter, they are my friend anyway
--If is my spouse, heaven help me
Christine

[sanderlay]

Anne... A well written post. Thank you!

Are you NORMAL, ABNORMAL, or does it even MATTER?

One thought came to mind think about normal and that is... Do I follow the crowd or do I blaze my own trail?

For the first part of my life I felt like an actor on a stage... learning to play my role as a male from what society deemed to be normal at that moment. But as I learned the rules from what I was told, shown and other role models did, nothing was fair and just. It was not normal to me.

When I looked over to the women around me I generally liked what I saw. I felt more comfortable with them and they treated me fairly. Over time I imitated the best role models in my life and most were women. There were some males in there but my kinship was for women.

But... Just because my genitals are on the out side... does that mean I must act only male? Why? Why should procreation play such a large role, have so many rules? What about men who like men and women who like women?

Society has so many contradictions that I question everything that is said to be... "Normal." I honor the women in my life for being such good role models. But I don't think any gender should have exclusive rights to a color or a certain piece of clothing.

History shows us that this does change. Pink used to be for boys and blue for girls. then it reversed. Is that normal? Skits, or skirt like garment, were worn by men in the past. Now we don't in the west. Men used to wear a dress and now don't in the west. But I say the west, or western society. What about other societies today? Why should we have different rules?

Where I live in California I see a melting pot of different cultures. I respect each one and their customs. But why can't we also respect the rights of the individual to self expression? Why must Gender be so specific? Who set the rules? Why are some so uptight? Why can't we as people...not any different gender... have the right to choose?

From Hamlet by William Shakespeare...
from Act 1. Scene III
This above all: to thine ownself be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

We seem to learn little from history and keep makings the same mistakes. So I look at this play by William Shakespeare and conclude...

Since I am on this stage of life I choose the role of myself. No longer will I deny who I am and only act the role of a male. I agree that... Normal... is some construct of time that changes as quickly as the weather or the opinion of some people.

Does it even MATTER?
Then what is truth... which seems as rare as gold now... if we can't be true to our selves and our fellow human being on this road and stage of life?

[cdtraveler]

Only place you find "normal" is the cycle on your washing machine! Look around world is made up of all kinds. It's the trappings of this particular corner of the world I ended up living in (chose?) that has decided I'm not Normal. Perception is reality. Just depends on who's perception I allow myself to be governed by.

[Kathi Lake]

You know, I have often thought of myself as abnormal - mostly with pride - and not always for my dressing. I mean, let's face it, I'm odd. I am a 48 year-old guy that dresses up as a woman. Not exactly your standard all-American red-blooded male-type stuff. But then again, I am abnormal in other areas as well; I've been in the military for over 30 years. I'm left-handed. I prefer crunchy peanut butter, rather than smooth. If Pepsi is the only cola available, I'll drink water or iced tea. I am an avid Trekkie (hey, I'm older than you. Don't you dare correct me :)), went to my first convention in 1975, and yet I prefer TNG over TOS. I work as an engineer - an area totally opposite from what my degrees are in. I don't like hot chocolate, tea, or other hot drinks. In fact, tap water is sometimes too hot for me. So, as you can see, I am totally, massively abnormal - that is, I am very different from much of the rest of the world. . . . Do you get it? Do you see how dressing is just one of the many things that sets us apart from others. Sure, it may be a bit different from the whole crunchy vs. smooth' debate (and I'm still pulling for crunchy!), but who says we have to be like everyone else?

I guess that the best place we can get a gauge of our supposed normality is from others. I had a few tears jerked today, courtesy of my 11 year-old daughter. We had a girly day today; shopping, shoe tryons galore, chatting, makeup and more. Just some great bonding time with my daughter. Always cognizant of burdening her with this, I asked her again near the end of the trip what went through her mind when she saw me dressed as a woman. There was a bit of silence. Finally, she said, "Nothing." I asked her what she meant - what she saw me as. She then replied, "I just see you as a person. A normal person." (sniff!)

So, if my daughter (and most people I come into contact with) deem me as normal, and we look to these other people (society) as the yardstick of what is normal, then by golly, I guess I'm more normal than I thought.

:)

Kathi

[eluuzion]

"Compared To What"
- Eugene McDaniels (Les McCann & Eddie Harris)

I am exactly like everybody else, except for being completely different.

I am unique...just like everybody else...

I have been accused of many things in my life, but normal was not one of them.:heehee:

I guess I define "normal" in terms of your ability (or desire) to "fit in" with any particular group...to the extent that the group does not "turn on you" (reject you). To date, my actions indicate that such things have never mattered much in my life.

:love:

[LilSissyStevie]

That depends. How many standard deviations are we talking about here?

[TGMarla]

I think I'm normal, but it's hard to say. I'm a conservative gal with a very liberal hobby or nuance that puts me at odds with the normal people in this world who think I'm abnormal because of it. And if they all say what I love doing is abnormal, then my being abnormal is the norm. I went to college in a town called Normal, but I don't live there anymore. I still have friends there, though, so I guess they're my Normal friends. I will say, however, that if you didn't know I liked to crossdress to the nines, you'd not think me abnormal in most ways. I don't think you'd find out about it and think, "Oh, well that explains it."

Good read, as usual, Anne. But it's late, and it's getting to be about my normal bed time. Yawn!

[cassandra54]

as far as normal goes, i guess so. i am in touch with my inner child, my hierarchy of needs, my sexuality and my preference to dress and act like a woman whenever i have time. i cultivate and use my creative talents and intellect. i am highly aware of any life issues, psychological and emotional issues i have an am working through them in a positive way. i believe that mental and emotional health are paramount in achieving success in life. despite the fact that i do believe and feel that i am normal and well adjusted with who i am, i consider myself a non-conformist. i hold a wide variety of political views, that are both conservative and liberal. but i believe that i am on to something else that i share with kathi lake and some others who are members here.

i too am left-handed, like crunchy peanut butter, but there's more. i do drink lots of coffee, but usually room temperature. i make a pot of coffee and turn the coffee maker off as soon as it's done. i take coffee to work the same way. i don't like hot foods either. i am not an engineer, but i do have an AAS in electronics and computer technology. think that's weird? according some test i took online i am equally left and right brained, have an iq of about 130 and am -25 on the androgyny scale. a lot of my guy clothes are shades of beige gray and brown. a lot of my girl clothes are shades of purple and blue. at my job, i excel in jobs that require both technical skill and high levels of communication. i talk a lot and have been known to give $50 answers to $5 questions. i write poetry, do photography and dabble a bit on the piano. i am a mainstream christian who believes in UFO's and reincarnation. i also believe that a lot of our present technology is reverse engineered from the UFO crash at Roswell New Mexico. i also think some ancient civilizations such as the mayan culture were colonies from extra terrestrials and we were left without their technology because many of us/ could not handle it.

i think it would be interesting to find out how many people like me and kathi are out there in this world. i think there is a lot of eerie similarities and perhaps when she reads this she may nod her head and find she has even more in common with people like me. who knows we may be part of our very own unique group, descendants of some very unique psychological, emotional, and intellectual makeup and maybe yet undiscovered.

[KellyJameson]

Normal is a numbers game determined by behavior that a majority deems acceptable. This is group think with all its soul numbing fears desperately trying to perpetuate the illusion of security without questioning why everyone must think and act the same.

By having a reverence for life, we enter into a spiritual relation with the world By practicing reverence for life we become good, deep, and alive. Albert Schweitzer

Normal is not important it is arbitrary. Respecting life is, including ones own.

[suzy1]

I am not normal, I am unique. So are you Anne. So what’s the problem?
A nice long thread Anne.
And a short reply from me. But you know me girl. The simple one.

Hug from your friend, SUZY

[erickka]

I say this all the time...Please define "normal" I find normal also to be in the eyes of the beholder, If we were all "normal" this would be one really boring rock we inhabit!

[jillleanne]

So what do you think? Are you normal or abnormal? Are there times when you wish you could be more normal, as the term is defined by society? Does it even matter to you? Or do you enjoy cutting across the grain, and actually revel in the concept of being abnormal (yet simulataneously normal to your self)?[/QUOTE]

Hon, one cannot become 'more normal'. You are either normal or not normal. There is no such thing as more normal. You cannot dig half a hole; it's either a hole or it's not. "Norms" are sociological parameters designed to give definition to those in power, guidlines, by which to judge others to keep society structured and in check. Having said that, it becomes a personal decision whether or not to accept 'norms' and if you do not, then nothing becomes normal or abnormal, it simply becomes what it is in one's own mind and therefore, unimportant. That is where I strive daily to be; a place whereby who we are is accepted without the need to measure, to compare. Am I normal? According to who? Do I care? Nope.

[Starr]

To me being normal is being what everyone else things i should be, living my life to please them... Normal is the last thing i ever want to be seen as..

[TGMarla]

I want to add something here, and I'll bet a whole lot of us feel the exact same way. When I first started dabbling in ladies' attire, way back when I was no more than 12 years old, I got an enormous thrill out of wearing this stuff. And this feeling stayed with me for years. But anymore.....

It just feels ..... normal.

[Sara Jessica]

It is certainly a pity for the naysayers and non-believers that they neither share nor understand our gift . . . . If they didn't make it so difficult for us, I would feel sorry for them .

I'm right there with you Anne, in describing this as a gift. This is all I've known from a very young age, I know nothing else in my heart and therefore, it feels normal.

But keep in mind, 99.whatever percent of those naysayers don't give a second thought to their gender, or to what clothing society says is normal for them to wear. This is why it's sooooo difficult for them to get their head around this thing of ours.

Look at it from their side of the fence, say from the POV of a spouse who is struggling with this issue. She grows up knowing a gender binary. She dreams of being the woman to her man someday. Marriage, children, house with the white picket fence, etc. She is part of the community, school volunteer, church member, etc. This is her normal and it's the "normal" for most in our society, for better or worse. And just about every aspect of the TG experience, whether CD, TS or anywhere in between, has the potential to conflict with her normal, with society's normal.

Hence the gist of much of our predicament, especially when a spouse or SO is involved.

We can talk about our normal but really, it's just that. Ours. Does that matter? Not so much. But to those we love it does.

[Jeanna]

I understand that my normal is quite normal for people like me on this forum. So I am normal when I'm here, being normal.

[Danielle_cder]

Of course Im Normal! As far as Im concerned any one who is abnormal is normal lol

[CallieH]

This sounds like a broken record, but forget about labels, and just be secure and comfortable with the person that you are!

[Mikaela]

I think I covered my opinion in my post about the Seth Godin book, We are all Weird.
Normal is the masses. Statistically, it is a set that the majority of people fit in. That set can be subdivided by specific aspects.
For gender, that is the male or female binary. For sexuality, that's hetero. For clothing expression, well, it's not us.

But the web has given tribes of weird /abnormal people a chance to bond together and not be outsiders, to find community. Jeanna is right, here, we are not as abnormal as we are in mainstream, but even here, we divided ourselves into subtribes.

Society thinks taxidermists, steam punk, manga lovers, stamp collectors and all sorts of other people as being odd, but that's ok. They have their own communities, too.

And so in that respect, there is no single person who is Normal. It's mythical. The rest of collective society (with all its Taxidermists, Sexual Deviants, Goths, Skateboarders, Stamp collectors, etc) is infused with too many aspects (from hobbies, to behavior, to sexuality, to appearance) for an absolutely average person to exist. And if they do, they won't be normal to every one else around them.

As hard as it is to accept (at least for me), every person that turns their cheek, gets angry, or bigotted or hates us for being abnormal is going to have some trait that the rest of the masses would find odd. It could be as silly as wearing mismatched socks, sexual preference, sexual fetish, job, a house full of cats, being older and living with their parents, etc... you get the picture.

[docrobbysherry]

I like the definition they used in "Young Frankenstein".:)

"Abby Normal". Maybe I should change my fem name to that?:brolleyes:

[kimmy p]

After observing human behavior,,, I sure as heck hope that I am abnormal of the human condition.

[RachelPortugal]

Not that it really matters, but I consider myself to be a normal crossdresser, but then again who has the authority to set the standards for crossdressers. Indeed who has the authority to set the standards for being a person. We are all individuals, so what is normal or abnormal.

[Stephanie47]

I'll go with I'm a normal cross dresser. I'm also a normal human person. I'll agree that life would have been a lot easier and less stressful, if I were not a cross dresser. Life would be a lot easier and less stressful for an alcoholic if he or she did not drink. The only thing really difficult about being a normal cross dresser is having ample closet space for drab and femme clothes. Of course cross dressing would be a lot less stressful if I were abnormal guy, i.e., five foot six. A lot more choices in clothing and shoes! :)

[SusanMarie]

I think I am normally abnormal, but what do I know. In another thread I have discovered that I am an insane schizophrenic. So I will cope by saying it doesn't matter.:D

[Gaby2]

Specifically, my friend concluded her message as follows:
"Most of the time I love being what I am but sometimes I think it would be easier just being ‘normal.’"
But in this context, what does “normal” actually mean?
...
So what do you think? Are you normal or abnormal? Are there times when you wish you could be more normal, as the term is defined by society? Does it even matter to you? Or do you enjoy cutting across the grain, and actually revel in the concept of being abnormal (yet simulataneously normal to your self)?
Hi Anne.

I like being normal.
It's very important for me to have a sense of normality in my behaviour and in the environment around me.
Even though life has taught me to be wary of what others do and think, I decide what's normal for myself.
And I defend my independence with a vengeance while trying not to impose myself and my opinions on others,

You've highlighted how nonchalantly we use the word "normal" in everyday-life.
"Normal" becomes a dangerous concept when propaganda (of whatever sort) dictates how people should perceive an issue.
The replies expand your thoughts and show how many aspects this extreme word has and just how careful we need to be.

:2c:Gaby

[Torrey]

I would just say very few people are normal once you dig past the surface. I am as ME as I can BE!

[NathalieX66]

WYSIWYG.
The universe is too vast to give a s**** about us measly little earthlings, and our petty nonsense.
Enjoy life, have faith in yourself, love others, and make those around you happy.

[kymmieLorain]

What is normal anyways? being sheep and all doing the same thing. I have really never been a normal person. I guess that is what makes me, me.

Kymmie

[VeronicaMoonlit]

Regardless, however, if I were to conform to the narrow-minded, ignorant, and, in so far as I am concerned, nugatory (I came upon this little gem of a word serendipitously as I looked up “normal” in a dictionary) standards put forth by society, and I forsook my abnormal crossdressing ways, I quite clearly would cease being true to myself.

In fact, if I were to turn my back on the femininity within me, it would be an epic, tragic betrayal of the substance and essence of my self, and who I am. Although society may thereafter consider me “normal,” to myself, I would be anything but. Instead, I would very much have become “abnormal.”

Exactly! Nicely said. I think I said once that if my transgendered nature was ripped out of me somehow by an external force, I wouldn't be "me" anymore.


Does it even matter to you?

Not too much. more at some times than at others.

Veronica

[Frédérique]

So what do you think? Are you normal or abnormal? Are there times when you wish you could be more normal, as the term is defined by society? Does it even matter to you? Or do you enjoy cutting across the grain, and actually revel in the concept of being abnormal (yet simultaneously normal to your self)?

Getting back to the OP, I wish to say I’m abnormal, and I cultivate my abnormal-ness. However, there once was a time, not so long ago, when I was heading headlong towards normalcy, and I really wanted to go there. Luckily, I snapped out of it, but I am in denial when I say that…

Just a few days ago I was out in the real world (in a crowd, no less), and I must say I became rather tearful at the idea of being once removed from society. All around me, normal people were doing normal things, while I was engaged in the highly abnormal activity of gathering visual material for future artworks. I can’t explain what I was doing, and, even if I tried to, the other person would have no point of reference – I’m talking about this purely “normal” atmosphere where I found myself. As usual, I tried to blend in, and I guess I did…

Walking home after my dip into the waters of normalcy, I re-entered my house, a bastion of perversion. There are paintings and prints on the wall that “say” abnormal, but it’s held in check just enough to avoid detection. Upstairs, I approach my closet of female clothing, yet I’m a male. There are pictures on the wall of me, dressed, plus other images I must take down when anyone, including my free-thinking sister, climb the stairs to my MtF clubhouse. There’s no spouse, no children, and no connection to the real world, other than the bills I must pay. The future looks rather dark, and there will be no family to gather around me near the end. My life is one long, solitary exercise in apart-ness, but I wanted it to be that way. No doubt about it, I’m abnormal…

I think abnormal people secretly wish to be normal, and normal people wish they were abnormal. There are times when someone has said to me, “Oh, I wish I was an artist!” I often laugh, because they have no idea what kind of depravity an artistic nature only hints at. Of course, I see it as an important decision about living, or making the best use of one’s time, but nearly every aspect of “correct” living flies out the window as soon as you cross this imaginary threshold. In my case, becoming a MtF crosssdresser grows out of this lack of restraint, moral or otherwise, and there is this highly instinctual, balancing notion that wearing women’s clothing must be correct, and thus some kind of meaningful expression. Normalcy is just around the corner, but I MUST turn away…

Simply talking to my female cousin on the phone, after many years apart, chills me to the bone in terms of neglected normalcy. I have to stop and think, “No, I wanted this…” It does get to me at times, being abnormal, I mean, but it’s all about choice. I made a choice, and now I have no choice. I’m not sure if this matters, however…
:doh:

[NicoleScott]

It's funny, those who posted that it just felt normal the first time they put on something feminine as a youngster. We didn't run to the family proclaiming "wow, I love wearing panties [bra, stockings, high heels, lipstick...]". We kept it secret. Did we know THEY wouldn't think it normal? Just wondering.

[suspender]

Normal. As for that guy in my life that occasionally gets in the way, he's a worry!

[Loni]

my brain came from a jar labeled aby-normal. but then again what is normal? take a walk in any city or town and just people watch..were is this "normal" line at?

[Mistybtm]

Normal is boring, Is anyone realy normal, and what is normal? who determans normal?
Just my 2cents.

[Angie G]

If I'm abnormal then that's what I wish to be It's me. As my wife says it's who I am.And besides normal is "boring.:hugs:
Angie

[k lynn]

I tried being normal it almost got me killed from doing stupid and dumb stuff so I cant be normal I just have to be me a guy who likes wearing womens clothes