If tables were turned with your SO, would you accept it?

[sara.s]

Suppose your SO says that she likes to dress like a man and starts wearing men's pants, flattens her breasts with a tape very often and wears men's drab t-shirts and wears makeup (and even mushtache may be) to appear like man and acts macho everywhere, asks you to call him (Err her) as John, goes out of the house dressed like that and even want to have sex with you when he (Errrr she) is dressed like that. Would you be liberal enough to accept it? would you help him (oops she) in his dressing game?:devil:

[sara.s]

Few more.. If she calls herself a "gay trapped in a female body" and also would you be willing to join a forum and then compliment and make suggestions at their f2m pics.:tongueout

[DanaR]

That was a question that my wife asked me once. My answer was I don't know. Hypothetical situations are not always easy to answer honestly, because I feel there isn't enough data to make a good evaluation and answer.

[CynthiaD]

Hmm, let's see ... My wife dresses like a lumberjack half the time, so I probably wouldn't notice the difference. Note the absence of a smiley face.

[Debglam]

Yes! I adore my wife and would support her in whatever she needed to do.

[donnatracey]

Very interesting question! Probably not, but then again I am not married......:daydreaming:

[Eryn]

Of course I would. She's my wife and I love her.

I'm not sure about joining a forum and complimenting the FTMs because that would be somewhat out of character for males in general. I would certainly support them, though.

[Intertwined]

Not a fair question, we understand what they would be going through, most of us (I assume) would be complete supportive, I would.

Now, if you were to ask the average JOE the same question, they would say HECK (thinking of stronger language) NO!

[TGMarla]

I've addressed this very same question about ten or twelve times over the past 6 years I've been a member of this forum. (Hey, I just noticed that this month is my anniversary here!) I'll be consistent and answer it the same way I always have: I'd hate it. I'd support her, and try very hard to glean just how much she was committed to being my wife, and I'd hope she wasn't opting for a sex change. See? These are the same questions that the women in our lives ask of us when they find out about this little diversion of ours.

But I'd hate it. I know that makes me a bit of a hypocrite, but it's the truth. And that's exactly why I understand why she dislikes the fact that I do what I do. The fact that I would be asking these very same questions is the very reason that I respect her wishes, and do my best to keep this whole thing away from her and out of the life that we have together. I have very little desire now to take this to any greater limits than I already have. I've settled my gender issues within myself, and have reached a level of self-acceptance and comfort with my crossdressing that has settled the broiling pain I once experienced as a transgendered male. I chose to commit to my marriage, and that has caused a great cementing of our relationship together.

I have no fears that she'll suddenly start wearing a beard around the house. She's a woman, and very glad to be one. But were she different, my experiences with these issues within myself have left me well able to deal with it in a mature and caring way.

[Tara D. Rose]

Yes I would accept her 100%. If she dressed in man's clothes sometimes and wanted to protray and do all mannerisms like a man, wlaked and talked like a man. And my wife NEEDED to do this sometimes, I would be 100% supportive of her/him.
L&R................Tara

[Katie Moore]

With all my heart. And then some more.

[Angelofsomekind]

I think it would be cool if we both went out dressed, I told her we should.

[SmileS12]

I could not imagine asking my SO to put up with me, and then not be accepting to her own feelings. I know sometimes things seem hard to take, but as much as I have been through with my SO, I could not even see that as a hurdle. My SO is a great gal, and I always support her in everything she does, except her trying to feed me to much. If I ate everything she cooked or gave to me to eat, I would for sure lose my girlish figure. LOL I Love her and she Loves me unconditionally, and I try to make her happy, and satisfied at all times. If she is in a good mood, I get to continue with my CD life. If she is upset, it upsets me. If I'm upset due to her being upset it puts a halt on everything, causes regret, and I lose my passion for the day to my world that I need.

[Sophie86]

Few more.. If she calls herself a "gay trapped in a female body" and also would you be willing to join a forum and then compliment and make suggestions at their f2m pics.:tongueout

Nope, sorry. I'm strictly a lesbian. :eek:

:devil:

[*Vanessa*]

To the OP: To paraphrase, would you support your wife. Without questions that answer was for 27 years YES. Regardless of what she like to called her Johnson.. no seriously, I supported her in all things related to our marriage.

[LilSissyStevie]

We're more than halfway there already.

[Lorileah]

Not a fair question, we understand what they would be going through, most of us (I assume) would be complete supportive, I would.


I agree. we have a different perspective on this. I would support him (or her as she decided) in this. The women in my life did that. So I would hoped I would do the same.

This goes back to a bigger emotion and bigger picture. Just how much do you love your spouse? My feeling is that there are varying degrees in this. It is also my feeling that too many people get married for the wrong reasons and actually loving your spouse no matter what falls away. When you find the "one" clothing is of little matter. Almost everything is of little matter. You love the person, if you love the image, you are in for huge fall. And that is what many people here do, they love an image or an ideal. Few attain it. Looks fade but beauty is forever. Think about it a moment. Why did you choose your spouse? We all go through the early sexual part, we all go through the we think we should be together because...children, money, the fact you look good together. But if you marry and you expect your spouse to change to fit YOUR ideals you will fail. The question is basically, do you love your spouse "enough". Maybe my idea of love is different than most, but if you love your spouse "enough" the change in clothing won't break you up. You will enjoy it and revel in it. It is part of her (him). In my case even if my spouse were to transition totally, if they wanted to keep me around then I would stay.

Now the question is "do you love your spouse enough to let them find themselves". I agree with Intertwined, most people love themselves more than they love their spouse, and they would not accept it.

[ChanDelle]

Yep. I think turnabout's fair play. I don't think I'd like it, but would certainly have to give it a go to my bet ability. It'd only be fair.

CnabDelle

[eluuzion]

If it was Halloween night and only for that night, sure.

If it was in the same commitment level as M>F CD or Transmen here on this forum. No. I would not cast any harsh judgments. I would be 100% understanding to the best of my ability. I would assure her that it did not "prove" to me that she was any less of a person, by any means.

I would also tell her that I respect her right to make that choice and I assume (hopefully) it is a choice she is making (made) after careful thought to any consequences that are attached to that decision. I would also confirm that I believe every person has the right to find happiness and do whatever possible to find the person and/or circumstances that allow them to experience a fulfilling life.

I would then inform her that I must make those same choices. On this issue, for me, it is a deal killer for the relationship. (The same response I gave my ex...after she chose to have affairs during our marriage). No yelling/criticism/argument...just reality.

If I was a gg SO having recently been informed (after the fact) of my SO being committed to CD, my response would be the same as above. I would not display any disrespect or voice any negative judgment of the behavior. But it would be the end of the relationship.

(unless she was incredibly wealthy, and bought me my own island as an apology gift for deceiving me for awhile. Of course it should have white sand beaches. And I would need a private airstrip with a twin engine turboprop for acquiring supplies. And a huge house to put the supplies in. And some orange trees...I drink fresh OJ like people drink coffee.)
:)
:love:

[prene]

If I was married ... yes.

That would be kind of fun. IF I made a committment to her, whatever she wanted I would at least gice it a shot.

[suzy1]

No, I would not accept it. I would hate it and it would damage my relationship.
I am giving an honest answer here and I don’t think I am alone in thinking this way.

That’s why I feel so sorry for the wives/girl friends that suffer over their man being a acrossdresser.


SUZY

[Patriciadtv]

???????????? if i go girly when she go manly ??????? probaly ok??????

[Engendered]

Honestly no, I wouldn't like it at all. This is not a hypocritical stance for someone like me to take.

I'm completely open about who I am, and attract only those people who want that side of me too. My preference is for a non-crossdressing girl who is attracted to a CDing guy. I'm not going into the relationship, and then changing who I am, and would expect to get the same in return. It *would* be hypocritical if I hid who I was before we got together, and then revealed it, and expected her to be ok with it.

[Karren H]

Hmm, let's see ... My wife dresses like a lumberjack half the time, so I probably wouldn't notice the difference. Note the absence of a smiley face.

I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok.... Just like my dear old dad.... lol

Hell No! I wouldn't be ok with it. Just like she isn't ok with me. I totally see her side. I didn't marry a man and she didn't marry a woman... Just the way we are...

[Cynthia Anne]

Whats fair for the goose is fair for the gander! I hope my love would be deeper then just apeariences! Hugs!

[josee]

It would be very difficult to still be attracted to her but I would still love the person inside. How far we could go in our relationship is difficult to say. I would make a sincere effort to be supportive as she does for me. Really makes you wonder how they do it and hang in there like they do.

[Karren H]

Whats fair for the goose is fair for the gander! I hope my love would be deeper then just apeariences! Hugs!

Unless the gander has gender issues!! Probably easier for the gander to pass as a goose... Just do that fem waddle thing! Lol.

[linda allen]

Suppose your SO says that she likes to dress like a man and starts wearing men's pants, flattens her breasts with a tape very often and wears men's drab t-shirts and wears makeup (and even mushtache may be) to appear like man and acts macho everywhere, asks you to call him (Err her) as John, goes out of the house dressed like that and even want to have sex with you when he (Errrr she) is dressed like that. Would you be liberal enough to accept it? would you help him (oops she) in his dressing game?:devil:

Well, "what's good for the goose is good for the gander" as they say. Around the house at times, in public, at times (not around people we may know) would be just fine with me because I would dress and we would switch roles. I would call her "John" or whatever name she picked, and she could call me Linda.

Sex? Hey, that's been my fantasy for a long time. I would do that in a minute (I hope it lasts longer than that though).

[Daphne Renee]

Thats a difficult question to answer. If your asking me what if she did this now then yes I would support her. I love her for who she is not how she dresses. Now if your asking me if I wasnt a crossdresser would I still support her? I would like to think so but I honestly dont know.

[sara.s]

If you answered YESSS confidently, i wonder how are you so sure without knowing what it entails.. Have you ever lived with another guy or a f2m? may be not.. have you ever known another f2m personally? may be not. if it is all about love and acceptance, then is your married life all hunky dory all the time.? may be not.. Or was the YES only to appease your SO who probably reads your response here. ;)

[Ellepet]

I'm interested to know if answers would be different if the question was would you have been attracted to your spouse/SO initially knowing they were CD'ers from the beginning. My answer would have been yes. I was insanely attracted to him from the first time he revealed his delightfully wicked mind, but I'm attracted to people not genders.

To me, it's an honesty thing and not a support whatever they feel they need/want to do. If you knew, didn't tell, got married, then were caught or revealed that is a betrayal and a very difficult one to get over, to me. It's the same as having an affair. You're hiding a person that's a part of the marriage from your spouse and practicing deceipt and robbing another of their choices.

That to me is the far bigger question. How do you deal with secrets and finding out after you're committed?

[CallieH]

Wow that's a toughie! I want to say I'd be supportive of her wants and needs, despite my not being attracted to guys at all, whether I'm dressed or not. However we would have to set up our boundaries too, much the same way as she would set the limits with how far I go with my dressing up.

[Tina B.]

My wife has had my back for 40 years, I've spent 35 of those years dressing as I please, when I please (more or less), She has treated it as if it where just a way to make her gift giving easier, after all she can shop both sides of the Ilse for me, I have to stay on the womens side to shop for her. How could I not support her, I doubt I could do it as good as she has, but I would give it my best shot. Besides, I can see a Oh la la, moment or two in there.
Tina B.

[Sophie86]

To give a more serious answer: I would react about the same as my SO has. I would want her to remain female, and would ask that she spend most of our time together as a female. I would be fine with her dressing on occasion, though, and would gladly go out with her while she was dressed. I probably wouldn't care as much as she does about other people finding out.

[Kaz]

To give a more serious answer: I would react about the same as my SO has. I would want her to remain female, and would ask that she spend most of our time together as a female. I would be fine with her dressing on occasion, though, and would gladly go out with her while she was dressed. I probably wouldn't care as much as she does about other people finding out.

I'm pretty much there with Sophie... I think! The trouble is we do understand the issues here and as spomeone else has said non-CD males may be less tolerant. I wouldn't necessarily 'like' it... but I would hope that I could live with it. If it happened now, it would be very different from if it had happened when we were younger... I am sure I would have less positive. Our relationship has matured over time and I would essentially support her in anything... whether that meant living together or not!

[linda allen]

If you answered YESSS confidently, i wonder how are you so sure without knowing what it entails.. Have you ever lived with another guy or a f2m? may be not.. have you ever known another f2m personally? may be not. if it is all about love and acceptance, then is your married life all hunky dory all the time.? may be not.. Or was the YES only to appease your SO who probably reads your response here. ;)

I understood your original question to mean that she would do this occasionally, much as I dress as a female occasionally, not that she had decided to live full time as a male.

My answer stands, based on this understanding. Actually, I would enjoy it as I would dress when she did. A good way to understand the "other side".

[monalisa]

A prime example would be Chad Bono . Would she be your dream lover. Better be nicer to your wives and buy them nice lingerie and spoil them so they don't grow a beard and a beer belly.

[Lorileah]

If you answered YESSS confidently, i wonder how are you so sure without knowing what it entails.. Have you ever lived with another guy or a f2m? may be not.
No but that is a moot point. We are discussing our SO's now right? not ones we may have had before.
.
have you ever known another f2m personally? Yes and several MtF's, what is the point? they are people.
if it is all about love and acceptance, then is your married life all hunky dory all the time.? again what is the point here? When things go south you are supposed to feel different? Being married is part good times part bad times. If you "flip" when you are having bad times, you probably should have not been married to start with.. But I am old fashioned I guess.

Or was the YES only to appease your SO who probably reads your response here. ;)
That was a low blow. Thanks for questioning everyone's honesty.

I am a hypocrite in some things. I am not always PC in my own head. I may not say things unless I am asked a direct question I am honest with my relations when I am asked. I find it amazing how many here would not like the shoe on the other foot and yet demand that their spouse take them for what they are and sometimes even more.

I am also amazed how many here took this as a total sexual question. Especially when so many keep crying that dressing is NOT a sexual thing for them.

And to answer someone else's question here, if Chaz Bono had been your soul mate BEFORE the SRS why would he not be afterward? Just because you don't like how he looks or what he does, doesn't mean others won't.

[josee]

My SO doesn't come on this forum - that I know of. My answer stands. I love her no matter how she looks.

[giuseppina]

Yes, I would accept her as she comes, with the same boundaries as me: no body modification by hormones or surgery requiring anesthesia of any sort that is not indicated by an underlying medical issue. This means mastectomy to remove cancer or excessive breast tissue is sad but unavoidable, but mastectomy to become flat chested is more than I can handle. For me, if I need hormone treatment to combat prostate cancer (no family history, thankfully) and breasts are a side effect, so be it, but no hormones to grow breasts and hips.

[kimdl93]

Its an interesting (and recurrent question). I think the implication is that if you are unwilling to accept the idea of your wife/gf as an FtM CD, then how can you expect her to accept you. Fair enough, I don't agree with a double standard in relationships. If I want to dress and present as female, my SO should have the option of dressing and presenting as male.

This also brings to mind the many discussions about when one should disclose his (or her) interest in CDing. If you are attracted and getting serious with a person, its probably the cue for that discussion. If one withholds this informaton until its discovered well into a long term relationship, either party can quite understandably feel that they've been deceived. I wanted my SO to know that I am a CDer. And I would expect her to be equally honest with me. But, would the news change my opinion of her - no. It might make date nights a bit more interesting ;)

[kendra_gurl]

I'm with the yes within boundries crowd. Just as I must maintain my masculine side most of the time while dressing on occasion I would ask of my wife to mantain her ferminine side except for the occasional times when she wanted to do the whole FtoM crossdressing.
During those times I could be with her in male mode and do an entire evening of typical male bonding things or I could be en-femme and do the complete role play reversal thing. Whether or not I enjoyed it I really don't know but in the aspect of the OP I really doubt this would ever come up with any SO without at least some prior knowledge that She had some masculine traits all along to prepare for this event.
Most of us even the ones still in the closet completely have our traits which differ in some degree ffrom men who have never had any desire to CD. We are who we basically are and so are our SO's
For me after 43 years with the same woman I'm sure I can handle anything she throws at me and find some way of tollorating it

[Wendae]

:Playnice:I think I would have a problem with it. Strange coming from me. My wife of 46 years has stuck it out and I'm so proud of her for that.
I've often wondered why "we" want our SOs to accept us when, unless they knew in advance, they were looking for a man and not a sister or girl friend. Like a lot of us I kept it a secret until after being married I was teased with all the fem things my wife had.
Society is not really going to accept us and why should they? Unless you have a great presentation and can really pass what are your neighbors going to think. Those with children will be freaked out. As a great-grand father I can just imagine how they would all react and why not? I'm a retired Marine and viewed as macho man. Grandpop is a fairy! I know I will catch alot of flack about this but it is my belief.
We need to be with folks that like us or those that are understanding of our needs. Best case scenario is SRS but, many of us don't have that desire to be full time women. I don't any more.
These are my thoughts. Be gentle!:Playnice:

[J'lyn GG]

I can understand why most of you would say yes. (keep in mind, I did not read ALL the responses) But what if you, yourself were not a cder and had no knowledge of cding? Be truthful. Would, you, honestly, say, no problem, honey, do whatever makes you happy? Right from the start? It might take a little time and working on it together to work out the kinks. True?

[kimberly ann487]

I wouldn't like it to say the least ! However I wouldn't hate her, for being herself (himself ?), or try to intimidate her into being someone she's not.

[sara.s]

No but that is a moot point. We are discussing our SO's now right? not ones we may have had before.
To understand your SO's cd'ing you might need a reference point or should have known someone like her prior. That's why our SO's come in here to try to understand us. If someone says i don't mind it at all casually or just as a sex fantasy; i wonder if they know what being with a f2m is like on a day to day basis..


That was a low blow. Thanks for questioning everyone's honesty.
Not everyone, but some definitely lie if their SO's in here. (I would ;)) Everyone is different. You shouldn't be taking it personally (if you have).

We would be a bunch of hypocrites if we just keep on complaining about our "SO vs Cd'ing" issues without trying to understand what SO's go through. I don't think we should DEMAND more from our SO's, than already given.. instead should be giving her time to let her feel comfortable at her pace about our CD'ing.

[UNDERDRESSER]

Well, I'm not married and don't have a SO. If I find one, I will have to trust them enough to tell them, so that aspect is taken care of. if she wanted to dress as a man occasionally, I'd say do it. Wouldn't mind much if she couldn't pass that well. ( It IS different for women ) Having sex with her as a Guy? yes. I am fascinated by the idea of "pegging" ( you look it up ) Does this make me bi? Don't know, have no interest in getting it on with a functional male if that helps. The idea of being "top" while dressed as a female is intriguing as well. I would go out with, and have sex with, a fully transitioned MtF too. I know one, and fancy her terribly so this is not just theorizing. If she wanted to transition FtM, then no, I would still be friends, but the relationship would end. I wouldn't expect any difference from her.

[bridgetta]

my opinions change based on what i am wearing..

[danielle swenson]

Absolutely! Whatever would make her happy makes me happy! The mutual respect and honesty & love we have and share with each other would see us through whatever life throws at us, as it has for the last decade. Her wanting to wear the pants or pack the penis really would b a non issue

[Helen_Highwater]

This is a great question with some wonderful thoughtful answers. For me as I try hard not to be a hypocrite, I would say fair is fair. That doesn't mean to say that I, like others, would be fearful of the ending of our relationship. Questions racing though my mind would include; As a CD I'm not interested in having a relationship with a man, but is she interested in other women? How will the male/female interaction in our relationship now work? Do we schedule times when we both "change", short term role reversals? But then there's the relationships with the supportive spouses. Could you shop for your wife. "Here dear I bought you a new pair of Y fronts". A web site thread; "Our favorite beard imitation tips". I could write reams on this.

[Sophie_C]

I have no SO primarily for this reason. It's highly unfair, unless the person is bi.

Glad to see some people are taking a fair perspective on how women can be turned off by this.

[Sophie86]

We would be a bunch of hypocrites if we just keep on complaining about our "SO vs Cd'ing" issues without trying to understand what SO's go through. I don't think we should DEMAND more from our SO's, than already given.. instead should be giving her time to let her feel comfortable at her pace about our CD'ing.

For what it's worth, I have always said that SOs are not morally required to accept their spouse's CDing. I've also let my wife know that she can shut it down any time she feels the need. I can live without CDing much easier than I can live without her.

[Babeba]

A prime example would be Chad Bono . Would she be your dream lover. Better be nicer to your wives and buy them nice lingerie and spoil them so they don't grow a beard and a beer belly.

Chaz Bono is a lovely person, and one of my heroes! It takes guts to be yourself at the best of times, and when you're hovering in tabloids because of your famous parents? Way way worse. When Chaz had accepted that he was very much attracted to women but hadn't come to terms with his transsexuality, he came out as a lesbian and I remember seeing a tabloid rag in the grocery store making fun of him in a bikini for being such a fat woman. (side note to you TS folks on here: when you're talking about a time when someone has not realized they are TS yet, and are living and presenting as their birth sex, do you use their actual gender or their birth sex as a pronoun?) Given how many plastic surgeons his mom has on speed dial, I'm pretty much convinced he's happy with his body type and shape.

My point is, testosterone treatments and surgery didn't change Chaz' body shape into a perfectly sculpted superman any more than hormones and surgery make your average transwoman have perfectly perky and shapely breasts, slender hourglass figure and a pleasingly high feminine voice! Corollary: if your wife is FTM, he's not going to automatically have a beer gut grow overnight unless it was there already.

[pinto]

The political and morally correct answer for a CD'er like us can only be: YES

...but...

we have heard different answers and opinions. I can understand all of them. If we expect or wish to be accepted by our wives we need to accept their feelings too. There is no other way. If we are happy with their decision depends on us, it doesn't have to be necessarily.

I would accept her/his decision even if I call myself a lesbian. Anyway he will still be a woman genetically. I assume i would enjoy this kind of role reversal because it would cast me deeper into the female role of our relationship.