GET YER GOAT .A Moaning sermonn on crossdressing pains

[Shelly67]

RIGHT.
This crossdressing lark ....... Theres one or two things that really get my goat ....
I'm sure theres loads of people ( I should imagine natural ladies amongst us will more than relate to this ) on here who certain things about crossdressing , the attire , make up ect ect makes them swear and curse once in a blue moon .
Mine has to be tights , hose , hold ups , sussies .......
If man can go to the moon and back , why does this sensual leg wear have to be so bl**dy frail and fragile ?
Hands up - who's gotten all done up , feeling like million dollars and then laddered the expensive sussies , even tho you were being so careful ? And I bet its only ever one of them too .
I should imagine loads of us .
Then theres the make up sellers on Ebay ....." Brand new unopened quality make up" . Then only a week later to recieve dried up masscarra , or lippy opened and covered in hair ? Same applies to some clothing on there - " nearly new - worn once " - really - doing what - demolition ??
OR when spraying on perfume you miss , it goes in the eye - ouch !
Then theres the new heels which crippled your big toe , leaving you to limp , giving everyone the impression you'd spent the weekend kicking brick walls for fun.
Or that moment sitting there all fine and polished , sitting down to a meal , only to drop a small dollop of sauce down your blouse .
Or the nail varnish remover having dried out - shop keepers often wonder why grown men wear gloves in mid summer you know ...
Praps its the time your partner remarks on a particular item of clothing your wearing. Telling you it doesnt really work and suit you , but would look better on them , and then they prove themselves right , and nick it .
Come on peeps , just for a giggle ( think the forum needs a touch of humour ) what gets on your nerves ........... just for fun like .

[Karren H]

I tried humor once... Highly over rated! Lol. Ohhhh... And I don't even own a goat!! :D

[NicoleScott]

I don't know who, but some comedian said "I told everybody that I wanted to be a comedian, and they all laughed. Now I am a comedian. Nobody's laughing now."

[Chickhe]

... the most frustrating thing is attempting to grow your nails out...making progress and then you break one! Arugg. My nails are litterally groing about 0.5 mm a week.

[Shelly67]

I don't know who, but some comedian said "I told everybody that I wanted to be a comedian, and they all laughed. Now I am a comedian. Nobody's laughing now."

Am I now the joke then ??

I dunno , try to put little edge on the forum .......

Chickhe ..... nails ........ growing them carefully , starting to feel proud of the tallon like shape ...... then ripping one really low and swearing like mad .
Or Thongs ..... my god , sussies are so fragile but thongs are a torturous invention in comparisson . Makes me think of how the chedar must feel like when it see's the cheese wire looming at the the deli counter !!

[Cynthia Anne]

What gets my goat is someone always complaining about everything!ha,ha! Not funny eh! Just joking! Oh well I guess I should shut up before someone really beleives that I'm joking!:D Hugs!:)

[Sophie86]

Purchasing clothing online only to find it doesn't fit.

Memo to self: You are not a medium, you are a LARGE. Except in Hong Kong, where you're an EXTRA large. :Angry3:

[Angie G]

When my steeltoe shoes at work wear the polish of my big toes.:hugs:
Angie

[RADER]

I wanted to get a Goat, But the wife and the village ordinance was against it.
I just thought that going green with a weed and feed program for the lawn was
good for the enviorment. O' Well
Rader

[Debra Russell]

My goat goes, BAhhhhhh ><$^## when I found the boots I've been searching for and the size Is a half size too small...............Debra

[NicoleScott]

Am I now the joke then ??

No malice intended. Just wanted to share a little humor.

What gets my goat is why a shoe size ten isn't always a size ten. It depends on the manufacturer and/or the style. I should be able to determine my shoe size, and then be confident that when I order that size, it will fit. Not to be.

[Shelly67]

None taken .......

Shoe size - now that was obviously a measure directed by a man ... because the differences are uncountable .
And still damage the big toe .
Or worse , arrive with a sole so shiney the first contact with carpet leaves one thinking theyre competing in Ski Sunday ......

[Kate Simmons]

Well, no one said it would be a bowl of cherries Hon. CDing isn't for wimps or those faint of heart by any stretch. I do tend to swear like a sailor sometimes though if a nail gets broken.:heehee:

[Sophie86]

I do tend to swear like a sailor sometimes though if a nail gets broken.:heehee:

Mine are all 3-5mm out past the tips, so it should be any day now. :straightface:

[Shelly67]

Well, no one said it would be a bowl of cherries Hon. CDing isn't for wimps or those faint of heart by any stretch. I do tend to swear like a sailor sometimes though if a nail gets broken.:heehee:

Love it !
The swear box over flows in such times ...... just like whilst perched on high heels and you twist your ankle .
Or
After applying eyeliner , all seems well , then one eye waters , making you look like some death metal band member .
I think you are right . Being a cd'er isnt for wimps . look at the act of epilation . My god ........
Then theres waxing .
You know ......... being ( or trying to be ) lady like is rather strenious .

So apart from desructive leg wear , painful under crackers , horrid make up , foot wear issues , nails and such , right now I can only think of one other thing that gets my goat , whilst trying to be femme


Cooking .


Being a woman ...it isnt easy .

[Tara D. Rose]

my goat is ordering wigs online. I'm too embarrassed to go into a shop to buy some. So I look at wigs online, and say, that's the one, I want that one. I get it, and it looks like crap on me. Matter of fact some wigs made me look like a goat.

[Shelly67]

LOL ...sorry sweetie but that really struck a chord with me ....
I totally agree ...got a drawer full of terrible wigs .... the sort that Chewbacca wouldnt even use for a mirkin ....


Surely ... there must be more pet dislikes to being a cd'er .
Like that moment you finally look in the mirror on dressing... pleased for once no ladders in leg wear , the make up looks ok , ........... then the bl**dy doorbell rings ... making you think of the shower .....!!!!
Or the terrible moment when after a week of waiting for the bid to end on ebay , the frock you've always wanted within reach , you submit your bid - brilliant , what a low price with 10 seconds left ........ only to find you weren't logged in ..........

[Shelly67]

I've just realised and remembered a biggie ........
Praps most Uk gurls can relate to this of late . I should imagine over seas sisters too.....
Heat .
How many of us wait paitently for sometime , looking foward to the moment of dressing up ? Really getting worked up in anticipation .

Then mother nature decides to have a hot spell , ceasing the ability to dress comfortably .
The wig becomes a wooly hat . The forms like having a trifle on each breast .


I'm beggining to think the SAS have it easy !!! LOL

[Christine1954]

What really gets my goat is the fact that my wife has two double wardrobes for her clothes where as I have one wardrobe for both male and female attire. I would love to have an extra side of one of hers, but she will not budge. I love my wife but I think she is being a bit selfish in this matter. She will not even let me put the items we share in one of her sets.
Christine. :sad:

[Shelly67]

Blimey - imagine if it really went up .
Its odd that we have the trials and fights with efforts to try and look enfemme . Just think our natural female opposites have to endure some of the traights in the femanine attire all the time . I've often wondered is it because guys are ham fisted ? I read in an article to put sussies , hold ups on ect with rubber gloves . So , I liberated a box of nitrile gloves from work .... bright blue in colour . Now the idea is brilliant , but you try explaining the reason why youre wearing them when the wife walks in on you and all you have on is a pair of hold ups , made up like a woman wearing blue rubber gloves .
Then theres the animal / pet reaction .
I have a parrot - screams the house down if it hears me moving round the house , but if it see's me as Shelly it just stares . Really stares , I'd love to know just what its thinking . Prolly like whys that weird woman got a nest on her head ?
Then theres the Dame Edna effect . There you sit watching television , feeling all girly , made up in safe shoes , comfy underwear , untorn leggings ( parrots in bed ) with the wife sharing a bottle of wine . All seems peaceful , you both have a laugh at the comedy on the program . Then suddenly Dame Edna appears . Has the same effect on me like the day many years ago I came home from school as a boy . I walked into the kitchen and froze . There it was - your hidden copy of Playboy on the table that mums obviously found . Thank god she didn't ask in an Aussie voice " What the hells this darling"

[Sophie86]

Now the idea is brilliant , but you try explaining the reason why youre wearing them when the wife walks in on you and all you have on is a pair of hold ups , made up like a woman wearing blue rubber gloves .
[snip]
Thank god she didn't ask in an Aussie voice " What the hells this darling"

:roflmao:

I've got tears. :D

[vaga505]

Its ok hunny, I am hip to your lingo, more complex, just talking with the skip of your heels.

[Shelly67]

OK , there must be a load of forum members who've fallen asleep whilst dressed .
Imagine this ....... sometime ago my wife and I decided on playing our new ps3 one evening ...... Virtua Tennis was the game .
Now my wife isn't much of a gamer ....... but she thrashed me . I wasn't happy . Eventually it became a wager - with myself having to do the cleaning and hoovering for a month . But what really got me was whilst playing we sipped a few Gins too many .
I woke up about 6 hours later , a tongue like sand ....feeling groggy , stiff neck from crashing out on the sofa . In a woozy state I made my way to the bathroom , turned the light on and jumped out of my skin . There in the mirror was a creature resembling something from Terrahawks .
I'd forgotten I was dressed .

No more Virtua Tennis.

[Persephone]

Great! I've just spent the past hour-and-a-half trying to interview a crossdressing goat. Actually, the hour-and-a-half was spent just in trying to find a crossdressing goat. No go. I ran around asking 'em questions, but I could never get herd.

What happened to all the "I wish my wife/SO would dress up more? I love the way she looks in heels and tight skirts" stuff? Suddenly different when the shoe is on the other foot?

Sheesh! What would you ladies have done back in the Victorian days when looking pretty took your breath away? You know, day after day of morning to night tightly laced into your corset, gamely trying to smile and still breathe?

I say it is time for y'all to get over it! Put on your big girl panties (not those annoying thongs!) and stop whining! Ask yourself "WWGGD?" -- What Would A Genetic Girl Do?

The choice is clear -- take off your polish, file down your nails, scrub off your makeup, put your hair in a pony tail and toss on jeans and a t-shirt and a pair of flats and be done with it?

Or take the high road -- work that makeup magic, get that hair done, slip into that sexy lingerie, that frilly frock and those sky-high heels and smile through those miniscule moments of minor discomfort! After all, all this wimpering, moaning, and sniffling is only gonna make your eye makeup run.

Maybe it all boils down to "if you can't stand the heat, maybe you just weren't born to be a girly girl."

I'd have more to say, but I've gotta run, these heels are killing me!

Hugs,
Persephone.

[suzy1]

Bidding on ebay for that must have dress and then being out bid at the last minute. Screeeeeeeeeeeeem!!!!


SUZY

[Shelly67]

My goodness - there seems to be much searching for that poor goat . I should think its in hiding somewhere ........ look in the closets ladies - it may right now be munching on your fave frock ......
Bidding on Ebay ........ in the days of health n safety , I reckon ebay will eventually be banned for inducing far too much stress . We won't be able to buy anything .
The goat will go hungry .
Its enough to make you pull your hair out ....speshly if its a wig . Mind you I simply darent do that with a randy parrot on the loose .

Crossdressing is such a wonderful chapter in life ... all the joys of feeling so relaxed ... no matter how tough the effort taken to get there . looking back we all have something to laugh about ... and thats one thing I love about it all sometimes .....
Like old photos of yourself .... now just like when we were children , I look upon them with an embaressed fondness .... back then i thought I looked nice .....

Unless like my wife she pinned an old one of me to the front door .


We haven't had any junk mail for weeks now ....... praps the delivery boy isn't well .

My wife read this daft thread earlier and added her point - " one thing I dislike , is seeing you dressed watching football " - I asked why .
Apparently she thought I looked like the Clyde in drag , the orangutaan from the Every way but lose , Clint Eastwood films .

I'm off to go kick that bl**dy goat .

The cheek of the woman indeed .

Clyde .

[Shelly67]

Heres another really annoyance ...
Wearing cheap earings ,clip on or not , leaving the earlobes really itchy .......
You forget where you are , start rubbing scratching the earlobes like mad ...making the itch worse causing stares and a few odd questions ... children run for cover fearing a monster will emerge as you pull grimaces ...

Or the remains of poorly removed nail varnish ...... " Oh that on my nails , well you see I dropped a tin of paint at home ...it went everywhere I can tell you ".

And if anyone believes that , then pubic hair is peter rabbits cousin .

:tongueout

[Patty B.]

This thread is one to make me laugh, what a relief. Our goat (lucky) was a riot, just like a 200 lb. dog and it way hysterical to watch the footrace between him and my wife to see if he could get to her flowers or maple tree so he could get a treat, loved her flowers. Still makes me laugh which is why nobody can probably find a goat.

[Shelly67]

Over here in Blighty we have some odd sayings .... get your goat meaning something that annoys ....havent a clue where it originates from . Then theres the very odd calling people me duck . Its an East Anglian term that is harmless like calling someone mate , at times tho really confuses folks ...
I once was served by a nice Turkish barman on holiday , without thinking I just said " thanks , cheers me duck " as he passed me my beer . He just stood and stared .
Later in the evening he asked what it meant - was it swearing ......
The little quirks , things that annoy or confuse is abundant , take this morning for instance . lately I posted in the picture gallery on here in a floral type dress .... well as soon as I'd taken t off I hit ebay and brought a cheap black one in the same style . So , back to today ...got up early , showered , shaved , waited for the postman . Being bored senseless I made a bet with myself .... If the dress was delivered I'll get Shelly out again ....if not ........ praps go cycling .
It didnt arrive .
It really got my goat !!
Praps tommorrow .......
http://i480.photobucket.com/albums/rr169/mistressmichelle69/Merry_goat_joker.jpg

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Purchasing clothing online only to find it doesn't fit.

Memo to self: You are not a medium, you are a LARGE. Except in Hong Kong, where you're an EXTRA large. :Angry3:

How very true, I just struck out myself, and ordered a dress I thought I could fit in. I should tried size 10 instead of 8.

[Aprilrain]

Sheesh! What would you ladies have done back in the Victorian days when looking pretty took your breath away? You know, day after day of morning to night tightly laced into your corset, gamely trying to smile and still breathe?
Persephone.

I would have been a frontiers woman settling the american west. The corset got sold for some feed for the goat back in St louis!

[Shelly67]

I've just thought of something really odd .
Imagine being abducted by aliens whilst dressed .
All the medical questions .... the deep enquiry into the human form...
I wonder what the celestial being would think after removing all the clothing and suddenly realising - this ones different ...
Do you think he may have "goat the horn" - lol ......

Seriously the past .. all those years ago , the layers of clothing must have made a young married couple very impaitient . And smelly .Laundry day must have been an explosive angered event . Mind you , the whole appearance is very femme , very seductive , very sexy . You know , I'm rather envious of the female attire ..... theres so many choices , so many styles the world over . Blokes on the other hand just really have one basic style . Trousers and shirts ... its a bit sad and rather stale....
I wonder ..... in the past it must have been seriously stressful to crossdress in all those layers after a days ranching ... imagine if you heard the sound of hoofs approaching the homestead .... my god - it must have been like having a fight with an ostrich trying to get all the clothing off ......
Now that would really get ones goat !!

[georgia_937]

I'm very hard to fit with shoes, and that's what gets my goat, either enfemme or drab. My shoe size is an 11 1/2 regular in men's, and either the stores carry 11 1/2's in wide only or not at all. In women's I've found 12 1/2's that were too wide, and 12's that only came in wide width. I have one pair of strappy wedges that I had to equip with another hole in the strap in order they not constantly fall off. Over the years, I've probably donated a dozen pairs or so to Goodwill. The weird thing is, my most comfortable shoes are a pair of size 11 ballet flats.

[Stephanie47]

I have to go with the broken nail complaint. No matter how close I can get to having ten nails of an admirable length, worthy of coating with polish one always breaks, gets a gouge, etc. I'm close to having eight days to amuse myself starting next week and I was hoping to have nails of an equal length ready for Revlon's Love That Red. Nope. And, fake nails are too small for us with larger masculine hands- ugh!

As to the running commentary on goats- well, the prior owners of the domicile raised and BBQ'd goats whose carcasses I continuously dig up.

[Shelly67]

Seems as tho nails are a common pain in the bottom for quite a lot of us .
They are also a give away too ...... I've been asked " do you play the guitar " quite a few times by work mates over the years . One was quite forthright and rude - I nearly replied , " no , but I have large nostrils - work it out "!
Then theres eyebrows ..... or should I say monobrow in my case . Brought one of those little battery trimmers , believing it not to be up to much .... the thing was like a pirahna . It removed TONS of eyebrow hair , and no matter how careful I was neither brow was symetrical ....in fact the more I tried , the worse it became .
The stares were almost hypnotic .
Footwear ....... now there is a problem .
I feel for anyone who finds locating footwear a pain ......... sizing issues must be so frustrating .
But also , its wearing femanine footwear thats a pain itself . My goodness , imagine wearing high heels all day to work , commuting in them , walking home ...... The very attractive stilletoe although an image of stunning beauty really hurts .... The insane thing is they are totally addictive . Remember the first time you popped on a pair and tried to walk ? It felt odd , wobbly ....... Then the second time - it felt naughty . Thart was it ..... hooked .
From then on it became almost like a blind obsession .... I've a pair that are simply , gorgeously sexy - can I wear em ? Well the last time I tried I nearly hit the carpet . I think in the 4 years I've owned them theyve been out of the box twice . I've one pair I'll be darned if I'll chuck em out ..... let em walk out on theyre own I suppose .
And another thing - why do brand new female shoes have to be bullet proof stiff and hard ??
I've worn brand new steel toe capped boots that are comfier !

Then theres another pain ........ cleavage tape .
In warm weather , or tape worn for quite awhile ( medical grade only ) on removal , its very difficult - about as hard as finding rocking horse droppings ! My wife reckons I end up making animal noises . The oohs and ahhs loudy cursed must her remind her of Clyde once more ............
http://i480.photobucket.com/albums/rr169/mistressmichelle69/Orangutan-797979.jpg
I dunno ....... the pains of trying to look femanine ...........

I love it .

[SarahLynn]

Shelly daaaahl'n your posts are so funny I nearly split a wedge. Got me to laugh'n so hard I come close to spill'n my bitters. And a waste of good bitters I'll not be do'n. So see here lass, mind yourself when work'n in the garden to keep the goat drop out from under the nails.

If I've a pet peeeve it's to get all dressed up only to find I've forgotten where I put the finish'n touch, be it my lippy, or the wee bottle o' smell good I use, or the powder puff. Gawd but I hate go'n out with a shinny nose.
And another thing, why the 'ell cant size 14 be 14 in everybodys closet. I buy a 14 pair of slacks and they are at best a 10 or 18 or some other gawd awfull size. Or a size 16 blouse and it's 10 inches to short in the sleeves and 3 times to large in the neck. Mind I wanted it a bit large in the neck area but to have the neck line down to my naval is not my idea of a proper fit. (it is but i can't fill it out like my wife does.)

Please, someone please tell me where is that boss who is in charge of the ostrich of a designer with his head up a skirt trying to make a size 2 look good for most women who are in reality size 12.

SarahLynn

[Shelly67]

Bl**dy good point . The sizing issue , its like trying to hold a dog in the bath . It certainly brings home the truth on why when you go shopping with youre partner it takes them nearly an hour to try on 2 -3 garments in the changing rooms . Goodness I bet if you were to peek in there I'd be like watching a wrestling match !
I know we're all shapes n sizes , but jeepers ..... some items are only fit for Barbie ( or Ken if he's feeling fruity ) or resemble the Big Top circus tent .
Washing clothes is a bit of a gamble too . Now I'm not saying don't wash em ( at least the odour of stinky clothes would keep the flies away from Granny ) but what happens to some clothes once theyve hit the water ? That lovely pink blouse comes out smelling gorgeous , but is only fit for polishing your armour like new shoes !
Then theres gods own vengence . Bleach .
Bl**dy stuff - really gets my goat !!
Even if I stay a mile away from it , I've only got to look at the bottle to find in an hour my clothes look like I've been used for pigeon dive bomb practise !